French Media Calls In Body Language Expert To Divine Ronaldo's Secret Intentions

Every couple years, the European media works itself into a bubbly froth about Cristiano Ronaldo’s future. We’re now in the thick of yet another foamy period, and perhaps because his departure might actually be imminent this time, the papers are going to absurd lengths to search for clues.
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Report: Martin Scorsese Drops Cristiano Ronaldo From New Movie

Last month, Martin Scorsese reportedly cast Cristiano Ronaldo in his upcoming movie, The Manipulator, which is apparently about mega-rich Italian real estate agent Alessandro Proto. The Italian has claimed that he is, in fact, the inspiration for the titular Christian Grey of “Fifty Shades Of Grey.” Now, according to… »10/17/15 1:06pm10/17/15 1:06pm

Cristiano Ronaldo's Son Trolls His Grandma With Questions About Messi

Noted Lionel Messi superfan Cristiano Ronaldo Jr. got in some good digs on his superstar dad’s mom recently. While attending daddy Ronaldo’s award ceremony for his fourth Golden Boot, the little kid had some timely questions about Messi’s Balon d’Or collection. Granny was none too interested. »10/16/15 5:31pm10/16/15 5:31pm

Cristiano Ronaldo Isn't The Greatest Player Alive, And That's Insane

Real Madrid’s Cristiano Ronaldo won Europe’s Golden Shoe yesterday, which recognizes the top scorer across the continent’s top leagues. It’s the fourth time he’s won the award, and it comes after last season, when he scored 48 goals in 35 La Liga games. No one else in the history of the award has won it four times.… »10/13/15 2:15pm10/13/15 2:15pm

Agent: Gareth Bale And Ronaldo Don't Hate Each Other (They Totally Do)

It’s long been understood that playing with Cristiano Ronaldo is not the easiest of tasks. He is a singular talent that thrives on a team built with the specific objective of facilitating him. As driven an athlete as you’ll ever find, he focuses only on winning—and to him, the path to winning starts and ends with him… »10/12/15 7:57pm10/12/15 7:57pm

Here Are Some Athletes You Should Bone Instead Of Cristiano Ronaldo

The consensus view is that Portuguese soccer mega-star Cristiano Ronaldo, currently being a weird brand robot in Japan, is not just a good-looking and sexy athlete, but perhaps the best-looking, the sexiest male athlete. But nah. His facial features are too small, his eyebrows too sculpted, his chin too weak, his head… »7/08/15 4:27pm7/08/15 4:27pm

Ronaldo Shills Bullshit Workout Contraption In Ridiculous Commercial

I’m not saying Cristiano Ronaldo is a cyborg, and if he is he’s probably a benevolent one, but if this wild commercial for some weird, obviously scammy Japanese “exercise gear” isn’t really a behind-the-scenes look at Ronaldo’s morning boot-up process, I’ll buy this stuff and have a six pack in no time. »7/07/15 12:00pm7/07/15 12:00pm

Ronaldo Returns Lost Phone, Treats Owner And Her Friends To A Night Out

Cristiano Ronaldo is famous for his many, many goals and the selfish way he goes about scoring them. However, the forward is apparently more than willing to lend a helping hand to a random stranger in Las Vegas, finding a woman’s phone, returning it to her, and taking her and her friends on a night on the town. »7/07/15 10:11am7/07/15 10:11am

Cristiano Ronaldo Scoffs At Championship, Exults In His Own Ronaldoness

For pretty much everyone involved or invested in La Liga, the biggest opportunity on offer during yesterday’s penultimate match day of the season was, seemingly, for Barcelona to wrap up the league title by beating Atlético. Cristiano Ronaldo, though, had his eyes on a larger prize. While Barcelona were crowned kings… »5/18/15 6:21pm5/18/15 6:21pm

Cristiano Ronaldo's Mad Again Because A Teammate Scored And Not Him

We’ve seen this story before, and you know what? We can’t even hate on this. Sure, this is some petulant behavior, but you’ve got to be impressed that Cristiano Ronaldo gives so few fucks about what anyone—even his teammates—thinks that he doesn’t even try to hide his frustration at not being the one to tap in a… »4/30/15 12:15pm4/30/15 12:15pm

Looks Like Cristiano Ronaldo And MLS Are Tugging Each Other Off

Surprise, surprise. There are more whispers and rumors linking MLS with another aging star—in this case, Cristiano Ronaldo. And while the MLS- and Ronaldo-friendly version of events doesn’t make too much sense on its face, it’s not to hard to reverse engineer what’s most likely going on here. (That it might appeal to… »4/24/15 5:11pm4/24/15 5:11pm

Lionel Messi And Cristiano Ronaldo Find Their Final Forms

For a depressingly large group of actuarial soccer fans, this season's thrilling edition of the duel between temporally and cosmically entwined superstars Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi has mainly served as another set of cudgels to club down the other's reputation and legacy. Go deeper, because if you're… »3/19/15 2:39pm3/19/15 2:39pm