Here, via Dlisted, is famous rebounder Dennis Rodman, 48 years old (!), walking down a runway somewhere in your fever dreams, looking like a tall drink of Pepto-Bismol. He was part of some sort of fashion benefit to promote awareness of both breast cancer and Dennis Rodman. Somewhere, a Bulls scorekeeper just credited him with another rebound.

Open Post: Hosted By Dennis Rodman [Dlisted]

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Good morning, everyone. It's Friday. Daulerio's still committing various felonies in Las Vegas, and the Deadspin highlight frog has gone AWOL. This one goes out to you, highlight frog. Wherever you are.

So let's get this straight. A possibly senile old man goes to a hospital's charity auction and buys what he believes to be a bronze sculpture of former NBA nutjob Dennis Rodman. The fact that someone would create a seven-foot bronze ode to Carmen Electra's ex-husband did not seem odd to him, because he is not even a basketball fan. He just thought it was good art. I repeat, he thought a giant over-sized likeness of Dennis Rodman would just look good in his study.

The wacky Vermont media was all over the theft story, forcing Grace Cottage Hospital to call the AP and reassure them that the statue they sold at their art fair was not actually sculpted to look like Dennis Rodman. The auctioneer just thought that it resembled him and made a joke about it. And that was enough to convince a 70-year-old man to buy it and have it shipped to his house. Except that he might not have done that either. The hospital says "they believe the piece was left at the auction site on the town common and grabbed by scavengers after the event." In some towns, that's called stealing, but if we're going by the old man's version of events, he probably just put a "Free Statue" sign on it and assumed that was his delivery receipt.

The fact that either one of these stories appeared in a newspaper and ended up in my inbox gives me warm and fuzzy feelings about Vermont. It's like the whole state is run by the Lollipop Guild. The good news is that if any enterprising statue makers out there would like to create a seven-foot bronze replica of Dennis Rodman, there is apparently a market for it.

Bronze statue of Dennis Rodman stolen from Townshend [Burlington Free Press]
Hospital says statue was not of Rodman [Fox 44]

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It's almost time for the Late Shift with Barry Petchesky. Bronze statues for everyone!

From TMZ:

Sources tell us, Rodman and some friends had dinner last night at the Gansevoort Hotel in Miami, and left without paying the $1,000 bill. When the manager tried stopping Rodman's party, an altercation erupted and the GM got punched in the face — allegedly by a member of Rodman's posse.

According to the story, the bill was eventually paid but not before Rodman disappeared.

Rodman's agent Darren Price was kind enough to send me an email confirming that the bill was indeed eventually paid.

Rodman was arrested last night on "suspicion of domestic violence" after an altercation he had with a woman at an hotel in Century City. The woman had a bruise on her arm and police said that, during their investigation, they found out Rodman hit her. Right now, he's out on $50,000 bail, waiting for this whole mess to sort itself out.

What's even more disturbing than the crime may be Rodman's agent, Steve Simon, who actually had this to say after the whole ordeal:

"The legal process will sort itself out.I'm kind of waiting for the facts to unfold because it's really uncharacteristic for him."

Really. Really?

It appears Steve Simon might be even more delusional than Dennis Rodman.

Ex-NBA star arrested in domestic violence case [LA Times]

Our favorite part, to this day:

How pathetic are you or maybe financially compared to Dennis how broke are you or sexually you probably have not had the amount of women your whole life that Dennis has had just in the past year.

Well, as much as we love Rodman, he's apparently having some "financially pathetic" times. He will now literally do whatever you ask for money.

Instead of joining a VH1 reality show, he's pimping himself out via this ghetto website. Here are some of the a la carte options:
* Game of HORSE - $100
* Game of PIG - $70
* Ride down Michigan Avenue on the back of his Harley - $80 (BARGAIN!)
* Tattoo consulting - $80
* Consulting on how to pick up chicks that will "yield panty-dropping results" - $125.

The site is right here. We'd pay him $100 to write a post on this here site. That's surely better exposure than playing HORSE, right? (Though having PIG be cheaper than HORSE is kind of brilliant.

Rent Rodman

(UPDATE: Congratulations to Thrillist Chicago: This is an April Fools Day site, and they punked us. Color us impressed. Good work, gentlemen.)

But beyond that we say, why so negative? Why can't it be the five best movie performances by an athlete-turned-actor? (Waves magic wand) Ding! And so it shall.

After the jump, we present associate editor Rick Chandler's guide to excellent athlete performances.

Worst Athlete Turned Actors [MSNBC]
The Thing With Two Heads [BlackHorrorMovies.com]

5. Johnny Weissmuller, Tarzan. Weissmuller won five Olympic swimming gold medals and one bronze medal, won 52 U.S. National Championships and set 67 world records. And starred in 12 Tarzan movies. When Mark Spitz jumps into the river from the back of a wildebeest and subdues a crocodile, get back to me.

4. Jim Brown, 100 Rifles. Simply put, Jim Brown kicks ass. He kicked German ass in The Dirty Dozen, he kicked Federali ass in Rio Conchos, and he even kicked alien ass in Mars Attacks! And he kicks ass here, with the added bonus of some sex scenes with Raquel Welch; pretty unconventional stuff for 1969.

3. Woody Strode, Sergeant Rutledge. Now practically lost in the mists of time, John Ford's remarkable 1960 western co-starred Strode as a cavalry sergeant falsely accused of rape and murder. Not a conventional Ford effort, and Strode was no conventional man; he was one of the first black players in the NFL (Los Angeles Rams, 1946) and was also a decathlete at UCLA.

2. Kareem Abdul Jabbar, Airplane. A couple things we'll bet you didn't know: Pete Rose was originally supposed to play Kareem's role in this film ... and David Letterman had a screen test for the role of Ted Striker. We're so glad it ended up as it did.

1. Burt Reynolds, Deliverance. Buddy Reynolds was a star high school halfback in Florida before earning all-conference honors at the same position at Florida State. It was only due to multiple knee injuries that he turned to acting, and with Deliverance, well, what can you say? A defining moment in American film. And even without it, he'd still get the top nod for The Longest Yard. Or Rent-a-Cop.

Dennis Rodman still has a little game left in him. Very little, people. The 6'7" athlete was impossible to miss during a game of street ball with some Spud Webb sized players for an upcoming movie.

You see, Dennis Rodman is tall, and those little people are so ... little. Can you imagine the visual incongruity of such a big man working with such small men? It's a movie! Print it! It's a wrap!

Little People, Big Dennis Rodman [The Basketball Jones]
Is It Too Late To Cast Tom Cruise? [Deadspin]

You know, we're starting to think that basketball just isn't gonna be the most important part of the weekend in Las Vegas.

(SCENE: Inside the head of every NBA superstar invited to this party)

Well, you know, it IS Scores ... but man, Dennis? Why's Dennis gotta be there? Honestly, man: I can't keep pretending I'll talk to our GM for him anymore. I just can't.

Still: SCORES.)

• Robin Leach has a blog.

• Vince Neil had a surprise birthday party — he's 46. 46! — at the Palms Fantasy Tower. Attendees included Criss Angel (whom Leach breathlessly describes as "magic's 21st century Houdini!" Seriously, Robin, what happened to you, man?), Dennis Rodman, Jason Giambi and "celebrity colorist" Michael Boychuck.

• Oh, and lest we forget: The Sex Cannon Rex Grossman was there, with Playmates! They were playing blackjack until 2 a.m., at which time they moved to the craps table. There, Grossman took out one of the Playmates' eyes with the dice.

• Seriously, what happened to Robin Leach?

Criss Angel's Brush With Death In Las Vegas [VegasPopular]

(Any mention of the Sex Cannon is required to be accompanied by a reference to where it all started.)

Fortunately, the Globetrotters have a game scheduled for NBA All-Star weekend that could be significantly more fun than anything they've done against the Washington Generals. (Who are now called the New York Nationals, but that's another story for another time.)

The Globetrotters will play Dennis Rodman's Bad Boy All-Stars Feb. 17 in Las Vegas as the second game of a doubleheader. Rodman is still working out the details of the Bad Boy All-Stars roster, but I'd like to see Eddie Griffin for the way he'd change the Globetrotters' pull-down-the-pants routine, and Awvee Storey in case the Globetrotters take their trash talking too far.

Rodman, Vegas, Bridal Gown? [Los Angeles Times]

This picture, of our old pal Dennis Rodman, was taken over the weekend in Las Vegas. We're not much more we can add to it, except that the sad part is that it wasn't for Halloween.

Also, we're afraid to ask what these ladies are mining for.

Deadspin Field Trip: Rodman's Book Signing [Deadspin]

Dennis Rodman will star as the coach of a dwarf hoops squad in "The Minis," with Verne Troyer as one of his players. "Me and Mini-Me," Rodman says. "It'll be wild." Cameras roll in 2007.

OK, now, we haven't talked to Darren Prince about this yet, but this sounds like the most amazing movie that has ever been conceptualized. (Well, better than Crash, anyway.) You see, Dennis will look even taller. Will he learn how to rally his miniature team around its leader and overcome adversity? We'd like to officially our services as public relations representative for this film. The word must be spread.

What If I Were To Tell You ... [Dirty Laundry]
Deadspin HOF Nominee: Darren Prince [Deadspin]

And the winning bidder? Definitely not Darren Prince. Why would you think that?

No One Will Pay To Spend Halloween With Dennis Rodman [Starplus News Blog]
A Night Out With Dennis [eBay]
Happy Holidays From The Princes [Deadspin]

Plenty of people have trouble staying away from work and "retiring." It's commonplace these days to stop the career job and embark on a second one soon after. Whether for money, boredom or a spiritual quest for inner peace, there seems to be a number of people who just have a real hard time staying retired. Except for coal miners. They seem pretty content to stay put once they're done.

Jose Canseco's return to semi-professional baseball inspired hope. Not just in former steroid users/authors/reality stars everywhere, but former athletes as well. If you stuck an ear to the ground during the not-so-unceremonious return and subsequent trade of America's favorite lunkheaded Cuban eunuch, you could hear the wistful longing of players whom may have retired/re-retired too quickly.

Lucky for you, I've sat down with my handy magical handicapping aggregator, a crystal ball and a box of Fig Newtons to give you a crop of athletes who might make a comeback and their subsequent odds of return. Please, jump with me.

Rickey Henderson: 1/1

After semi-officially "retiring" from the Surf Dawgs last year, the Rickeycanstillplay drum started to beat a little louder after the Subway Series. The close-up shot of a mumbling Rickey in the stands, dressed in cabana wear, sporting a tastefully subtle 1,406 diamond necklace was just the build up — the interview is what really mattered: He still insists he can play in the major leagues. A couple more Yankee outfielders go down, and we'll see what happens. Regardless, it's a strong bet that he'll show up on a roster somewhere in 2007, back to analyzing his swing in the nude and gushing over his love of fine cuisine.

Mike Tyson : 2/1

Tyson is the Guns 'N Roses of professional athletes. Those who grew up during his dominance in the ring (and on NES) still have a soft spot Iron Mike's lunacy and sheer power. And regardless of what shape he's in, what comes out of his mouth, how despicable and odd his behavior may be, if you put Tyson in the ring with anybody, it's a pay-per-view event and a lot of people are buying. Regardless of whether or not he can throw a punch or not, there's always the sense that something is going to go terribly, terribly wrong when he fights. With a heavyweight division that is still in search of personality and life, throw enough money at Iron Mike and he'll step back into the ring. Even if he has to fight a black bear, a baby elephant or Buckethead.

Dennis Rodman: 3/1

He's on the back end of 40 and boozes it up like a young Hollywood starlet (then subsequently bangs them), but, if anything, his body has displayed a remarkable ability to bounce back regardless of how much he incrementally abuses it. And, regardless of what people think of him personally, there's still a small section of the population willing to pay to see him play. So, every day is an opportunity for Rodman to latch on to a small market professional basketball team somewhere on the planet — or other sport where his services could be put to use, like, say, the UFC. Tell me you wouldn't pay to see Rodzilla take on Tim Sylvia in the Octagon? Or Vlade Divac even? Actually, that fight should totally happen ...

Michael Jordan: 6/1

Don't be fooled by the suit. We've seen it before. And the Charlotte Bobcats are a perfect place for Jordan 4.0 to launch. Up-and-coming team, little visibility, the lack of a true gamebreaker — and the same exact facial hair as Adam Morrison. It's a long shot, but not for lack of shape or cigar lungs; it's the pride thing. After the not-so-heroic return to the NBA court with the Wizards and the realization that he turned Kwame Brown into his personal Private Pyle, he may be a little more hesitant to hop back into the Nikes this season. But if the Bobcats start losing close games, this line bumps a bit.

Barry Sanders 8/1

Although he's a little chubbier, close to 40 and still has the demeanor of a man who's been de-programmed, Sanders may still have a little juke left in him. His stature could be an advantage at this stage, given that his elusiveness was what made him so tricky to take down as opposed to his speed. Plus, he's heavily vested in an Oklahoma bank. Interest rate hikes will probably put a damper on the wallet, and there are mouths to feed. A quick one-year contract as a back-up on a team searching for running back depth is not plausible, but not impossible.

As always, we reiterate that if you can't find something fascinating on YouTube, you're not even trying.

This week's random finding involves everybody's favorite retiree, Dennis Rodman, and his appearance last year in the 2005 Wife Carrying Competition in Finland. It's pretty much the most bizarre promotion for GoldenPalace.com that we can imagine, but it must have worked, because we're still talking about it, even if it's just to shake our heads in befuddlement.

Dennis Rodman Wife Carrying Competition [YouTube]

• Dennis Rodman hangs out in the same strip clubs as John Elway. Also, Dennis carries garbage bags full of cash into strip clubs with him. At least, so says the Las Vegas Review-Journal.

• No blog has covered the AT&T Pebble Peach Pro-Am as thoroughly as The Sports Frog. Get your Clambake coverage here.

• Ron Artest, probably not helping his chances of being selected to the '08 Olympic basketball team, calls team boss Jerry Colangelo "Collangelina." He also believes he's a little bit too hood for the Olympics.

• There's no better way to get to know some Winter Olympians than listening to their interviews on Sports Bloggers Live. Snowboarders Shaun White and Hannah Teter are impossible to dislike.

• Ray Lewis may want out of Baltimore. The mayor of Baltimore, sensing an opportunity to lower the city's crime rate, endorses the move.

As if to prove it, Rodman will play with England's Brighton Bears this Saturday, in a One Time Exhibition. It's his first "game" since playing a game in Finland in November.

We feel obliged to point out one other part of this "story;" Rodman, when exiting the Big Brother house, claims that he has "had sex with almost 2,000 women." Of course, Wilt Chamberlain's number of 20,000 is the most famous statistic in all of sports, a figure that would have required him to have averaged 1.2 women per day from age 15 until his death in 1999 at the age of 63. Doing the math here, the 2,000 women would require Rodman, who is 44, to have sex with six different women a month from age 15 until now. Terrifyingly, that almost doesn't sound unreasonable.

Dennis' Interview: "I'm Still A Star" [Big Brother]
Legend Rodman Signs For Brighton [BBC News]