This Cristiano Ronaldo Ballon D'Or Campaign Is Getting Really Gross

UEFA president Michel Platini made a pretty reasonable comment in Madrid earlier this week, saying in his opinion the Ballon d'Or should go to a German player after the country's success in the World Cup. The statement set off the Real Madrid spin machine though, and the team took matters into their own hands. » 11/28/14 11:16am Today 11:16am

Xabi Alonso Forced To Apologize To Ronaldo For Stupid, Fake Controversy

Remember that dumb story Real Madrid pitched to their stooges at Marca yesterday, where some milquetoast statements of Xabi Alonso's were folded, kneaded, and ultimately transformed into direct insults to former teammates Cristiano Ronaldo and Iker Casillas? Well, it worked. » 11/21/14 11:45am 11/21/14 11:45am

Meet Marca, The Hilarious Propaganda Arm Of Real Madrid

It's maybe a little difficult for Americans to grasp just how deeply and blatantly in the tank the European press can be for the local XI. And no one is deeper and more blatantly in the tank for the local XI than the media in Spain, where the local XI means either Barcelona and Real Madrid and where the address of the… » 11/20/14 1:59pm 11/20/14 1:59pm

Book: Ronaldo Refers To Messi As "Motherfucker" Behind His Back

According to Cristiano Ronaldo, the constant comparisons to and ranking of him and Lionel Messi are slightly annoying but ultimately disregardable facts of life. According to a new book, though, Ronaldo takes the rivalry much more seriously and has a whole behind-the-scenes protocol for how he and his teammates deal… » 11/11/14 1:57pm 11/11/14 1:57pm

Today, El Clásico Is The Only Thing That Matters

For as world-stoppingly important as it feels every time Real Madrid and Barcelona take the pitch against one another, we've actually become a bit inured to them over the years. If it seems like there are about eight El Clásicos every season nowadays, it's because there pretty much are: in the past four years, the two… » 10/25/14 10:43am 10/25/14 10:43am

Cristiano Ronaldo Likens Ugly Tackle To Rugby; Rugby World Turns Stupid

Cristiano Ronaldo was none too happy about his early exit from last week's Champions League match between Real Madrid and Ludogorets, necessitated by this late challenge in the final minutes. After the game, the winger described the tackle thus: "It was a very ugly tackle and it seemed as if we were playing a game of… » 10/06/14 6:18pm 10/06/14 6:18pm

James Rodríguez Opens La Liga Account With Beautifully Struck Goal

Real Madrid president Florentino Pérez may not have any understanding of soccer tactics, but he does know flash when he sees it, and Colombian World Cup standout James Rodríguez is certainly flashy. With Madrid up 1-0 in today's game against Deportivo La Coruña, Rodríguez took a pass from Karim Benzema at the top of… » 9/20/14 11:32am 9/20/14 11:32am

Atlético Madrid Prove La Liga Is Still A Three-Team Title Fight

Heading into the weekend, the seventh Madrid derby of 2014 was the biggest match on the slate, just like it was the best match of the preseason during the Spanish Supercup, and just like it was the biggest match in the entire sport during the Champions League final a few months earlier. This one didn't quite match… » 9/15/14 2:50pm 9/15/14 2:50pm

Ain't No Liga Like The One I Got: Your 2014-15 La Liga Preview

Here we are. The La Liga season has just started up, and now we get to watch the league with the world's three best players, its two best teams, and the saddest hodgepodge of patsies since Enter the Dragon. In spite of these financial realities, Spain managed to produce Europe's wildest title race last season, as… » 8/25/14 4:12pm 8/25/14 4:12pm

Ronaldo's Facial Fitness Commercial Is Inexplicable, Perfect

Have you been looking for a way to achieve maximum facial tone that doesn't make you feel so bored and tired? Isn't it time you had a way to be happy with your facial fitness without all the hassle? There have probably been dozens of scientists with degrees in science-related fields who have long argued that there is » 8/06/14 10:07pm 8/06/14 10:07pm

Did Cristiano Ronaldo Really Cut His Hair For A Kid With A Brain Tumor?

There's a very good chance that when Cristiano Ronaldo turned up to yesterday's showdown with the USMNT with the mark of Zorro shaved into the side of his head, you laughed your ass off and wondered what the hell what he was thinking. There's a pretty good chance that later, you felt like a jackass when you learned… » 6/23/14 9:07am 6/23/14 9:07am

Here's Cristiano Ronaldo Butt-Ass Naked On The Cover of Vogue España

It's World Cup time, which means that every single magazine and newspaper on this beautiful earth of ours, maybe, will be trying to somehow incorporate soccer onto its covers. Vogue España is no different and this year, they featured Real Madrid star Cristiano Ronaldo with his model ladyfriend Irina Shayk. And, yep,… » 5/19/14 11:45am 5/19/14 11:45am