Ronald Jones was pulled over after he was spotted driving erratically in the Dallas suburb of Richardson. He failed a field sobriety test, but "declined" to take a breathalyzer....

And then according to police, it got ugly.

"When the officers went to place the handcuffs on Mr. Jones he did resist by moving his hand forward instead of behind his back. They were forced to take him to the ground to get better control of him and he did sustain some injuries to his face," Wakefield said.

Did you hear that? He moved his hand! Glad to see the officers keep the dangerous tasers in the holster and handle things the old fashioned way. Jones was charged with driving while intoxicated, but not with resisting arrest since that one has already been taken care of.

Ronald Popeye Jones Charged with DWI [My Fox DFW]

Among the other revelations: It sounds like poor Dirk was madly in love with Taylor, a grifter whom he supposedly called his "little jailbird." You Teutons out there can read the Bild interview here. For the rest of you, The Dallas Morning News has the recap:

According to the article, published on Bild's Web site Monday evening and due on newsstands today in Germany, Nowitzki has started to feel better about his private life recently.

"In the beginning, I was very down and disappointed, sad and furious," Nowitzki said. "But I made a few steps forward and I think someday I will be over it totally."

[...]

The Mavericks' perennial all-star verified that the couple met via an allegedly fluke phone call.

"She told me she dialed the wrong number and was trying to call her brother," Nowitzki said. "We talked, texted and e-mailed a lot over the next three years, but we never met. It was more of an Internet type of flirt.

"We had daily contact, then none for months. But we were friends for so long, we finally met and the first meeting was good. Then in December, we got engaged, but we didn't have a real date for the wedding. She had further plans and wanted to get married in July.

"She was an interesting woman. She was funny and never boring."

Nowitzki was asked about the mockery of Taylor's appearance in some of the unflattering photos that have been published.

"Well, everybody has different tastes," he said. "Some people love Italian food, some don't."

As for the emotional scars left by the difficult liaison, Nowitzki said: "I still want to have a family, but the wounds have to heal first. I want to raise a family and have a couple of small Dirks running around. But it will not be easy to win my heart."

I urge you to read the Babelfish translation, which better captures the felicities of the German tongue. Headline: "I groped in such a way in case of dear."

Dallas Mavericks' Nowitzki talks about relationship with ex-fiancée [The Dallas Morning News]
I groped in such a way in case of dear [Bild, via Babelfish]

FBI agents in Texas have seized recordings of threatening jailhouse phone calls made by Crista Ann Taylor, the ex-girlfriend of Dallas Mavericks All-Star forward Dirk Nowitzki, to the player's attorney, two sources with knowledge of the investigation said.
[...]
Taylor's prison phone calls allegedly contained threats as well as demands for money from Nowitzki, whom she has referred to in numerous media interviews as her former fiancé, and many of Taylor's phone calls were made to the offices of Nowitzki's Dallas-based attorney, the sources said.

This woman is a few crayons short of a whole box. Everyone knows you're supposed to wait until after the kid is born and then go after the money. You know, for the good of the kid.

So many asterisks. La La gave an interview to MomLogic—which has somehow cornered the NBA WAG beat—and gave a few more details about the Game 4 throwdown between the Mavericks and their fans.

"They began yelling 'F*** the Nuggets!' right in front of my son." Then she says they started calling the Nuggets players "n*****s." She was shocked. "I've been at a ton of games — but I have NEVER heard fans say things like that." Then, looking directly at her while taunting Anthony on the court, Lala says the fans called her son a "bastard."

"I know it was directed at me. Yes, my son's dad and I are not married — but we are engaged!" Lala turned to the fans and said, "This is just a GAME! Do you even know these players?!" She then asked her babysitter to take Kiyan out of the arena. The fans, who by this time, claims Lala, were completely intoxicated, became even "more aggressive," yelling "F*** the Nuggets!" and insulting their families — namely, Lala says, her and Carmelo. Then they physically pushed her. Pushed to the edge, she turned around and yelled back.

TV cameras captured security guards approaching her. "They said they had seen the whole thing and told me I had done nothing wrong. I was NOT ejected, they just escorted me to a suite [for safety]. I was mad!"

Now let's not get caught up the technicalities of what makes someone a bastard—that's just plain rude. Whatever happened to Texas hospitality?

Lala: Fans Called My Son a Bastard! [MomLogic]

The pregnancy claim, like most of her life story, is unverifiable. (Thanks for nothing, Patriot Act!) However, we do choose to believe that Dirk was her only source of income, but currently wants nothing to do with her and has made no attempt to contact her since she was arrested in his home back on May 6. She is accused, among other things, of defrauding a dentist to the tune of $10,000 in free tooth work. That's a lot of fluoride.

There is one other point of fact that she wants to be made perfectly clear—Taylor says she was not a stripper! She merely worked in a strip club, as a waitress, using one of her many assumed aliases. Come on, guys. What do you take her for?

Cristal Taylor tells DMN she's pregnant with Dirk Nowitzki's child [Dallas Morning News]

Poor girl. Melanie wasn't going to be covering the game tonight anyway, but hopefully she's still employed at the end of it. But if it's true that she's getting a little grief over the pics? She'll soldier on. Everyone has horrible pictures of they wish would go away.

Mavericks and Nuggets series resumes tonight in La La-ville at the Pepsi Center. This is a game that will hopefully result in all the Malatov cocktail tossing chaos we all expect.

****

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Rally around Kenyon Martin's family!

A Dallas season ticket holder known only as Peggy—who I'm assuming is one of ladies picture here—was sitting behind La La Vazquez at Game 4 and refutes her claims of racist taunts from Maverick fans. Peggy claims that the whole ruckus started when La La's "bodyguard" turned around and insulted her first. Then the rest of the fans in the vicinity jumped to Peggy's defense and the whole thing escalated from there.

She said the only time any Mavs fan touched Vazquez was when a girl in Peggy's group accidentally brushed against her while reaching for a purse underneath her seat.

"Don't you ever (beep) touch me again!" Vazquez responded, according to Peggy, who added that Vazquez also flicked soda on them at that point.

"If that would have been any other fan, they would have been tossed out long before that girl was," Peggy said. "That little girl needed attention. Apparently, she's a has-been whatever."

See? Totally classy. Peggy also claims she was at Game 2 in Denver and had a pleasant chat with Lydia Moore. Kenyon Martin's mom is one of the good ones ... Nuggets fans, I mean.

Game 5 is tonight back in Colorado, but Mark Cuban will not be there because he has urgent business in Las Vegas. Will Peggy take his place? Let's hope so, because this whole series is cursed. There's the Dirk "unpleasantness," Chris Anderson's food poisoning and Antoine Wright had $120,000 worth of jewelry stolen from his home. I don't own $120,000 worth of anything, so I know how that must feel.

MFFL Peggy: LaLa Vazquez and her bodyguard were the instigators [Dallas Mavericks Blog]
Denver Nuggets Upset With Treatment From Dallas Mavericks Fans [CBS 11]
Dallas Mavericks' Antoine Wright reports nearly $120,000 in jewelry stolen from condo [Dallas Morning News]
Nuggets Family Members Probably Aren't Accepting That Apology Any Time Soon
You Can't Play With My La La

Ms. Vazquez, or just "La La" if you're hip enough, has had a distinguished career as a DJ, reality TV host, and playing herself in any movie that will have her. (I think "Soul Plane" was probably her most realistic portrayal of "Herself.") In basketball circles, she is also known as the fiancee of Mr. Carmelo Anthony, an engagement running over four years now. Anyway, she was asked to leave her courtside seat in Dallas last night after an unspecified "incident" with a couple of old white ladies sitting behind her.

It seems that things at the American Airlines Center were actually much uglier than we realized last night. In addition to Vazquez, Maverick fans got into shouting matches with Kenyon Martin's mom (there was even a report that someone threw a beer on her) and Martin's girlfriend, Trina. Martin himself was distracted by the incidents during the game and a Denver assistant actually went into the stands during the game to check on their own fans.

Asked if the game was hostile, [Coach George] Karl said: "I would probably use an uglier word than hostile. I don't think (the fans) were very classy."

We also missed this moment after the game, when Martin shouted at Cuban on the court, calling him a "faggot motherfucker." I wonder if that will come up at dinner?

So either Cuban had an epiphany later that evening—he didn't seem too distressed by the fan behavior immediately after the game—or he's trying to protect his own life when the series goes back to Denver. Either way, there's enough embarrassment to go around for everyone!

Melo's Girl Escorted Away From Courtside [NBC Dallas-Fort Worth]
K-Mart Calls Cuban Fa**ot M-F'er [NBC Dallas-Fort Worth]
Cuban apologizes to Martin, mother in blog [WTVD]
Nuggets denied series sweep [Denver Post]
Mark Cuban Ready To Kiss and Make Up [Deadspin]

After his team survived a squeaker of an elimination game, Cuban logged into his internet web log in the wee hours of this morning to offer his apologies to Kenyon Martin and his mom, Lydia Moore. (Pictured here, laughing at silly Texans I assume.) Tempers flared, feelings were hurt, but it's nothing that a lovely sit-down dinner can't fix.

No one takes more abuse and gets more threats on the road than I do. So I know exactly how it feels. I've also had my family and friends spit on at games in this series....

When the series comes back to Dallas, your family, and the family of other Nuggets players are welcome to stay in my suite, with my family. Its amazing how tempers mellow when real people talk to each other and realize that its still just a game.

If that isn't acceptable, I'm happy to provide a suite, free of charge to them as well and place whatever security is needed to make them feel comfortable....

So if we can put this behind us, I will make sure when the series comes back to Dallas, your family and friends, and that of your teammates are very comfortable at our Arena.

Then I hope we both take the advice of your coach and can get together this summer. Dinner for you and your family is on me.

That's sweet. Of course, in order for his generous offer to take effect, the series would have to go back to Dallas and I'm not sure Dirk Nowitski has that many fourth-quarter outbursts left in him. Unless the guy is willing to do whatever it takes to avoid going back the crazy train that is his home life.

An Apology to Kenyon Martin's Mom [Blog Maverick]
Dirk's Dilemma: Broken Cristal [Dallas Basketball]

Game 3 between the Mavericks and Nuggets ended with the hilarious situation of a team crying about not getting a foul called on them in the final seconds. As Cuban left the floor in a huff, he noticed an angry Dallas fan screaming about the Nuggets players being "thugs." (Again, Dallas was the team trying to foul in the final seconds.) Cuban admits that he then turned to Kenyon Martin's mom, Lydia Moore, who seated nearby and added "That includes your son." But he totally had a good reason for it!

Cuban said by e-mail he knew Martin's mother, because after a previous game that Denver won, she had approached him and made trash-talk-type comments.

Oh, and the Martin boy was fined $25,000 for a hard foul on Dirk Nowitski in Game 1, so obviously Cuban is right about him. I think he and Moore should be forced to sit next each other tonight, with isolation cameras and microphones, because we all deserve to get something interesting out of this sweep.

Cuban admits to "thug" comment about K-Mart [Denver Post]
Kenyon Martin not happy with Mark Cuban [Dallas Morning News]
Mark Cuban Goes After Kenyon Martin's Mother [Pacman Jonesin']

Carmelo Anthony stuck a dagger in the Mavericks last night, swishing a game-winning three with one second on the clock to win the game and put the Nuggets up 3-0 in the series.

The officials, who had called 61 fouls up to that point, missed an intentional foul on Melo by Antoine Wright that would have forced the Nuggets to take the ball out of bounds. Instead, Melo hit his shot, game over.

To add douchebag to injury, Mark Cuban decided put on a post-game show of his own. Predictably, freaking out about the foul, he ended up getting into a yelling match with Kenyon Martin's mom. This was followed by a "situation" with a cameraman. The cameraman says he was shoved, Cuban says he was merely moving him out of the way. I believe Cuban. I mean, he was probably protecting the cameraman from Kenyon's mom. I hear she's pretty fierce.

Oh, and that's not all. Josh Howard had to be restrained from going after referee Mark Wunderlich. After being pulled from the court by coaches and security, Howard takes a swing at a photographer's camera.

NBA officials issued the following mea culpa after the game:

At the end of the Dallas-Denver game this evening, the officials missed an intentional foul committed by Antoine Wright on Carmelo Anthony, just prior to Anthony's three-point basket.

This was followed by Cuban's head exploding.

Video evidence of the chaos:

Melo's shot wins Game 3 [Denver Post]
Mark Cuban, Josh Howard have confrontations with media [Dallas Morning News]

Dallas snagged the last playoff spot from Phoenix's hand last night, and it's the first time since his rookie year that Shaquille O'Neal will not be in the NBA Playoffs. (That was 16 years ago, believe it or not.) But even before the elimination became official, there was talk that Shaq was looking to fly the Suns coop and join his internet pal in Texas.

Why would he want to play for the Mavericks, and more specifically, Cuban? Well, there is the technological affinity. Their Twitter romance has been hot and heavy lately, especially during the Suns latest visit to Dallas. But the biggest draw might be O'Neal's love of presidential assassination sites. Shaq took an extra day off on Monday to visit Dealy Plaza and the grassy knoll that made Abraham Zapruder famous. Or was that really just a diversion for a clandestine meeting to illegally talk contracts with Cuban? It's a mystery wrapped inside inside a riddle wrapped inside a giant Twinkie.

In a way, these two goofball deserve each other. I'm sure they will be very happy together.

Dallas Basketball - Dallas Mavericks Basketball News and Links [Dallas Basketball]
THE FIX IS IN: Mark Cuban Hearts Shaq On Twitter [The Fix Blog]