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Daily Closer

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daily closer

You're Not Getting Rid Of Schilling That Easily

For one day only, it's the return of the Daily Closer!

• Get Ready For More Curt, Boston. There are certain people who are allowed to use the first-person plural possessive in blog entries. For some, it works. Curt Schilling is not one of those. From Schilling's 38 Pitches:

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12:35 PM on Tue Nov 6 2007
By rickchand
4,847 views, 61 comments

daily closer

Rocky Mountain High (In Colorado)

As Tuco said when he got the drop on Clint Eastwood in The Good, the Bad and the Ugly, "There are two kinds of spurs, my friend. Those that come in by the door [crosses himself], and those that come in by the window." The Rockies came in the latter way, beating the Diamondbacks 4-3 on Sunday to force the unlikliest of one-game playoff showdowns for the final spot in the NL postseason field. And so it shall come to pass, Padres vs. Rockies at the Coors Field Thunderdome, today, 7:35 p.m. ET The Padres have their Patron Saint, Jake Peavy, on the mound; praise be to his 10-1 record over his past 11 starts. But the Rockies — winners of 13 of their past 14 to earn a ticket to this dance — have their own guardian angel. He's blond, bespectacled, has a high-pitched voice and is on excellent terms with the Almighty; at least if one can believe the movie Oh, God, anyway. More »

9:21 AM on Mon Oct 1 2007
By rickchand
4,780 views, 66 comments

Latest by Philistine: @NDouble: Mr. Selig, he likes the money. more »

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If There Is An Allah, He'll Permit A Four-Way Tie

Whenever I see a baseball fight late in the season, I picture Colin Mochrie in front of a green screen trying to figure out what's going on, saying "Well, it all started over a bowl of soup! And now ... look at it!" More »

12:00 PM on Sun Sep 30 2007
By sussman
2,011 views, 7 comments

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Congratulations, Chicago Prepubescent Bears

What happens when Lou Piniella has nothing else to yell about? Does he grumble that the champagne isn't Korbel? If it is Korbel, does he kvetch that it's not another brand name bubbly? Does he still find some way to throw his hat and choke a child? We may never know the answer, because we're too lazy to ask anyone. And at this hour, it would be rude to ask the Cubs anything, other than what they want for breakfast, because they're all tuckered out from winning the NL Central last night. More »

11:25 AM on Sat Sep 29 2007
By sussman
2,816 views, 21 comments

Latest by Philistine: Oh. I thought it was Henry Rollins. As you were. more »

daily closer

Taste The Rockies, Losers! Taste Them!

The Colorado Rockies need a theme song! After beating the Dodgers on Thursday for their 11th straight win — the longest winning streak in the majors this season — they are on the verge of making the playoffs for only the second time in their history. The Rockies are one game out in the wild-card race, with their final series beginning today against Arizona at Coors Field. So a theme song is imperative, and they are asking you for help. Their fans have been absolutely no freakin' help so far (The Bee Gees? John Denver?), so come, on, pitch in! The Rockies thank you. (No Survivor please). More »

9:19 AM on Fri Sep 28 2007
By rickchand
4,245 views, 65 comments

Latest by mike42: Sadly, the Mets have really taken some of the glimmer off of the Cubs pending implosion. I suppose that will only make the inevitable meltdown that much more spectacular for the Cubbies. more »

daily closer

Hug It Out, Yankees; You're In The Playoffs

OK, who looked more lifelike: Castro in his latest speech; bin Laden in his last taped address; or George Steinbrenner during Wednesday's Yankees game? They dusted off the long-dead owner, propped him up in a luxury box and had him "watch" New York clinch a playoff berth on Wednesday, the Yankees beating Tampa Bay 12-4 to complete the AL playoff field. New York will either enter as the wild card, or, in a long shot, as the AL East champs. The Yankees are three games behind Boston with four games left. Detroit, you're out. More »

9:31 AM on Thu Sep 27 2007
By rickchand
5,185 views, 70 comments

Latest by Steinbrenner: The Final Countdown — Day 62 — Steinbrenner Steps Out, Castro Steps Back In? on Bugs & Cranks: Theme music: Final Countdown (A Cappella) Previously on Steinbrenner: The Final Countdown…. Here’s the best part of the Deadspin story: “OK, who looked more lifelike: Castro in his latest speech; bin Laden in his last taped address; or George more »

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Every Day Is Father's Day For Prince Fielder

If neither the awesome might of the robotic 12-person beer bong nor the motivational power of free rectal exams are enough to help the Brewers catch the Cubs in the NL Central, then perhaps Prince Fielder's red-hot animosity toward his father is. Fielder The Younger hit home runs No. 49 and 50 on Tuesday, propelling Milwaukee past St. Louis, 9-1, pulling the Brewers within two games of first-place Chicago. Fielder became the youngest player ever to hit 50 in a season, and afterwards had a few choice phrases for his dad, Cecil. More »

9:15 AM on Wed Sep 26 2007
By rickchand
10,093 views, 54 comments

Latest by Animal Style: @Dr. Jonas Venture, Jr.: Michael Kay is God's way of punishing me for voting Republican that one time. Seriously, he's fellated Steinbrenner so often that the old man's gone senile. more »

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Love (And The NL Wild Card) Is A Battlefield


This photo is from Sunday, but it tells you all you need to know about the Padres right now. Milton Bradley being helped off the field, his season ended due to injury after a run-in with an umpire. San Diego had already lost center fielder Mike Cameron to an injury, meaning that two-thirds of their starting outfield is now kaput. And worse, the Padres lost to the Giants on Monday, 9-4, meaning that Philadelphia has now pulled even with them in the NL wild-card chase. Man. In the words of the immortal Daffy Duck: "I demand that you shoot me!" More »

9:15 AM on Tue Sep 25 2007
By rickchand
5,028 views, 58 comments

Latest by Chamomiles Davis: @AugieOjedaFanClub: I think he's starring in the sequel to Sling Blade. more »

daily closer

Ow! My Playoff Chances!

Has a major league player ever before been injured after he was ejected from a game? Come on Elias Sports Bureau, make yourselves useful for once! Milton Bradley may be headed to the DL because of an umpire, he says. It was manager Bud Black who grabbed Bradley and spun him to the ground, preventing him from going after umpire Mike Winters after Winters had ejected him. Bradley sustained a knee injury due to the takedown. It all stemmed from Winters claiming that Bradley had thrown a bat at him after he had struck out. Hilarity, and then ejection, ensued. The whole thing is, as they say, a big bowl of wrong. More »

9:19 AM on Mon Sep 24 2007
By rickchand
6,064 views, 45 comments

Latest by sncreducer: Somebody's having fun with Milton's Wikipedia page: Bradley has made an effort to have an active role in the community. He founded "Bradley's Youth" while still with the Los Angeles Dodgers, a program for kids to get a chance to meet more »

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One Down, Seven To Go ...

Oh, look, we've got our first team out on the dance floor. Quick, someone tell the DJ to keep that 'Kool & The Gang' coming! More »

11:00 AM on Sun Sep 23 2007
By skeets
2,514 views, 14 comments

daily closer

It's So Hard To Say Goodbye ...

If Barry Bonds wants to play another season, it won't be in a San Francisco Giants uniform. Giants owner Peter Magowan handed Bonds the proverbial pink-slip during a 90-minute meeting Thursday night. The Giants informed the press at a news conference last night. (Unfortunately, sans Bonds ... and Jake Byrd.) More »

11:00 AM on Sat Sep 22 2007
By skeets
2,684 views, 11 comments

daily closer

The Mets Are Cursed, And We Know Why


We think we've found the problem, Mets' fans. The reason for your team's sudden collapse is not Willie Randolph's mismanagement of the bullpen, not a stretch of 10 errors in two games, not poor clutch hitting. It all comes down to your very own Steve Bartman. Yes, it's Matt Murphy's fault. More »

9:15 AM on Fri Sep 21 2007
By rickchand
5,949 views, 65 comments

Latest by TheVaingloriousKeithOlbermann: @BoeheimIsMySavior: Little known fact about Jeff Passan - he is the biggest ass in sports media today. There. Fixed that for you. more »

daily closer

Here Come The Yankees ... Howdy Do!

Everything is coming up pinstripes lately, and Boston fans are none too happy, of course. Andy Pettitte earned his 200th win and Mariano Rivera escaped a bases-loaded jam in the ninth as the Yankees beat Orioles 2-1 Wednesday, New York pulling to within 1½ games of first-place Boston. Do I need to mention at this point that the Red Sox lost to the Blue Jays, 6-1? I thought not. More »

9:19 AM on Thu Sep 20 2007
By rickchand
5,297 views, 62 comments

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The Yankees 2 1/2 Games Back? Inconceivable!

Well, today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day (as if I had to tell you), and fittingly we must report that the Dread Pirate Roberts is now in sight of the first-place Red Sox, and gaining rapidly. The Yankees, who were 14 1/2 games behind Boston in May, are now well within striking distance with 11 games left. Boston lost to the Blue Jays, 4-3 on Tuesday, while New York was beating Baltimore, 12-0. ... Anybody want a peanut? More »

9:15 AM on Wed Sep 19 2007
By rickchand
5,516 views, 50 comments

Latest by BoeheimIsMySavior: @Stev D: I'd say that Michael Kay and John Sterling agree with that... more »

daily closer

Things Change


The 1962 New York Mets lost 120 games and finished 60 1/2 games out of first, a result which could not have been worse if Lucy Van Pelt had played in their outfield. But the current Mets have accomplished something that their '62 brothers never did: They have made 10 errors in their past two games. Combined with spotty hitting, a schizophrenic bullpen and a resurgent Phillies' squad breathing down their necks, Mets' fans are beside themselves. We can only imagine what Tanner Boyle would say. More »

9:15 AM on Tue Sep 18 2007
By rickchand
5,162 views, 58 comments

Latest by LouVuittonDon: @Dave Ryan: Greatest MST3K ever. "You have failed us Torgo. For this you must die." more »

daily closer

One Sweet Afternoon For Jim Thome

If you ask me, Jim Thome is exactly the kind of guy to whom Willy Wonka would have left his chocolate factory. (I also sometimes imagine Bob Costas as an Oompa Loompa). Think of baseball with no cattle steroids or corked bats or "You dead, dawg," or Human Growth Hormone or Jose Canseco book signings. Just guys like Thome rounding the bases, fist extended, while back at the paper Max Mercy is on the horn making inquiries about his background. Five hundred home runs; that's quite an accomplishment, kid. And on the day they distributed your bobblehead doll, no less. Roy Hobbs never had a bobblehead night. More »

9:28 AM on Mon Sep 17 2007
By rickchand
4,260 views, 26 comments

Latest by CumaeanSibyl: @DannyNoonan: Man, have you seen Thome's family? All his brothers are that big. Hell, his mom is that big. If he's been juicing, it hasn't made him look much different than any other giant corn-fed farmboy from Peoria. more »

daily closer

New Power Generation

If only he had hit a 'Glam Slam' ... Prince Fielder's NL-leading and franchise record 46th homerun gave the Brewers an edge as Milwaukee beat Cincinnati, 5-3, to gain some ground in NL Central race. Milwaukee sits a game behind the Cubs, who split two against the Cardinals. More »

11:00 AM on Sun Sep 16 2007
By skeets
1,057 views, 15 comments

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Honey, I Shrunk The AL East Lead

Here we go again ... The Yankees honey mustered six runs in the eighth, immediately erasing a five-run deficit, en route to an 8-7 victory over the Sox at Fenway. Jason Giambi and Robinson Cano started the comeback with home runs off Hideki Okajima. Derek Jeter followed with an RBI single against Jonathan Papelbon, Bobby Abreu tied it with a two-run double, and A-Rod cherried it with a tiebreaking single. Rick Moranis was also involved. The win brings New York within 4 1/2 games of the AL East lead. More »

11:00 AM on Sat Sep 15 2007
By skeets
2,100 views, 20 comments

Latest by Dr. Michael Mancini: @mayornutter: Dude, there's this new invention. It's called a "Shift" key. Might want to look into it. more »