•Not only do SEC replay booths not use HD screens, but they say it's not worth making the switch. Also, that play where Patrick Peterson clearly stayed in bounds? They accidentally DVR'd The Mentalist over it.

•Want to know what makes Sidney Crosby so good? Evgeni Malkin. In the sixth game without the real MVP in the lineup, Sid The Kid extended his point-less streak to five games, and the Pens fell to Boston.

•A four-minute replay review overturned Brad Miller's buzzer-almost-beater, and Denver hung on to top Chicago. Imagine that! The length of the game was extended in order to make the right call, and no one's calling for David Stern's head! You listening, Selig? Of course you're not. You fell asleep halfway through Leno.

•What's Larry Johnson worth? Not moving to the bottom of the waiver wire. No one claimed the, um, expressive RB, and he's free to sign anywhere. Except with the Chiefs. My sources tell me they have no plans of signing him.

•If Mauer, Jeter and Teixeira were hoping their defense would set them apart in the MVP race, well...all three won Gold Gloves. Also, Placido Polanco emerges as a dark horse candidate.

•A judge has blocked North Dakota from changing their nickname from the Fighting Sioux. In these trying times, with two wars being fought, it's just insensitive to name a team the Fighting anythings.

•The Tribune's Rick Morrissey said Joakim Noah would never be a useful player, and promised to eat the column if he was proven wrong. Well...

The Nuggets forward was jailed by Florida cops on Saturday morning after refusing to submit to a blood alcohol test on suspicion of a DUI.

After averaging under 5 points per game as Isiah Thomas' first round "sleeper"in 2006, the Knicks' banished Balkman to Denver in a salary dump-for "cash considerations" and two players to be cut later.

Denver Post via Weed Against Speed

I hate to skewer columnists from regional newspapers unless they really, really deserve it, but this is one of the lamest goddamn things I've ever read in my entire life. (Also in play here: it's too nice outside for me to be sitting here on this couch, so I might be more annoyed by that more than anything else. I'm aware of this. Moving on...)

Now Orlando isn't used to winning at championship level on a regular basis so the premise of penning a seminal column to commemorate such an occasion is one most of its writers are probably ill-equipped to bang out on short deadline. I still pity the Magic fans left with this putrid crap for their championship scrap books. This column has it all: tired cliches, rhapsodic platitudes, rhymes, autistic children as good luck charms, emphasis by way of silly repetition, horrible puns, and imaginary curses.

Oh and column title: "Magic Task: Beat LA!" Of course it is.

Here are some of the more noteworthy snippets of uninspired shit-stained ugh:

•"LeBron is LeGone and now the Orlando Magic - your Orlando Magic, our Orlando Magic, the entire sports world's Orlando Magic - are going to the NBA Finals."

• "You heard me: the Magic are going to the NBA Finals"

• "Witness this: Orlando Magic 103, Cleveland LeBrons 90?"

• "I'm sorry, who was the MVP?"

• "So long, all the jokes and jabs about Orlando being a Mickey Mouse franchise that once hired a hockey player to run a basketball team."

• "Mission accomplished."

•" It's been a long time since we felt this way about the Magic. Too long. Too many years, too many tears, too-many-crying-in-our-beers. We've endured the abandonment of Shaq and the desertion of T-Mac. We've experienced Weisbrod the bad cop and Billy with his flip-flop."

• "Let's make 7-year-old Gina Marie Incandela, the little autistic girl who sang the national anthem Saturday night, the official good luck charm of the city. The Magic are now a perfect 6-0 when she sings."

• "What about Orlando's tortured sports past? What about the Magic losing the biggest free-agent departure (Shaq) in sports history and signing the biggest free-agent bust ( Grant Hill) in sports history? What about Penny's palace coup? And who will ever forget that sad, depressing day when the Orlando Solar Bears folded?"

• "Say good night to LeBron vs. Kobe."

• "LeBron is LeGone."

• "Bring on the Lakers."

• "California, here they come."

Now let me go grab some lunch before I start opening up my own forehead with two salad forks. (Sorry for linking to that again.)

Magic Task: Beat LA! [Orlando Sentinel]

Of course, a Denver win would also keep Rick Reilly around, but life is full of trade-offs isn't. The truth of the matter is that while ABC, ESPN, David Stern, Nike, and anyone with a t-shirt press would love nothing more than a LeBron/Kobe final, lovers of schadenfreude everywhere would love to see them both relegated to their living rooms. As interesting as the world's two superstars squaring off in their prime might be, it would also be too predictable. And predictable equals boring.

Not like a WWE match with celebrity NBA owner impersonators getting beat up. That's the kind of stuff you can never see coming!

Game 5 is Game 7 [Denver Stiffs]
Photo Gallery Denver Nuggets [Photo via Denver Post]
Dahntay Jones relishes defensive role with Denver Nuggets [SI]
NBA - Examining this year's playoff anti-heroes [Fox]
Lakers' record doesn't matter tonight, confident Nuggets say [LA Times]
Denver's 'Birdman' phenomenon continues to take flight [Ball Don't Lie]

So many asterisks. La La gave an interview to MomLogic—which has somehow cornered the NBA WAG beat—and gave a few more details about the Game 4 throwdown between the Mavericks and their fans.

"They began yelling 'F*** the Nuggets!' right in front of my son." Then she says they started calling the Nuggets players "n*****s." She was shocked. "I've been at a ton of games — but I have NEVER heard fans say things like that." Then, looking directly at her while taunting Anthony on the court, Lala says the fans called her son a "bastard."

"I know it was directed at me. Yes, my son's dad and I are not married — but we are engaged!" Lala turned to the fans and said, "This is just a GAME! Do you even know these players?!" She then asked her babysitter to take Kiyan out of the arena. The fans, who by this time, claims Lala, were completely intoxicated, became even "more aggressive," yelling "F*** the Nuggets!" and insulting their families — namely, Lala says, her and Carmelo. Then they physically pushed her. Pushed to the edge, she turned around and yelled back.

TV cameras captured security guards approaching her. "They said they had seen the whole thing and told me I had done nothing wrong. I was NOT ejected, they just escorted me to a suite [for safety]. I was mad!"

Now let's not get caught up the technicalities of what makes someone a bastard—that's just plain rude. Whatever happened to Texas hospitality?

Lala: Fans Called My Son a Bastard! [MomLogic]

Vince McMahon got to be Vince McMahon, going on TV and calling people idiots, and WWE does get to look generous, offering a second night at the Staples Center and promising to return to Denver later this summer. On the other hand, he had to move his little show and give refunds to all the ticket holders. He can still blame that on Nuggets owner Stan Kroenke, but the important thing is that Vince didn't get his way.

Stan Kroenke did get his way, but at what cost? McMahon's jab that Kroenke didn't believe enough in his own team to consider home playoff games still stings (even if it's not really true) and it's probably never a good idea to have 10,000 wrestling fans angry at you. I'm guessing the Pepsi Center won't be holding Wrestlemania 47 or anything, which is too bad for them, because it's really not a bad way to make some money.

So who's the real winner? Insult comic McMahon or inept party planner Kroenke? Or is it all the little Hulkamaniacs out there in Southern California?

WWE moves Monday Raw to Los Angeles due to Denver Nuggets conflict [ESPN]
WWE event booted from Denver will be at Staples Center [Los Angeles Times]
Kroenke Plays Heel In WWE Drama [St. Louis Today]

World Wrestling Entertainment scheduled next week's live show back in August, when the playoffs were a gleam in Allen Iverson's eye. Then Denver dumped him and looky what happened. The Nuggets—whose owner also owns the Pepsi Center—seem unwilling to yield on the unexpected playoff bounty, so Vince McMahon, as is his wont, decided to fire a shot across their bow.

"Even though the Denver Nuggets had a strong team this year and were projected to make the playoffs, obviously Nuggets and Pepsi Center owner Stan Kroenke did not have enough faith in his own team to hold the May 25th date for a potential playoff game," said WWE Chairman Vince McMahon.

So will Kenyon Martin's mom team with Edge and Big Show to take on Triple H, Koko B. Ware* and Stone Cold Mark Cuban in a ladder match for the right to Monday night's gate? Or here's an alternate solution: Why doesn't the NBA just take another goddamn day off? Their playoffs already take 27 weeks to complete; it's not like anyone will notice.

"Raw" and NBA Playoff Game Conflict - Sports Biz with Darren Rovell [CNBC]

(*Note: Author does not know who is currently popular in the WWE.)

Poor girl. Melanie wasn't going to be covering the game tonight anyway, but hopefully she's still employed at the end of it. But if it's true that she's getting a little grief over the pics? She'll soldier on. Everyone has horrible pictures of they wish would go away.

Mavericks and Nuggets series resumes tonight in La La-ville at the Pepsi Center. This is a game that will hopefully result in all the Malatov cocktail tossing chaos we all expect.

****

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Rally around Kenyon Martin's family!

A Dallas season ticket holder known only as Peggy—who I'm assuming is one of ladies picture here—was sitting behind La La Vazquez at Game 4 and refutes her claims of racist taunts from Maverick fans. Peggy claims that the whole ruckus started when La La's "bodyguard" turned around and insulted her first. Then the rest of the fans in the vicinity jumped to Peggy's defense and the whole thing escalated from there.

She said the only time any Mavs fan touched Vazquez was when a girl in Peggy's group accidentally brushed against her while reaching for a purse underneath her seat.

"Don't you ever (beep) touch me again!" Vazquez responded, according to Peggy, who added that Vazquez also flicked soda on them at that point.

"If that would have been any other fan, they would have been tossed out long before that girl was," Peggy said. "That little girl needed attention. Apparently, she's a has-been whatever."

See? Totally classy. Peggy also claims she was at Game 2 in Denver and had a pleasant chat with Lydia Moore. Kenyon Martin's mom is one of the good ones ... Nuggets fans, I mean.

Game 5 is tonight back in Colorado, but Mark Cuban will not be there because he has urgent business in Las Vegas. Will Peggy take his place? Let's hope so, because this whole series is cursed. There's the Dirk "unpleasantness," Chris Anderson's food poisoning and Antoine Wright had $120,000 worth of jewelry stolen from his home. I don't own $120,000 worth of anything, so I know how that must feel.

MFFL Peggy: LaLa Vazquez and her bodyguard were the instigators [Dallas Mavericks Blog]
Denver Nuggets Upset With Treatment From Dallas Mavericks Fans [CBS 11]
Dallas Mavericks' Antoine Wright reports nearly $120,000 in jewelry stolen from condo [Dallas Morning News]
Nuggets Family Members Probably Aren't Accepting That Apology Any Time Soon
You Can't Play With My La La

Ms. Vazquez, or just "La La" if you're hip enough, has had a distinguished career as a DJ, reality TV host, and playing herself in any movie that will have her. (I think "Soul Plane" was probably her most realistic portrayal of "Herself.") In basketball circles, she is also known as the fiancee of Mr. Carmelo Anthony, an engagement running over four years now. Anyway, she was asked to leave her courtside seat in Dallas last night after an unspecified "incident" with a couple of old white ladies sitting behind her.

It seems that things at the American Airlines Center were actually much uglier than we realized last night. In addition to Vazquez, Maverick fans got into shouting matches with Kenyon Martin's mom (there was even a report that someone threw a beer on her) and Martin's girlfriend, Trina. Martin himself was distracted by the incidents during the game and a Denver assistant actually went into the stands during the game to check on their own fans.

Asked if the game was hostile, [Coach George] Karl said: "I would probably use an uglier word than hostile. I don't think (the fans) were very classy."

We also missed this moment after the game, when Martin shouted at Cuban on the court, calling him a "faggot motherfucker." I wonder if that will come up at dinner?

So either Cuban had an epiphany later that evening—he didn't seem too distressed by the fan behavior immediately after the game—or he's trying to protect his own life when the series goes back to Denver. Either way, there's enough embarrassment to go around for everyone!

Melo's Girl Escorted Away From Courtside [NBC Dallas-Fort Worth]
K-Mart Calls Cuban Fa**ot M-F'er [NBC Dallas-Fort Worth]
Cuban apologizes to Martin, mother in blog [WTVD]
Nuggets denied series sweep [Denver Post]
Mark Cuban Ready To Kiss and Make Up [Deadspin]

After his team survived a squeaker of an elimination game, Cuban logged into his internet web log in the wee hours of this morning to offer his apologies to Kenyon Martin and his mom, Lydia Moore. (Pictured here, laughing at silly Texans I assume.) Tempers flared, feelings were hurt, but it's nothing that a lovely sit-down dinner can't fix.

No one takes more abuse and gets more threats on the road than I do. So I know exactly how it feels. I've also had my family and friends spit on at games in this series....

When the series comes back to Dallas, your family, and the family of other Nuggets players are welcome to stay in my suite, with my family. Its amazing how tempers mellow when real people talk to each other and realize that its still just a game.

If that isn't acceptable, I'm happy to provide a suite, free of charge to them as well and place whatever security is needed to make them feel comfortable....

So if we can put this behind us, I will make sure when the series comes back to Dallas, your family and friends, and that of your teammates are very comfortable at our Arena.

Then I hope we both take the advice of your coach and can get together this summer. Dinner for you and your family is on me.

That's sweet. Of course, in order for his generous offer to take effect, the series would have to go back to Dallas and I'm not sure Dirk Nowitski has that many fourth-quarter outbursts left in him. Unless the guy is willing to do whatever it takes to avoid going back the crazy train that is his home life.

An Apology to Kenyon Martin's Mom [Blog Maverick]
Dirk's Dilemma: Broken Cristal [Dallas Basketball]

Game 3 between the Mavericks and Nuggets ended with the hilarious situation of a team crying about not getting a foul called on them in the final seconds. As Cuban left the floor in a huff, he noticed an angry Dallas fan screaming about the Nuggets players being "thugs." (Again, Dallas was the team trying to foul in the final seconds.) Cuban admits that he then turned to Kenyon Martin's mom, Lydia Moore, who seated nearby and added "That includes your son." But he totally had a good reason for it!

Cuban said by e-mail he knew Martin's mother, because after a previous game that Denver won, she had approached him and made trash-talk-type comments.

Oh, and the Martin boy was fined $25,000 for a hard foul on Dirk Nowitski in Game 1, so obviously Cuban is right about him. I think he and Moore should be forced to sit next each other tonight, with isolation cameras and microphones, because we all deserve to get something interesting out of this sweep.

Cuban admits to "thug" comment about K-Mart [Denver Post]
Kenyon Martin not happy with Mark Cuban [Dallas Morning News]
Mark Cuban Goes After Kenyon Martin's Mother [Pacman Jonesin']

Carmelo Anthony stuck a dagger in the Mavericks last night, swishing a game-winning three with one second on the clock to win the game and put the Nuggets up 3-0 in the series.

The officials, who had called 61 fouls up to that point, missed an intentional foul on Melo by Antoine Wright that would have forced the Nuggets to take the ball out of bounds. Instead, Melo hit his shot, game over.

To add douchebag to injury, Mark Cuban decided put on a post-game show of his own. Predictably, freaking out about the foul, he ended up getting into a yelling match with Kenyon Martin's mom. This was followed by a "situation" with a cameraman. The cameraman says he was shoved, Cuban says he was merely moving him out of the way. I believe Cuban. I mean, he was probably protecting the cameraman from Kenyon's mom. I hear she's pretty fierce.

Oh, and that's not all. Josh Howard had to be restrained from going after referee Mark Wunderlich. After being pulled from the court by coaches and security, Howard takes a swing at a photographer's camera.

NBA officials issued the following mea culpa after the game:

At the end of the Dallas-Denver game this evening, the officials missed an intentional foul committed by Antoine Wright on Carmelo Anthony, just prior to Anthony's three-point basket.

This was followed by Cuban's head exploding.

Video evidence of the chaos:

Melo's shot wins Game 3 [Denver Post]
Mark Cuban, Josh Howard have confrontations with media [Dallas Morning News]