It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

This Man Took 23 Pictures On His Television Of "Arizona Cardinals Camel Toe"

(Anonymous-ish, please. You may call me Jason in Indy.)

So sometimes a booze/weed combo helps slow the game down. Perhaps that's how the rookie NFL QB's are making such a splash the last 2 seasons? I thought I was seeing things at first Sunday night when this luscious cheerleader bounced her Bulbous Bald Femballs my direction. Wish the picture quality were better, but maybe this will spur another Deadspin reader to action. Enjoy.

(Ed. note: He took 23 pictures of this screen shot. 23.)

Dude, Hadn't Noticed

Dude, have you ever noticed in the infamous pic of Kim "Sweet Thighs" Kardashian grinding on Regg "Cock Sucker" Bush (sorry, Im a diehard ND fan) that Khloe (the uglier and much dumber sister) is staring intently, and somewhat seductively/awkwardly at Regg's cock region? Just look in the bachground, it's pretty hilarious. The pic im referring to is the one in your article titled "Our long national nightmare is over: reggie and kim together again," just in case you're a yid and didnt know what pic i meant. Thanks again bro, hope you dont fall down a large set of stairs anytime soon...not that this might be a threat or anything...just kidding i thought it would be funny if i wrote that though. One love ;0

At Least She Is Acutely Self-Aware

From Julia Allison: Subject: "Now This"

is good sportswriting.

I just sent it to Wilbon.

I think you should write something about it!

xo
your favorite clueless sports non-groupie

BTW, did you see my little SONY spot with the other Mr. Manning?

oh yeah, baby

From Me: (Forwarding to Emeritus)

Yay for you?
Sent from my iPhone

From Emeritus:

You actually talk to this species? I had no idea.

I Don't Believe That Was Brought Up In The Chat, No

didn't anyone ask if swallowing Tony LaRussa's cum can make YOU drunk? it seems like the obvious question!!!!

I'm Quite Certain He Said "Niekro"

So i was switching back and forth between football and the tour championship yesterday and around the 7th or 8th hole, I swear the commentator said, "the ol' negro knuckler" after one of tiger's shots. I'm pissed at myself for not recording it and thought for sure you'd have a post on it today. I can't find anything about it online, but you guys are surely better at finding that shit that I am.

Maybe it's just me being racist. But thought I'd give you guys something to do today.

Aw, Buzz

Note: He was supposed to be here, but he was here for a little bit.

It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

Mike Vick Also Don't Use Helping Verbs

A friend of mine went to Va Tech at the same time as Michael Vick. Anyways she arrives at a party and sees some of the football players and then saw Michael Vick talking to a lady. They end up dancing for a little bit and then she goes in for a kiss. Vick gives her the Heisman and says "Mike Vick don't kiss, Mike Vick just fuck".

Even FJM Has Its Haters

The "X" logo thing stopped being clever at 9:45 a.m. EST.

Why so much self-referencing stuff? Are you under the impression you have a cult following? You don't. I get the jokes, and they're still not funny.

THE TOPIC OF SPORTS IS MORE INTERESTING THAN THE TOPIC OF YOU.

Please hesitate to do this again in the future. I'd way rather have Mo instead.

Fire yourselves, not Joe Morgan.

And More

It's great to see that the fire Joe Morgan losers are able to get some time off from their temp jobs and working the counter at starbucks. What exactly do they do when they're all in same room, talk fantasy sports, dungeons and dragons, compare notes on what they think it will be like when one of them actually kisses a girl ?

Joe

Me: Your ire is slipping!

Joe:

LOL, I think I hit a nerve. Those dudes have about as much of chance of becoming tv writers as Bill Simmons

Your Commenting Abilities Have Been Put On Notice

I dont get the comment section on your site. Is it a place where your loyal users can comment on the related article and have discussion? Or some vessel for unemployed factory workers to try their hand at witty humor? The comment section is a complete waste, your regular troupe of losers try to out-do eachothers obscure pop reference or utter randomness posing as humor. Its a poor mans version of a snickers candy bar commercial, they have the credibility of a washed up athelete, you have nameless internet wanks who think theyre Seth McFarlane. Get this idea of your comment section being fresh and innovative out of your head. Regular users cannot participate, which thwarts any chances of users return. Its stupid, and apparently so are you.

Sincerely,

Not dumb enough to comment.

Imitation Is The Sincerest Form Of Flattery And Deep-Seated Psychosis

Dashiell,

I wanted to personally apologize to you. While in Atlantic City this weekend a woman asked me what I did for a living. Unable to admit that I do crappy marketing I told her that I was a writer for Deadspin, figuring she would have no idea what that meant, and think I was a tool for smugly dropping a name. She actually did know Deadspin, and asked what my name was. Seeing as how like one picture exists of you in the internet, I said you. She got really excited and called her friend over. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to steal your identity. If it makes you feel any better, I found out minutes later that she was 40 (I'm 25) and had two kids back home. Sorry.

Oh, and for some reason this woman might think you are lightweight drinker. Sorry again.

Elliott

I'm Sorry You Have Still Not Gotten Over This

AJ and Will -

A friend of mine forwarded me your coverage of Mark Whicker's piece regarding Jaycee Dugard. It is difficult to overstate how rediculous you both look in light of AJ's now infamous Cultural Oddsmaker article making fun of Chris Benoit's murder-suicide of his wife and mentally retarded son.

Duplicitous does not seem to cover it.

Perhaps AJ you could direct Tommy over to your earlier piece before he hands the title of "worst piece of sports journalism ever committed to page" over so easily.

At least Mr. Whicker had the decency to run a public apology. — BJP

The Origins Of A Name: He Actually Thought It Was Pronounced "ESS-PIN"

From: Nick Denton: this is what I sent over to Patric for Deadspin logo

Tim Tebow Cornhole Photo Courtesy Of Reader Grayson G.

It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

This Batshit Lady Hates Grady Sizemore's Girlfriend

Well my sport compatriots,
it seems that a Playboy Playmate of the name Brittany Binger *she is one of Kendra's BFFs* is dating Outfielder Grady Sizemore of the Cleveland Indians.
They have been dating since December 2008.
Grady was recently seen with Brittany in Seattle a few weeks ago. Shitfaced and drunk out of his mind.
The pictures were leaked by Brittany Binger's mother Cinda Binger to help her get more press for her
potential fame and reality show.

Sounds like Brittany is following in the footsteps of her BFF Kendra Wilkinson who is now married to a pro-athlete?

Rumor has it that Brittany is broke and is trying to get work albeit the guitar hero commercial.

I thought this would be of interest to you...and if you post it, the Grady's Ladies may all die of hearttacks or start purchasing semi-automatic weapons.

pictures are attached.
i found them initially on talk sports where her mother leaked them.

hope you post these

you're biggest fan
lady f

(Ed. note: Of course she sent the same thing to many, many other websites Why she hatin'?. )

Mess With The Tebow You Get The Angry Emoticon

Man, you are one silly ass dumb doofus. What a crappy anti-Tebow piece you wrote, full of animosity and vitriol and lacking in journalistic style. Fortunately I do not have to contend with you ever again...You, dude, are history.

G O G A T O R S !!!!!!!Click Me!

Jared Allen Is Friendly

Sympathy For The Lupica And A Rightful Condemnation Of Homophobic Taunts

Lupica should have berated the kid for using the word "faggot." Why you published that dipshit's story just condones all the teenagers out there that read your website that it's okay to berate strangers by using it as well.

I'm all for satirizing pretentious people in sports, but use some common sense.

Alright. I live in New Canaan, same town as Loop, and he's widely known to be a prick. If you didn't know, he wrote a self-important book about a youth basketball team of shorter kids or some crap like that because his son wasn't a good enough to make the travel teams and it was a conspiracy, blah blah blah.

But couldn't you tell from reading that King kid's post that the kid was a total shithead? He's a private school douche bag, the kind that looks down on public school and thinks his "buddy" got screwed by the headmaster. Boohoo, Mike Lupica told on my headmaster. His headmaster! What a twat. I'm gonna go ahead and demand a redaction on the grounds that the kid who sent in the complaint is definitely a twat.

Ruination Redux

AJ,

Just wanted to drop you a line and thank you for completely ruining Deadspin. I think that the transformation of the site from a witty, alternative POV site into one dominated by filth, snarkiness and sarcasm is complete, don't you think?

For example, it doesn't bother me that you published the Josh Hamilton photos. Instead of posing the question of how that incident may effect his perception in the general public, and more specifically, his standing among the Christian community, you heave out drivel like "Casting stones is God's job and God's job only - especially when it comes to those who slurp body shots off of a giant pair of heaving breasts in a Tempe bar." Hamilton's "mistake" or "dalliance" or what-have-you is only the latest athlete screw-up that you guys have pounced on with unbridled glee. Those pictures drive traffic to your site, so I expect you to be happy about them; but do you have to display that happiness so readily?

That's not to say that the entire site is garbabe; no, the ESPN insider riffs are informative and amusing, the stray "not about an athlete that made a mistake in a bar or coach that cheated on his wife" story is interesting, and Drew is obviously comedy gold (and the best writer on the site, by far). But, more and more I'm finding that my perception of the site is of a shark looking for the blood in the water. Deadspin is no longer "Sports news without access, favor or discretion." You exhibit virtually no discretion in the tawdry stories you run. You clearly have access, whether you choose to use it or not (you hosted DP's show, for Pete's sake!). And you clearly exhibit favor (and especially dis-favor) on a daily basis.

As a matter of fact, your proclamation regarding the Vick signing was downright offensive. JFC? Really? You may not be a Christian, or particularly religious; hell, you might believe in that Flying Spaghetti Monster I've heard so much about. But, frankly, the vast majority of this country identifies with Christianity or, at the very least, the Christian God. Why JFC it when there is really no need to?

I write this to you because it is a shame that Deadspin has literally gone off the rails. I've talked to several friends recently who told me that they just can't read the site anymore. Sadly, I'm now at that point as well. I doubt that a handful of readers concerns you either way, and your page views still seem to be doing well, so I may be in the minority. But, I just wanted to voice my opinion on my way out the door.

Good luck,
AW

It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

Joakim Noah Just Adores Perry Farrell

Hey AJ,

Thought you guys would enjoy this pic of Joakim Noah this past Sunday at Lollapalooza checking out Snoop Dogg. The kid in the picture is my best friend Kevin who grabbed him as they saw the big clown walking along. Noah apparently was a big fan of the John Starks jersey he was rocking. The reason for the middle finger in between the beers is because the girls taking the pics were graduates of Georgia and chanted Go Bulldogs as they took the pic. Keep up the good work and enjoy.

And Here's Another Joakimpalooza Sighting...

Dog Pictures Are Blasphemous Now, Too?

Dude,

Any way you can change the header with Vick and the dog?

It's quite disturbing and blasphemous.

I enjoy your publication, but this just isn't right.

Thank You, Sir, May I Have Another?

Subject: Lowlife

Came across your post while surfing. Only the most wretched lowlife would use such language.

Stu Scott Is No Fab Five Freddy

I was watching the 11 o'clock Sportscenter, and Stu Scott was giving his lead on an Eric Mangini story. He was listing great djs in hip hop history, a list that included "Professor Griff of Public Enemy."

As you probably know, Terminator X was the dj of Public Enemy for years, followed by DJ Lord. Professor Griff was the leader of the S1Ws, a sort of militant dance troupe, and as a result played a lesser role in the group's success.

I find it hilarious that Stewart Scott, who at 44 was certainly around during PE's prime, and who is often credited with bringing "hip hop culture" to Sportscenter and the WWL, has no clue who Public Enemy's dj was/is. Public Enemy is easily one of the top 5 most important/influential rap groups in history, and Terminator X is not only one of the finest hip hop djs in history, he is far from an unknown to anyone who has an even rudimentary knowledge of hip hop music. Kindly murder this phony on your site.

Nick Denton: Tyrannical Sports Fan

Nick: hey hey
me: Hey. How's Budapest?
Nick: it's okay — though [redacted] is driving me crazy with her chit-chat and giggling
me: Ha.
Nick: can't she at least pretend to work?
me: Yes. Her happiness is distracting.
Nick: haha
how did the Josh Alexander story pan out?
I saw the traffic's stayed b
pretty strong
me: Yeah, it was tremendous.
And it's Josh "Hamilton." But why quibble!

It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

Yeah, This Is A Splendid Idea. And Not At All Creepy. Nope. Not One Bit.

AJ,

I don't know if you read this but if you do, maybe we can figure out a way to deal with the Erin Andrews saga. Over the years of her being on the sidelines we, the fans, have come to objectify her and want her. ESPN made sports sexy and beautiful but there was a dark consequence. After awhile of seeing her on TV and listening to her decent amount of knowledge of the sport she was covering, I begun to respect and a reporter and a person.

Last week when that video of her in hotel room was posted, I was shocked. The thought that someone, anyone, could go up to you peephole and record you is damn scary. That could my mother, my girlfriend, my sister, even me. You think when you close that hotel room door you have your privacy but we saw that busted. The creep who recorded her deserves everything he has coming to him, problem is I don't if we will ever find him. The creep violated Erin Andrews privacy and stole her trust of the fans in the process.

He totally and completely disrespected her and I wish I could comfort her or apologize for his actions. I feel guilty that someone would do that and creep-ed out that it will happen again. Perhaps Deadspin can create an Open Letter to Erin to somehow apologize for his actions and hope she understands that what he did does not represent the fans as a whole. Like Will said, if I saw her right now, it would be hard to look her in the eyes.

That's Mssrs. Bitches, Sir

Normally I respect your site, at least I did up until I read this. What the fuck is wrong with you guys? At least respond to his points like men and not bitches?

Why don't you address his points you fucking assholes? As you can tell this has really got me agitated because I agree with a lot of what he wrote and your site's response is a joke, just like Stu Scott said it was.

You want respect? Earn it you little bitches.

I Did Not Notice, But I'm Sure It Wasn't Intentional

I am sure you noticed, but just in case….in the replay editions of the ESPY's, ESPN edited out the coaches comments who won the Jimmy V award about Erin Andrews….in his actual speech, which was aired on the original airing of the ESPY's (and subsequent airings) that coach (Southern State Univ in ND) thanked, "all of the hard working and dedicated folks at ESPN who place him directly behind Erin Andrews on the red carpet……not sure if this is noteworthy, but I found it interesting and thought you would too (assuming you were not already aware)…..

Shiver

I Apologize For My Apologizing And My Prescience. Nice Use Of "Doth" Though.

AJ,

you do realize, that even in your mea culpa, you belie your stated intentions. Deadspin is still basically the only ones talking about this, and your comment that this is a legitimate news story that will most likely get picked up by the mainstream media is simply false. You continue to be the main proprietor and benefciary of the Erin Andrews hype machine, even in this sad moment, despite your obviously genuine intention not to be. Maybe the best idea at this point is to just shut the fuck up about it - right now, thou doth apologize too much.

I Wonder How Many Were Sold?

Erin Andrews Is Paying For Geraldo's Sins Or Something

Save the sensitivity for Ms. Erin Andrews. Remember, she is a reporter; and reporters have no morals when it comes to getting a story for their careers (Geraldo, Cooper, ESPN's anchors).

How many times do paparazzi and reporters force their way into people's "private" lives, just to get a story? We always hear of everyone's privacy being exposed in the media, but not the reporters and anchors themselves.

It's about time they felt the wrath of: "invasion of privacy."

Bantu-Biko

Touche'?

And Finally...Choi To The World

I Still Have No Idea What This Says

It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

Jay Mariotti: Cad

(Ed. note: Here is an IM conversation between myself and a lovely lady who shared a recent run-in with Jay Mariotti, the soon-to-be Blog Star Of The Chicago Tribune. Some of this has been edited to protect the innocent, but the story is too amusing to pass up. Enjoy.)

AJD: Spill, please
NICE YOUNG LADY:knew about around the horn, whatever, but I certainly didn't know or care who was on it
NICE YOUNG LADY: I pretty much told all of this to mariotti who goes off on how he's a huge star
and how he relates to [NFL Players] because he fears cameras and photos taken of him in clubs as well
NICE YOUNG LADY: and how he can't be spotted with alcoholic beverages (like the one he was holding) because ESPN would ream him out
NICE YOUNG LADY: (unlikely)
NICE YOUNG LADY: and how it's really tough to be so well known
NICE YOUNG LADY:and famous
AJD: Really.
NICE YOUNG LADY: and have everyone up in your grill
NICE YOUNG LADY: I am paraphrasing
NICE YOUNG LADY: he did not use the word "grill"
AJD:Yes.
NICE YOUNG LADY: and he's divorced
NICE YOUNG LADY: and got my number
AJD:Nuh uh.
NICE YOUNG LADY: You cannot use any of this verbatim
NICE YOUNG LADY: CANNOT
....

NICE YOUNG LADY: I would NEVER EVER EVER EVER
EVERRRRRRRRR [hook up with him]

NICE YOUNG LADY:besides I think he had a girlfriend there
NICE YOUNG LADY: some blonde
NICE YOUNG LADY: anyway ... so we talked for quite some time
and he's going on about his schedule, how he films 250 days a year
NICE YOUNG LADY:how it's so intense.
NICE YOUNG LADY: and he makes me WATCH A CLIP ON HIS PHONE
AJD:REALLY
NICE YOUNG LADY: I am not making this up.
NICE YOUNG LADY: okay, now I feel like a gossiping bitch. Am I being a gossiping bitch?
NICE YOUNG LADY:I sort of am.
AJD: Not at all!

Step Inside The Mind Of Tommy Scraggs

(Original doodle before this.)

Plaxico Being Shady? Get Out Of Here!

I live in South Florida and saw none other than mr. plaxico burress on Monday night...albeit briefly...and under VERY SUSPICOUS circumstances. Scene: Crabby Jacks (Pompano Beach). Plax pulls up on his black moped/motorcycle hybrid and comes inside (no one recognizes him as this is a real "good ol" boy type place, but they have great wings and cheap beer!). He goes outside and sits at the bar by himself but DOES NOT order drink(s) and/or food. Crabby's is the type of place where everyone is "partying". A big russian mobster type looking guy comes up and gives plax a big hug...and this is where it gets good....passes off something to Plax!! Plax quickly gets on his bike and takes off down federal highway....I tried to take a camera pic but could not get one quick enough....

BOTTOM LINE: From my "experience"...it was obvious that Plax was picking up a bag of cha-cha...

PS
Even after plax left...it was obvious that mr. "russian mobster" and his crew were "partying"

Crazy Joe Devanna Still Angry, Crazy

The Herd Is Strong

Fred Boone, Ladies And Gentlemen

An Angry Sauna Would Like Us To Pass A Message Along To Jeff Pearlman

MasterSaunas: You're the douche bag for writing such an article, you rely on athletes and then talk shit when someone retires….fuck off pearlboy…clark had more talent in his left nut then you do in your entire body. Why don't you talk to clark in private if you have a problem instead of spewing onto the internet your deadspin claim…too bad you didn't remember the rest of the verbal beat down you took after the no screw you…..jackass…

ME: What article are you referring to, sir?

MasterSaunas: pearlman...about Will Clark...what an asshole this pearlman is....anybody
can write an article or have an opinion, but pearlman should keep his
thoughts to himself.

Very funny that someone farted in his face though....maybe he should get a
clue...or maybe it's just a vendetta situation with him...like a scorned
women or little boy, maybe the fart wasn't meant for him, pass this email on
to him....

It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

Well Thank God She Had The Salad

Commenter [redacted] here. Just wanted everyone to know that EA digs the taco bar in the press box as much as the rest of us media schlubs. She is elusive.

Needless to say, press box Mexican food sucks at Rosenblatt. Pretty sure she went with the salad before she peaced.

Sir, You're Lucky You Weren't Arrested For Stalking

More gratuitous EA from Commenter [redacted]. She was taking a photo of an LSU player (hard to ID with the championship tshirts covering their jerseys) with a toddler on his shoulders onfield after the LSU win tonight.

Actually, This Guy Will Get Arrested First

A Message To John Kruk Aka "KRUKIE"

If you even read this (i'm sure you get a ton of tips) but my tip is what john kruk (watch out fat boy, you might break that chair) apparently said about the colorado rockies on baseball tonight, because here was the quote on espn's mlb page.
Reaching The Peak
Colorado has won 17 of 18, but John Kruk wonders whether the Rockies can continue to climb or if this is the top of the mountain.

first of all john kruk is a dick. everyone who is a true rockies fan knows that hurdle should've been fired after the world series run so while they are playing very well and im pumped, they should have been doing this for a while. anyways i dont expect you to use this, i mostly am drunk and wanted to say FUCK YOU KRUKIE!!!!

I Guess She's A Fan

(Ed. note: Here's what the link was.)

Wait — No Mischa Barton Interview? Drew Will Be Pissed

Hi AJ,

We have a new thriller with a football angle called "Homecoming" opening July 17. I wanted to see if you'd be interested in covering.

In it, a star quarterback now on Scholarship at Northwestern (Matt Long) returns to his hometown for their homecoming game. However, his ex-high school sweetheart (Mischa Barton) is devastated to to see that he brought his new college girlfriend with him (Jessica Stroup). Soon, she finds herself going to violent extremes to win Matt back. It's a fun, guilty pleasure thriller that plays like a teen version of MISERY meets FATAL ATTRACTION.

Please let me know your thoughts. Even a highlight or mention would be great. We also have the Director Morgan J. Freeman (not the actor) and Actor Matt Long available for interview.

If you're interested I can send a screener.

Thanks!
Brian

YES. Still On. For Now

Aw, Ma, It's Just Gas

Good morning o' handsome son of mine. Just a reminder, please make an appointment with a gastro doctor, trust me, you'll feel so much better. Loved seeing you Sunday, hopefully you'll visit more often this summer. Love Ma

It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

I came across these pics on facebook of mitch berger absolutely getting plastered in vegas. You can see him going vertical on a bottle of goose, humping chicks from behind, and even gay dancing with a guy. Found it pretty funny, publish it if you want

(Ed. Note: Okay! Here we go...)

First Grind A Lady...

Then Grind A Dude...

Then Grind Some Strippers...

Make A Funny Face...

Now Bring It On Back...

I'm Afraid That Photo Does Not Exist, But Your Email Is Tremendous

Dudes,

Buffalo Sabres owner Tom Golisano is dating Monica Seles. I don't even think you really have to do anything funny.

You should put up a pic of him fuckin her stabbed back.

Sir, Your Nightmare Fuel Recipe Is Quite Potent

Deadspin,

Here is the mascot for the Japanese National Games who is shown participating in each event. Well this one looks funny. A bird shooting a clay pigeon.

But another great shot is if you put this picture on the left.

And then this one on the right.

As is shown on this page, on the right side of the pictures about 2/3rds the way down.

I Think She Has Potential

Good afternoon,

Please send information regarding becoming a writer for your site.

Thank you!

YES!

It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

This Insult Was Self Inflicted

So there is a story that goes with this photo. I was in Lawrence for my girlfriend's birthday in April (I'm keenly aware it's nearly June but just finally got the picture from her). We went to dinner and then to a new piano bar in Lawrence, the Barrell Roll or something. We went to this bar because A) it was new, and B) all people believe they will have some new sort of experience "this time" at a piano which inevitably does not happen. Anyway we're in there maybe an hour before Bill Self saunters in ostensibly alone. Of course I have to walk over and say hello. So here is a basic breakdown of how this goes down.

I see Bill Self and tell my girlfriend to get the camera ready so I can get a picture with him.

I walk over and say hello and tell him nice season. He is cordial enough and even shakes my and my girlfriends hand and says hello.

She sort of backs off to take the picture.

Me: "how about a picture Bill?" (we at this point are at a first name basis)

Bill Self: "No pictures at the bar." (declarative statement also given with a quick glance around as if he's being ambushed)

I push the issue, "come on a quick one?" (as if he was unaware of how long it takes to snap a picture)

Bill: "Sorry buddy." and he then turns his back on me.

I motion to the girlfriend to snap it anway even if its just me and a profile of the coach.

He catches the red eye flash and turns right into it as if he thought we were joking around and is caught. He manages to smile as well, quick on his feet that Self. He then realizes he's been photographed at a bar on Mass St. (technically on the back side) and is pissed. He shakes my hand again and brings me in close (so I can hear him over the dueling pianos) to say, "you know you're a real asshole." I quickly retort, "well I'm a Mizzou fan, so I don't really give a shit." Bill fires back one final dig, "you would be."

With that I realize I've revealed myself a Mizzou fan to the High Priest behind enemy lines, and am a tad worried Cole Aldrich will surface, like a ridiculously tall ninja, choke slam me and erase the picture. I instead merely return to the group, which was predominately females that attend KU, so the greatness of this moment was completely lost on them.

But there you have it. While Bill was not pulling a Eustachy (or I foiled his plans) he dislikes being photographed at bars and will call you an asshole if you do so, he clearly hates Mizzou fans, and isn't nearly as affable as say Baby Mangino.

Go Cards

"The Silver Sack" Is Actually A Great Nickname For Him

This picture is of the back end of darius miles sick escalade. Hanging from the trailer hitch is this silver sack.

Enjoy and please don't use my name.

Sir, Your Babel Fish Skills Are Other Worldly And Strange

Señor Daulerio,

Muy buenos días; yo soy un lector japonés de tu buenísima 'weblog' deadspin punto com. Me gusta que utilices varias cosas de youtube (si EMI tiene su derecho, su nuevo nombre sería jewtube). Te escribo para preguntar si te gusta el grupo 10cc; su nombre viene del volumen de esperma tipíco que ejacula un hombre normal.

Have a nice day.

-al

No Need For Babel Fish Here!

It'd Be More Plausible If It Were Band Of Horses

Did anyone else catch Will all pleathered up singing back up for Green Day on the Tonight Show Tuesday night?

Screen shots attached.

Do YOU know your enemy??

Sometimes You Have To Call Upon A Higher Comment Complaint Box (With Footnotes)

Sir:

I've been a reader of Gawker and its sister sites for some time. For
the last year or so, I've had commenter privileges which I've used on
a number of sites, though my main read has been Deadspin. Normally I
wouldn't write about an editorial position — it is the editor's
privilege, after all — but the events of the last few days have
prompted me to do so.

As you may be aware, A.J. Daulerio posted a piece on Sunday night
stating that major changes to Deadspin's commenting system were about
to take place and that the readers could expect many commenters to
lose their privileges starting almost immediately[1]. No further
explanation was offered — no reasons as to why this would happen, no
explanation of new commenting rules, nothing — though Daulerio did
claim that it was out of his hands, suggesting that the decision had
come from higher up in Gawker Media. On Monday, all heck broke loose
as many of the most respected (and, dare I say, funniest) commenters
were summarily dispatched. Daulerio did post an article[2] to the
effect that everybody should stop whining about it and consider
themselves lucky to have a site to read, but that was about it. As a
result, most of the banned commenters headed off to a different site,
one started by a bunch of people who met as Deadspin commenters, for
the evening. Many of them haven't come back and, if the comments on
other sites are any indication, won't.

I don't think anyone would argue that the comments section was due for
a clean-up — there were far too many off-topic and unfunny posts, far
too many cheap jokes, and far too much repetition. Daulerio, in an
interview on another site Tuesday[3], admitted that his decision to
direct successive comments ombuds to lighten up the standards for new
commenters was a mistake, and the decision to adopt Facebook Connect,
while understandable from a business standpoint, exacerbated the
problem. That all could have been fixed without playing games with
your readers. As you know, they're not idiots. By and large, they're
adults and rather well-educated. A message explaining why the
comments section needed to improve, and what standards would be
enforced to see that it did improve, might have been met with some
grumbling, but the vast majority of the regular commenters would have
complied. Heck, another blogger did a great job of analyzing possible
reasons for the crackdown based on the available information[4], any
of which would have been accepted by Deadspin's readers and
commenters. Unfortunately, Daulerio chose not to offer any
explanation. He left everyone in the dark while hiding behind Gawker
management — and then, in that same interview on Tuesday, admitted
that the decision had, in fact, been his alone (despite having
implicated Gawker management in his initial announcement) and was
based on the offer of a small group of commenters to form a de facto
lynch mob (what Daulerio calls his "comment ninjas") to clean up the
site as they saw fit. In short, he put his own ego, and that of a few
commenters upset that they weren't getting as much attention as they'd
like, ahead of any sound business decisions. In the process, he
managed to alienate some of your most loyal readers and many of the
few people who actually added value to the site with their comments.

I think everyone is aware of Deadspin's performance relative to the
other Gawker sites. Ultimately it's your site to do with as you see
fit, but I can't see the value in policies designed to drive away your
most loyal readers. Sadly, that's exactly what Daulerio and his team
of anonymous "ninjas" have done.

Sincerely,

Colin Morton,
Vancouver, BC

[1]http://deadspin.com/5273554/a-brief-shady-announcement-about-your-commenting-privileges
[2]http://deadspin.com/5273985/your-profanity+laced-tirades-will-now-be-taken-under-advisement
[3]http://sportingmadness.blogspot.com/2009/06/on-ground-deadspins-aj-daulerio-speaks.html
[4]http://sportingmadness.blogspot.com/2009/06/nick-denton-deadspin-and-commenter.html

It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy..

Due Diligence Is A Two-Way Street

ok so its 2:03 AM central time, and im watching sportscenter. right after the cavs/ magic highlights, they cut to rachel nichols, but in the 2 seconds of transition, someone in the studio can be heard loudly cutting the cheese and the awkward look on her face is priceless as she tries to play it off. i wish i knew how to transport from my DVR to my computer, but im sure you guys will be able to find someone who can put this on the best sports site there is. oh and if you cite me on deadspin (especially the wake up!), my buddy frank would hate me forever, so please make this happen.
-waldo

ME TO ESPN OPERATIVE:

Please investigate.

ESPN OPERATIVE'S SURPRISINGLY QUICK RESPONSE:

Ive reached an all time professional low...absolute rock bottom...but I actually watched the video (don't get used to me chasing down every fart you think you hear or smell)>...and no it wasn't the gas passed..please..

(Photo: courtesy Don Chavez)

Okay, Then Why Did You Send This In Again?

Hey!

So, I know that Deadspin does softball injuries but I thought I'd send this in. On Monday (Memorial Day) I was coming back from my friends house down the street. I was starting to see double and clearly thought that it would be a great opportunity to see what I am made of on my Longboard Skateboard. So I made it pretty far, having the nice crisp air on my face as I'm cutting through the streets. I get to a large hill and figure hey, I made it this far, lets see what I'm made of. As you can imagine, I started down the hill and uh oh... Got the speed whobbles and totally bit it on the pavement. Luckily I threw my hands down to protect my face and head. I ended up getting the skin on the entire lower part of my palm ripped off, arms are cut up, side is cut up, knee is cut up. I ripped my shorts in half, put a hole in my vans, and broke my watch. NJ Hills: 2 Me: 0.

Ah, Hockey Fans

SUBJECT: THIS IS WHY BASEBALL PLAYERS ARE PUSSIES

You think Stevie Y taught this team about HEART check this out!

Jonathan Ericsson underwent an emergency appendectomy Wednesday after suffering abdominal pains following the Wings' morning skate.

Ericsson had surgery at 3:30 in the afternoon, but still made it to Joe Louis for the 7:30 puck drop.

Damn :o

This Interview Should Go Well

An Unapproved Commenting Message To The Class of 2009

So More Pink Phallic Things. Got It.

It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

I'm Sure They Were Just Friends And Nothing More

Anyway, I was a year or two ahead of her in High School and I know the stories on this one. State College Area High School is also the same high school that Larry Johnson(RB) came from, and there are definately well know facts about those two having quite a time together. Think Erin Andrews and Tim Tebow, except that these aren't rumors. I know her only as an acqaintence that she has most likely long forgotten after long nights getting the "deep story" from the athletes of whichever sport is in season.

Take it for what you will and keep an eye on this one.
Cheers.

(Ed. Note: "Deep story?" In quotes? I feel slimy.)

Robinson Cano And Melky Cabrera Sit On An Ugly Couch

Hey,
Just came across this picture on a friends Facebook. It's Robinson
Cano and Melky Cabrera, apparently setting their standards rather low.
Nothing all that special about it, other then Melky's kissy face.
Figured if you had nothing else for the morning crap image, well,
there's always room for Yankee bashing.

-I Party With Smoot

(Ed. Note: Also seen here. )

Ah, Come On Now...

You Got Ranked

SUBJECT: Some fools thought it wise to rank Deadspin commenters

And of course the Spudster comes in first

So Does This Mean That Kate Hudson And A-Rod Aren't Doing It?

The reason Kate Hudson was outside of 15 CPW was because she was looking at an apartment to rent. The apartment currently belongs to my cousin who is moving out on August 1st and she was there to take pictures and look at possibly getting it. So she is defiantly looking for a place in New York City to live. I would appreciate not being mentioned by name in anything you write, the building is theoretically supposed to be a private place and many people particularly my cousin would not be very happy with the news getting out belonging to my name.

For Fuck's Sake, NO

Hey, A.J. This is Candace Parker Secret Lover/C Cups. So, a few people have encouraged me to ask you if I could be a guest editor one day. I realize the chances of this happening are non-existent, but I'd like to put my name in the ring (is that the phrase?). It could end up being like the Howard Stern Show, where all the people who hate me would get you even more page views...or it could be an epic failure like no other. Either way, you gotta admit, it would be interesting. Oh, and please don't put this in Deleted Scenes...that didn't turn out so well for me the last time. Thanks for your time.

-Alex

From Mrs. Hovan:

chris took that picture with those girls when we stepped out of our private party area to get a water and beer! anyhow… we are happily married, kids are great, the article quote still stand and thanks again for calling the asshole who wrote that lie out! chris and jaimi

And there you go. Is Mrs. Hovan's email real? Who knows. We could be here for days. The Deleted Scenes rabbit hole is dark and deep.

Straight From The Hovan's Mouth [Bucstats.com]

It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

Hanging With Mr. Hovan

chris hovan (tampa bay bucs) likes the ladies...he took the girl home on his right. the girl on his far left is my friend/hookup buddy. i took the pic. enjoy, jeremy

There's A Mole In My Heart That Can Only Be Filled By You

First emailer:

Holy moley we made that photo in last than 5 mins after the end of the game w/out the help of adobe photoshop! POST IT!!

Second emailer: Subject:

Mole at the end of the Celtics - Magic game

Third emailer: Subject:

Holy Moley The Celts Won!

Michael Phelps' Stripper Friend

Some details you may (or may not) want about the Mike Phelps Stripper story thats making the rounds today, I used to work with the gal at a club in West Virginia a couple years back. She got the tits about two-three years ago, then went to Baltimore to work for better money.

Last I heard she was at Ritz Cabaret in Baltimore. Here is her myspace. http://www.myspace.com/spanishgrl .

Don't know if you care, but if you do a follow up post I figured the details might help.

Oh, and she gives a SENSATIONAL lapdance.

At Least Mario Williams Is No Longer Speeding

saw mario williams at a club this week in houston. Apparently he likes his girls big. the girl who was all up on him the whole night was at least 6'2", white, and not skinny, but not too thick either. Also i heard from people who know the family he bought his house from that when he bought the house he paid for it with a suitcase full of cash. BALLIN.

Unapproved Commenter Of The Week: FOXXY PINK

Plaxico set her off apparently

Thought Was I Was About 2 Get Ready 2 Update My Twitter Profile. That Shit Just Crazy Does Anyone Kno How? Got Real Excited Was Gone Really Hook That Shit Up G.Well Fukk It Guess I'll Just Write Mah First FaceBook Note. Followers Of Some Many People On Twitter, But They Don't Kno Me.

Keep On Readin, You Have Nothing Else 2 Do But Kno Whats On Mah Mind. Marion Jones stands up for women.. Plaxico Burress. Got Damn Yall Fired Mah G! Michelle Obama Iz In Oprah Magazine.
Nick Cannon iz just a comedian dont b mad Eminem... Rihanna's in Mah Prayers Leave Her Alone She Simply Crying Out 4 Help. ... Halle Berry iz so Classy just learned Her New Dance.
Congrads Mary J on the Movie Ill Love 2 Work With Tyler Perry Some Day.
Chris Still a Boy Need 2 Grow Up 2 Me. God's The Onli Anwser Pray About It G. Beyonce up in Paris I can't wait to make that trip. Soulja Boy I Love U.. Please Don't Fall Into Beef, Simply Laugh at them Haters G. They See Success in us G. Ciara changed her swagg.. Another Hood Princess I see u G. Twitter Suggested Me 2 Become A Follower of DIDDY.. I need that type of Status. Workin For BadBoy One Day I See MySelf G. "Paper Plane".. I play Loud Mah Faviorte Song Right Now. Love 2 U Meet U M.I.A. ...... Paul Wall Back In Tha Game. Bet U Had Fun Wit That Grill Money.. John Legend I'm Pissed Bout That New York Post Shit 2. Aye this Office Mah Mother Turn Mah Room Into Iz Really Helpin Me Alot. Home From College, Aint UnPackin Shit.. Not Tryin To Get Comfortable In This Bitch.

Too Bad I Can't Find Out To Work Twitter..Just Dont Understand Im Ur Biggest Fan. Blastin UGK right NOW.." The Games Been Good 2 Me".. I Wrote a ReMix Its Funny Ass Can B. So Sorry About Ur Lost R.I.P. Pimp C. This Mah First Day In Detroit Can't Think Of Nothin Else Better 2 Do. Need 2 Go Bakk 2 Workin On Mah Cd so Tru. Mah Fingers hit they Keys n Haven't Stopped Since. Still Can't Figure Out How 2 Work This Shit. Foxxy Pink ain't Giving up, Let Me Ask Jeeves He Always Knows What 2 Do..LMAO! Gucci Mane Still Hot. Track Wit Foxxy Pink, Shid Y nOT!

LIL KIM & TRINA HAS NO TWITTER.. Jus Got Mad!! Kid Cudi feelin yo style. Day & Night Yeah I Kno How U Feel. Keri Hilson did a Song Wit Kanye.. Reall on The Move I Happy 4 u See U dOIN gR8. I've Learned That Real Success Come When Ur Not So Selfish. Tell people nice things, U never kno how They Feel!! Touch Down This Morin So Tired..Mad I Missed Church Today........... IM BAKK Took Short Break Jus Had 2 Dance..Bizzy Body Playin Jus Had 2 Move. Lil Wayne Sky's The Limit Motivate's Me Thru Life. Me & Mah Drink Reminds Me Of My Uncle... R.I.P. Unlce Fred!! Never Forgettin Roxy.. I Lost Mah ChildHood Friend.

Jay-Z married his dream grl.. I Cried! How Nice!! What Up, Nas Haven't Heard From U iN A WHILE.. How's Life? Musiq SoulChild Makes Me Feel So Good!! Wish I Was Tha Grl Next Door In Yo Hood. Why I'm Still Wirtin.. SHID THIS WHAT I DO. Spritually Gift from God. Why Not Use It. Close Mah Eyes n' Tear Of Joy.. Mah Future Iz Success.

Bakk 2 Where I Was.. Madd @ Twitter! Motivated Me 2 Let Every One Kno Im There Biggest Fan. Thanks To Who Eva Came Up With The Idea.. I Kno Feel Like Im Apart Of There Life. ... Tyra Banks, Iman, Kimora Lee Simmon and Alek Wek in Ebony Lookin Fly As They Can B. Lookin At Black People On Top, Sometimes I Cry tears Of Joy. First Time I Could Vote Was For OBAMA..See Change Lives Within Me. Obama kids have their on doll, Makes Me Feel Like A yOUNG bLACK Female.. Iz The Best Thing To B. Made Respect 4 Him, Please Go Teach My Father How 2 B A Dad. If I Could Find A Man Like U I'LL B 2 Glad. We In TMZ, they have nothing better 2 Talk About. Get So Emotional, But WE STARTED AT THE Bottom U Feel Me Now!!

Prayers for Shakir Stewart Family sorry for ur lost. Couldn't Imagine How That Feels. Michelle Davis Balfour Calm Down .. They'll Never Understand Ur Pain. Jus B Patient, God Always Shows Up At Right Tyme. Trust Me I kNO. Isiah Thomas take a break don't stress urself out. Jesse Jackson I totally understand.. OBAMA's PR I'll Love 2 B. All respect but thats not ur Job. Pacman Jones take control over ur anger.. Dont Let It Control U. tAKE a Long Walk Thats What I do. Kimbo Slice I Like Tha Tattoo.. Black Widow Jus Read a book about them Really Learned Alott.

Toni Braxton thats right live ur life no matter what. Mind Over Body.. No Offense But Fukk What Doctors Say. The Spirt Lives With In U.. Jus Had 2 Let U kno! " i walk like this cause i can back it up" LOL.. Beyonce I also Have a Big Ego As U Can C. Dang I Wish Aaliyah was here to .. To Meet Foxxy Pink. " Im From Tha D,G" yeah thats mah first track. Swagg Surfin in my video, Love 2 See Mah People Havin Fun. Biggie "Juicy" in mah head. Hopefully the It Isn't Tru.. Tupac Faked His Death. Thought I Lost That One.. Was Really Sad. Just Dont Find That Cool. U Lost Respect U Once Had.

Meet a Friend Tha West Coast, Put Me On Music I Never Heard. People Need 2 Be More Open. He Made Us All Unique, with in jus tha same.. Hopefully I never run out of paper might jus got write on a wall.Once had a crew of 40 mah pens mah best friend now... Bakk 2 tha Queens n Kings..Foxxy Pink tha Next Princess 2 B. y I sTOP.. Mah Phone Jus Had 2 Ring. Return 2 You All Later.. Prayin On Mah Cussin But we All Have Sins G. To Deliver Tha Messages God. gIVES mE??

Named 42 people, 42 BLESSINGS, I will recive. Success in 42 Weeks, Watch Out For Me! Would Have Jus Turned Twenty, Steady Waitin for Mah Bring Break…Before Yall Kno It Ill b, :::::::::::::::::::::::::::CAMP DIDDY READY!!::::::::::::: 4 Tha Game! Wait Tha Anwsered Just Came 2 Me. He Wouldn't Had Me Typing 4 Nothin….. TRINA said SAY SOMETHING!!

FoxxyPink@ymail

Semi-Heated Email Exchange With A Stranger

ANGRY JOSH:

I have some information that you might find very interesting, ready ? Here it is. You're a fucking bottom feeder, you're no better then the pond scum that work for the enquirer. Jason Whitlock may be the biggest asshole in the business but he is right about one thing, your site is the lowest of the low.

Josh

ME:

Thanks Josh! Helluva email.

ANGRY JOSH:

you're welcome

ME:

And what prompted this exactly? Are you just getting around to
Whitlock's column now or did something else aggravate you?

ANGRY JOSH

I'm just generally aggravated by the likes of Jason Whitlock, Bill Simmons, Peter Vecsey and sites like yours that exist solely for small minded mean spirited faux journalism. You know, the idea that everything goes and I'm gonna take out my personal beefs and feuds with others in my columns and or on my websites. Is that clear enough for you ? Josh

ME:

Not really. Maybe you should lift some weights?

ANGRY JOSH:

Ha Ha, I play pickup basketball with guys who act like bigger assholes then most sports writers so the weight lifting isn't necessary. I appreciate you getting back to me, most wouldn't even have the decency to do that, However don't you feel that your site maybe sometimes engages in a very mean spirited approach to flushing out news ? To be fair you're no different then anybody else out there but that doesn't necessarily make it right. Just one man's opinion

Josh

ME:

FUCK NO

Thanks for the tip, boss!

Nick Denton
to tips :

http://twitter.com/womensweardaily/status/1786731464

"A soccer team composed entirely of Italian fashionistas (Diesel's Renzo Rosso, Lapo Elkann) will play May 16 in Turin: http://cli.gs/0N9YB8"
- Women's Wear Daily (@womensweardaily)

It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

Pitino Did What With The Who Now In The What?

AJ,

Word on the streets of Louisville is that Rick Pitino will retire on Monday May 4th over the extortion case against him. I've heard every rumor but they usually break down into two categories the bizarre(gay love rectangle involving Rick, his son, Karen Sypher's oldest son, and Tim Sypher) to the evil (Pitino had Tim Sypher, his longtime equipment manager, seduce and marry Karen to stop her repeated extortion attempts after Pitino had an affair with her). Hopefully its a combination of both!

It hasn't been announced yet to avoid the Louisville Derby media hoopla his retirement, and his son has already moved on to an assistant job at Florida. Thad Matta and Mark Few would be the leading candidates for the job. Anyway, I know this won't make deleted scenes unless its right, but if it is, just tell me I told you so.

Anonymous Kentucky fan

Lebron Should Really Heed This Warning

does mr James know that talcum powder is ground up soapstone and has been shown to accumalate in the lungs and cause emphezima . the human body cant break down talcum its almost as bad as cement powder maybe someone could mention it to him.

I'm Sorry I Didn't Find The Big Tits Clip

I'm fairly certain that Phil just got called Big Tits on live TV...please find a clip.

About a half hour ago I was watching the Golf Channel coverage.

Phil was on the 6th hole and had to hack out of the trees.

As he was walking out to the fairway, some dude says "LET'S GO BIG TITS"

The camera cut back to Phil just as he turned around, walked back towards the guy and said "WHAT DID YOU SAY"

Dude goes "I SAID LET'S GO BIG TITS".

Phil then went crying to his caddie to get an official on it.

He went on to make his first bogey of the day. Please find this clip!!!

Chasing Ronnie Woo Woo

This is just a random picture my buddy took of famed Cub fan Ronnie Woo Woo outside his office by Wrigley...thought you guys might get a kick out of it...or not.

No, YOUR Mom

Because it's Mother's Day next Sunday, 5/10, and there's still time to get something funny and sexy like our Trophy Wife tee. For your wife. And for your mom, too. Check out PlanetMomTshirts.com.

Adventures In "Management" Part I

ANGRY LEW:

So, why no props for the Dirk story?

You have never used any of my submissions. I wish Rick was still there.

Typical Philly asshole.

ME:

Lew, honestly:

I'm sorry you feel that way.Even though I know, for some reason, you feel like you are the first person in the world to send me a national story and you should be the person that gets credit for it, that's not going to be the case. Ever.

So good luck with your blog and whatever else it is you do. Please don't email your submissions to Deadspin anymore and we'll both be much happier.

Hope you feel better.

ajd

ANGRY LEW:

Oh i feel much better already, jerkwad

ME:

You're a real class act, Lew.

ANGRY LEW:

Yeah i know. You always use the same bs excuse that you have too many sources to use my story when actually, you've never used any of my submissions. Will should have knocked you in the head with a brick.

ME:

Don't worry. I'll link your dumb ass on Friday you crazy old shit.

ANGRY LEW:

Cool, for the first time ever you are shooting straight. That's all i'm asking for. Damn philly people.

Adventures In Management Part II

MR. DENTON:(2:39:48 PM): oh, you can post vid on Deadspin if you like
MR. DENTON :(2:39:58 PM): given it's so much about Will
ME: (2:40:34 PM): How about I just run a photo of me blowing him instead?
MR. DENTON: (2:41:11 PM): you could do that too
ME: (2:41:29 PM): There's probably one on Flickr.

It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

Could This Be Brett Favre?

hey guys,
I watched the E:60 video on Gregg Valentino and after it was done I looked at the comments page and found this gem:

*
devilandthelord says:
Wed Apr 29 2009 15:18:17
I would just like to say one thing about the first minute or so of the video. I would like to sleep with Rachel Nichols. She's not perfect, she's even a little goofy looking. But darn it if I don't want to bone the bejesus out of her.Rachel, if you read this, call me.

I attached a screen cap in case ESPN pulls it.

Now That's Downright Inspired

Hey guys.

Avid reader. Thought you might be interested in posting this:

It's a hip-hop song called DIRGE NOWITZKI about a killed-and-then-reanimated, marauding Dirk Nowitzki, followed by a somber Spanish guitar piece sung from the perspective of Juan Carlos Navarro.

I'm a Boston area rapper and producer and I release songs under the name Father Abraham at http://52pickup.us. My goal is to release one fully produced song per week for all of 2009. DIRGE is the 14th of these songs. It's pretty insane, and I think it will make for a halfway fun post. The link I sent you is to the radio edit, so it ought to be safe to air.

If you're interested in showcasing it, please credit The Young Dads, a comedy pop duo from NYC, (myspace.com/theyoungdads) with the spanish guitar outro - we collaborated for this one - and please link back to my site.

Best
Abe

So You're Saying A-Rod's A Good Tipper?

Just read your post about the A-Rod book. While I do not know anything about his alleged steriod use, I do know about his tipping prowess. In case you didnt know, Hooters adds 15 percent to all of their checks, even if you just order a soda. Not a lot of people tip more on included gratuity. However, I work in a restaurant that doesnt add gratuity and have waited on A-Rod a few times. Each time he has left at least 20 bucks, regardless of the bill total. Unrelated to his tipping, I had a great encounter with A-Rod a few years ago. While standing outside a local bar near where A-Rod lives, me and my buddy saw A-Rod cross the street and trip over the curb. He had to catch himself at the last second before totally falling on his face. We started to point and laugh at him and he turned around and glared at us. When I yelled I was a Red Sox fan and was just busting his balls, he made his arms into a cross and gave us a double finger, which probably hadnt been done by anyone in at least ten years and probably hasnt been done since.

Wait — A Clarification

I shouldve clarified. Ive never had a bill with ARod more than 90 bucks. Ive had a few 50-75 checks with him. Hes a good tipper. Hes got a lot of stupid questions, but hes a good tipper.

She Looks Like Quite A Dancer

Pics from last night's Canucks game in Vancouver:

Step 1: Drunk chick dancing by herself in front of a band

Step 2: Drunk chick loosening up a bit

Step 3: Drunk chick flashes bra. (Sadly, gets shut down by security before taking it to the next level.)

Love You Too, Mom

AJ, just a reminder, your aunties, Anne and Chris along with Connie will be at Becco tomorrow (5:00 reservation) before venturing off to Jersey Boys. They would be thrilled if you popped in. Luv Ma

Speaking Of Moms — Gourmet Spud's Should Stop Having Sex With Larry Johnson

Via BallerAlert:

Ladies if you are located in the Miami Beach/South beach area or just wherever this baller is. I plead with you to beware of Larry Johnson of the Kansas City Chiefs. He recently bought a condo this summer in Miami and is the talk on many known groupies lips who are known to have STD's.

It's sad but true, I got herpes from him. We had unprotected sex when we were drunk once after a crazy club night, he gave me head and I returned the favor.

I have soars on my mouth and my vagina and my ass.

posted by ba_anonymous

It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

Bill Belichick Goes For The Full-Jean Tuck

This photo is from the Florida Gators spring practice. Belichick is talking to Tom Crean. The tucked in dress shirts and jeans are an interesting look on a day when it was 85 degress out.

Sir, Your Nonsense Is Extraordinary And Terrifying

(blows out) this remind me of my friend names Helen van Biscuits. There is mexicaned resterant in my town that have contest. They say whoever make loudest fanny cough will get a year supply of burrito for free. We have known for years that our friend names Helen just love them burritos so qwerts call her up and tell her about the contest. Helen get real excited but there is one problem. she can't make them fanny coughs loud enough. But one thing she do have is a brains.

So she do alotta research. She go to library and get books about intestines. She try eating different food. She try holdin in choclates for weeks. She try stading in diffrent position when making fanny coughs. There is no stones turned. She even have strategy meeitngs with my freind qwerts after work. Qwwerts suggest that maybe he could build tiny microphone that make it sound real loud but she say no. She is very honets and wouldn't feel good about winnin them burritos like that. She was at the end of a road and almost give up when teh break of a lifetime happen. She watching a tv show about archetecture of buildings and they say that sometime if there the right combonation of curves and openings that sounds can become ampflied and things sound real loud. It say they use these technique in some of the most famous auditorium in all of a world.

That night she try all different things that have curves and opening. She lean her fanny on a wall, teh window, she use kitchen items like a whinsk. But nothing work. As last resort she take her fingers and make opening between middle and next finger just like mr sponk (ecept it is alittle curved). She put her hand like that around the ###### and make a cough. Babooms! It is so loud that it set off 3 car alarms on teh street. But maybe she just get lucky? She try one more time and it is even more loud. She look out a window and there is like 6 animal jsut lookin at her. When you fart is loud enough to make a animal curious you know probably gonna win burritos.

So now she is all set. The contest is today at teh retsaraunt and she knows that destiny is in her bowls. She have her technique and pretty soon she gonna eat burrito for free and the world is her oysters. The contest start and the man who own the restaraunt ( it is called la Pringles) take the stage. "Hello to everyones. Today is day of contest and whoever make teh loudest fanny cough win burrito for a year. on behalfs of me and everyone who work at el pringles, welcome and let teh farters begin! Will all contestant please come to stage." It turn out there is only two people in contest. One is Helen van bisquits and the other is some lady names maria pringles (but they say she aint related). Teh owner say "OK, it just you two, who ever is loudest win!"

So Helen go first. She take a few deep breath. She close her eyes so she can really concentrate. Everyone get real quiet (it real packed there). She slowly hold up her hand and seperate her fingers and curve them (an old lady gasp). She turn around slow and take her her fingers and place them around the outside of teh angus. Here we go. She begin and she let out what is probly one of teh loudest noise ever to come out of a body including screams. It sound like part boat horn and part nucleared esplosion. It is breathtaking and it last for almost 20 seconds. When it is done there is total silence esept for one old man who lookin around and pointing to his ears and tellin everyone he think he is now deaf, but people is pretty much ignore him. Eventually helen turn around and one person start clappin, then a few more and soon it is become a standing ovation. "Borava!" one lady scream. another little girl go to teh stage and give helen a bouquet of flower. Helen is touched and a tear come out. Even Maria pringles look impressed. What can she do ecept to tip her hat to one hell of a fanny cough.

So teh claps die down (ecept for that old deaf man but he wife tell him to calm down and they will hearing aid later). So now it is maria turn. Everyone get quiet again and give maria they attention. Maria look around, she bite down real hard and skin on her nose scrunch. She start counting..."one....two....THREE!" She let out her cough and it sound like snores, but it get a little louder and a little louder and then suddenly there is a second noise that going with it and then ....BOOM teh window esplode! People is so confused. Where did that second part of teh cough come from and how did them windows broke? How does she do that? Teh owner of La Pringle take the microphone "We have a winner! It is maria pringles! Her farts is so loud they break them windows and is sound almost like simons and Garf's uncle when it come out. Congratulation to maria and enjoy you burritos!" Maria start jumping up and down and I look at Helen von bicuits and she is devistating. Even people who watching really don't know what happen. They know that helen probably was louder but Maria broke them windows. So if Helen don't break teh windows and maria do, maria must have been louder.

Helen walk down teh stage and she is very upset. She come to us and say that she try her best and we agree. Qwerts say that he was so impressed by what she do and say he now really attracted to her because she is so talent. We agree it best to go home but Helen want to go say thank you to teh owner before she leave. She have so much class that even though she lose she gonna say thank you. Her fanny is real impressive but her character is loudest of all.

So she look around for him and cant find him. She check everywhere and then finally she look through teh door into the kitchen. That is when she see something that change she life forever. She see teh a whole bunch of people dancing around and singing. She see teh owner, he family and Maria pringle is there too. They is throwing people around on chairs like it is jewished wedding. They is all singing and laughing. She hear teh owner say that he so proud of maria pringles and that Maria is a long lost cousin and they rig teh conest so Maria would get them free burritos. It turn out that there were two little boys that threw rocks at teh windows (he give them free taco) when Maria was makin her coughs and teh second, higher pitch noise when Maria was makin her cough was actually teh owner blowing into a special ring he was wearin that make whistles. He time everything just right and with the harmony and teh glass breaking everyone get tricked into believing that Maria was making it all happen but it was all mirage.

Helen is now so mad she burst through the door into the kitchen and everybody who was dancing an laughing stop and look at her. Teh owner say, "Oh, uh, helen, oh, i we sorry that you lose and uh, we..." but helen cut him off. She slowly raise her right and seperate her fingers. Now people are getting real serioused and starting to panic. "No, dont do it helen" maria scream. But helen don't listen. She turn around, put her fingers on teh ######. Me and qwerts have no gone to teh door to watch and helen look over at qwerts and he say to her (real soft) "I love you." and with those words she let out a cough that so loud you cant hear nothin, you could only see teh looks over terror on teh face of teh pringle family. Some bottles of hot sauce start esploding and Maria Pringle get blown against a wall. Some of them beans also esplode and they go into teh owners eyes and I can see him mouthing "i am blind! I blind." She finish and say "you can keep you burritos, from now on I only gonna eat chinesed."

she walk out of teh kitchen and back in the restarant and the people part for her like a red sea. They clappin and pattin her on her shoulders when she walkin by. The old man who went deaf say that teh second farts knock he hearing back and now it is even better than ever. The mayor is there too and he say "I declares today is helen biscuits day." Helen stop and say thank you to everyone and wave. They all wave back but with they fingers a little apart and curve as a sign of respect. Helen tap her heart and show how much that mean to her. She may not have won all them burritos but she won alotta friends and when it is all done and said, burritos go in you and come out but friends stay in you forever.

stu1ds

p and s when i was writin this i think i hear helen make a loud one ...lol hey huerta if you readin this dont tell jimmy **** that i put xlax in teh chuck wagons...lol

Gregg Easterbrook Is Aging Rapidly

There's something really offputting about the new TMQ author picture on ESPN. The black and white should've tipped me off that Easterbrook was older but the new one makes me uncomfortable. Please investigate.

These Guys Should Really Do A Tour With These Guys

Washington, DC-based band Deleted Scenes recently released its debut album Birdseed Shirt to much critical praise. Notably, the album recently received an 8.0 rating from tastemaking culture website, Pitchfork Media (LINK). The band is currently walking through that opened door by shining a brighter light on its album – one that reveals a record with a style that has already been referred to to as "an acid-trip that is absolutely habit forming" (Madison Isthmus), "gently glazed with cold medication" (The Onion), and "Steeped in a blurry digital haze" (Washington City Paper).

Don't Email Angry

Angry Man: What does "Voltron-Jew'd" mean?

Me: Voltron was a cartoon series in the 80s where animal robots joined
together to make one super robot. I didn't know which executive
producer (Bernstein or Greenburg) was responsible for the news so I
combined their names together. Hence Voltron Jew'd.

Angry Man: And "jew'd" means they're Jewish? So what? Was Voltron Jewish?

Me:And this is offensive how exactly?

Angry ManIf the producers' names had been Daulerio and Soprano, would you have said "Voltron/wop'd"?

Me: Absolutely

Angry Man: If you're too fucking stupid to realize how that could be offensive.......

Me If you're too fucking stupid to underestimate my fucking stupidity
then why have this conversation?

Angry Man "Better to be remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."

Sent from ANGRY MAN's iphone

Me: Did you just eat a fortune cookie?

Fin

(For the record: I changed it. Me no Nazi Shark.)

Curt Schilling Looks In Shape

Curt Schilling looks like he's been hitting the all-you-can-eat buffet now that he's retired. Pictured here with REDACTED and superfan Joshua REDACTED, Curt was also seen loading up on sunscreen at Atlantis in the Bahamas last Saturday. There was a Jonas Brothers concert at Atlantis that weekend, but no word on whether the Schillings attended.

It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

Photo: Middle school-aged Greg Oden.

Mike Fratello Knows How To Treat A Lady

This past Saturday night I went to a party at a friend's apartment on Park Avenue South in New York City. At about 3 in the morning, before jumping into a cab and heading home with the slightly above average Gena that I'd managed to pick up, it dawned on me that I was out of toilet paper back at the fetid shitbox I call a home. So I, being the perfect gentleman Deadspin reader that I am, popped into a 24 hour deli to pick some up in the event that my tainted plaything for the evening needed to wipe something up later on. In retrospect, I guess I could've just handed her the roll of Brawny paper towels in my kitchen, but that's not how I roll.

So anyway, after we made our purchases (Gena bought an egg salad sandwich), we exited the deli and were standing on the corning of 18th and Park trying to hail a cab when I noticed this beautiful Asian girl, I mean a hottie in every sense of the word, probably in her early 20s, sort of arguing over something with the guy she was with in front of the W Hotel that sits on the corner there. His back was to me at the time and it was hard to tell exactly what they were saying, but I got the sense that the guy was trying to convince the Asian hottie to call it a night and head back up to his room, while she seemed not ready to do so.

So there I stood, sort of half-assedly trying to hail a cab while my score ate her disgusting egg salad sandwich, looking at this Asian and wishing with every fiber of my bone that she was the one I was taking home instead, when suddenly the guy she was with turned in my direction and gave me a look at his face. Imagine my surprise when it got a good look and realized it was...are you ready for this? Drum roll please...

Mike Fratello.

Yes, that Mike Fratello. The Czar of the Fucking Telestrator was with the hottest young thing on the block, while I was going home with an egg-salad sandwich eating Gena with blisters on her feet.

Just as I was about to throw myself in front of a soy milk delivery in disgust, he coaxed her inside the hotel, thus throwing even more salt into my gaping wound. I still haven't overcome the injustice in all of this, nor do I think I ever will.

Okay, Jamal Anderson Was Not Blowing Anything But Rails

I know Jamal as well as the dude he was caught with, Mark. That picture you have there isn't of "random frat guys." The blonde dude looks like his old teammate Travis Hall who he is in business with and hangs out with. He also didn't blow anyone. The guy has a kid for christs sakes. Him and Mark were doing some blow end of story. If you wanna print trash to get hits or whatever that is cool, but leave Jamal alone. He's a nice dude and he isn't that famous to where people outside of Atlanta know him that well. Make fun of Paris Hilton or something. Hell even make fun of Travis Henry who is bankrupt because he got caught cocaine trafficking and has 11 kids from 10 different women. The fact is he didn't' blow Mark and Mark didn't blow him. The only thing getting blown was blow.

But UNC Is Looking For Some White Bitches To Blow Them

so last night im in chapel hill with the usual crew and all of the
sudden we see a belligerently drunk tyler hansborough slapping stop
signs and pounding the ground all the way down the sidewalk. he is
accompanied by a posse of middle-aged white dudes who part like the
red sea to let him through and wreak his gay-ass havoc. once he
passes, one of the dudes comes up to us and says, "yeah, that's the
beast alright". beast? really? laaaaame.

oh, but the fun doesnt end there. we walk into the library, grab some
beers, and about 5 minutes later the rest of the unc team comes in and
starts shouting "where the bitches at? i want a white bitch blow me
now! we are motherfucking champions!" wow. really? necessary? i think
not.

He Must Be New Here

AJ,
Deadspin is cool and all that. But at least get the man's name right.
R-I-C-K R-E-I-L-L-Y

There.

TJ Ballgame

Yahoo! Sports' PR Team Loves To Pee On ESPN.com

The comScore numbers are out, and Yahoo! Sports is the clear online sports leader with more than 24.8 million unique users in February 2009. The strong numbers are even more significant because Yahoo! Sports experienced a 29% year-over-year increase in unique users, compared with average growth of only 2% by others in the category. To be clear, Yahoo! Sports is blowing the competition away:

February 2008 Unique Users

* Yahoo! Sports 24,762 (up 29%)
* ESPN 17,119 (down 4%)
* Fox Sports 14,255 (down 18%)
* AOL 10,040 (down 14%)

comScore March 2009

In addition to scoring the largest sports audience on the Internet, Yahoo! Sports beat its closest competitor, ESPN, by nearly 8 million users. For the last 11 months the site has been firmly in the #1 spot on the Web, and in August 2008 Yahoo! Sports scorched its competition with its 38 million users, largely because of Yahoo!'s gold medal performance with the Summer Olympic Games. Now legions of sports fans are starting their online sports experience with Yahoo! Sports, and the site continues to successfully give sports fans the best fantasy games, award-winning editorial content, an active blogging community, and compelling video – a winning combination.

Please let me know if you need additional information or more details.

It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

Deadspin Regrets Running The Unsubstantiated Rumor And Is Hopeful The Family-Oriented Sponsors Flock To Jackson/Rice:

The rumor that you have printed about Sidney Rice and Tarvaris Jackson allegedly getting involved with some underage women at a local St. Paul high school is untrue. Both of these players have come to me to see what we can do to get this changed.

The Minnesota Vikings and the NFL are very concerned about player conduct issues and our reputation in the communities that we serve. Even the hint of scandal can be very harmful to a player and also could affect the endorsements that he may/may not receive from "family-oriented" sponsors.

To this purpose, I am asking for your help. Is there someway that we can get that removed from your pages? It was posted last year anyway but it still pops up if someone does a google search on your website for their names. Any help from you would be greatly appreciated.

Kim Klawiter

(TOP PHOTO: Drew Magary's Third Nipple. Yes, the one from that bet. Hey, he's a Vikings fan. He also does not sleep with underage girls and is searching for family-oriented sponsorship.)

Peter King Sound-Alike Is Ruthless On Speaker Phone

work with someone that has regular contact with King. They had speaker phone on & it sounded like Peter but he was yelling & celebrating "WE GOT EM! FINALLY!" on Owens getting released and finished his giddy celebrating with "If A-Rod has to retire it would make this day even better"

I wasn't supposed to be listening and I can't be SURE it was King but the voice sounded right and the Owens & A-Rod hatred matches up too.

Strong Enough For A Man, But Made For A Slap-Hitting, Crooked-Hatted Outfielder

I figured out why Pierre is so lame. Look closely at the Manny Ramirez reunion picture. Look in the background at Pierre's locker. Look at the top shelf. Is he using Secret deodorant?!! Strong enough for Pierre, but made for a woman!

I'll Forward This Right Over To Him, Jeff

Dear Oscar De La Hoya,
I am a big fan of boxing and you are my all time favorite. You are a very talented athlete indeed. I wish you continued success in all your future endeavors. I collect sports memorabilia and would be honored if you would send me an autographed photo of yourself for my collection. My address is Jeff Tiffey 102 Knollwood Drive Council Bluffs, Iowa 51503 USA. Thanks for your time and I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely, Jeff Tiffey

Pete Gaines: Ed Hightower Would Like To Kick Your Ass

Dear Editor,

On your site, Deadspin.com, there are several pictures which include Dr. Ed Hightower, who is a NCAA referee as well as a Superintendent of the Edwardsville Community Unit School District # 7, in Illinois.

On behalf of Dr. Hightower and the district, we respectfully request that you remove this content from your website.

Some of the depictions are frankly disturbing as they depict Dr. Hightower with a gun;

I look forward to your response and action.

Sincerely,

Bill Miener

Oh, For Fuck's Sake

I'm sure this has already bombarded your inbox because the proliferation of information is fast these days, to say the least, but I caught this on Rick Reilly's Twitter this morning-

RickRiellyJust reading this endless Simmons mailbag. Do we really need a sports equivalent of every damn thing? Seriously. Knock it off.

I find this rather ironic, because his stupid twitter is full of gems like:
-So A-Rod has a cyst now as well? Jeez, this guy breaks down like a used Daihatsu!
-But seriously, who's gonna collar this guy now? He drags down more people from behind than Andy Sipowicz!
-So the Skins aren't interested in TO? C'mon, Dan Snyder! You spend money like Elton John at the wig shop!

And those hilarious comments are just from yesterday.

It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

Dirty Birded. Again.

So when this whole Jamal Anderson blowing a guy in a bathroom stall thing came out, i turned to all of my coworkers and said see, SEE! I told them all this two years ago and now...well now I just feel like bragging. Oh, and i work at FOXSports.com, and i'm a gay, so this was all the more entertaining.

a couple years back, a friend of mine was working at a new restaurant in LA (fuck if i can remember the name...i wanna say Citizen Smith, but new joints open and close all the time in hollywood) and he tells me a pro athlete came in an hit on him. but he wouldn't tell me his name—because he knows where i work and that i know my shit and was affraid i would go all TMZ or something—and he said the guy was really nice and he actually wanted to go on a date with him (or booty call, cause let's be real here). i asked for a hint—team, sport, last name...anything—but he wouldn't budge. i was too excited at the prospect of hearing yet another gay-pro athlete rumor (i'm lookin' at you, Troy Aikmen and Paul O'Neill), so eventually i broke him down. sport? football. team? atlanta. this was getting juicy. after a few more minutes, i get him to tell me the athlete's first name: Jamal. my response?

HOLY SHIT, YOU MEAN THE DIRTY BIRD JAMAL ANDERSON?! Bingo! (and he even showed me a pic of him at the restaurant as proof...it was just a solo shot, nothing notable or drunk-like).

I was floored. First time i'd heard about The Bird being on the DL. Apparently Jamal goes up to my friend, who is (and i'm trying to be nice) very obviously gay, and asks him "where all the ladies at?" the friend, with obvious perplexion, tells him he doesn't have the faintest idea, so Jamal asks, "oh, so you like guys? then were are the dudes then?" ha! Jamal gives my friend his number (F-minus for not keeping it!) and tells him to call. my friend calls. Jamal doesn't answer or call back. dick.

oh, and that whole response of Jamal smooching it up with a couple ladies...ever heard of fag hags? women love to kiss on their gay friends, because gay friends don't molest back. that's like saying lebron is going to play for the knicks cause he wears a yankees hat all the time. oh wait...

Upon Further Examination, Jay Mariotti May Not Be Botoxing

Okay, so it's not a huge tip, but my friend is in the Phoenix airport waiting for her flight to Chicago and Jay Mariotti is next to her. She saw the ticket for confirmation. As for Botox, she says she can still see wrinkles. We've seen him out in Chicago before and he refused a picture then, saying ESPN says no pics. The Botox excuse is a lot more creative.

But He Could Possibly Have A Hankering For Strange

Saw the Wake-up Mariotti entry this morning, this caught my eye...".saw Mariotti with a semi-cute blonde"... I had the displeasure of sitting next to Mariotti and his family one time at dinner, and his wife (and two girls) are decidedly not blonde. Circumstantial? Maybe. Enough to convince me this dush is stepping out the wife? Abso-fucking-lutely.

Please Exercise A Reasonable Amount Of Decorum In Your Comment Wars

AJ, Rick, Pet, et. al.

I hate that I have to do something like this, this is so lame my head hurts. But, here's the recap: a few months ago, I said to Candace Parker Secret Lover something along the lines of "no more stupid puns until you say something funny." A little This really hurt his feelings. And I suppose he has been quietly seething with internet rage.

Last night on a liveblog on a website he and FEAST edit (Lowposts), a friend told me they posted a picture of me (from my Twitter account) and were yukking it up.

Here's the link:

http://lowposts.com/liveblog-6-spurs-pistons/

I think respecting other commenters privacy is necessary (like the whole Kid Canda thing), and posting my Twitter picture, while not illegal, is just sort of wrong. I feel violated. I am not an attention whore who wants my photo all over the internet, I am just a man who likes sports and jokes.

My marriage, job, and reputation is not on the line here, but I think that there should be a reminder sent out to the commenters that there is certain baseline civility that needs to be respected and followed.

This is a stupid, immature situation.

Thank you all for for looking into this, and for running a great site.

Mr. Jackson's Porta Patronage Is Always Appreciated

Hello, Am Mr Jackson i will like to know if you are a porta john seller let me know the size's you have in stock with the price list
and i will be doing the payment with my Credit Card.
Thanks for your Co-Operation..

Mr Jackson

PHOTO: Drunkathlete.com

It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

Yeah, Why Is Jamal Anderson Hanging Around So Many Young White Dudes?

His behavior wasn't uncommon. Not the cocaine but the being on his knees in a stall. Dude is obessed with the size of white frat boys in the greater Atlanta area. This kid was a part of his 'crew' that he hangs with....He is known to be a really creepy guy and tries to pick up random frat-type guys at bars. Supposedly the undercover cop caught him blowing this kid and found coke on him. So he just did him a favor by keeping that out of the police report. There are definitely people who witnessed this happen.

Bring It On! Or Off...

"Happened to be in Florida on business when a college national cheerleading competition was going on. Some cheerleaders practicing outside the hotel. geeez"

Rick's Cabaret Ladies Offer Their Cogent Thoughts On A-Rod

"I tell people that my boobs are fake. Why hide it? I think Alex needs to tell more. Tell everything and get it out of your system," said Kristie, a 34DD-25-36 blonde from Texas.

"We love A-Rod. He's always very nice," said Randi, a busty 36D-25-35 brunette from Arizona.

"Don't take any awards away from him," said Monique, a 5'10" 34C-23-35 blonde beauty from Georgia.

"Alex is my second favorite Yankee. I hope he comes back soon so that I can make him feel better," said Tracy a 33D-23-33 brunette from Florida.

Not every dancer feels the same way. "He lied on "60 Minutes. How can we trust any interview he does?" said Kayla, a 33C-24-35 brunette from Brazil.

Andy Musser Is Just Dogged and Determined

Our site has had an incredible number of hits (relatively, of course) the past few days purely because of the 'Warner analysis.' Our site's hits have increased by about 10,000% because of this frame-by-frame analysis. If you link to it in a post, I guarantee there will be controversy in the comments. If nothing else, it makes people think. Please link to it, and if you let me know if you do link to it, that would be fantastic. Thanks!

~ Andy Musser

And...

Hey, it's me again. I know you I made you guys think because I sent 4 emails to 8 people, so you guys read the same stuff 32 times and not once did you respond with a 'no, thanks.' YOU MUST POST THESE PICTURES. I got them from YOUR video juxtaposed to the tuck rule. Please please please link to me, it LITERALLY PROVES IT. I was 100 percent sure with 2 grainy photos, now i have 5 CLEAR PHOTOS. Please link to me, the Buzzsaw was screwed baby!!!!!

charliesmanuel.com

its the first 3 posts - i can only post two pics at a time.

Thanks, and please just give me one link. You know I write well, you know I'm not some schmuck angry bitter fan. I hate Kurt Warner for 2001 and 2008!

~ Andy Musser (alias)

And...

Warner's entire body is moving forward, and so is the Pitt defender's. You MUST use that red corner of the midfield NFL logo as your stationery point. Remember, this is a slight forward movement, so its only DEFINITIVE when you have a stationery point with which to compare the movement of the ball. It is now impossible to claim that ball was not moving forward slightly. This of course explains how hard Warner threw the ball, and why it came out with a wobbly spiral. Yes, not a perfect spiral, but a wobbly one. Thanks so much.

charliesmanuel.com

You gotta use all 3 posts, the first post right now is an explanation.

And...

Remember, I'm just an asshole college kid who should be drinking right now. Why am I taking pictures of my computer screen? If my objective were to increase hits, I wouldve stopped after we increased our ALL-TIME hits by 110 percent!!! Now, Im just trying to prove it even further. Thanks, this will be the last one for at least 24 hours.

And, Mr. Daulerio, you know I am one of a small population of current college kids who even know who Andy Musser actually is.

thank you, thank you

charliesmanuel.com

~ Andy Musser (alias).

And...

My older brother is a grad student and he somehow found the 7 NBC, HD pictures that I just posted. So i have 7, HD, frame by frame pictures. Indisputable. Thanks so much, I will stop bothering you when you at least give me a shot, especially if you posted an incorrect screen shot of Holmes (perhaps that explains your hesitance, but I don't care). All I know is I'm right, and all we know as a blog is that we increased our traffic (2500 hits from July through February, and currently were pushing 7 grand) by almost 200 percent in 4 days for a reason. Thanks again for all your help, I think you may have linked my site to an email to the commenters, thus explaining the absurd spike in traffic. Either way, we couldn't have done it without you. Thanks for all the help, thanks for your open-mindedness, and thanks for fighting the Bissingers that make an asshole like me believe he can actually blog well too. Well alright.

Mr. Leitch, good talk.

Charlies Manuel, ladies and gentlemen. Be nice to him and visit him early and often.

Jamal Anderson Photo: Sports By Brooks