Stop reading right now if you'd like to believe that curling, or the Paralympics, or frigging Paralympic Curling is the last bastion of drug-free sports in the world today. Nothing is pure anymore. Jim Armstrong, a member of the Canadian Curling Hall of Fame and skip of Canada's 2010 Paralympic gold medal team, will be …

You can throw out the record books when the Alberta and Quebec women's curling teams get together. It got pretty heated yesterday at the Scotties Tournament of Hearts (Canada's women's championship), when Alberta skip Heather Nedohin let loose a creative swear word after coming up short on her shot.

Remember how much fun we agreed curling was during the 2010 Winter Olympics in that city that got burned down? We had the choke-tastic American captain, that Canadian lady everyone loved, and everyone wrote about it the same way.

There was a big curling game last night at the Tournament of Hearts in Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island. So big, in fact, that the Winnipeg Free-Press called it a "battle royale,", the Toronto Sun called it a "grudge match," and The Curling News wondered if it could be "the most compelling women's game in curling…

Jim Armstrong, the skip of Canada's gold medal winning team, was arrested for trafficking counterfeit erectile dysfunction drugs. Sounds like he was just trying to help other people get their stones in the house. [Vancouver Sun]

They drug test Paralympic athletes because, I don't know, God dictated they should be stuck with their disadvantages. Regardless, we have our first positive drug test.

This explains everything. Our men's curling team managed to lose their most recent Tuesday night league game at the Duluth Curling Club. To be fair, it is the place to be on Tuesday nights in Duluth. [NY Times]

The host nation's medal count is always higher than normal for a reason: the screaming crowds that psych up the natives, and psych out the visitors. But now they've gone too far; they've made Maddy cry.

In news that probably interests only me, they've finally benched the choking captain of our choking team of choking curlers. [NBC]

Nothing says Winter Olympics like a "clueless reporter tries curling" story. (Except maybe the "here's a black Winter Olympian!" story.) We take you through a typical curling experience, as seen through the eyes of every reporter ever.