It never did make sense that the Miami logo showed a dolphin wearing a football helmet, when a dolphin is the one NFL mascot that would be suffocated by wearing a helmet. But as part of a rebranding effort to leave behind years upon years of losing—Gloria Estefan! Stadium renovations!—the Dolphins will be introducing…

Tacky! Boy, is that new kinetic sculpture beyond the Marlins' outfield fence tacky. Tacky like their tacky new uniforms are tacky. Tacky like the Miami Marlins' tackily alliterative revised name, highlighting the tacky metropolis they call home.

Now that the Iowa Corn Growers Association and the Iowa Corn Promotion Board have abandoned their ill-fated agrarian-robot-family-allegory design for the Cy-Hawk Trophy, how will the victors in the annual football showdown between Iowa and Iowa State know they've won? Please help bail out the corn industry by…