Every time I think I'm out, they pull me back in. I tried to close the door on the New York Mets season yesterday, but they just had to go and do this. Yes, yes. I know David Wright was severely injured by a pitch to the head and safety is the paramount concern here, but ... isn't he adorable!? It's almost too much to take.

Ok, now I'm done.

Please, David Wright, Never Stop Wearing This Helmet [The Fightins]
"Where is Barry Bonds in all this?" [The Sports Hernia Blog]

* * * * *

Welcome to Wednesday. You're no friend of mine.

Nothing has gone right for the poor Metropolitans in this calendar year. From the ownership down to the bat boys, the entire organization has been beset by financial issues, management missteps, injuries, errors, poor timing, and just plain bad luck. Every week seemed to bring a new crisis or terrible disaster and through it all, they constantly found inventive and entertaining ways to squander victory. And there's still a month left!

Join us now on a journey through the outer borough's season of hell, as we look back on the losingest bunch of losers who ever lost a baseball game.

January 15: The Mets kickoff 2009 by unveiling a commemorative patch for the upcoming season, their first at spanking new Citi Field. It is roundly and swiftly denounced.

February 3: Citigroup, which got its name on the stadium via a 20-year, $400 million licensing deal, considers backing out the agreement because they can no longer afford it. Suggested name change: "Taxpayer Field"

February 17: OF Carlos Beltran declares the Mets the "team to beat" in the NL East and in response to Philadelphia's Cole Hamels (who referred to the Mets as "choke artists") says, "Hopefully we kill him, and then he'll have to deal with the situation." Beltran, who will make $19 million in 2009, plays just 67 games before going on the disabled list for10 weeks (and counting.) [Photo: AP]

February 18: The last remaining piece of Shea Stadium is knocked down.

April 6: SP Johan Santana wins his opening day start against the Cincinnati Reds. Two days later, the New York Times reports that the Mets no longer offer group discounts to Little League teams that visit Citi Field, as they did at Shea Stadium in previous years.

April 12: In Santana's second start, OF Daniel Murphy drops an easy fly ball in the second inning against the Marlins, allowing two unearned runs to score. The Mets lose, 2-1. Santana says after the game: "It's one mistake that he made. It cost us the whole ballgame, but it's part of the game ... This is not going to be the first time. I don't think it's going to be the last one, either." That's called foreshadowing.... [Photo: New York Daily News]

April 21: One week later, Murphy badly misplays a flyball in the eighth inning against St. Louis, allowing the eventual go-ahead run to reach base on a triple. On June 24, after being moved to first base, Murphy makes another costly error that contributes to another Mets loss. (He did manage to make one nifty play this year.) [Video: MLB.com]

May 10: The Mets beat Pittsburgh, 8-4, and move into first place in the NL East. The three-game sweep of the Pirates gives them a seven-game winning streak, their longest of the season. They remain in first place for 8 more days, leading by as much as 2 games before dropping back to second. It is the high water mark of their season. [Photo: AP]

May 13: All-Star SS Jose Reyes hurts his right calf. He makes 7 more plate appearances before being placed on the DL and does not play again in 2009.

May 16: 1B Carlos Delgado is placed on the 15-day disabled list, after just 26 games played. Three days later he has arthroscopic surgery on his hip and does not play again in 2009. [Photo: New Jersey Star-Ledger]

May 18: The Mets commit five errors in an 11-inning game against the Dodgers. The game ends when 1B Jeremy Reed throws the ball away attempting to force out the winning run at home plate.

May 20: A fan gets her arm stuck in a Citi Field toilet, while trying to retrieve a dropped gold tooth. Plumbers must be called to the stadium to free her. [Photo: A Helluva Town]

June 4: RP J.J. Putz, acquired in 3-team, 12-player trade during the offseason, has surgery to remove a bone spur from his elbow. While on a rehab assignment in August, doctors discover a slightly torn ulnar collateral ligament in the same elbow. He will not play again in 2009. [Photo: Canadian Press]

June 12: SP John Maine is placed on the 15-day disabled list with "shoulder weakness." He does not play again in 2009. [Photo: NY Daily News]

June 12: Leading the crosstown rival Yankees by one run with two outs in the bottom of the ninth, 2B Luis Castillo needs only to catch a routine fly ball to end the game. He drops it, allowing both the tying and winning runs to score. [Video: MLB.com]

July 2: On a one-game road trip to Pittsburgh the Mets are booked into the Westin Hotel. The hotel is also hosting Anthrocon, the "galaxy's largest Furry convention." [Photo]

July 3-5: Trailing the division leaders by just one game, the Mets head to Philadelphia for a crucial three-game series. They are swept, scoring just three runs all weekend. They fall to fourth place and are never closer than four games behind the rest of the season. [Photo: AP]

July 12: Mets fans boo their giant mechanical "Home Run" apple after it fails to rise in celebration of a Fernando Tatis dinger. [Photo: AP/Star-Ledger]

July 22: The New York Daily News reports that while visiting the Mets Double-A farm team in Binghamton, Vice President for Player Development Tony Bernazard took off his shirt and challenged minor league players to fight him during a locker room tirade. One day earlier, Bernazard loudly berates an assistant in front of scouts and fans at Citi Field, because someone else has taken his seat during a game. Five days later, Bernazard is fired.

July 27: At the press conference announcing the dismissal of Tony Bernazard, general manager Omar Minaya accuses Daily News beat writer Adam Rubin of "lobbying for a player development position," implying that Rubin's coverage of Bernazard was influenced by his desire to secure a job for himself in the Mets' front office. Minaya apologizes the next day, at the behest of Mets COO Jeff Wilpon.

August: In one of the season's few bright spots, 3B coach Razor Shines takes a stand against hiney-fingering.

August 4: Luis Castillo sprains his ankle after slipping and falling down the dugout steps during a game. The Mets lose in extra innings. [Photo: New York Post]

August 15: All-Star 3B David Wright is hit in the head by a fastball from San Francisco's Matt Cain. During the two weeks he spends on the disabled list, the Mets fall 5.5 more games in the standings. [Photo: AP]

August 20: Former closer Billy Wagner returns from injury and appears in his first game in over twelve months. He is immediately placed on waivers and (after waiving his no-trade clause) is sent to Boston within a week. [Photo: AP]

August 23: Adam Goldstein, better known as DJ AM, throws out the ceremonial first pitch at Citi Field. Five days later, he is found dead of a suspected drug overdose. [Photo: Reader Greg B.]

August 23: Trailing 9-7 in the bottom of the ninth inning against the Phillies, the Mets have runners on first and second with nobody out when OF Jeff Francoeur lines into the 15th unassisted triple play in Major League history. It's only the second time ever that a MLB game has ended with an unassisted triple play. [Video: MLB.com]

August 25: The Mets announce that Johan Santana, who will make $19 million in 2009, will have arthroscopic elbow surgery and is placed on the DL for the remainder of the season. [Photo: AP]

August 28: Erin Arvedlund, author of "Too Good to Be True," a book about jailed hedge fund manager Bernie Madoff, asserts that Mets owner Fred Wilpon will be forced to sell the team within the next year. Wilpon and his family lost an estimated $700 million as a result of Madoff's fraudulent schemes. The Mets deny the claim.

September 1: With one month remaining in the 2009 season, the Mets begin the day 17.5 games behind the Philadelphia Phillies.

[Video: MLB.com/Mike Byhoff]

Last night, Mets' third baseman and face of the franchise, David Wright, was cracked in the melon by a wayward Matt Cain fastball. Down he went. Wright, woozy, concussed, eventually rose up from the dirt and was shipped off to the Hospital for Special Surgery for observation. Fun Saturday night.

Thankfully, Wright appears to be okay after the beaning, but the damage to the Mets already fragile psyche is irreparable. Johan Santana is exasperated: "I don't know what else we can go through..."

Perhaps a clubhouse fire? An earthquake in Queens that knocks the Arpielle Equipment Co. scoreboard ads onto centerfield?

All possibilities.

PHOTO: AP/The 'Hoo!

******

Good morning. It's Sunday. Wake and bake.

It starts with an email like this one, placed in the inbox of several prominent blogs earlier this week:

As of Sunday Dec. 14, 2008, there were rumors of a sex tape featuring both sexy ESPN sideline reporter Erin Andrews and the New York Mets' David Wright. The video was thought to have been taken after a Rutgers football game which both attended in October 2007 at a hotel in New Jersey. Both the camera and video were apparently later stolen from Wright's Mercedes soon thereafter, while it was parked in a garage near his home in New York City. Since then the thieves or their surrogates have shipped clips of the escapade to Hollywood porn producers, including Red Light District, the porn production company behind the "One Night In Paris" Paris Hilton video. David Joseph, Red Light's CEO, only offered, "We have seen the tape and we have yet to make any conclusions upon its veracity or whether we are interested in buying it."

When reached late Monday, spokespersons for Andrews, Wright and ESPN have no comment.

Ok, that was highly suspicious. No links or actual sources were included. Then this follow up, minutes later:

"Just dropping a line to let you know that the folks over at /b/ are making up a fake story about Erin Andrews having a sex tape with David Wright. Naturally, I do not wish to see my Princess' name defamed like that. ... Anyhow, they are making a fake torrent, rapidshare vid, yahoo questions, google analytics or some such nerdy brouhaha... the whole shabang"

That sounds about right. To their credit, most of the people who heard about this were wise enough not to bite, but when first-hand stories become third- and fourth-hand, and anonymous comments become independent verification, it doesn't take much for any rumor—even a false one—to turn into the accepted truth.

So what is this /b/, you may ask? For those of you less familiar with the more obscure corners of the internet, 4chan, and specifically the /b/ or "random" board, is the king of all internet message boards. It's a bizarre free-for-all, filled with porn, anime, insane discussion threads, and strange inside jokes that are often incomprehensible to outsiders, but they are also responsible for inventing or propagating many of the great internet memes, like LOLcats and Rickrolling. Their sheer numbers alone can easily manipulate Google rankings or take down unprepared websites. For the most part, it's just general goodnatured stupidity—but their power to influence the web is astounding. Amuse them and they will make you a hero; cross them and they will destroy you. You can read about some of their more famous antics here.

The thing is, these people get the internet (because they mostly created it), so there is a certain savviness to the rumor. They knew exactly the right person to target in order to send basement dwellers like us into a frenzy. They left all the right clues in all the right places, in order to reel in anyone trying to verify the story. The claim is just outrageous enough to be believable—she's a well-known web celebrity, but not so famous that no one would buy it. In other words, if you wanted to start a rumor that would set the internet aflame (and specifically sports nerds) it was the perfect crime.

Most importantly—the groundwork for rumors of an Andrews-Wright courtship had already been laid. There was existing proof that they did indeed meet at a Rutgers home game in 2007 and searching for their names on Google leads to more speculation about a relationship. And look ... they're smiling at each other! Chemistry! Given their respective levels of fame, a romance is certainly not out of the question. (Even if a video taped dalliance certainly is.)

The use of a fake Joseph quote was a nice touch too. His company marketed celebrity sex tapes from Paris Hilton and Amy Fisher, so if you wanted to lend legitimacy to any such rumor, he'd be your go-to-go guy. I actually talked to Joesph on the phone and asked him about it.

"I have absolutely no idea what that is about. I don't even know who those people are. I suppose it's flattering that they would use my name, since we're know for celebrity stuff, but I don't like people using my name in a lie."

So there you go. For the record, ESPN says, "We aren't going to get in the business of dignifying baseless gossip with comment," which is exactly right. For all we know at this point, perhaps 4chan didn't even have anything to do with it. It could just be some crazy emailer with a Digg account and a dream.

But that's how things like this always begin.

Page Six's spy also reports that Wright tried to calm the women down by yelling "Ladies, calm down! Please, relax!" It almost sounds like it was a "President Clinton visits Ghana"-type situation. Thankfully, no children or desperate cougars were injured.

David Wright Mobbed by "Cougars" At Annual Fundraiser [Page Six]

PHOTO: Amazinavenue.com

Playing on the one-month anniversary of manager Willie Randolph’s firing, the Mets blew three leads before coming full-circle with four runs in the ninth. “We’ve been taking such a beating all year long for how we play the game and what we’ve done wrong and what little we’ve done right,” closer Billy Wagner said. “I love seeing guys who told us two weeks ago how bad we stunk, and now they’re going, ’Well, you’re in first place.’ Yeah.”

And this, from Faith and Fear in Flushing:

As the Mets go, I'm what financial types (and dorks channeling them) would call a lagging indicator — whether it's distrust or just being slow on the uptake, I felt myself slide into Watch This With One Eye mode after the Reds battered Johan around their park. But then, WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM! Argenis Reyes got us started in the ninth, despite the fact that he's done something ill-advised to his head and now looks like a butterscotch sundae. Wright got us even, Delgado got us out in front, and Tatis got us insured. And Billy Wagner decided there'd been quite enough drama, thank you. 10-8 Mets.

There seems to be something in the air with this team. The Phillies sense it too, having just acquired righthander Joe Blanton from the Athletics for prospects Adrian Cardenas, Josh Outman and Matt Spencer.

Folks, we got us a division race. As Al Swearengen said when George Hearst came to Deadwood: "Tell your God to get ready for blood."

Mets Win 10th Straight, Move Into 1st-Place Tie [NBCSports]
Phils Get Pitching Help, Landing A's Blanton [Philadelphia Inquirer]
Damn Pretty; Damn Proud [Faith And Fear In Flushing]

Among suggestions on the blog so far are Big Pimpin (Jay-z); Oh My God (A Tribe Called Quest) and I Touch Myself (The Divynls). Our suggestion, though, is that the theme music for any given batter should be chosen by the fans. So if Ruben Gotay steps up after having already struck out three times, we might hear Make It Rain by Fat Joe. It would motivate the players in addition to increasing attendance.

We're also wondering if the artists are getting a cut from this. Because we think they should. If they're prosecuting 14-year-olds for illegally downloading Counting Crows, shouldn't A-Rod be charged a buck every time he comes up and they play Game Over by Lil' Flip?

Help David Wright Choose A New Theme Song [New York Daily News]

In the tradition of Brady Quinn, here's Mets young stars David Wright and Jose Reyes, in the new issue of GQ, playing another round of "Does This Athlete Know How Gay His Glamor Shots Are?"

Newcomers Of The Year: The Amazin's [GQ] (via Fishbowl NY)
Brady Quinn, Friend To The Gays, Or Just Idol? [Deadspin]

In this picture, it's Robinson Cano cooling off eventual derby champ Ryan Howard, but it really was anyone within a towel's length. Don't believe us? Here's David Ortiz taking care of David Wright, some guy cooling off Ortiz and Cano doubling up on Howard. In lieu of all this apparent heat, it's kind of amazing Charlie Weis survived the evening.

As for the contest itself ... eh. As always, it was a droning series of home runs and Berman Bluster and athletes just hanging out, yo, only this time with the added bonus of Joe Morgan and John Kruk pretending, about 100 times, to be amazed that baseballs were coming toward the "Baseball Tonight" booth in center field. It's baseball excess, and we were reminded once again that, typically, our favorite day of the All-Star Break is Wednesday, the day they don't do anything at all.

Now that the New York Mets have taken a firm grapple of the National League East, you know what that means. It's time to PARTY! Yeah!

Well, at the very least, drink with some attractive St. John's students (including one who appears to be captain of the dance team). It's David Wright, Cliff Floyd, Paul LoDuca and the team's trainer, who they sweetly let come along. Nothing damaging, illegal or even wrong here, but if you ever wanted to see David Wright doing a shot, hey, it's your lucky day. After the jump.

Meet The Mets [Webshots]

• 1. How Do You Spell Clutch, Again? Is this the face of the greatest athlete in New York? Hmm, could be the paperboy. Nope, it's definitely David Wright, best clutch hitter in town. Wright, who is hitting .332 for the Mets, has four game-winning hits, the latest being Monday's bases-loaded single in the ninth that provided an 8-7 win over the Diamondbacks. Shouldn't be a surprise; last season Wright hit .307 with runners on base and .538 with the bases loaded.

• 2. Put On Your Thinking Caps. We need a nickname for Albert Pujols, and we need it now. Cardinals fans, get crackin'. A-Pool is out. Also ineligible is The Whammer, Joe Don Baker's character in The Natural, because Joe Don wants to keep it. Pujols' home run in the seventh — his league-leading 25th of the season — lifted the Cardinals over the Astros 3-1 on Monday. The three-run shot gave Pujols a league-leading 64 RBI. For those keeping track on a big chart at home, he's on pace for 79 homers.

More Daily Closer after the jump.

• 3. Sorry, Trenton. Hey, Randy Johnson's back! Just when you thought he was ready for the the Trenton Thunder, Big Unit threw six-plus innings, allowing two hits as the Yankees beat the Tigers 4-0. Johnson, 42, had given up at least four runs in five of his previous six outings.

• 4. Give Me An H! Give Me An I! Give Me ... Aw, Forget It. Despite Jason Varitek's best efforts for the Red Sox (game-tying three-run homer in the top of the eighth), nothing could match the might of Shea Hillenbrand, whose pinch-single in the bottom of the eighth drove in the winning run in the Blue Jays' 7-6 victory.

• 5. Wearing Out His Welcome. Remember how Cleveland fans cheered Jim Thome when he first showed up in a visiting uniform this season? Suddenly he's not as popular. Thome hit a pair of two-run homers for the White Sox in an 11-0 win over the Indians on Monday. It was Thome's first home runs at Jacobs Field since leaving in 2002, and his 36th multihomer game. It was his 450th career homer, passing Jeff Bagwell for 30th on the career list.