Be Cool Like I Used To Be: A Nervous Father's Guide To Boyhood

The main thing that qualifies me to write about Richard Linklater's Boyhood from a panicked new-ish father's perspective is that I had to wait three weeks to see Boyhood even after all the rapturous reviews came out, on account of having fled New York City in terror a couple years ago so I wouldn't have to raise… » 8/06/14 12:36pm 8/06/14 12:36pm

"Next Week ... Is My Seventh Funeral For Someone Younger Than Me"

Drew Magary's piece this week on over-competitive kids (and parents) mentioned Fairfax, Va.'s prestigious W.T. Woodson High School, where six students have committed suicide in the past three years. Below is a lengthy, remarkable letter we've received from Ryan Mull, a recent Woodson graduate. » 7/17/14 1:10pm 7/17/14 1:10pm

Brett Favre Unqualified To Discuss Safety Of Football, Says Sportswriter

Only the parents of boys are welcome in the discussion of whether it's unsafe to let children play football. So says Mike Florio, a collectible commemorative helmet-phone in the employ of NBC Sports, who's mad at Brett Favre for expressing reservations about whether he'd encourage his non-existent son to play the game. » 7/16/14 4:25pm 7/16/14 4:25pm

Down With America's Kid-Competition Complex

I was at a parent's night at my kid's school a couple of years ago—one of those things where you go to the school at night to meet the kid's teacher and eat a cookie and listen as the teacher tells you all the shit they do in class every day, and then you nod your head in approval. "Ah, yes. MUSIC TIME. That will… » 7/15/14 11:10am 7/15/14 11:10am

The World Cup Is Your Kid’s Last Hope

I have three kids, and I have resigned myself to the fact that they will never be sports fans in the way that I am a sports fan. They'll never waste time perusing box scores in the newspaper because newspapers are old and dead. They'll never pledge loyalty to one local team because they have fantasy teams and Red Zone… » 6/17/14 3:46pm 6/17/14 3:46pm

“Wheels On The Bus” On YouTube: A Distressed Father’s Guide

So my firstborn son is obsessed with "Wheels on the Bus," and will sing it at the slightest provocation, or with no provocation at all, really. He's three ("a young three," as noted by now multiple polite but clearly frazzled instructors at toddler-activity sessions he's disrupted by, for example, failing to… » 5/27/14 5:45pm 5/27/14 5:45pm

An Ode To Sleeping Children

I had to look after all three of my kids by myself this weekend, and when you are alone with children for that long, you are so put-upon that your memory stops working. I can't even recall what happened over those three days, because my brain went into Safe Mode and was like, NOPE. I'M NOT STORING ANY OF THIS SHIT. » 5/22/14 9:30am 5/22/14 9:30am

Why Rich Lacrosse Parents Are Making Their Kids Repeat A Grade

In the lax-crazy scholastic sports scene of the high-end Washington D.C. market, a game between Landon School and Georgetown Prep is essentially 'Skins vs. Cowboys, except with more people named Topper. They're two of the fancy-pantsiest all-boys secondary schools in the area, and their athletic rivalry offers a good… » 5/01/14 3:20pm 5/01/14 3:20pm

Can You Predict If Your Kid Will Throw Left-Handed?

I'm at that age where my buddies from college are starting to sign their kids up for Little League. They'll differ in degree and in approach to helicopter coaching and buying up extravagant, miniaturized baseball equipment, but there's one thing they'll all agree on: They hope their kid's a lefty. » 4/24/14 2:01pm 4/24/14 2:01pm

Eight Reasons Never To Go On Spring Break With Children

Just let go. That was the slogan of the hotel we were staying at for Spring Break, and it was a solid slogan. After all, this was a family resort, and at family resorts, parents often need to be reminded to ease up, take the sticks out of their asses, and TRY to enjoy themselves, if only to then fail. Did your kid… » 4/23/14 3:48pm 4/23/14 3:48pm

Why Paternity Leave Is Important, Even Though You’ll Hate It

Every few years, there's a big Hot Sports Take orgy because a pro athlete decided to skip a game for a birth and/or paternity leave. This year, it was Daniel Murphy's turn in the barrel, getting dumped on by Boomer Esiason and Mike Francesa after skipping two games after his kid was born. Esiason has since… » 4/10/14 5:17pm 4/10/14 5:17pm

Why Are Screens Better Than Real Life?

I have three children, and left unsupervised, they will stare at screens until their eyeballs liquefy and seep into the carpet. And so, I spend every single day of my existence wringing my hands over how much screen time is too much screen time for these people. Sometimes I set a timer. Sometimes I say, "TIME IS UP"… » 3/27/14 4:10pm 3/27/14 4:10pm

Let's Try Chips Ahoy! Ice Cream Creations, A Dessert-Flavored Dessert

Remember ice cream? Oh man, ice cream. There are so many wonderful things to remember about ice cream, but first and foremost—more than the carnival of flavors and colors; the various zany, luxurious toppings and swirls; the fun presentations (Sundae! Banana split! Ice cream cone! Ice cream cake! Root beer… » 3/08/14 1:00pm 3/08/14 1:00pm

A Treasury Of Children's Insane Christmas Wish Lists

After I posted my kid's goofy Christmas wish list on Wednesday, we asked you readers to send in some of your own. You were not a disappointment to us. One guy's kid sent in the entire contents of the toy section at Target. Another reader's kid had a list that included a diagram (its instructions and purpose were not… » 12/06/13 1:48pm 12/06/13 1:48pm