•Fed up with the Ducks' — and LeGarrette Blount's — performance on opening night, one Oregon alumnus sent coach Chip Kelly an invoice for his ticket and travel expenses. He received a personal check from Kelly for $439. Getting a refund for an awful product? I hope Jerry Jones has $1.3 billion in his checking account.

•Do you know there are 1-year-old children who've never seen the Yankees make the playoffs? New York rectified that, clinching at least a wild card spot with a 6-5 win in Anaheim. And if Derek Jeter is so valuable to his team, why couldn't he will them to the playoffs last year without Sabathia and Teixeira?

•The dreaded swine flu is running rampant through Gainesville; six more Gator players and an assistant coach have come down with H1N1. Expect Tebow to lay his hands on them, and cast the disease out into a herd of pigs, who drown themselves in the Galilee.

•Zack Greinke shut down the Red Sox, and somehow lowered his ERA. Anyone who says he doesn't deserve the Cy Young should be dragged out into the street and shot. He's never going to have a chance to win anything ever again.

•Curt Schilling announced on "Joe Buck Live" that he won't run for Massachusetts' vacant Senate seat. Expect him to show up on election day with a bloody petition that puts him on the ballot.

•Perhaps after seeing Kim Clijsters win the US Open, former no. 1 Justine Henin will be making her return to tennis. She's missing something though. If only she had read every single goddamn article about Clijsters she would know that having a baby during her time off was a key component of her comeback.

•Thanks to SportsbyBrooks for bringing this to our attention: in America, crazy drunken fans run across the field. In Canada, they climb the goalposts. I believe that's called a rouge and is worth 2½ points.

Maybe so. Schilling announced on his blog earlier today that he does have some "interest in the possibility."

Of course, Curt is a Republican, has no political experience and would be running in a Democratic state in the footsteps of a deceased hero —but hey, I'm not one to second guess Curt Schilling.

Senate hopeful of the day: Curt Schilling [Boston Globe]

For starters, David Ortiz being on the juice makes it harder for Schilling to raise his kids. This is a teachable moment, of course, but the important thing to remember is that you should not be a phony. But is Curt Schilling shocked by the revelations about his former teammates? Can anything shock him?

I mean come on. Our stinking President had sex with a woman half his age in the oval office and looked straight into the camera in his best Rafael Palmeiro impersonation and said "I did not have sexual relations with that woman." No, his comments don't make it more surprising.

Tough, but fair. (Although technically, Raffy was impersonating him.) But what about the rest of list?

If this is going to continue, MLB and the game would be far better served by just rolling them all out, right now. It wasn't fair when Alex was outed on his own, and neither is this. It's a field day for sports journalists with no talent, because their story is written for them.

As a sports journalist with no talent, I am forced to agree with that. If, for example, a heroic baseball pitcher were suddenly outed as a cheater that post would write itself and I would become rich. Plus, at my elementary school Field Days every one got a ribbon just for participating, and I really appreciated that.

Oh, I almost forgot. Hey Curt, what about that whole breaking the curse and winning two titles with tainted players?

This makes me laugh. I have already seen the bandwagon fans start the *04 and *07 threads and remarks, people with teams who are far deeper into this than most other teams - as if this makes it all OK. Every team going back 10-15 years needs an * if you want to consider giving it to anyone. The hard part is that it's turning into a situation where we are seeing every single GREAT player in the past 10 years caught, and they're dragging what we thought were the majority, and are now turning into the minority, down with them.

So no regrets then?

Questions and answers on the David Ortiz news [38 Pitches]

I wonder if he bloodied his ankle again after he kicked in the television?

Schilling Announces Retirement [Boston.com]

From 38 Pitches:

I have said to no one, including myself, that I am definitely coming back, because it's not true. However if I did, the Cubs, and Tampa, were they to need a starting pitcher for the 2nd half of the season and into October, would be 2 situations I'd be very interested in.

Not exactly sure what that means (was he denying that he talked to himself?). But my guess is that he's trying to debunk rumors that he's coming to the Cubs or the Rays; rumors that he started with quotes to the Orlando Sentinel while at an ESPN function at Disney World on Saturday:

"Absolutely I'll come back," he said at Disney World, where he was appearing in ESPN The Weekend activities. "The challenge would be in a place like Tampa Bay or Chicago," he said.

This got a rise out of at least one person: Lou Piniella:

"This guy, he's a pro," Piniella said. "I don't know how accurate [the reports] are, but if you get a pitcher with his credentials and his winning habits, it would be something to explore."

So Schilling was misquoted: He's not making a comeback. Unless of course he is. And if he does, the Cubs and Rays would be suitable for him. If they want him. Which Piniella does. Meanwhile, Cubs fans wait in breathless anticipation:

If they can't get Schilling, I heard Hall-of-Famer Jim Bunning may soon be leaving the U.S. Senate and he has never had arm trouble. — Bob J

Oh, and an important Curt Schilling fact from Thursday:

2) Shonda and I have moved over 40 times, I have moved over 50, since my career started.

Lou Pineilla Interested If Curt Schilling Wants to Be A Cub [Chicago Tribune]
Tape Recorders Are Good Because .. [38 Pitches]
Curt Schilling Declares He Wants to Play For The Chicago Cubs ... Or Tampa Bay [Orlando Sentinel]

Now, this is only a hypothetical list — none of these players have been accused or are even rumored to be on the '03 survey testing. The reason A-Rod's name popped up seems a little coincidental, considering that SI's Selena Roberts, one of the writers who broke the original story, is coming out with a book about Alex Rodriguez this May. Most baseball fans (and sports fans, in general) are pretty jaded by all this steroid talk. As long as there is a heartfelt apology attached, then let's move on. But here's a list of players whose careers would be seriously altered should their names pop up.

• Curt Schilling, Boston Red Sox: Schilling's been stridently anti-steroid and tireless in separating himself from the needle-injecting evil doers who have tainted his game. He's even demanded that the list of all the players who failed the test be publicly named so that the rest of the innocent players aren't just guilty by association. But what if his name pops up on the list? It would disastrous to his bloody sock legacy, but would also probably get him to shut the hell up for once. Finally.

• Derek Jeter, New York Yankees: Jeter's baseball reputation is pretty untarnished up to this point, that is if you count dalliances with young actresses or sabermetric knobs' conclusions that he's a crappy fielder blemishes. But Jeter popping up on the list of 103 would seem to rattle the baseball purists to the point of no return; if Jeter was using 'roids the whole time, does the fawning over his heart and hustle completely disappear and make him just an ordinary player for the rest of his career?

• Chase Utley, Philadelphia Phillies: He's consistently hailed as a throwback player and one who overachieves beyond his natural abilities and physicality to put up inflated power numbers. He's soft-spoken, humble, and always seems to say the right thing in public. You know, besides World Series victory parades in front of a live television audience.

• Greg Maddux, retired: He's the consummate "pitcher's pitcher" who's managed to rack up 355 wins throughout his career without overpowering stuff. Always lauded for his work ethic and his ability to out-think opposing batters, his Hall of Fame status could potentially be ruined if it turns out he'd been juicing for the sake of inching up the record books and prolonging his career.

• Albert Pujols, St. Louis Cardinals: Leitch hinted that his trainer might have been on the initial Grimsely list back in 2006 and the Emeritus became the most hated man in the Midwest for a short period of time. (My favorite rip on Will at the time came from a writer who said something along the lines of, "He authored a book called 'Life As A Loser.' That's a surprise.") But what if you found out that Pujols' ridiculous slugging percentage and consistency were HGH-enhanced? He would go from perennial MVP candidate to Giambi-like, comeback player of the year candidate depending on how sincere his apology was.

Oh and just know that there are some conditions to moving. One of them is that I don’t get edited (though that might be a good thing in the end) and the content I write gets posted as written. That won’t change. I’ll also continue to keep the forum open to responses and posts, but will hopefully move to doing some more interactive Q&A stuff as well as more interesting baseball and 38 Studios stuff as time goes by.

Ugh. Who do you think is tougher to work with editorially? Lil' Wayne or Schilling?

I am moving [38 Pitches]

The bulk of his rant focused on the stupidity of Boston management vis-a-vis a certain dreadlocked slugger that happened to get traded away this season. Manny Ramirez is his kind of guy, you see, because he plays hard and he wins. So what if he takes a month off every summer and gets a little shove-y with elderly front office guys?

“You pick up the traveling secretary and you dust him off. You don’t say he was a pariah like Schilling said and everything else. He can kiss my ass.”

You really need to watch the whole thing, because there's so much more. Bill's ex-wives, Boston's racism, the history of idiotic Sox management—everyone gets a well-placed zinger sent their way and you can just see the delight on the reporters' faces as they realize for the first time what it's like talk to someone in sports who doesn't give a shit what anyone thinks, especially Curt Schilling. But you better care what Bill thinks, because he's always right.

[Some naughty language ahead, but with beeps.]

Spaceman" defends Manny at Red Sox Hall ceremony [NECN]
See also: I Think Bill Lee Likes Manny [Boston Score] + Spaceman Lee Sounds Off [My Fox Boston]

Dr. Craig Morgan told the AP that he advised surgery for Schilling back in January, but the team wanted him to try rehab and he was forced to obey their wishes because of his contract. That failed, of course, and the surgery happened in June instead, which is why Curt is not on the playoff roster. In fact, the repaired shoulder is now "phenomenal" and Schilling will be fine next year—not that it does the stupid Sox any good now. Morgan added, “In January, everything I said has come true, right to a T.” All right then. Schilling, for his part, is staying away from his doctor's choice of words and timing.

He, unfortunately, like me has little to no filter when asked about things he feels comfortable with knowledge wise. My arm and pitching, and shoulders, are certainly topics he is smarter than anyone I’ve ever met on....

Regardless of how anyone feels about the ‘what ifs’ involved here, they are irrelevant. What’s done is done and even though I’d kill to be able to take the ball right now, I can’t. No one gains from looking back and wondering what if, most of all my teammates or the organization.

Why doesn't he just say what we all know to be true—the Boston PD would be setting up parade barricades right now if only Morgan had been heeded, you maniacs! You blew it up! God damn you all to hell!

• Doc: Schilling could have been ready for playoffs [AP/Google]
• Don’t ask… [38 Pitches]

“We all got separated in this huge room with lots of people,” Mrs. S told the Track. “I walked ahead with (racing legend) Richard Petty while Curt stopped to sign autographs.

“So when he started to walk away, he grabbed Cindy’s hand. She didn’t seem to mind and went along with it,” said Shonda. “But when he realized what he was doing, he held up their hands and said, ‘Hey, Shonda, look at this!’ Suddenly, Richard grabbed my hand and I said, ‘Don’t worry, I’m being taken care of.’ ”

"She didn't seem to mind and went along with it?" Wait until he shows her his bloody sock.

Curt Schilling veers astray at raceway [Boston Herald]
Curt Schilling mistakes Cincy McCain for wife Shonda [You Been Blinded]

"I don't want it to end this way, but if this is the way it has to end, I'm OK with that," Schilling said. "If it's over and my last pitch was in the 2007 World Series, I'm OK with that. I just can't stress enough where I am mentally with this. I have not a regret in the world. ... None of this makes me bitter or angry or pissed. It is what it is. In that sense, honestly, it's very, very easy for me because of what I've been able to experience compared to what I wanted when I first started my career, but if I have some say in how this is gonna end, I want it to be different than what it is right now."

This means that, best-case scenario, he'd be 43 by the time he came back; and it's hard to imagine that he'd want that. Curt Schilling is not Randy Johnson or Roger Clemens; the old guy who ekes out eight wins just for the chance to win another ring. Regardless of how you feel about Schilling as a person, there's no denying his credentials as a competitor. Without him Drew Barrymore does not sprint onto the field to celebrate that Red Sox 2004 World Series title. And like it or not, the bloody sock from Game 6 of the ALCS that year will never be forgotten. I wonder, did he ever launder that thing? Knowing him: Nope.

Schilling To Have Surgery; Done For Season [Boston Globe]

Quickly, this news buzzed its way over to Red Sox Nation, causing all of those bloody sock sycophants to bristle. But, Schill being Schill, he half-heartedly extinguished that notion. Kind of:

"The first word that popped into my head, is a word that I think is new to the English language, but everybody understands what it means is 'misremember'. I talked to doc probably within the last week. He's called me a couple of times during my rehab, but I'm not really sure how he got to some of the conclusions he got to."

Clearly, this will be something that Schilling will comment on in his 38pitches blog in the near future. It'll be interesting to see what becomes of Dr. Morgan's role as "personal doctor" to Curt from here on out. The only way to really keep this filed in the "misremember" category is to fire the guy, right?

http://wbztv.com/sports/redsox/Curt.Schilling.doctor.2.699893.htmlSchlling's Doctor : Curt Could Pitch For Yankees [WKBZ]
Schilling Laughs Off Yankee Talk [Extra Bases]

There seems to be a considerable disagreement with the team and Schilling about how all this would go down, but it's all moot: Schilling's gonna be gone at least until the All-Star Break, perhaps for the year, maybe forever.

We do hope Schilling comes back; it's not quite the same without him. We just hope that if he does retire, he doesn't take over Deadspin. The spelling's bad enough over here already.

My Shoulder [38pitches]

Actually, we're not sure something so unfocused can be classified as a "rant." Our favorite thing about Schilling's blog is that he often seems to forget the point of a sentence by the time he gets to the end of it. As for the names on the list, and Lord knows there's no shortage of those, I have feelings very strongly in some cases due to personal history, and opinions in many others. I've played, roomed and lived with some of these guys, and competed and gotten to know others. Wait ... what does that mean?

This stylistic "quirk" doesn't work well when discussing an issue as complicated as the Mitchell Report, which somehow just makes it more perfect. The "news" out of Schilling's post is that he called for Roger Clemens to give back his Cy Young awards. When you read the whole post, we guess he said that, but this was just a few words after saying, "my thought is that Roger will find a way in short order to organize a legal team to guarantee a retraction of the allegations made." Trying to strip a usable quote out of a Schilling blog post is a fool's errand.

That didn't make the post any less enjoyable than all of Schilling's posts. If your eyes are still in your head when you reach the end.

One Player's Take On The Mitchell Report [38 Pitches]

When asked what his favorite musical group, Schilling said, simply ... SCORPIONS! Yeah! Here he is! Rock him like a hurricane!

That's not all: He also said his favorite TV show was "Miami Vice" and that his favorite movies were Terminator and Iron Eagle. That's bad ass, folks; what happened, Curt?

Curt Schilling Rocks Like A Hurricane [Boston Magazine]
Learning To Like Schilling [Fair And Foul]

Anyway, the "Schilling Clause" got Mental Floss thinking: What are the weirdest contract clauses in history? Our favorite is their favorite, the case of one Charlie Kerfeld:

After a spectacular rookie season in 1986, the rotund reliever who always pitched in his lucky Jetsons t-shirt needed a new contract. Kerfeld asked for $110,037.37, matching his number 37 jersey, to pitch in 1987. On top of that, he received 37 boxes of orange Jell-O in the deal. The Astros would soon regret this delicious bonus, though; Kerfeld, who was famously caught eating ribs in the dugout that season, would battle weight and injury problems and get sent down to the minors.

Actually ... now that we're thinking about it ... someone should check Schilling's contract for a Jell-O clause, as well.

14 Offbeat Clauses In Baseball Contracts [Mental Floss]
The Schilling Clause [38 Pitches]
Learning To Like Schilling [Fair And Foul]