I talk with Le Batard about where he ranks in terms of annoying substitute PTI hosts. I argue that Michelle Tafoya was the worst, but he then trumps me with the time Dan Shaughnessy did the show with him. Oh, that's not an attractive pair. Here's how I rank the subs thru history, from acceptable to awful:

1. Whitlock
2. David Aldridge
3. Le Batard
4. JA Adande
5. Norman Chad
6. Bob Ryan
7. Rick Reilly
8. Jackie MacMullan
9. Max Kellerman
10. Stephen A. Smith
11. Jay Mariotti
12. Michele Tafoya
13. Dan Shaughnessy
14. Skip Bayless

Whatever your opinion of Simmons and his broadcasting capabilities, I don't think he'll have much trouble rocketing into the top five of that list.

I also bitch to Le Batard about his Ray Lewis testimonial in ESPN Magazine from a while back - an article that, to me, epitomized ESPN's (and ESPN Magazine's) tendency to cover athletes favorably in exchange for access. Le Batard argues, "It wasn't for me to say one way or the other whether or not I believed him," and that he was only there to present Lewis' side of the story because the other side had already been so well covered. I don't really buy that. But whatever.

More from Le Batard:

On pure journalistic integrity: "It's a utopian thing to aspire to, but it's not terribly human… I don't know where some of these lines are."

On Berman inducting Ralph Wilson into the Hall of Fame: "I don't think Chris Berman has the same ethical responsibilities that a newspaper reporter or a newspaper columnist has." (I strongly disagree with this.)

On Kornheiser in the MNF booth: "I think the idea of having a comedian up there works… but (he and Dennis Miller) both started meeting Bob Kraft, and it just changes things… Like, did you see Kimmel when he was in the booth? It was great because he didn't give a FUCK!"

On broadcasters: "I think all of it is pretty silly and masturbatory, the idea that we put broadcasters on games in general… I don't think there's one broadcaster you could put in the booth who would bring one more viewer in."

On going on PTI: "There are probably 800,000 people that shut the TV off the moment they see the utilityman is in there."

On Barkley: "Tell me if you can come up with anyone else in sports who is that opinionated and that beloved." (Barbaro? Barbaro hated Jews, you know.)

On Shaq: "(He) stabbed Stan Van Gundy in the back… He wanted Stan Van Gundy to stop making him work harder."

Was it a douche move for Michael Phelps to hang up on him? "Uh… yeah?"

He also talks about getting smacked down by Jay Bilas, and he answers delightfully obnoxious questions from you, the readers. And does he talk race? Of course he does. He's Le Batard. All in all, Le Batard is quite the good-natured fellow and makes for an excellent guest.

This week's Deadcast is available for your listening pleasure right here. You can also find the new Deadcast in the iTunes Music Store here.

Next week's Deadcast guest is Buzz Bissinger. Got a question/comment you need read for Buzz over the air? Send it to me here. Special thanks to Liberated Syndication for hosting us. Now sit back, relax, and listen as we argue about the slimming qualities of the goatee.

Granted, this post-Olympic life of constantly being asked about what it feels like to be Michael Phelps must be wearing on him and everyone tires of sports radio guys, but there has to be a point coming soon enough where everyone tires of Phelps, right? After those gold medals stop being shiny and the milk mustache drys off, we're left with a lanky, trophy-headed guy with the personality of piece a corn warbling about swimming with underprivileged kids in a YMCA pool. He's a real star.

Interview with Michael Phelps [790 The Ticket]

*******

Tonight: Matt Sussman returns and is ready to go all Lil' Wayne on your asses as he live blogs the USC/Oregon State blowout from the comforts of his yoga ball.

Tomorrow: Rainy day madness on a Friday and other goodness.

Thanks for your continued support of Deadspin, now go wipe the Skeets off those pillowcases. Company is coming over soon.

• Life is...Too Short:: Saints running back Reggie Bush takes some time out of his busy day of working out and Kardashianing to kick back at Vegas club Rehab with rapper Too Short. Big Daddy Kane and DJ Quik were probably out rollin' in their 6-4's or something. [NFL Juiced]

• Yeah, Ripken, you suck: Or so says Real Clear Sports, who listed Ironman Cal as #10 on its "Top 10 Worst MLB All-Stars" listicle. An ignominious list if ever there was one featuring the likes of Cesar Itzuris, Freddie Patek and others. Sadly, no Tyler Green. [Real Clear Sports]

• Tiger Woods' niece is also pretty good at this golfing thing: Meet Cheyenne Woods, niece of Tiger. She not only shares her uncle's facial features, but also his golfing ability. Cheyenne has so far in her short career won the American Junior Golf Association Nike Golf Junior, the Big I Junior Classic and two U.S. Kids Golf World Championships. She'll attend Wake Forest University this fall to study, work on her game, and forge her inevitable path to national Swooshdom. [Sports By Brooks]

We don't live in Miami, and we don't listen to the radio, so we don't hear Le Batard much. (Though, it should be mentioned, we have been on his show a couple of times. We stutter a lot.) He is sometimes seen as the "race" columnist, or the "wacky" guy, and sometimes he gets in fights with Jay Bilas. So that's fun.

But let's not dance around it. Do you like the Dan Le Batard? Do you not like the Dan Le Batard? Let us know.

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Generally speaking, we think Le Batard is more prone to discuss matters of race in sport than most of his colleagues, something we find commendable. But we kind of agree with Bilas here: We're really not sure what Le Batard's point is supposed to be. If Michael Beasley were white? If Tyler Hansbrough were black? Where you going with this?

That said, Bilas is awfully short fused here; the man's pretty serious for a guy who was in a Dolph Lundgren movie.

But he saved his loudest admonitions for our pal Harold Reynolds; he says Harold has no business pleading innocence. What's LeBatard's case? Harold hit on his girlfriend.

"For Harold to be claiming that he was wrongfully fired.. I don't know how he says that with a straight face." ... "He creeped out two of my girlfriends ... I'm doubtful."

You can hear the whole audio at Leave The Man Alone. Personally, we're just creeped out that Dan LeBatard has had multiple girlfriends.

ESPN Is Filled With Sexual Harassment [Leave The Man Alone]
Our Interview With Harold Reynolds [Deadspin]

We've heard that even the magazine's staffers recognize how horrible the mugshots are; they're going to be gone from the next issue. We suggest they just use an Etch-a-Sketch this time.

Poll results are below.

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you're viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

Poll: Scariest ESPN Mag Mugshots [Deadspin]

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Name: Dan Le Batard
Columnist For: Miami Herald
Attended: Chaminade-Madonna College Prep (Lions); University of Miami
Nicknames: Dan LeRetard, The Bastard, Billy the Marlin
Most often seen/heard on: Pardon The Interruption, Around the Horn, Cold Pizza, 790-AM "The Ticket"
Most resembles: Kent Dorfman
Best description on Road From Bristol: "He's an arrogant, lying, self righteous prick who should have been fired 100X over for the lies he writes in his column. — JoeyT
Fun rumor: Once dated Heat TV host Jill Martin, who broke it off with him because he was too fat.

What does Dan Le Batard think? He thinks that if you didn't vote for Shaquille O'Neal for NBA MVP, you're a racist. (As preposterous as the first column was, the follow-up, where he attempts to clarify his stance, is even lamer). He thinks that "No one who looks like Steve Nash" should win the award. He thinks that Ricky Williams should have been elected Pope. He thinks that steroid use is no big deal. He has a man-crush on Billy Beane. All of this — save perhaps the Billy Beane part — is what comes from attending the University of Miami. It changes a person. We are convinced that this school should be detached from the rest of Florida and pushed out to sea — but not toward Cuba, which would make Le Batard happy.

Then there is the electronic Le Batard, whose appearances on "Pardon The Interruption," "Cold Pizza," "Around the Horn" and "The Sports Reporters" will probably lead to Earth's destruction sometime in the dim future, when those waves eventually reach an alien civilization with enough technology to takes us out. But as annoying as he is on TV and radio, he's twice so in print. Take this recent lead, about the Miami Heat:

More fun. More athleticism. More volume. More drama. More attitude. More confidence. More electricity. More versatility. More youth. More stars. More bench. More flash. More relevance.

More Excedrin, please. Then of course there's the fact that too often he just phones it in. In this column, there are 22 paragraphs, 15 of the short, one-sentence variety. There's more air in this piece than in a typical bag of circus popcorn; it contains fewer insightful thoughts than a Klan rally. But that's our Dan — coasting along, intoxicated by the fumes of his own fame. Dan, if you're going to do schtick, could you at least be funny? Here's an idea: Instead of holding hands with Ricky Williams, try hanging out with Dave Barry for a day or two — you work at the same newspaper, for God's sake.

· Skip Bayless. Hammered Larry Bowa, Kirk Herbstreit and Chris Fowler. In the Final Four, faces ...
· Stephen A. Smith. Destroyed Michael Irvin. No small feat.
· Jay Mariotti. Somehow beat Dick Vitale.

Vote now, vote often!

The Road From Bristol [BravesBeat]