•Tony Gonzalez (and a strategically placed Mrs. Gonzalez) go naked for a PETA ad. Think it's ironic someone on the Falcons, of all teams, to do an anti-fur ad? Well, it's not; Michael Vick never wore fur.

•The Raiders are actively cooperating with the NFL of Tom Cable's Punch-Out!! because they hope to be able to fire Cable "with cause," and not have to pay him. Or they could keep him on staff, and not have to pay any assistants whose careers he ends.

•A Notre Dame assistant called out Navy's head coach for his postgame comments and repeated chop blocks. Never mind the fact that it was Veterans Day; any team who tries to cripple the Fighting Irish will always have the public's sympathy.

•Jimmy Rollins and Shane Victorino win Gold Gloves. They're obviously not talking about batting gloves.

•In a battle of teams named after primary colors, the Red Wings demolish the Blue Jackets 9-1. But if they could somehow combine forces, they would blend into the Purple Parrots, the absolute best team on Legends Of The Hidden Temple.

•Jim Riggleman "wins" the hotly contested Nationals manager sweepstakes, and will sign a one-year contract. Second prize, obviously, was a two-year deal.

•Finally, we've got Duke recruit Kyrie Irving starring in his high school production of High School Musical:

So that's two years in a row that Hossa came ohsoclose to hoisting the Stanley Cup instead of his own petard doing likewise to him. Looking today, on June 13, it looks really foolish for Hossa to have gone from one team to the other.

As TSB's Adam Jacobi mentioned, Hossa did make the correct before-June-12 decision to sign with the best team with the best chance. The sequence of events made the team switch look really bad, but here's one thing to keep in perspective:

Four months. That's how long Hossa played for the Penguins. For years he played for the Ottawa Senators and Atlanta Thrashers, but he was a Penguin for four months. This wasn't a Johnny Damon situation where a longstanding fan favorite switched teams. This is more like a CC Sabathia situation, where players with lots of talent like signing with historically legendary teams. Or perhaps a Joe Lieberman situation. You mean you WERE a Democrat?

It wasn't a horrible move on June 13, either. An optimist would say that Hossa played with two teams in two years, both who reached the Stanley Cup Finals. But the decision, as of June 13, was probably a top three reason the series went the way it did, with the other reasons being the Red Wings injuries finally affecting the veteran players, and Marc-Andre Fleury using his limbs to block shots, rather than score them. Hossa did very little in the Stanley Cup, which means that perhaps signing with Pittsburgh would have helped Detroit repeat. Perhaps the Red Wings would do themselves well to trade Brad Stuart to Pittsburgh.

And he wasn't the only one to crossed Red Rover battle lines. How soon do we forget that backup goaltender Ty Conklin played for the Penguins last year? How about good luck charm Muhammad Ali being negated by the star of Twilight in attendance? And what of that Qdoba burrito that brought BGSU graduate and Penguins coach Dan Bylsma great fortune? Would Deadspin commenters agree* it's the best one available?

Requiem For A Marian Hossa [The Sporting Blog]
Is Ty Conklin Lucky Or Cursed? [FanHouse]
Muhammad Ali leads celebrity contingent at the Joe [Detroit Free Press]
Bylsma Brings Lucky Burrito To Detroit [Puck Daddy]

* - Of course not, because nobody comments on Deadspin anymore.

Congrats, naturally, to the Penguins who had a shaky season, struggled to get into the playoffs, but slowly pulled it all together and ended up the best team in the league. It only took one more miracle save from Marc-Andre Fleury as time expired—much like one Chris Osgood made last year—to put the Red Wings away. Detroit made an amazing final push, and sporting events don't get much more thrilling than those final 3 minutes, but Pittsburgh was the better team and they earned their title.

A couple of final thoughts:

• Sidney Crosby is now the youngest captain to win the Stanley Cup and few will remember he spent the second half of the game hunched over in pain on the bench. Or that he appeared to skip the handshake line? (Am I wrong, or were most of the Red Wings in the locker room while he was still hugging assistants? Update: I was not wrong.) Those who consider Crosby to be a spoiled, fortunate son probably won't change their mind after tonight, but that's their issue, I guess.

• Marian Hossa. Ouch.

• How many times can Gary Bettman walk on the ice—in any and every NHL city—to a chorus of merciless boos before he gets the hint? You're there to oversee the biggest moment of the year for your industry and the only thing everyone can agree on is that you are a villainous bum. What is he hanging on to?

• Seriously. Amazing finish. At least everyone still has the Pirates to beat up on.

Penguins hold off Red Wings to take third Stanley Cup [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette]

That was easy. Okay, back to the game. There isn't much to add other than to say that the bad news is that this monumental game is being played on a Friday night, but the good news is that NBA Finals are not also on at the same time. As hopeful as I've been about this season and these playoffs and what it could mean for a revival of hockey in this country, here's a painful reminder of how much further the NHL still has to go. Seattle's main NBC affiliate is not showing the game tonight so that they can bring you local news, followed by a rousing episode of Inside Edition. I mean, there's always another Game 7 right? (Sigh.)

Whatever your plans are tonight, I suggest they involve a restaurant/bar that has many large television screens in strategic locations. It's been a competitive, entertaining series (or not) and with any luck you'll get nice big sendoff to leave you wanting more in the fall. No predictions here; I just like to watch and you should too.

Stanley Cup Game 7 Bumped by KING-TV [Enjoy The Enjoyment]
The 10 people and things with the most pressure in Game 7 [Puck Daddy]
Win or lose, Hossa was still wrong [The Two-Line Pass]
Tonight, the Crap Fest Must End [Melt Your Face Off]
Ostertag digs hockey, longs for NBA [Arizona Republic]
BILL GUERIN VISITS THE ROWDY BBQ [Mondei's House]

Personally, I feel that if there is one way you don't want your testicle injury to be described, it's "nearly catastrophic." Lidstrom actually missed the final two games of the Chicago series after Patrick Sharp allegedly gave him the "how's your father" with his stick, but the true reason for his absence wasn't widely reported—officially he had a "lower body injury" a fact that Globe and Mail opinionist Bruce Dowbiggin laments in his latest column.

It's been pretty standard practice since forever for NHL teams to mask the true nature of their player's injuries during the playoffs. Ostensibly, it's to protect them from opponents who might take certain liberties with another player's weaknesses. (See Lidstrom get the business again on this replay from Game 6. It's a lot tougher to watch when you know about his previous "catastrophe.") But when fans watch certain players flail about the ice while helplessly asking, "What is wrong with that guy?", whose interests are really being served here? It's not like official injury reports keep anyone actually associated with the game—players, coaches, officials, reporters—from knowing what's really going on with the enemy. It's just that no one will talk about it publicly.

Toronto Star writer Damien Cox takes exception to Dowbiggin's assertion that he is in the tank for the NHL. He did report the true nature of Lidstrom injury. Sure, he did it after Game 4 of the Stanley Cup Finals well after anyone stopped caring, but it is in there. (In the 15th paragraph.) The truth is that Lidstrom is not the only player skating with mysterious injuries—Sergei Gonchar is another—that are obviously not common knowledge to the public and are never fully explained. It doesn't do the players any good to let fans think they are more able than they really are.

But media catfights between two Canadians are always fun.

NHL's injury policy a pain [The Globe and Mail]
Completed Homework [The Spin]
Kurtenthoughts: Jim Balsillie, Game 7, the Sedins, Nick Montana and More! [Kurtenblog]

Also, it isn't really for sale yet. The web pages—like the shirts and hats that are given to the winning team in every sport—were created ahead of time and someone just figured out the code in their system. All is well.

If you really want to solve a mystery, figure out how Rob Scuderi blocked three shots in the crease in the final seconds without committing a penalty. He's like the American Doug Henning or something.

Shop NHL already has Pens, Wings Cup champs gear on sale [Puck Daddy]

The NHL will not allow the Red Wings to broadcast tonight's road match on the video screens at Joe Louis Arena as they have done in past years, nor will they allow Penguins fans to watch on the jumbo screens outside Mellon Arena, as they have been doing for most of the sold-out home games. All fans must watch hockey programing from inside their house, sitting in front of a pre-approved television screen on standard, store-bought furniture. Also, beer consumption will be cut off after the first six-pack and you are limited to one bag of Cool Ranch Doritos per period. That is final.

Of all the dumb ideas the NHL has shot itself in the foot with, this one is pretty high on the list. (Right below the glow puck, but above Eric Lindros.) Yes, the 19,000 people that could potentially fill Joe Louis Arena equal one entire rating point in the Detroit market, but how many of them do you think will actually be from Nielsen households? (Newsflash: TV ratings are a statistical joke that have no bearing on reality.) Anyone watching at an arena or a bar will still get to see your ridiculous beer and truck ads ... and most importantly they will still be watching. Wouldn't it mean more to your sport to show a sold out arena of fans watching a game that isn't even taking place in their city then whatever sort of brownie points you earn with the networks and their advertisers? Dumb.

Oh, and I guess there's a hockey game tonight too. The home team has won the first five, so despite the 5-0 trouncing of the Penguins last weekend, it should be a good one.

NBC and NHL: Partners in idiocy [Pittsburgh Post Gazette]
No deal: Wings can't get TV rights for Joe Vision tonight [Detroit Free Press]

After Detroit dominated the first two games, the tables slowly turned in Games 3 and 4, and now I don't know what to think about either team. They could do another 180 back at Joe Louis Arena this weekend, or Henrik Zetterberg could lay down at center ice and take a nap. By the middle of the second period last night the Penguins were two steps faster the Wings, scoring three goals in six minutes, mostly because the Wings couldn't get back on defense. Pittsburgh looked like a well-oiled machine and Detroit looked like a creaky, busted one, but they still have home-ice advantage, so maybe we'll get another seven-gamer out of this and NBC won't have to feel ashamed of itself.

Oh, and the two-headed Malkin/Crosby monster has finally awoken from its brief slumber so there's that too. How can both teams be so good, yet seem so unevenly matched ... and somehow we still can't tell which one has the advantage. Go the distance, as the voice says.

Penguins rally to tie Stanley Cup series with Detroit, 2-2 [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette]
After 2 home wins, Detroit allows eight goals on road [Detroit Free Press]
Crosby & Co. make this series no laughing matter [Albom]

As opposed to those non-series series you're always reading about. Personally, I think it was Pittsburgh's innovative "six men on the ice" strategy that turned the tide. The Penguins many not have scored a goal during the 30 seconds or so that their extra attacker skated penalty-free, but it's that kind of outside-the-box thinking that turns also-rans into champions.

And you know what turns champions into also-rans? Horrific penalty killing, which is exactly what the Red Wings have. They're killing at atrocious rate of 71% in the playoffs (the Thrashers were worst in the NHL this regular season and they were at 74%), but everything will be fine provided they don't commit any penalties ever again.

So now we have Game 4 on Thursday—opposite the NBA Finals; kudos once again to the schedulers—where Pittsburgh will either complete their comeback or sink back into oblivion, meaning it really was one of those fake series and not the actual kind we wanted.

Talbot scores twice, Malkin bags three assists, Gonchar gets winner [Post-Gazette]
Game 3 Highlights [NHL.tv]
Crosby puts intangibles on full display [NHL.com]
No love lost for ex-Pen Marian Hossa in Steel City [Free Press]

We're not saying the Penguins are in trouble. After losing the first two in Detroit last season they did push the Stanley Cup Finals to six games. But teams currently in Pittsburgh's situation—down 0-2 heading home for Game 3—are 1-for-32 in the Finals. So yeah, they're in trouble.

It doesn't help that Evgeni Malkin and Sidney Crosby have been stonewalled so far. One goal and one assist between them, and the goal was actually poked in by a Detroit defenseman. Chris Osgood has been phenomenal and Detroit's veterans have barely had to lift a finger. (Justin Abdelkader!) The one bit of good news for Pittsburgh is that the NHL's enforcement division can't even follow its own rules and will not suspend Malkin for his stick-swinging, jersey-ripping fight in the closing seconds last night. Instigators always get suspended, except when they don't!

But there's more bad news: No one is watching. NBC's ratings for Game 1 were down from NBC's first game last year, which was actually Game 3, which might be part of the problem but that's another story. This is a point that the NHL would prefer not to crow about, which is probably why the story was scrubbed from their website. If the series ends with a whimper on Versus this week, the league will have a lot more to think about this offseason.

Oh, and here's something for you to think about. Two Mitch Albom columns! It's a GM Bankruptcy Day miracle!

Penguins lose again in Detroit to fall behind, 2-0, in final [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette]
No suspension for Malkin; Inside Detroit's 2-0 lead on Penguins [Puck Daddy]
The NHL Does Not Care for Bad TV Ratings News [Orland Kurtenblog]
Bettman: State of the game positive, upbeat [NHL.com]
With a pair of 3-1 thrillers, Wings halfway to 12th Cup [Mitch Albom]
Wings have had luck on their side in Games 1 and 2 [More Mitch Albom!]

Hossa got his wish, riding the Red Wing bandwagon back to the championships round, but now he has to beat his old team if he wants to claim that Cup. I wonder if anyone has reminded him that if he'd stayed with the Penguins, he'd be in the exact same position—or arguably a much improved one the way Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin are playing. Oh, and he would be much, much richer. If Hossa wins the title with Detroit, he will look like someone who made a shrewd, calculated (possibly cynical) risk and saw it pay off. If Pittsburgh wins, he will look like a colossal chump who jumped ship at the first sign of trouble and got a much deserved comeuppance.

In that eventuality, people will probably even joke that Hossa was the dead weight that dragged down both losing teams, which isn't true—he lead the Penguins in playoff goals last year—but will still sting like a mighty bumblebee.

"He came here, we took him in, fell in love with him, made songs for him, cheered for him," said Pens fan John McClelland, of Squirrel Hill. "Said he wanted a big deal. We offered it to him, then he goes to them for a one-year deal...."

"He abandoned us after the season was over, and I think a lot of people are still angry about that," said Pens fan Kim Piganell, of Oakdale.

Seriously, no pressure though.

Hossa Hatred: Pittsburgh Fans Still Angry At Ex-Penguin Star WTAE Pittsburgh]
Marian Hossa and the Stanley Cup finals of reckoning [Puck Daddy]

Game One is on Saturday night and that might seem a little sudden, but it's better than the alternative of June 5, which is what NBC originally wanted. That would have a meant a layoff of nine days from the end of the conference finals. NBC relented thanks to Detroit's quick work of Chicago, however, NBC insisted that if they carry Games 1 and 2 both must be played on the same weekend, the first time that's happened since 1955. The network wants nothing to do with weekday games (Games 3 and 4 will be on Versus) because next week is Conan OBrien's first as the new host of The Tonight Show. If any of those terrible, terrible games went into overtime delaying the start of his watered down not-as-late night comedy, Chris Osgood and Marc-Andre Fleury would have to be murdered just like the cast of My Name Is Earl.

If it reaches Game Six, then NBC supposes they can probably interrupt their awesome Celebrity Fat Club Crimefighters summer schedule to show some sports. Unless Jay Leno wants to sing a song or something.

Red Wings, Penguins get earlier start [AP]
Stanley Cup Final to Start on Saturday and Sunday After Wings Win [NY Times]
Stanley Cup finals opens on NBC [Daily Gazette]
TV Schedule [Versus]

Wyshynski breaks down the case for and against suspension over at Puck Daddy.

It's not comparable to the Brashear incident, which was headhunting. But one assumes that a hit that results in pools of blood on the ice, and one that is immediately labeled "barbaric" by the national TV announcing crew, will earn some kind of supplemental discipline. Right or wrong, the NHL can be swayed by such things.

One thing is certain, Rajon Rondo thinks this is some bullshit.

After Greg Goloborodko, a 25-year-old Ohio State student, threw the offending cephalopod during the playoff game on Tuesday at Nationwide Arena, he was subdued by a combination of Blue Jackets fans and security and immediately hauled before the Great and Powerful Gary Bettman. From the Columbus Post-Dispatch:

Goloborodko said he was detained by arena security, threatened by angry Jackets fans and enjoyed a chance encounter with NHL commissioner Gary Bettman before being escorted from the building.

"As I was being held downstairs, Gary Bettman and his security guys walked by," Goloborodko said. "Like any good hockey fan, I recognized my commissioner and yelled out, ‘Hey, Commissioner.' "I heard Bettman say, ‘I'm not happy about this one bit.' I don't know if he was responding to me or talking about something else."

Other fun facts: The octopus weighed 2 1/2 pounds, and sailed an estimated 60 feet over the barrier and onto the ice. Goloborodko named it Homer, in honor of forward Tomas Holmstrom. It's his fourth career octopus throw.

"I had a nice wind up and the little guy just flew," Goloborodko said.

Elsewhere in Nationwide Arena, Blue Jackets fans pounced on a fan in a Red Wings' No. 91 Sergei Fedorov jersey before he could heave an octopus.

Ejected For Tossing An Octopus On Enemy Ice, Wings Fan Tells His Tale [Columbus Dispatch]

Actually, Detroit is still chasing San Jose for the top spot in the Western Conference and since this is the last time they will face each other in the regular season, it actually is a critical game in the fight for home-ice advantage. But the real story, the one that I and many old Red Wing fans won't let go of, is Claude Lemieux's first appearance in Joe Louis Arena in six years.

The Sharks inexplicably added the 43-year-old retiree back in January, and he has contributed so little it seems clear that he was picked up simply to annoy Hockeytown. However, Kris Draper says he's over that face-re arranging Claude gave him all those years ago ... and that is just unacceptable. ("I'll try to work on my cliches for you guys over the next couple of days," he says.) Is that any way to fire up an irrationally angry fan base?

Where's the trash talk? The bounties? The tinfoil on the knuckles?

Red Wings defenseman Chris Chelios was Lemieux's teammate with the Montreal Canadiens in the 1980s and said he still is an effective pest....

"Whether it was him cheating at cards or (ticking) someone off,'' Chelios said. "But he was young, he'll be the first to admit he got under people's skin on other teams as well as his own team, coaches and everybody. Not the most pleasant guy to be around ...

Thank you, Chris! That's all I'm aski....

... but he had a big heart. I talked to him over the past few years. I like him a lot more than I did back then.''

Oh, come on! You guys are no fun at all!

Old enemy Claude Lemieux ready for Red Wings [MLive]
Draper is over Lemieux, if Red Wings fans aren't [San Jose Mercury News]
Claude Lemieux, back to being Detroit's Public Enemy No. 1 [Puck Daddy]
After 13 Years…Lemieux Is Still Garbage [Abel to Yzerman]
Lemieux back in familiar villain role vs. Red Wings [Detroit News]

• NBA: Hairless wonder Charlie Villanueva shocks veteran NBA observers by going off for 26-13 in a loss to the Cavaliers. Also, some dude scored 55.
• LDS: Utah Jazz owner Larry Miller dies of complications from diabetes. He was 64.
• NHL: Ducks Quacked By Wings - Detroit makes it 11 straight wins at home with a 5-2 triumph over Anaheim.

[CBSSports.com]

"5 Hole: Tales of Hockey Erotica" is a collection of vignettes that will take a "scintillating look at hockey with its sweaty clothes off" and yes, this is not a joke. I never thought this would happen to me, but:

As exhilarating as winning game seven and naughty enough to draw a five-minute major, Five Hole presents a suite of engrossing, tender and hilarious stories about the steamy underbelly of our national sport. A minor leaguer endures a passionate crush on his team's lone female player. An NHL goalie is tight with his teammate, but dreams of getting MUCH tighter. These and other tales make up this scintillating look at hockey with its clothes off.

Music, passion, and throbbing goalie pads are the order of the evening and what better way to get through these cold, bitter regular season nights between All-Star Weekend and the playoffs then some top-shelf experimental theatre (ending in E.) Check the schedule to see when it comes to your province and check out the hot, hot teaser to see how a female goalie without protective pants will melt your heart. Is that Lord Stanley's Cup in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

In other erotic ice news, the Red Wings and Penguins are reliving last year's Cup Final on TV right now, so go ahead and use this post to discuss the game, "5 Hole", or any other hockey thoughts that are on your mind ... although I bet I can guess what's on your mind right now.

Five Hole: Tales of Hockey Erotica [One Yellow Rabbit]