For starters, McDyess isn't going anywhere. The Nuggets will buy out his contract—which under the league's convoluted salary rules somehow makes them money. Then they will waive him, he'll wait 30 days and re-sign with Detroit for less money. Samb ("as big a project that there has ever been") is headed to the D-League and may never contribute a single thing ever. So essentially, it's a straight-up trade that the Nuggets believe makes their starting lineup into an actual basketball team and saves them cash. As long as no one tells Chauncey that he's 32 years old.

The Nuggets players seemed disappointed, but coach George Karl is not. "If you look at my history, I've always had good point guards, and we've gotten away with winning (here) without an all-star caliber point guard." That's a polite way of saying, "You're no Gary Payton." Billiups isn't either, but he will pass the ball sometimes and has "always dreamed of winning a championship with the Nuggets," which is sort of like dreaming that Superman would come to your birthday party, but he was just a kid.

For the Pistons, this is a low-risk, high-reward gamble. Obviously, they're good enough to reach the conference finals, but no one believes they're going any further without some change. So they take two big contracts off the books and pray Iverson blows up for the final year of his contract, dribbles circles around Paul Pierce come playoff time, then the Knicks give him $50 million while Detroit polishes another trophy. But in the worst case scenario, they're no better off than they were last year, Iverson leaves anyway, and they start over next summer with a clean slate and more money to play with. Rasheed Wallace now has competition for craziest athlete in the building, but at the very least we'll get a few laughs out of that.

Other results from the big trade: Juwan Howard is out of a job (at least until the McDyess situation is resolved) and Woody Paige threw out his tail bone attempting to pull off a very tortured chess metaphor. Seriously, I have no idea what that guy is saying. J.R. Smith is a rook or something?

How about that hair? The most important question of all though: Will Rodney Stuckey get to keep the his No. 3 jersey? Inquiring minds want to know!

Nuggets ship A.I. to Detroit for Billups [Denver Post]
Looking into the costs of the Billups/McDyess trade... [Denver Stiffs]
Roster Analysis: Detroit Pistons Trade Billups and McDyess to Denver Nuggets for Iverson [Indignant Sports]
Bearings On My T-Shirt [Free Darko]
Photo: AP

Part salary cap move, part "we have to try something new", this is one of those deals that has the potential to shake up future playoff races in both conferences—or their respective player contributions will offset each other and both teams will end up right back where they started. Either way.

There are others infinitely more qualified than myself to discuss the X's and O's of this move, but the fact remains that even if he's on the back side of his career, the name "Allen Iverson" still perks up ears. The Pistons have been to the conference finals six years in a row, but haven't won since 2004, so adding a dynamic player like him gives fans a new reason to hope. On the other hand, Chauncey Billups is a big reason they've gone to those conference finals and he's a fan favorite. Are Pistons fans excited or angry now? Do Denver fans feel burned by the too-brief AI Experience? Will I have nightmares about Kelly Tripucka tonight? The answer to at least one of those questions has to be yes.

Pistons near deal for Allen Iverson [Detroit News]
If true, this is a good trade for both teams... [Denver Stiffs]

When last we saw them: Finished 59-23, first in the Central Division and second overall in the East. Suffered their third straight defeat in the Eastern Conference Finals, this time at the sweaty, leather-scented hands of the Boston Celtics.

Key Dubious Arrivals: Kwame Brown (OH DEAR GOD), Walter Sharpe, Will Bynum

Key Departures: Jarvis Hayes, Juan Dixon, Theo Ratliff

The Good: Despite their recent playoff disappointments, Joe Dumars did not panic and blow up the core he has so carefully constructed. For that reason, Detroit still has one of the best (if not the best) starting fives in pro basketball: Chauncey Billups, Rip Hamilton, Rasheed Wallace, Tayshaun Prince and Antonio McDyess. They also have the "Zoo Crew" (Rodney Stuckey, Jason Maxiell, Arron Afflalo and Amir Johnson) coming off the bench. So they're talented, experienced and deep. Not a bad combination, eh? Furthermore, the Pistons are one of the best defensive units in the league on a yearly basis: They were first in the NBA in points allowed last season (90.1) - which makes them one of two teams (along with the Spurs) to finish in the top three in that category during each of the last five seasons - and third in opponents field goal percentage (.437). Flip Saunders has gone the way of the parachute pants, which is good since he had worn out his welcome and certain players (coughRasheedWallacecough) never fully respected him anyway. New head coach Michael Curry seems pretty well-respected around the league. Oh, and 'Sheed - whose contact is up after this season and therefore could be due for a Contract Year Phenomenon - is always good for a few laughs.

The Bad: Their biggest offseason acquisition was Kwame "Stone Hands" Brown. Curry is a rookie head coach with only one year of experience as an assistant, and even though this is a veteran team that should be able to police themselves, it seems to me they need a strong hand to guide them and keep them in line. This is particularly true since the team has a bad habit of succumbing to hubris and presuming they can just show up and beat anybody. That sense of entitlement has hurt them, and badly, in each of the last three Eastern Conference Finals against teams (the Heat, Cavaliers and Celtics) who simply wanted it more. The core group of starters is aging, and there's a sense that their incredible run of health - Billups, Hamilton, Prince, Wallace and McDyess have all appeared in at least 70 games in each of the past four seasons - has to end some time. Also, historically speaking, teams that continually fall short in the playoffs don't usually make The Leap unless they make some dramatic change or heady signing...and Kwame Brown doesn't fit the bill in either case. Oh, and 'Sheed is a ticking time bomb waiting to go off. On pretty much anybody.

Fun Facts: The franchise was founded as the Fort Wayne Zollner Pistons, and their logo was a dude made out of tin cans. (Okay, they're actually supposed to be pistons. I think. You've got to admit the picture is poorly rendered.) Before Hooper, the Pistons' mascot was Sir-Slam A-lot, who, frankly, was much cooler. (By mascot standards, anyway.) Pistons fans (that is, fans attending games at the Palace of Auburn Hills) consume about 175,000 gallons of soft drinks during a season. That's equal to the volume of 103,550 regulation size basketballs or 1,866,702 12-ounce cans of pop. Richard Hamilton is the only player in NBA history to lead his team in scoring without hitting a field goal. On January 6, 2005, Hamilton went 0-10 from the field and 14-14 from the line yet was still the team's highest scorer.

Videotastic extra: Two words: Jingle Bells.

But not everything Dumars touches turns to gold. Don't forget that he drafted Darko Milicic instead of Carmelo Anthony, Chris Bosh, Dwyane Wade, David West, Chris Kaman, and Josh Howard. He also signed a one-legged Chris Webber, and we all know how that ended.

His latest move: He signed Kwame Brown. Yes, the infamous Kwame Brown. The question is: Why? On the surface, it seems ridiculous, especially for someone as universally acclaimed for his GM skills as Dumars is. After all, Brown is widely considered one of the biggest busts in NBA draft history.

Really, though, signing Brown is a no-lose proposition for Dumars. (Well, unless Kwame starts attacking people with birthday cakes again.) First of all, in case you haven't noticed, most of the big and little name free agents have already been signed. And although it seems like he's been around (and underachieving) forever, Brown is only 26 years old. He's also seven feet tall, 270 pounds and pretty athletic (even if he does have hands of stone). As Hubie Brown likes to point out, you can't teach size.

Additionally, while the Pistons are indeed over the $59 million salary cap, they're under the luxury cap of $70 million. Which means they still had a little money to spend on Brown...and a little money is all they're spending: The two-year deal is worth $4 million per. What's more, Brown can opt out of the second year of the contract, so Dumars might be hoping for a little Contract Year Phenomenon. In other words, that Brown - perhaps sensing this may be his last chance to score a big-time contract - will play his absolute ass off this season (and maybe next season as well) to prove his worth to other suitors.

The bottom line is, Dumars wanted a backup big man on the cheap, and that's what he got. Brown, for all his faults, has career averages of 7.5 PPG and 5.7 RPG...which is about what you want from your backup center. If Brown finally bursts out of his shell and submits a career-defining performance this season - however unlikely - Dumars will look like a genius. And if he doesn't, well, he loses out on a rather small investment out of which little was expected in the first place.

Keith Olbermann seemed genuinely flustered last night when Al Gore took his sweet time taking the stage at Joe Louis Arena to endorse Barack Obama; so much so that he forgot what team Chauncey Billups plays for. Billups was onstage to introduce Gore, and Olbermann had to go to his notes to identify him; at first claiming that he played for the Nuggets. Close ... both cities begin with a D. Come on Keith, you're a former SportsCenter anchor.

Part of the problem was that Olbermann's show was just about to end, and he was frustrated because Gore had not yet reached the stage (those ethanol-powered limos are goof for the environment but slow). Meaning that the upstart Dan Abrams — who reminds me of that kid who you always threw rocks at from your tree fort — was going to get the speech on his show in the following time slot.

Al Gore Endorses Barack Obama [MSNBC]
Keith Olbermann Doesn't Have Much Time For Sports These Days [Awful Announcing]

Michael Curry is the top name to take over, though, just for fun, they should see if they can pry Larry Brown away from the Bobcats.

We always thought Flip would be more effective if he just coached the regular season, and someone else took over in the playoffs. Something to think about, as if he's ever getting another coaching gig. Perhaps he and Hillary Clinton will have a weepy late night phone call.

Here we go again. Bill Russell. Elgin Baylor. Bob Cousy. Jerry West. John Havlicek. Wilt Chamberlain. Sam Jones. Gail Goodrich. Larry Bird. Magic Johnson. Kevin McHale. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Robert Parish. James Worthy. Dennis Johnson. Greg Kite. Swen Nater. Not a bad list of names, eh? (Okay. Maybe the last two.) Well, now you can add Kevin Garnett, Kobe Bryant, Paul Pierce, Pau Gasol, Ray Allen and Lamar Odom to that list. Because in case you haven't heard, it's going to be the Los Angles Lakers versus the Boston Celtics in the NBA Finals. [Cue melodramatic music...NOW!]

And let's be totally honest: Who would've thunk it? The Celtics won 24 games last season and Mamba said he wanted to play on Pluto last May. And even as recently as the final quarter of last night's game, this outcome looked dubious. I mean, the Pistons had a 70-60 lead early in the fourth. They were playing at home against a team that's been gak-a-riffic on the road in the postseason. And they were 5-0 in bounce-back games in these playoffs. Boston avoiding a Game 7 looked about as likely as a sequel to Daredevil (i.e., the movie where somebody thought it would be a good idea to dress Ben Affleck up in skin-tight red leather and have him use his superior acting skills to portray a blind dude with super powers).

But the Celtics responded with a 19-4 run and the Pistons were suddenly flat broke. Even a cluster of missed free throws by Garnett and Pierce didn't matter, because David Stern's Amazing Magneto Ray (TM) was knocking Detroit's three-point attempts way off course...and that was that. Celtics 89, Pistons 81.

And in case you were wondering, the answer is yes: Stern and Danny Ainge had a simultaneous orgasm. But the Big Ticket? He's trying to be all cool about it. "It's kind of surreal. Probably hasn't even hit me yet because we haven't slept in about four days, going on five days now. Going to the Finals, I'm just hoping to get some sleep. We're emotionally drained." Not Truth, though. That dude just about had a freaking heart attack.

Speaking of Pierce, he led the Celtics with 27 points (on 8-for-12 shooting) and 8 rebounds. Allen got hot early and finished with 17 points and 6 rebounds. KG added 16, 6 and 4. And let's not forget the Celtics roleplayers, who may not have had gaudy stats but nonetheless made huge contributions. Sam Cassell was only 1-for-5, but that 1 was big. Kendrick Perkins had a huge block late. And James Posey made the defensive play of the night, stealing the ball from an unsuspecting Tayshaun Prince with just over two minutes left and Boston clinging to a four-point lead.

Chauncey Billups scored a playoff-high 29 points for the Pistons, and Rip Hamilton shook off his fake elbow injury to score 21, but those dudes were on their own offensively. Prince (10 points, 3-for-12), Rasheed Wallace (4 points, 2-for-12) and the bench (11 points, 4-for-10) didn't have their back. And now this team's run — which has included six Eastern Conference Finals appearances, two berths in the NBA Finals, and one championship — might be over. Flip Saunders? He might not be back. 'Sheed? He could be gone. Antonio McDyess? He might be bronzed and put on display at the Smithsonian. Times they are a changin'...

But the more things change, the more they stay the same. The same as they were in the 60s and 80s. It's Boston and L.A. for all the marbles. The NBA Finals start on Thursday night in Beantown.

'Sheed's potty mouth. Rasheed got T'd up and T'd off in Game 5, leading to the following "expletive-laced tirade" during his postgame meltdown: "All that (expletive) calls they had out there, with Mike (Callahan) and Kenny (Mauer) you've all seen that (expletive). You saw them calls. The cats are flopping all over the floor and they're calling that (expletive). That (expletive) ain't basketball out there. It's all (expletive) entertainment. You all should know that (expletive). It's all (expletive) entertainment." Yup. 'Sheed is (expletive) awesome! Only one problem. He's (expletive) one technical foul away from being (expletive) suspended for one game. Think he'll be on his best behavior tonight? Heh...then you don't know 'Sheed.

Flip Saunders, millionaire babysitter. Don't worry, Pistons fans. Flip's gonna get 'Sheed in line. "Usually when he gets this close in those types of situations, he knows to try to tone it down a little. I'll talk to him." Oh. You'll talk to him. Well, okay then. Problem totally solved. (Note Flip's use of the words "usually" and "try"...)

Ray Allen's love story. His prodigal jump shot returned for Game 5, and Ray made sweet, sweet love to it: 29 points, 9-for-15 from the field, and 5-for-6 from that errogenous zone beyond the arc. The Celtics will need him to keep strokin' it if they're going to come through in Detroit.

Flip Saunders, drama queen. Flip is still flippin' the you-know-what out about that bear-hug foul Paul Pierce committed against Chauncey Billups. "I told the referee when I was standing there, 'We've got New England Patriots that are here. (Tedy) Bruschi had a tackle like that in the Super Bowl. So I don't think that's allowed in basketball." In other news, Flip would also like the league to look into that foul Kevin McHale committed against Kurt Rambis in the 1984 NBA Finals. "Randy Macho Man Savage had a clothesline like that against Ricky Steamboat in Wrestlemania III. So I don't think that's allowed in basketball."

Kevin Garnett. In game 5, KG scored 33 points (11-for-17) and hit the game-clinching freethrows, but, well, here's what he did down the stretch: 6:48 - Turnover. 5:51 - Turnover. 5:08 - Missed jump shot. 4:04 - Two made freethrows. 3:32 - Two made freethrows. 2:38 - Missed jump shot. 0:18 - Missed jump shot. 0:03 - Two made freethrows. So basically, in clutch time, KG was 0-for-3 from outside and bobbled the ball away twice. He did add four important freethrows, as well as the two game-clinchers off the forced foul...but still. That wasn't exactly a clutchtastic performance. Teams don't usually win elimination games on the road when their best player can count his clutch playoff performances on one finger.

Doc Rivers farts in his critics' general direction. Some people say Doc can't coach. Others say that he is, in fact, the Forest Gump of NBA coaching. But that don't bother him none. "I've always laughed at some of the criticism. I was joking with someone the other day, and I told them, just answer me this: 'Why would someone listen to a guy that hasn't played, hasn't coached? Some of the guys have never even been reporters - they're bloggers.' Who's the fool, me or the people listening." Wow. I guess you can include Doc Rivers in the anti-blogger camp. I mean, what do we really know, anyway? I'm too busy drooling on myself and shitting my pants to really blalsdjlruouwoerfjs...

Chris Webber, still trying to remain relevant. Who cares what this guy thinks, right? The Associated Press, apparently. Somebody dredged the comments he made about Flip Saunders on TNT at halftime of Game 4 of the Sixers-Pistons series ("No disrespect to Flip, but it doesn't matter what Flip says."), and of course Webber chose to clarify his statements. "All I was saying was that the Pistons are the most veteran team besides San Antonio and both of those teams have leaders in the locker room. I like Flip and think he's a good coach. I predicted the Pistons to win it all and you can't do that with a bad coach." Isn't it funny how often pro athletes, even the washed-up ones, get misquoted?

Doc Rivers seeks his Captain's bar in Obvious. So sayeth the Doctor: "We don't want to go to a Game 7. We want to win this now if we can. They're not going to let us win it. We're going to have to come in and take it." Wait, Doc. Are you sure about that? I mean, maybe they will let you win if you ask really nicely and promise to throw in some My Little Pony stickers. The worst they can do is say "no," right?

Paul Pierce: Not tired, as far as he can tell. Here's the Truth on maybe being tired: "The only thing on my mind is getting a win, getting a step closer to being in the NBA Finals. I don't think fatigue is going to be a factor for the rest of this series. The guys physically for the most part are feeling good, and it's all about mental toughness right now." So...the Celtics must win using the power of their minds? Why does that worry me?

Rip Hamilton. The Phantom of Auburn Hills injured his right elbow in Game 5. The funny part of this particular ouchie is how it happened: By wrapping his arm around Ray Allen's neck during a rebounding scrum. I guess sometimes injuries are Karmic. Anyway, he'll play in Game 6, but it'll be interesting to see whether his arm-flailing form is affected.

Kendrick Perkins. According to Flip Saunders, "Perkins is eating us up." Need I say more?

The prediction. Detroit pulls out a close one before taking a nap in Game 7.

It's just like a Whitney Houston song. Only cool. Ray Allen has had a hard few weeks since his jump shot left him for Jason Kapono. There have been tears. There have been regrets. One night, Ray-Ray was so upset he brushed and flossed his teeth only seven times before going to bed, and his early morning finger-tapping sequence — all five, then the middle three, then finally his middle finger — was all out of whack. But now that his jump shot has returned from its little tryst, Ray's Obsessive-compulsive Disorder is back on track...and so is his game. And that sound you just heard was a collective "Hallelujah!" from his coaches and teammates.

Allen scored a playoff-high 29 points on 9-for-15 shooting — including 5-for-6 from over the rainbow — and he hit a Charles-Barkley's-ass-sized shot with a minute to go to fend of a furious Piston rally that had cut a huge Celtic lead to one. And thanks to this blissful reunion, Boston won 106-102 and is now a single game from returning to the NBA Finals for the first time since those halcyon days when shorts were so short that an overly enthusiastic dunk might expose a random testicle. Wow. Didn't know I was going there...

Kevin Garnett had 33 points (his playoff-best for this year) and Kendrick "The Beast" Perkins played like it, going off for career playoff-highs in points (18) and rebounds (16) ... which Detroit coach Flip Saunders to say: "Perkins is eating us up." (Should we change his nickname to "Pacman"? Or is that taken?)

The Celtics' honor roll continued with Rajon Rondo (7 points, 13 assists, 4 steals) and Paul Pierce (13 of his 16 points in the first half, 5 rebounds, 6 assists). And it's a damned good thing that all their starters played so well, considering they got a sum total of 3 points from their bench (including a Super Mario! from Eddie House).

Considering their defense got shelled (51 percent shooting for Boston), and they got gangbanged on the boards (42-25), the Pistons were lucky to even be in the game at the end. But after building a 17-point third-quarter lead, the Celtics pulled out the prevent defense they used in Game 3 with similar effect: Detroit went on a 21-8 fourth quarter run that cut the lead to four with just under five minutes to go. Rodney Stuckey — who hit a big three-pointer to draw the Pistons within one with 1:22 to go — accidentally hit a foul shot he meant to miss (so Detroit could get it back) with about 4 seconds left. You really should have seen the look on his face; it was classic. KG then finished things off with a couple free throws.

Chauncey Billups led the Pistons with 26 points and 6 assists. Rip Hamilton, who strained his right elbow in the closing ticks, had 25 points, 6 assists, and 6 turnovers. And Rasheed Wallace added 18 points and his sixth technical fouls of the postseason (Said 'Sheed: "A lot of those foul calls, cats were flopping and falling all over the floor!").

Game 6 is Friday in Motown.

Gisele Bundchen. Tom Brady's supermodel pet was in attendance at Game 2, when the Celtics' perfect home playoff record came to a sticky end. Bitter New Englanders will also note that Gi was at Super Bowl XLII, where the Patriots' perfect record got blown to smithereens. (Hold on...MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...okay, I'm done.) My point is actually a message to Tom Terrific: Leave the bitch at home. Bros before hos, dude. Bros before hos. (I'm sure Tedy Bruschi is free.)

History lesson. In Game 5 of the 1987 Eastern Conference Finals, Larry Bird famously stole a lazy inbounds pass and fed a streaking Dennis Johnson for a layup, and the Celtics beat the Pistons 108-107. In Game 5 of the 1988 Eastern Conference Finals, Detroit held Boston to six field goals in the final 17 minutes and ended up winning in overtime 102-96. In both cases, the team that won Game 5 won the series. I'm just sayin'.

This could be your last chance, Part I. In Game 4, Antonio McDyess partied like it was 1998, to the tune of 21 points and 16 rebounds. The dude played — CLICHE ALERT!! — like there was no tomorrow. And Doc Rivers wants his squad to learn from that. "I think the veterans really get that. I think the young ones always think there's another opportunity. The whole thing is to show them how close we are, the sense of urgency they have to have. Because the other team has it."

This could be your last chance, Part II. Flip Saunders thinks some of the Pistons should also be following in the footsteps of Old Man McDyess. "He knows that you can't take any of this for granted. Some of our guys have been in six straight conference finals, which is an amazing achievement, but for some of our guys, this is the first time. Dice knows that, at this point of his career, it could always be his last. And all our guys need to realize that. You can't just expect there to always be a next time." Yup. Just ask Dwyane Wade.

This could be your last chance, Part III. Doc doesn't have to worry about Paul Pierce. He gets it. "We don't get this opportunity too much in our careers. We have to go out and play like it's our last, because you never know when this is going to happen again. We have to find some way, somehow to get a win at home and bring that momentum back to Detroit."

The power of positive thinking. Kendrick Perkins moves like he's in one of those dreams where you run like you're underwater. You know the ones? Anyway, he may be Mr. Molasses, but he's still impressed and inspired by the confidence dripping off of The Mid-sized Three. "They never panic, especially Ray, Paul and KG. They're always poised. They never talk negative, even after the loss they stayed positive. It was like, 'Don't even worry about it. We aren't losing any more games at home.'" Speaking of those dudes...

The Mid-sized Three. Boston's menage a trois shot 11-for-38 in Game 4, and you don't need a degree in matheology to know that's bad. Kind of like eating yellow snow or crossing the streams. They need to shoot better - and by "they" I mean KG and Truth, because Ray-Ray's a lost cause - for the Celtics to win, well, any more games.

Chauncey Billups. Mr. Big Shot might have to change is name to Mr. Shoot Him And Put Him Out Of His Misery. He's been truly, truly awful. Like, worthy of a Waltonism-level awful. But don't worry. It's not the hamstring. It's his timing. Or it's all in your mind. Or something. According to Flip Saunders, anyway. "I think his leg is fine; I think he just needs to get his timing back. If you notice, he's playing better late in games, and I think some of that is just from getting into a rhythm. It isn't about how he plays, it is about how the team plays. When we lose, it is going to be his fault, and when we win, he'll get the credit. That just goes with being a point guard."

Rodney Stuckey. Here's what's depressing if you're Boston: Stuckey is playing so well it almost doesn't matter how Billups plays. Seriously. This kid is good. And confident. And he scares me. Where's my blankie?

Calling all leprechauns (and the ghost of Red Auerbach). According to Sam Cassell and other Celtics, the visitor's locker room in the Palace of Auburn Hills was hot before Game 4. Like, fry-an-egg-on-your-head hot. Shenanigans? You'd better believe it. I bet Red was rolling over in his grave, because that was his old trick. Think the visitor's locker room will be hot, or cold, or under water for Game 5? You'd better believe it.

Calling all passers. You know what's worse than a steaming hot locker room? Bad ball movement. That's what the C's had in Game 4: 12 assists compared to 14 turnovers. Ugh. Of course, that number would probably be a little higher if they had, I dunno, hit some shots.

Bold prediction. The Celtics win by some positive number.

The Dice Man cometh...once every 10 years. Let's go over the Boston Celtics' Game 4 checklist. Shut down Chauncey Billups (10 points, 3-for-12) and Tayshaun Prince (7 points, 3-for-12)? Check. Contain Rasheed Wallace (14 points, 5 rebounds, 5 blocked shots)? Sort of check. Limit Rip Hamilton's scoring opportunities (20 points, 8-for-10)? Well, at least he didn't get 30. That's everybody, right? Right?! Oops. Not right. Very not right.

Antonio McDyess — who apparently discovered the Fountain of Youth over the weekend — had his best playoff game since April 27, 1998, scoring 21 points, grabbing 16 rebounds, playing lockdown defense, providing energy, inspiring his teammates and turning pure evil into delicious candy. Thanks largely to his unexpected transformation back into the Dice Man of the late 90s, the Pistons ran away with a 94-75 victory over the Celtics.

Said McDyess: "You only have so many opportunities, and they're limited, especially for me. I'm at the end of my career, and I just feel like leaving everything on the floor." And that "everything" includes a giant, smoking crater that used to be the Celtics.

Still, Antonio's big game aside, the Leprechauns did not play well. They shot 31 percent. They hit only one of their nine three-point attempts. They got 10 of their shots stuffed. They had more turnovers (14) than assists (12). And their defense on the Pistons — who shot 51 percent and committed only 7 turnovers — wasn't exactly the stuff of legends.

Boston's Mid-sized Three of Kevin Garnett (16 points, 10 rebounds), Paul Pierce (16 points, 8 rebounds) and Ray Allen (11 points) also failed to deliver, missing their first seven shots and combining to hit 11-for-38 for the game. But the Celtics used The Stern Button for their 39 free throw attempts to stay in the game...until the fourth quarter, anyway. And that's when the Pistons shut them down.

Said Boston coach Doc Rivers: "They bumped us off our spots and were more physical and aggressive all night. Usually the winner is the team that was more aggressive."

Yup. And now the series is tied 2-2. Game 5 is Wednesday in Boston.

Kevin Garnett (22 points, 13 rebounds, 6 assists) played the role of high priest, and role players like Kendrick Perkins (12 points, 10 rebounds), Rajon Rondo (14 points, 4 assists) and James Posey (12 points, 4 rebounds) were his faithful acolytes. Huh. Not sure what that makes Ray Allen (14 points, 5-for-16, 6 assists) or Paul Pierce (11 points, 4 rebounds, 5 turnovers). Maybe I should have skipped the magic analogy, or used Harry Potter references again.

Anyway, it wasn't about Boston's individual performances. It was about their defense. They held the Pistons to 38 percent shooting - including 1-for-13 from downtown - and outrebounded them 44-28. Rip Hamilton scored 26 points, but he was only 8-for-18 from the field. Chauncey Billups (6 points, 1-for-6, 4 assists) played like his hamstring was missing. Tayshaun Prince (4 points, 2-for-11, 4 rebounds) played like he was keeping Chauncey's hamstring company. And Rasheed Wallace eventually fouled out after a frustrating night of trying to keep up with KG.

Still, all that being said, the Pistons cut a 20-point Boston lead down to only nine with about three minutes left, thanks mostly to the fact that the Celtics went into the NBA-equivalent of the prevent defense: Walking the ball up the court, trying to waste time, putting up rushed shots before the shot clock could expire. In short, playing not to lose their lead instead of trying to extend it. Which is stupid, and ugly to watch, but I guess it worked.

And Doc Rivers was totally underwhelmed. "I think our guys just assumed we would eventually win on the road." If you say so, Doc. And on the other end of the spectrum, Flip Saunders is all life or death. "They got home court back. [The next game] is a crucial game for us - the biggest of the year."

Game 4 is Monday in Detroit.

"Rest is not an option." So said Kevin Garnett after the Celtics defeated the Pistons 88-79 in Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Finals, adding "So we don't even think about that." And based on the way Garnett played — a game-high 26 points (11-for-17), 9 rebounds, 4 assists, 2 blocks, and several Lou Ferrigno-style flexdowns — I wouldn't blame Doc Rivers if he replaced that glass of warm milk KG drinks before bedtime with a couple dozen bottles of 5-Hour Energy. That cat didn't need any rest. And neither did the rest of the Celtics.

Boston hit 52 percent of its shots, forced Detroit to miss almost 60 percent of its and won the battle in the paint 44-22 to remain undefeated at home in the playoffs. And KG wasn't the only leprechaun bleeding Celtic Pride. Paul Pierce had 22 points, 6 rebounds and 6 assists. Kendrick Perkins looked like a real NBA center by grabbing 10 rebounds. And Rajon Rondo (11 points, 7 assists, 5 steals) outplayed Chauncey Billups (9 points, 2 assists).

As has been the case throughout pretty much every game in every series of these playoffs, the third quarter pretty much decided who would win. Boston outscored Detroit 28-17 in period numero tres. And even though that wasn't the ball game, it sort of was the ball game, you know?

Whether it was the layoff, the Celtics D, or the outcome of last week's stunning season finale of Smallville, most of the Pistons starters were off their game. Antonio McDyess was the best of the lot with 14 points (5-for-10) and 11 rebounds. But Billups, Tayshaun Prince (16 points, 7-for-16), Rip Hamilton (15 points, 5-for-13) and especially Rasheed Wallace (11 points, 3-for-12, roasted by Garnett) all kind of sucked. For them, anyway.

Detroit coach Flip Saunders scoffed at the excuses, saying that neither the layoff nor the Smallville finale — which he said turned out pretty much how he'd expected — had anything to do with his team's disappointing failure. "It wasn't a matter of rust as we had too many mental mistakes. We weren't in the right situations on some offensive sets. We weren't in the right situations on some defensive rotations. When you do that, it messes up the whole team and the whole team looks a step slow." Well, there you go. That explains it.

Game 2 is in Boston on Thursday night.

Fun fact: New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick attended last night's game and actually sat near the Detroit bench with some mummy-like woman (see above). There was no word whether he was standing over Flip Saunders' shoulder with a video camera at any point, but the Celtics had their offensive game in weeks. It's...it's almost like they knew what kind of defensive sets the Pistons were going to run. Especially after halftime. Hmmm, I wonder...

Funner fact: In the days leading up to Game 1, Ray Allen said: "I would rather have the rhythm" of regular competition than extra rest "because (with) the rhythm you don't have to guess from one day to the next" how you'll play. Well, Ray-Ray sure maintained the rhythm he established in the Cleveland series, scoring 9 points on 3-for-10 shooting. So yeah, maybe there was at least one Celtic who could have used some time off.

Detroit versus Boston: Game 1

The season series. The Celtics won it 2-1, taking the last two in Detroit and Boston, respectively. But based on the Pistons' championship savvy, and the Celtics' up-and-down-and-up-and-down play in the postseason, you might as well cram all that regular season stuff into a bucket, cover it with something flammable, set it on fire, and then throw it at your little sister. For example.

Rest versus rhythm. Which is better for a team going into the Eastern Conference Finals: What seems like several weeks worth of rest and relaxation, or the continuity of having been playing basketball every other day for the duration of the playoffs? Ray Allen thinks it's the latter. "I would rather have the rhythm" of regular competition than extra rest "because (with) the rhythm you don't have to guess from one day to the next" how you'll play. Which is a funny comment coming from Mr. Shuttlesworth (but more on that below). Here's the thing: If there's one team that's unlikely to be negatively effected by an extended layoff, it's the Spurs. If there are two teams that meet that criteria, the other one is the Pistons.

Ray Allen. He was bad in the second round. I mean bad bad. He averaged something like 5 points on 17 percent shooting. And if you're wondering: Yes, I totally made those stats up. But it sure felt like that — or worse — didn't it? Word on the street is that Ray got in some extra shooting practice yesterday, which kind of like a magician sitting in his bedroom practicing the same card trick over and over. Shooting in the solitary comfort of the team's practice facility isn't the same as knocking 'em down in an actual game with a sweaty hand in your face. But I'm sure Ray's looking for something, anything, that'll break this jinx. Personally, I think he should try some voodoo magic. Now where did I leave those Sankara Stones...

Note: The Celtics' "Big Three" have been downgraded to the Wonderful One-Point-Eight, due to Ray-Ray's miserable -1.20 performance in the second round. I dare you to defy the power of my math.

Home sweet home, Part XXII. Who says you need to win on the road? The Celtics don't. That's the glory of home-court advantage. But after two emotionally and physically draining seven-game series, it's almost impossible for me to imagine the Pistons not winning one of the first two games at the TD Banknorth Garden. I mean, I can't see all the rhythm in the world stopping that.

Kevin Garnett. The Big Ticket played better against the Pistons this season than almost any other team: 24 PPG, 54 percent shooting, and 7.7 RPG. Those are pretty good numbers against a pretty good defensive team. Won't happen in this series, though, not against 'Sheed's long-armed defense. Or...will it?

Paul Pierce. Forget the 41-point bomb he dropped on the Cavs on Sunday. Truth flat-out struggled against the Pistons this season: 15 PPG, 36 percent shooting, and 5.5 RPG. But he also averaged 6.0 APG in those three games, so he was making things happen. And Pierce is Boston's only real go-to guy, which I'm thinking they're going to need in this series.

And the Celtics are going to defend...who, exactly? Who is the Boston D supposed to focus on when, literally, anybody on the Detroit roster could beat them on any given night. Doc Rivers — SURPRISE!! — has no idea. "It's the exact opposite. You go from Cleveland and Atlanta in a lot of ways with Joe Johnson, where you focus on double-teaming, to playing a team that all the guys in the starting lineup are capable of having good nights." After uttering those cryptic final words, Doc's head exploded, showering the nearby media members with gory bits of blood and brains.

History is on their side, Part XIII. The Pistons didn't have homecourt advantage when they won the Eastern Conference Finals in 2004 and 2005.

Deep thoughts by Paul Pierce. So said-eth The Truth: "When you're waking up you notice that the sun's been out. It's been warm outside. It's very rare that you're playing in the Eastern Conference that you're still playing when it's 70 degrees, so you know you've gone pretty far in the playoffs and I think some guys wake up and say, 'hey, we're still playing,' and they get excited about it." Profound!

It's just been a learning experience. Really! Ray Allen thinks all the lousy play and inexplicable losses on the road has been like getting beaten up by Clubber Lang and then Mickey dying in Rocky III. In other words: A valuable learning tool. "We've learned a lot about each other. It's good for us because as a team this is our first time together. Our valleys that we're going through, seven games, adversity on the road. All that stuff that people say is a reason why we won't win, it's a reason why we will win." So what we thought was yucky badness...it's actually yummy goodness?! Well, shoot, when you put it that way, the Celtics totally have this one in the bag.

Ring the alarm and call in the ponies: Starting now, these Celtics are no longer playoff disappointments. They've spent long enough confounding and outraging us — from this moment on, they're underdogs.

See, that's one advantage of this damn near eternal postseason. It doesn't matter if you start it off as most likely to fo, fo, fo, fo. Enough turmoil, and rounds distended by a series that refuses to die, and there's plenty of room for narrative revision. You can change your face. You can change your whole fucking life.

Remember when this historic lineup saw its first game together? It was supposed to bring about 82 gargantuan nights of smart, sleek basketball that showed off these three stars in all their glory. They were instantly put on television more times than Portland and Seattle combined. Then the season started, and it became clear that toughness and discipline were the intended consequence. Still, a team for the ages. Then the playoffs, where this proud bunch was hapless away from home. Against the Cavs, they got nothing from Ray Allen, less than they would've liked from Garnett, and only advanced by imitating Cleveland's groundbreaking offense — with Paul Pierce playing the King James role.

(Sidenote: After this series, I can say for certain that Doc Rivers isn't letting Ray Allen be the Ray Ray we all knew and loved. That might be part of the problem. It's like, in the interest of streamlining the offense, he decided he had Steve Kerr, not an honest to God shooting guard. If I sound bitter, I am. That's exactly the kind of decision that got us so far from the Celtics team I once imagined seeing out there).

We've come a long way from those dreams of eye-popping play and non-stop, full-body sentimental orgasm. Here's the new party line: These guys were older than we thought. Mavs redux? Nah son, Garnett, Pierce and Allen gave it their all throughout the season because they couldn't help it, and now it's caught up with them. Lack of poise, or chemistry, or old postseason ghosts come back? Of course not. These are craggy warriors who refuse to quit. It's all about resolve once the wheels fall off, when regrouping has long ago disappeared in the rear view.

Look what's happening around them. The bench is uncertain. The role players are yanked quick, not nurtured. Doc Rivers, once the guru of unity, now has to improvise a rotation each game. These are times for real heroism. Anyone can win 60 when things click. Adversity, though, is what brings out the best in people. A little desperation makes you reach way deep down and flourish. This isn't a well-oiled march toward the championship these players deserve, it's the fight of their lives. Ironically, these scrappers and survivors, veterans of meaningless excellence and long springs of envy, are now being asked to conjure up their former selves. It's their only hope.

Or maybe they've just become Detroit. Balanced, grouchy, and always hovering somewhere between underachieving and surprising. The Pistons get here like clockwork. They always have some ups and some downs, some moments of arrogance and those of gut-wrenching humility. Sometimes they coast, others they work like hell. It's a mishmash of moods and styles that doesn't lend itself to easy characterization, and in part accounts for the indifference about them.

But the Pistons are here every year, while the Celtics, they've had to fight back from the depths of hell to get here. This has been in the making since they lost Bias and then Lewis. They're imperfect, but on a mission. The Pistons are the regulars who just fuck around every year and make it deep into the playoffs. They're an institution today, while the Celtics are struggling to live up to the weight of their own monumental past. Detroit has nothing to lose; they already got their ring. These Celtics, they need one to justify this team's existence. And yes, these are the times when knowing you're Hall of Fame-bound can keep you up nights.

Celtics, I believe in you. And when you lose to Los Angeles in the Finals, I'll be the first to jump on the message boards and say THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS SEASON IT'S SO AMAZING WE EVEN GOT BACK IN THE FINALS AGAIN.

The Pistons have officially "Hulked out." No, I'm not talking about Bill Bixby or even Jenny McCarthy. I'm referring to the old Hulk Hogan riff where he'd get beaten up badly enough to kill a full-grown moose but — right before losing his last hit point — immediately return to full health, shaking and flexing like somebody just stuffed his junk into an electrical outlet. Then he'd take two punches to the face without being fazed, block the third, deliver three punches of his own, fling his opponent to the ropes, kick them in the head, give them the atomic leg drop, and pin them. Worked every time...for 20 years.

Tell me that doesn't remind you of the Pistons. They always seem to get beaten up now and again during the regular season and playoffs but then start whoopin' on people again. Last night's whoopees were the Orlando Magic, who got choke-slammed into a 0-1 series hole thanks to a 91-73 decision.

Not much went right for Orlando. Dwight Howard had a "meh" game (12 points, 8 rebounds), Hedo Turkoglu fouled out, they couldn't find the range from beyond the arc (2-for-15) or the freethrow line (10-for-20), and Jameer Nelson (7 points, 3-for-8, 5 assists) and Maurice Evans (4 points, 2-for-3, 3 turnovers) got pwned by Chauncey Billups (19 points, 7 assists) and Rip Hamilton (17 points, 7-for-14).

Howard, who injured his thumb while going for a rebound in the third quarter, got pretty bummed out as the Pistons pulled away in the fourth quarter. "I don't think I even looked up at the scoreboard for a while. It's disappointing." Buck up, Dwight. It's still only one loss. Even if it feels like three.

Quote of the night: Referring to the physical and emotional elements of the game, Rasheed Wallace said, "You can't rattle us. We ain't no punks." (I'm not going to say anything about what a double negative means...)

Tyson Chandler > Shaq. Who knew? The Suns traded for The Big Cactus in order to shut down Tim Duncan, but Timmah still destroyed them. Then Tyson Chandler — yes, that Tyson Chandler — destroyed Timmah, for one game at least.

Chandler finished with 10 points, 15 rebounds and 3 blocked shots, and his defense — with a little help from his teammates — held Duncan to 5 points (1-for-9) and 3 rebounds. Ouchie. It should be no surprise, then, that the Hornets delivered a 101-82 piledriver to the Spurs.

Chandler, David West (30 points, 13-for-23, 9 rebounds), Chris Paul (17 points, 13 assists, 4 steals), and Peja Stojakovic (22 points, 9-for-15) were all inspired by a little pregame eye-candy from coach Byron Scott: The three championship rings he won with the Lakers during the 80s. Said Paul: "It sort of gives you goose bumps. We understand right now we're on that same journey and we feel like we can get there."

The Spurs are probably feeling some goose bumps, too, thanks to the bitterly cold shooting of Duncan and Kurt Thomas (1-for-4). Tony Parker scored 23 on 9-for-17 shooting, but he also committed a game-high 5 turnovers and smelled vaguely of French pastries. Manu Ginobili came off the San Antonio bench to contribute 19 points, 6 rebounds and 7 assists, but he and his team still came up several flops and Duncan faces short.

Aaaaand (wiping the sweat off my brow), my pick to win the finals win the finals is still intact.

That was a close one. The Pistons nearly sleepwalked their way through their third playoffs in a row, the 76ers played with more guts than anyone else has shown all season, and in this topsy-turvy sports world of the Giants beating the Patriots and the Colorado Rockies playing in a World Series, "anything" almost happened. But then the Pistons became the Pistons began and made millions of Detroit citizens want to strangle a lamppost, with frustrations of, "WHY THE HELL CAN'T YOU GUYS ALWAYS PLAY LIKE THIS??"

An additional critical event occurred, though, which I must acknowledge. Flip Saunders actually made some adjustments — perhaps only inadvertently, but after ripping him in the past, I have to give the guy some credit. For one, after McDyess' schnoz got busted, Jason Maxiell was inserted into the starting lineup to great effect. They might as well leave him in there as it takes tremendous pressure of McDyess to be the presence in the middle that Ben Wallace represented a few years ago. Saunders also played the young guys Aaron Afflalo, Amir Johnson and Rodney Stuckey, and not only in the midst of blowouts.

I found that a surprising and nifty move given that (a) it goes completely against the Larry Brown ethos of relying on minimal rotations and playoff-tested vets (b) this postseason is teaching us that we are exiting the Shaq/Jason Kidd epoch into a new era of speed and youth (see Chris Paul, Josh Childress, Rajon Rondo, Josh Smith, Thaddeus Young, Brandon Bass, etc.). The Pistons will need youthful vigor to survive the road ahead.

So, yeah, maybe Saunders has learned a thing or two about coaching, but when it comes down to it, the Pistons are really only as good as their Brahma of Hamilton, Prince, Billups, and Sheed. And as ostensible Pistons insider, Chris Webber, stated last week on Inside the NBA, when it comes down to it, the Pistons ultimately do not follow in Flip's footsteps, but rather they take the character of team president Joe Dumars. Note the key term there: character. It's a vague all-encompassing term that has to do with mettle and respect and toughness, but whatever it means, it's what these playoffs are all about, and what they have been about since the dissolution of the Kobe/Shaq dynasty. For all the crap I talk about the Spurs, they are the ultimate character team, having won two of the last three titles simply off of integrity. When the Mavs went up 2-0 on the Heat two years ago, character prevailed and a scrappy Dwyane Wade floorburned his way to the championship. When Golden State beat Dallas in the first round last year, the Warriors had character oozing out of their pores.

And in the match-up of character, Orlando doesn't stand a chance to Detroit. Talent, now that's a whole different story. No doubt the Magic have in Dwight Howard the most talented player in the series, and probably a top 3 player of the remaining playoff teams (just behind Kobe and Chris Paul). This is not to mention that both Rashard Lewis and Hedo Turkoglu may be better pure scorers than anyone on the Detroit squad. However, there's something just a little too synthetic about the Magic's game. They seem like a bunch of guys who just fell off some alien tree; aside from Jameer Nelson I can't imagine any of them having played in college. They're too neon; I could never see them photographed in sepia tones. The Pistons on the other hand, are a team full of bearded, masked, future politicians — guys who play like they're mentally 65 years old.

So in the end, it's like comparing Brad Pitt to James Dean. Scientology to Taoism. Cheetos to Bavarian Pretzels. Converse to BAPEs. And so I'm rolling with what I know, which is Detroit, all earth and blood of them. The Magic will get their day once they add some depth and consistent PG play, but I think that Detroit in the first round received their scariest and last wake up call, and now they're ready to go. The theme of this playoffs has been windows. Windows are opening for the Hornets, Sixers and Hawks for future success. On the flip, windows are slamming shut for the Mavericks, the Nuggets, the Suns, and sheeeit, maybe even the Celtics. And when it comes to Detroit, this is the moment of truth. Either play hard, with no lapses toward coasting, or else fingers are getting smashed. Louis Williams already showed you his fangs. Julian Wright wants to taste bone marrow. And Joe Johnson, well he might as well be the Unabomber. This is a different era. As Shaq and Kidd become dust to dust, the young-uns are realizing that their time is now, so be wary Detroit; this is your last chance.

I feel like we've seen this before, Part I. Well, Dirk Nowitzki and his Mavericks got the playoff matchup they wanted...and five games later, they're once again on the outside looking in. Surprise, surprise.

Chris Paul had a triple-double (24 points, 11 rebounds, 15 assists), David West scored at will (25 points, 10-for-17), Jannero Pargo gave a "suck it, Jason Kidd!" performance (17 points, 7-for-9) and the New Orleans Hornets are movin' on up after a 99-94 victory. Man, what I wouldn't have given to be on Bourbon St. last night.

The Mavs didn't go down quietly. Or wisely. Jerry Stackhouse got himself ejected with 1:47 to play for batting the ball out of Paul's hands during a stoppage in play. Then Stack got all up in West's face. Brilliant moves, Jerry, both of them. Still, Dallas cut a 17-point lead to three with 33 seconds to go, and then they forced a big miss by Paul...but failed to grab the ensuing rebound. Tyson Chandler (10 points, 14 rebounds) smacked the rock out to Paul, who passed it to Peja Stojakovic, and Peja sealed the win with a couple freethrows.

Dirk Nowitzki (22 points, 13 rebounds, 6 assists) did his best, but the results - as always - were the same. Still, Nowitzki offered that "We're better than we showed this series." Sure, Dirk. We hear that every year.

I feel like we've seen this before, Part II. Back in his MVP days, Shaq liked to quote Aristotle, who once said, "Excellence is not an act, but a habit." Unfortunately for the Suns, they have a bad habit of losing big games to the Spurs. Over and over and over again...

Speed it up, slow it down, doesn't matter. San Antonio eliminated Phoenix once again. And the 92-87 loss stung Amare Stoudemire as much as anybody else. "Every year it seems like we always play the Spurs, and they beat us every single time. As long as I'm here we're going to break it sooner or later, because I'm tired of losing to these guys. I'm sick and fed up."

And least Stoudemire is young enough to wait it out. Steve Nash - who lost the ball three big times down the stretch - might be out of time. And he knows what just happened to his team. "I think on paper we have more talent than they do. But I think their experience, their commitment and understanding of what they're trying to do is greater than ours. Their ability to play together and make small plays on both ends of the floor is unsurpassed."

As usual, the Spurs used two guys to do most of the damage. Tony Parker had 31 points and 8 assists, and Tim Duncan added 29 points and 17 rebounds. No other San Antonio player reached double figures, but, as Nash pointed out, they did all the little things champions do. And the Suns didn't.

Smackdown in Motown. Random statistical phenomenon: The Philadelphia 76ers are now 0-1 since Samuel Dalembert got his crazy-ass new mohawk. And given the importance of the game in question, this was the worst possible time for Sam to go on a spectacular hair adventure.

The Pistons, who have apparently turned their targeting computers back on, hit 58 percent of their shots and regained the series lead with a signature 98-81 win. Chauncey Billups finally had a big game (21 points, 12 assists), Rip was his old basket-making self (20 points, 10-for-17), 'Sheed did his 'Sheed thang (19 points, 6 blocked shots), and Tayshaun Prince chipped in with 17 points.

You know how to tell that Detoit has become totally serious about finishing Philly off? The near-to-complete absence of overconfident trash talk. When asked about his team's chances in Game 6, 'Sheed said: "I don't think they're going to lay down at all. It's do or die for them. It's not going to be a cake walk." Hey...who is that guy and what has he done with Rasheed Wallace?!

Andre Iguodala - who scored a career playoff-high 21 points on 8-for-13 shooting - finally figured out how to score against the Pistons. Unfortunately for the Sixers, most of his other players forgot. Louis Williams (16 points) and Andre Miller (13 points, 5-for-17) reached double figures, but that's about it. And that amazing first round upset suddenly seems very far away...

Problem solved. The Houston Rockets finally figured out the best (and perhaps only) way to keep Tracy McGrady from suffering his patented fourth-quarter meltdown: Just end the fourth quarter with a commanding 19-point lead. Not to go all John Hollinger on you, but the Rockets win almost 100 percent of the games in which that happens. Behold the power of math!

Thanks to a 95-69 shot to Utah's meaty flanks, the Rockets have lived to fail another day. McGrady finished with 29 points, 5 rebounds, and 5 assists, and he even managed to scored 8 points in the fourth quarter...thanks in part to the fact that the game had already been decided. Now the King of Martyrs is filled with a ridiculous confidence. "We're in a great situation. We know we can win in Utah because we've done it before."

You know, back in college I convinced a friend to hit me with his car after a night of drinking our way through a Jackie Chan marathon. Sure, I survived, but thanks to the wonders of sobriety, I realize that just because I lived through my stupidity once doesn't mean I could necessarily do it every time. My point? Apparently, I'm an idiot.

Houston got some additional anti-elimination support from Luis Scola (18 points, 12 rebounds), Rafer Alston (14 points, 6 assists) and Creaky Mutombo (10 rebounds). Utah got double-doubles out of Carlos Boozer (19 points, 10 rebounds) and Mehmet Okur (14 points, 10 rebounds), but the Jazz shot 36 percent as a team and seemed to have developed a case of Let'swinitathomeitis.

The Pistons hit 55 percent of their field goals (while holding the Sixers to 39 percent shooting), grabbed 14 offensive rebound, and got solid contributions from Rip Hamilton (20 points, 7 rebounds, 7 assists), Antonio McDyess (16 points, 12 rebounds), Rasheed Wallace (16 points, 7 rebounds, 2 steals, 3 blocked shots) and Rodney Stuckey (12 points, 4 assists). It was the well-rounded effort of a team that had its focus back ... and wanted a little payback.

Detroit coach Flip Saunders said: "We were disappointed, upset and mad about what happened (in the last game). Our players responded." They sure did. And the Sixers? Not so much.

Andre Iguodala — Philly's leading scorer during the regular season — had only 4 points on 1-for-9 shooting. Fellow starters Willie Green (6 points, 2-for-8) and Samuel Dalembert (3 points, 1-for-6) didn't fare much better. The blowout would have been even worse if reserves Louis Williams (17 points), Reggie Evans (13) and Rodney Carney (11) hadn't all had career playoff highs. It was just that kind of night for the Sixers.

Philadelphia coach Maurice Cheeks said: "We've got to be able to respond." True dat. They get their chance at home on Friday night. Hopefully their response isn't "Not in the face! Not in the face!"

Pissing off the Celtics and their fans? Great idea. Top notch. Here's the thing about getting your playoff opponent all riled up: It rarely turns out well. (For further reference, please see Stevenson, DeShawn and Wizards, Washington.) But it's becoming rather obvious that the Atlanta Hawks didn't get that memo (and rumor has it they aren't using the new cover sheet on their TPS reports, either).

Mike Bibby began the foot-in-mouth-stuffing by going after the Boston faithful: "They are fair-weather fans if you ask me. They were kind of loud in the beginning (of Game 1), but a lot of those fans are bandwagon jumpers trying to get on this now. I played here last year, too (with the Sacramento Kings), and I didn't see three-quarters of them. They're for the team now and they might get a little rowdy, but that's about it."

When Kendrick Perkins heard those comments, he had a rather terse response: "He said what? Coming off a 2-10 night shooting, you'd say something like that, too." Of course, Bibby couldn't let that one go: "I don't know where [Perkins] got this tough streak from. His stat line was worse than mine. Until he does something in his career, for him to come at me like that, it kind of upsets me."

Bibs was so upset he went out and shot 2-for-7 and had one lonely assist. Way to shut people up, Mike. Meanwhile, his counterpart Rajon Rondo ate Bibby's lunch (12 points, 6-for-11, 6 rebounds, 8 assists, 4 steals), leading the Boston crowd to chant "Where is Bibby?" and "Rondo's better!"

It wasn't just Bibby, though. Josh Smith put his asshat on in the first quarter when he took Paul Pierce down, landed on him and then rolled over his head. Pierce had to leave the game to get treatment, but he returned to score 14 points and grab 4 rebounds. That was a nice compliment to Kevin Garnett's double-double (19 points, 10 rebounds) and Ray Allen's 15 points. Add all that together and you get a comfy-cozy 96-77 Boston victory. Now the series shifts to Atlanta, where — trust me — nobody is waiting to jump on the Hawks' bandwagon.

Kenyon Martin = Stupid. Assume that you're on a team that barely squeaked into the playoffs. Further assume that your team is perhaps hopelessly overmatched no matter what you do. Now assume you're facing off against the opposing team's best player, and that player is Kobe Bryant. Do you a) Pull a Shane Battier and work your butt off on D while quietly hoping for the best, b) Clothesline his arrogant ass, or c) Talk some smackity-smack to get him mad? Of course, the right answer is a, the righter answer is b, and the idiot's answer is c. Guess which one Kenyon Martin chose?

Said Lamar Odom: "(Kobe's) one of those players that you don't really want to make mad. I was surprised (Martin was talking at him). You never want to wake a sleeping giant. Talking to him is a surprise to me, but guys are competitors too, so sometimes you get caught up in it. Kobe was definitely coming out to prove a point."

If it was "Kenyon Martin needs to shut the hell up," then point taken. Kobe scored 49 points, and 19 of which came in a four-minute span of the fourth quarter to blow a five-point Lakers lead up to 14. The 49 was one point off his career playoff best, but Mamba did establish postseason-highs in fist pumps, Hulk Hogan-style poses, finger smoke blows, and primal screams. He also set an all-time record for jersey pops after a made shot. Seriously. Watch the video. And that's why Kobe will always win the Basketbawful MAP award — Most Annoying Player. I mean, has anyone else ever rubbed a spectacular performance in this much during Game 2 of a first round series? That's the exclusive province of guys like Chuck Person. You kind of don't expect that crap from an MVP candidate. (Well, unless it's Kobe.)

Meanwhile, the Enver defense continues to be as elusive as a lovechild sired by Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster. L.A. scored 122 points on 50 percent shooting and committed only 11 turnovers ... and the Nuggets' offense just couldn't keep pace, even with Allen Iverson (31 points), Carmelo Anthony (23) and J.R. Smith (21) chucking it up from all angles. My suggestion to George Karl's troops for Game 3: Find your missing D, and put a muzzle on Kenyon Martin.

Certainly, the general consensus was that the Pistons lost Game One more than the Sixers won it, but hey, a win's a win. It would certainly appear unlikely that the Sixers would pull off another one, but man, if they did ...

It's most likely that we'll have three blowouts tonight. But you never know. Whatever gives us more of that crazy grizzly Reggie Evans is enough to make us happy.

Don't get me wrong. Detroit established a little dominance early on, and they were even leading by 15 points midway through the third quarter. But nobody sent Philly the script, so they forgot to just roll over and die. Willie Green (17 points, 7-for-11 shooting) hit a couple buckets in a 10-0 Sixers run that gobbled up most of the lead and killed the Pistons' swerve. By the time Detroit realized they were in trouble, it was too late. The game was a dogfight, and the dogs won. Andre Miller led Philadelphia with 20 points and 6 assists, Andre Iguodala added 16, and Samuel Dalembert grabbed 10 rebounds. Rasheed Wallace pumped the Pistons with 24 points, but he missed a big layup near the end that would have tied the game. Said 'Sheed: "I'm going to put this on me. There's no excused. The last bunny, that was a bucket I should've made. I'm going to take this one on the chin." Meanwhile, Detroit took it up the...

Wow Gasol. Watching Pau freaking dominate in an enemy uniform still makes me feel like I'm playing NBA Live against some crazy Lakers fan who turned off the trade controls to bring Gasol to L.A. It's just surreal, you know? Spain's favorite watch salesman had 36 points (a career playoff high), 8 assists (ditto) and 16 rebounds in his first-ever playoff victory, a 128-114 win over the Denver Nuggets. Gasol was also 14-for-20 from the field, 8-for-8 from the line, had 3 blocked shots, and delivered early Christmas presents to all the children of the world ... even the bad ones.

As for Kobe, he played Robin to Gasol's Batman by hitting for 32 points on 9-for-26 shooting. But 18 of those points came in the final eight minutes, so thanks for the cleanup, Robin. Meanwhile, the Nuggets are searching high and low for their defense. Did they leave it unattended at the airport? Did they lose it on their way to the arena? Did they leave it at home by mistake? When was the last time they even saw it? While everybody's looking for their missing "D," I'll go ahead and tell you that Allen Iverson and Carmelo Anthony both scored 30 points, and Linus Kleiza added 23. But unfortunately for them, it looks like outscoring the Lakers isn't the best plan for playoff success.

Duh-duhduhduh-duh...DUH DA DA!! Superman returns! Dwight Howard had 25 points, 22 rebounds, and 5 blocked shots and the Orlando Magic beat the Toronto Raptors 114-100 to win their first playoff game since 2003. And after that super-game, Howard got all super-emotional too. "It felt real good — it was an amazing feeling for me. Actually, I almost got some tears." Say it with me everybody: Awwwwwwh!

The Magic put the Raptors in an early hole by taking a 43-23 lead after the first quarter, but the mighty dinos battled back into the game behind Anthony Parker (24 points) and some three-point sniping from a dude who traveled to the future from 2006-07...he sort of looked like Jason Kapono (18 points, 4-for-6 from behind the arc). But Rashard Lewis put a spell on Chris Bosh (4-for-11) and Toronto's guards forgot which basket they were supposed to be shooting at (T.J. Ford shot 1-for-9, and Jose Calderon was 3-for-11). Meanwhile, Maurice Evans and Jameer Nelson combined for 38 points on 12-for-20 shooting, making me eat my "Orlando's biggest weakness is its guard play" words. Mmm ... tastes like grits.

Prepare to not be surprised. At all. The Celtics did what the they do — holding Atlanta to 38 percent shooting and forcing 15 turnovers — and slowly crushed the Hawks in their vise-like grip, 104-81. The game was surprisingly close through the first two quarters — Boston led by only nine points at halftime — but just like a highly paid dominatrix, the Celtics took complete control in the second half. Ray Allen had 18 points for the Celtics — including 10 straight during a big "we'll be pulling away now, thanks" third quarter run — and Kevin Garnett showed his MVPism by scoring 16 points, grabbing 10 boards and intimidating the hell out of pretty much everybody. (Except Al Horford; the kid's too young to know any better, I guess.)

Speaking of Horford, the rook had a pretty sweet playoff debut with 20 points (7-for-10) and 10 rebounds. (Can we go ahead and name him ROP ... Rookie of the Playoffs?) Joe Johnson scored 19, but he and Mike Bibby combined to shoot their team in the talon by hitting only 9-for-32. After the game, Johnson expressed the kind of googly-eyed astonishment that makes me wonder whether he got dropped on the head as a child. "I didn't expect it to be like this, but I'm glad we got it out of the way. Game 2 I expect pretty much a different reaction." Me too. I expect you to lose by at least 30.

Forget the rings and the big gold hoop-and-roundball trophy. The Philadelphia 76ers have won the championship of hearts and nuts this year. In sports, the hardest thing to do is exceed expectations, and everybody on the team, from Mo Cheeks to Iguodala on down to Rodney Carney put in overtime this year to buck all the naysayers.

The Sixers were the NBA's biggest surprise this year, they were the only NBA team that legitimately didn't look like a bunch of wimp millionaires, and they kept their whole ethos so grindstone that they even made Allen Iverson look like he wanted to come back to town.

What I don't get is this: In the Eastern Conference, there are really only two elite teams, Boston and Detroit (I'll get to them in just a moment). Playoff spots six through eight are going to be wide open. So why did it look like everyone out East completely lost their mojo around Christmas (i.e. around the time that Boston started looking utterly invincible and Michael Beasley started averaging 25 and 15)? The Sixers were really the only team in the East to really buckle down and snatch from the sky what was not rightfully theirs. Everybody else started tanking (see Riley, Pat) or acted like they deserved a playoff spot just for showing up (I'm looking at you and shaking my head, Chicago).

The Sixers, for the majority of the year looked like — and I can't believe I'm saying this — a hardcore NCAA team fighting for their lives in the big tournament. Maybe that's because they were made up of greenhorns like Carney and Thaddeus Young and diamonds in the rough like Willie Green and Louis "who?" Williams. At any rate, the Sixers were my personal feel-good story of the year, which is why it's gonna hurt so badly when Detroit pummels them in about four games or so.

The Detroit Pistons, simply put, are built for this. Their core is more experienced than that of any other team. Their big four have been together since 2004, which is more than any other team can say. Rasheed is putting together his best season as a Piston. Chauncey Billups is the most clutch player in the playoffs this side of Bean Thousand. And most important, this group of players are so in sync with each other that the playoff-impaired Flip Saunders has finally become completely superfluous. In fact, screw it. I am picking them to win the whole darn thing.

For one, they are facing certified inferiors in both the first and second rounds (sorry Orlando or Toronto). Second, I strongly believe that they are the most qualified team in the league to beat the Boston Celtics in a seven-game series, simply because their defense can neutralize every one of Boston's big three, and that includes Kevin Garnett. As someone who has watched about 80 percent of the games that KG has played since 1996, I will be the first to inform you that KG's toughest man-to-man opponent is not Dwight Howard, not Karl Malone, and not Tim Duncan. It's 'Sheed. Straight truth. I'm not sure what the stats are to back this claim up, but there is something about 'Sheed's oblong body type that simply envelops KG on defense. Of course, you're not going to beat Boston just by stopping KG, or even just by stopping the Big three. But here is where I'll play the experience card, and say that I trust Detroit's four — and they trust each other — more than any lineup Boston can throw on the floor.

Now assuming that the Pistons get past the Celtics and into the finals, they are in certified John McCain territory. What that means is, while the other conference has been busy beating each other up for months just so some exhausted, beslogged party victor can emerge all tattered from the pack like Benji the Hunted, the Pistons will have been chilling out, resting up, and getting their legs beneath them.* Thus, Detroit will be in perfect shape to bring a surprise-we're-still-here!!!! smackdown on whichever team they face in the finals. Trust me, whoever makes it out of that tarantula-web in the West is going to be bruised and battered going into the finals.

Back to the series at hand, the Detroit Pistons are just playing in a different league altogether from Philadelphia. The Sixers will be a great story next year and hopefully the year after that (could someone please make it possible for them to obtain Ty Lawson?). Andre Iguodala will continue to improve, and aside from Boston, the Atlantic division should stay pretty weak for the next few years. But in 2008 it's Pistons all the way. Philly fans may just want to shake hands with each other, exchange pleasantries, and pat themselves on the back for a great season; but then look away, because this thing is about to get uuuuuuuuuuuuugly.

This series doesn't seem quite as hopeless as Atlanta versus Boston. Instead of having only a snowball's chance in hell, I'd say the 76ers are more like a large, stubborn block of ice in hell. Still melting, but maybe a bit more slowly.

The season series: It was a 2-2 tie, with Detroit winning the first two games and Philadelphia winning the last two.

Good news for the Sixers: They're currently riding a two-game winning streak against the Pistons. And the two games they lost were pretty close: Detroit won 83-78 on November 23 and 86-78 on January 23. (So as long as they don't play on April 23, I guess they'll be okay? Uh oh.)

Bad news for the Sixers: This is Detroit we're talking about. So you can throw all that regular season stuff out the window. Just make sure nobody's standing on the street outside. We don't want anybody getting hurt. Unless it's Bill Laimbeer. In which case, please drop an anvil on him, Wile E. Coyote-style.

Reality check: The Pistons finished the regular season on fire, winning their final four games by an average of 14 points per despite giving their starters plenty of nappy time. Two of those wins — versus Washington and Toronto — came against teams fighting for playoff position. On the other end of the spectrum, Philly limped to the finish, losing its final four games ... including two losses to non-playoff teams (Indiana and Charlotte). Oh, and let's not forget that screw-job against Cleveland.

Basically, the Pistons get to go into this series with confidence, experience and momentum. The Sixers, on the other hand, get to go into it with ... a four-game losing streak. Hey, Sixers fans! What's that over there?! Why, it's Donovan McNabb, and he looks totally healthy! (Are they looking away yet? Good.)

Pistons player(s) to watch: Um, all of them? Detroit's starters can hang with any other starting five in the league, and it seems like someone different dominates on any given night. Oh, and their bench is suddenly capable of beating playoff teams on their own. I don't see any of these games coming down to a final shot, but if they do, I wouldn't bet against Chauncey Billups taking (and making) one. There's also 'Sheed. You've always got to watch 'Sheed.

Sixers player(s) to keep an eye on: In the two games Philly won, Andre Iguodala scored 22 and 25 points, and Samuel Dalembert grabbed a total of 28 rebounds. Iggy's got to score and Sammy's got to rebound for the Sixers to stay competitive. Oh, and Andre Miller has to keep the offense running. Yep. Those three guys have to play at their highest level just to make this a series. And don't think the Pistons don't know that. Also, you should really take a peek at Philly's dance team. Especially Vi.

Key(s) to the series: The Pistons' bench. Detroit's starters have shown a surprising lack of killer instinct in the playoffs over the last couple years. In 2006, they went up 2-0 against Cleveland before dropping three straight. In 2007, they had the Bulls down 3-0 before losing two in a row, then they built a 2-0 lead on Cleveland (again) before getting shut out in the next four games. That's not likely to happen this year, because the Pistons' Zoo Crew brings energy and some big, honking huevos off the bench when the starters begin to relent. Plus, I'm sure Flip Saunders would like to save the "old guys" and their legs for the Eastern Conference Finals against Boston.

Prediction: My brain tells me that this series is going to end in a 4-0 Pistons sweep, but my heart says the Basketball Gods owe the Sixers one for that fiasco against the Cavs. So I'm going to give Philadelphia one inspiring win — probably in Game 4, because the Pistons tend to let up a little when they have an opponent on the ropes — before their playoff dreams are crushed into paste. Detroit wins 4-1.

• Look at me, look at me! Chris Bosh really wants to be an All-Star, and since he couldn't earn a starting role through hilarity, he's trying to take a reserve spot by brute force. To that end, Howard beat on the Wizards like a side of raw beef on his way to 37 points, 12 rebounds, and 3 steals. However, fellow attention whore Antawn Jamison was all like, "Uh, excuse me, I'm All-Star quality too." 'Tawn tossed in 24 points and hauled in 20 [!!] rebounds as the Wizards scored a 108-104 overtime win over the Raptors. Jose Calderon, the "other" All-Star hopeful in Toronto, contributed 23 points and 13 assists, while Andray Blatche impersonated Caron Butler (who's out with something that sounds kind of painful) by scoring 19 points and nabbing 8 boards.

• I've got your Big Three right here, bitches. With Kevin Garnett (sore tummy muscle) and Ray Allen (flu-like symptoms) out of action, Leon Powe, Tony Allen, and Rajon Rondo transformed into the new new Big Three. Powe paced the Celtics with a cool 25 points and 11 boards, Allen had 20 points and 6 assists, and Rondo added 23 points on 8-for-10 shooting as Boston helped Miami start a brand new losing streak by delivering a brutal 117-87 beating. The Heat were led by Mark Bount's 20 points. Yes, Mark Blount was Miami's best player. By far. Meanwhile, Dwyane Wade's 1-for-9 shooting performance sure looked like a desperate cry for help. Either that or for a swift and merciful death.

• NBA action...it's yawn-tastic. Bulls! Timberwolves! It really was scalper's night off in Chicago. Al Jefferson didn't set another career high in scoring, so, not surprisingly, the Bulls trampled over the Timberwolves 96-85. Jefferson still put in 20 and 12, but nobody in blue and green had his back (shame on you, Antoine Walker!). The Bulls are missing four players - Luol Deng, Ben Gordon, Joe Smith, and Chris Duhon - but they were carried by the suddenly unstoppable Kirk Hinrich (27 points, 6 assists) Joakim "The Renegade Rookie" Noah (10 points, 13 rebounds).

• Let the bidding begin. Jason Kidd wants out of New Jersey - he thinks the logo makes him look fat - so he showed potential buyers what they'd be getting by scoring seven points in the final 1:42 to help the Nets break their nine-game skid with an 87-80 win over the Bucks. Kidd had 11 assists, too. But let the buyer beware: this former member of the Fun Police is currently shooting 36 percent from the field, which is 45th among NBA point guards.

• More monster mashing. If the Golden State/Houston game was a foreign horror movie from the 1950s, Yao Ming would have played the part of giant lizard monster and the Warriors would have been the city it stomped all over. Yao belched forth great flame (36 points) and hurled boulders (19 rebounds) while Golden State's front court players ran around screaming in subtitles. Man, it's a good thing the Warriors signed a big man who can't run or play defense! P.S. Tracy McGrady missed the game with flu-like symptoms. Just like Ray Allen. Hmm...I wonder...

• They chose...poorly. Remember in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade how when the bad guy drank out of the wrong Holy Grail, he aged a thousand years in a few seconds and exploded into a cloud of dust? Well, that's what's happening to the Spurs right now. Tony Parker missed the game with a fake injury, leaving Tim Duncan (27 points, 12 rebounds) and Manu Ginobili (29 points, 7 flops) to carry their mummified teammates. Unfortunately, Tim Duncan left his potion of levitation next to his wizard's cloak and 20-sided dice. And the whole 2-on-12 thing helped the Sonics end their 14-game winning streak with an 88-85 win. Kevin Durant scored 19 points and Chris Wilcox added 16 points and 10 boards for Seattle.

• The cure for what ails them. When a team is struggling the way the Lakers have been, there are only two things they want to see on their upcoming schedule: "Happy ending massage" and "New York Knicks." Man, this one has "bounce back game" written all over it. So You know what? I'm just going to assume that Kobe Bryant scores a lot of points and the Lakers win this one.

• Deja-Blue. See what I did there? Deja-blue. Yeah, that was off the top of my head, too, so ... whatever. No big deal. Rip Hamilton scored 10 of his 24 points in the fourth to help Detroit complete the home-and-home sweep — sorry, Suss — over the Pacers, 98-92. "It's not that odd to play a team back-to-back, you get that every once in a while in this league," Sheed quipped post-game. "You still have to go out there and hoop." Hoop. I like that.

• Thanks For Coming. Props to the AP on this one: "A visit from LeBron James produced the first sellout in New Orleans Arena this season. The 17,623 fans who showed up perhaps noticed there was something else worth watching. Namely, their own team." BURN! David West had 27 points and 15 rebounds as the Hornets beat the Cavs by ten.

• But He Promised Me A Knitted Scarf! Wally Szczerbiak and Jeff Green each scored 18 as the Sonics overcame the loss of Kevin Durant to beat the Wolves 109-90. Durant sprained his left index finger near the end of the first and never returned. The X-rays were negative, though, which I think is good news. I can never really remember. Regardless, he's going to get killed in Madden '08.

• Everything Keeps Coming Up Roses. Believe it or not, I'm starting to notice a trend with Boston-area sports franchises. I can't say what it is — I've got a few more numbers to crunch still — but there is definitely something there. Paul Pierce finished with 24 points and six rebounds — all in the second half — to lead the Celtics' to their fifth straight win, beating the Jazz 104-98.