How To Hard-Boil Eggs, For Godly Or Ungodly Purposes

Interestingly (or maybe not interestingly) (I mean, we are talking about boiled eggs, and we are gonna have to calibrate our "interesting" scale pretty generously here), hard-boiled eggs, when made properly, receive a much softer boiling than soft-boiled eggs. The "-boiled" is what confuses things: It makes you think that… » 4/19/14 1:09pm Saturday 1:09pm

How To Grill A Flank Steak, The Steak For Socialists

We are Americans (no, not you, Canadians) (OK, you too, c'mon over here ya big galoots), and we like big hunks of steak*. To be precise, we like our own big hunks of steak: We like to saunter into Bob's House of Steak all bowlegged and gimlet-eyed like John Wayne and order for ourselves some great obscene wad of… » 4/12/14 1:32pm 4/12/14 1:32pm

Never Buy New Sneakers In March. Never.

These are my new shoes. I have had them for, oh, a little longer than a week. They are muddy shit, now. I tell myself that I will clean them later, but we all know that even if that does happen—even if I do not forget; even if I am not overwhelmed by the obvious futility of such an enterprise—"cleaning" will not restore… » 4/03/14 4:57pm 4/03/14 4:57pm

Can Anyone Stop The Beliebers? Vote On The Bitchy Bracket Final 8

We're down to the regional finals of our survey of the most thin-skinned, defensive fanboys in America, and apparently you people aren't familiar enough with the lunatics at TEAM BREEZY because Chris Brown's virtual harem got spanked in the Sweet 16 by Beliebers, who make such obvious targets. Here now are your… » 4/01/14 12:28pm 4/01/14 12:28pm

How To Fry Brussels Sprouts, And Learn To Love Them At Last

You think of Brussels sprouts and you think of misery. When you were a kid, some damn do-gooder grownup nuked a frozen bag of them in the microwave , and scooped a bunch of them onto your plate next to your delicious SpaghettiOs, and laid some bullshit on you about how eating them would make you grow up big and strong… » 3/29/14 1:59pm 3/29/14 1:59pm

Canned Beer Is The Best Beer

Although I've recently moved into an apartment with three ceiling fans, seven windows, and a bedroom door, I do not consider myself a wealthy man. But every Thursday, my wife comes into a little bit of money, and if I time the transaction just right, I can occasionally buy something useful before she blows it all on… » 3/28/14 4:12pm 3/28/14 4:12pm

Who Will Be The Bitchy Cinderella? Round 2 Of The Bitchy Bracket Begins

So the first round of the Bitchy Bracket is done, and we're ready to move on to the second round of voting. Before starting in on voting, though, let's take a brief look at the first-round results, which saw all sorts of touchy fanboys knocked off, including some that, honestly, deserved less respect than they got. » 3/24/14 11:30am 3/24/14 11:30am

How To Make Sausage Gravy, And Shave A Few Years Off Your Lifespan

Sausage gravy is deeply, deeply disreputable food. In its typical presentation, slopped across biscuits in some charmingly run-down roadside diner with Patsy Cline playing on the jukebox, it is, in essence, flour on flour, dressed up as actual sustenance by the inclusion of token quantities of butter and pork—which,… » 3/22/14 9:41am 3/22/14 9:41am

Who Are The Bitchiest, Most Defensive Fans In America?

Not long ago, our Billy Haisley wrote a post shitting on Major League Soccer. When you rip on American soccer, you can rest assured that a tidal bore of American soccer fanboy defensiveness is headed your way. It's almost as if they're all huddled together outside your house, waiting behind the shrubbery, fully… » 3/19/14 4:44pm 3/19/14 4:44pm

How To Make Linguine With Clams And Bid Farewell To This Goddamn Winter

Groundhog meteorologists notwithstanding, seasons are shapeless, poorly defined things. To wit: Traditionally, in North America, the "winter" season is regarded as beginning at some point in the back half of December (the solstice) and extending into the back half of the following March (the equinox)—and yet, somehow,… » 3/15/14 1:00pm 3/15/14 1:00pm

Irish Beers, Ranked

St. Patrick's Day is tough on a civic-minded, humanist boozebag. I love New Year's Eve and Thanksgiving Morning and Arbor Weekend and all the other "amateur hours" that too many self-proclaimed sophisticates haughtily dismiss, but Paddy's Day comes soaked with complications beyond the rivers of glitter and puke that flow … » 3/14/14 3:00pm 3/14/14 3:00pm

Let's Try Chips Ahoy! Ice Cream Creations, A Dessert-Flavored Dessert

Remember ice cream? Oh man, ice cream. There are so many wonderful things to remember about ice cream, but first and foremost—more than the carnival of flavors and colors; the various zany, luxurious toppings and swirls; the fun presentations (Sundae! Banana split! Ice cream cone! Ice cream cake! Root beer float!); the … » 3/08/14 1:00pm 3/08/14 1:00pm