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Jim Gaffigan Explains How The Heck He Travels With Five Kids

Comedian Jim Gaffigan and his wife Jeannie live in a two-bedroom New York City apartment with their five freaking kids. If that sounds like too much for you, wait until you hear that they regularly take the whole brood on the road. They once spent a summer together in a bus for Dad’s cross-country standup tour, and…

How To Survive A Long Car Trip With Your Kids

It’s that time of year. Time to visit those weird, faraway relatives in weird, faraway places, where the Target and the Costco and the Whole Foods are all switched around. It’s time to roll down hundreds of miles of dear old Ike’s eight-lane American dream, leaving one suburban hellscape for another. It’s time for the…

My Dad Was The Maxell "Blown Away Guy," Even If I Can't Prove It

When I was little, I was convinced my dad was the Blown Away Guy. I was sure that was my dad’s martini swept up in the audio tempest, my dad’s tie thrashing behind him. The lush-haired guy in that ’80s-dominating ad for Maxell cassettes getting blasted by the music blasting from a pair of JBL speakers, the veritable…

Here Are 14 Things You Will Say To Your Kids A Million Goddamn Times

I have three kids. They don’t fucking listen. One day, God as my witness, they will listen. They will stop, turn around, not talk for five seconds, and say to me, “Wow, I never thought of it that way before. Thanks, Dad!” I swear it will happen. I will destroy entire countries if I have to make it so. But until then,…

Oh God, What Is Croup, Does My Kid Have It, Oh God Oh God Oh God

Parenting a small child means, of course, doubling the number of people whose well being is your responsibility. This can be difficult, for a Wearer Of A Garbage Bag Because You Forgot To Buy Laundry Soap For The 27th Consecutive Week—for someone who has arrived, mostly by accident, deep in the swamp of real-deal…

Cleancast: I'd Rather Walk Through Fire Than Step On A Lego

My guest this week on the official Ask a Clean Person podcast is Blair Koenig, the writer and humorist behind the blog STFU, Parents and author of the book STFU, Parents: The Jaw-Dropping, Self-Indulgent, and Occasionally Rage-Inducing World of Parent Overshare. She joined me to talk all about parenting messes and…