Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
Warm Your Butt In The Dice-K Memorial Bathrooms
The Boston Red Sox paid the Seibu Lions $51.1 million for the right to take Daisuke Matsuzaka off their hands. So what did they do with the money? New toilet seats for everyone!
Daisuke Matsuzaka and his wife are now the proud parents of a newborn gyrobaby. "The team did not say where the birth took place." We are evidently not allowed to assume it was the vagina. [Sox & Dawgs]
Red Sox Wonder Where All That Free Yen Went
When the Red Sox bid that ridiculous amount just for the right to offer Daisuke Matsuzaka a contract, one of the ancillary benefits was supposed to be all the Japanese endorsements he would bring in. (And take away from the Yankees.) But it looks like that hasn't happened at all.
Dice-K Has Expensive Balls (Sorry)
How much would you pay for a baseball signed by Daisuke Matsuzaka? We ask this not as theoretical. There's an actual, concrete price, and ... well, uh, it seems like a lot.
The Mascot Wars Are Beginning
This video, shot during Red Sox spring training, features Red Sox non-gyroballer Daisuke Matsuzaka stepping into an intercontinental mascot feud. That mascot is some serious nightmare fuel; what is it, exactly. Suddenly, our fear of the Phillie Phanatic
The Gyroball Rock
A little late on this, but if you were wondering whether Daisuke Matsuzaka was blessed with musical talent, rest assured, folks, the guy has mad vocal skillz. And by "mad vocal skills," we mean, he warbles songs to warm your heart and soul. He's like the Japanese Oprah.
Ichiro Vs. Dice-K, Round One
Because we grew up in the middle of a cornfield surrounded by nothing but grain silos and chubby cows, the whole Boston Red Sox/New York Yankees madness sometimes escapes us. But even we can't ignore the inherent excitement of a Dice-K vs. Ichiro matchup tonight at Fenway Park.
Which One Is Mothra Again?
On Wednesday, Daisuke Matsuzaka will make his Fenway Park debut ... and it's not just a big day for him and the Red Sox, it's also huge for the Japanese baseball fans. Because it's not only Dice-K out there; he's going to face Ichiro Suzuki. If only they could pull Hideki Matsui off the DL for a day and let him…
