Oh, come on now. Is this really necessary? Dave Dombrowski built the team, he knows what he did wrong. You don't need rub it in like that.

Geez, can't a guy suffer in peace?

[Pic submitted by MG]

* * * * *

Wednesday morning. Just look away....

* * * * *

That was ... something. The Tigers sure know how to lose big. Credit to the Twins for their comebacks—all of them—and good luck getting to Yankee Stadium on time tomorrow. What a fucking game. I'm out of gas. On the bright side, no one will be hitting me with a cookie sheet anytime soon.

Oh, and the moral of the story? Never volunteer to live blog anything. Ever again.

Post-Game Music Selection:
"Baby, I'm A Star" by Prince. (as interpreted by eight-year-olds.
Alternate Music Selection: What else?

FINAL: Twins 6, Tigers 5, 12 innings

9:46: It's over. Casilla dribbles one to right. Kelly is no where near it and Gomez scores easily.

9:44: Cuddyer grounds to third. Inge makes a nifty play to get the out, but runner moves into scoring position. Delmon Young will be walked to get to Casilla.

9:41: Rodney is still going. Base hit by Gomez starts the 12th.

BOTTOM of the TWELFTH

9:38: Laird strikes out. Sad trombone.

9:35: Gerald Laird again comes to the plate in a clutch situation.

9:34: Giant chopper to second. Punto comes home and gets the force. Still tied. Bases still loaded. Two outs.

9:32: Chip Carey likes the term "fisted" to describe hits near the hands. Just sayin'

9:32: Inge is nearly hit by the first pitch (his baggy shirt was grazed) but the ump will have nothing of it. Worth a shot.

9:30: Rayburn intentionally walked. Inge hits with the bases loaded.

9:28: Don Muthafuckin' Kelly! Single to left center, the OF throws to third so Kelly advances to second. Cabrera on third. Still one out.

9:26: Miguel Cabrera draws a walk. I'm out of police/drunk jokes.

9:23: Clete Thomas—who subbed for Magglio Ordonez as a defensive replacement and has not had a ball hit anywhere near him—lines out to Gomez.

TOP of the TWEVTEHAVHA

8:19: Joe Mauer comes up hacking. Quick ground out to second and the game keeps going. Can some one bring me a sandwich?

9:18: And surprise! Cabrera strikes out looking. Any other game of the year and he gets run.

9:17: Orlando Cabrera picks an excellent time to complain about the strike zone. Sheesh.

9:15: See Ryan Rayburn. That's how you make a ridiculous diving catch. (Now don't ever do it again, Granderson!)

BOTTOM of the ELEVENTH

9:12: Bobby Keppel is the eighth Twins pitcher tonight and he gets Polanco to line out to second. That might be it.

9:09: Curtis Granderson strikes out. Mahay takes a seat. Hey, we paid for the pitchers we're going to use them!

9:06: It's Ron Mahay!

9:04: Adam Everett is out! K. Pitching change.

9:04: P.S. How happy are the Yankees, right now?

9:03: Adam Everett is up!

TOP of the ELEVENTH. Twins 5 - Tigers 5

9:01: Ryan Rayburn redeems himself. Catches a shallow fly ball from Punto and then guns down Alexi Casilla at the plate on the tag up. Inning over.

9:00: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

8:57: Chopper up the middle evades Polanco. Cuddyer scores. Runners at the corners.

8:56: Tigers looking for double play.

8:55: Harris walks and Rodney throws like a madman. Conference time.

8:52: Young chops one to short. Not enough to score the run. 1 out.

8:51: Ryan Rayburn makes one of the all-time bone head plays, trying to dive for a shoe string catch. The ball gets past him all the way to the wall and Cuddyer has a lead off triple. Unbelievable.

8:49: Rodney vs. Cuddyer, Young and Harris

BOTTOM of the TENTH. Score: Tigers 5 - Twins 4

8:46: Laird grounds out again. Inning over. One more chance for Minnesota.

8:46: Inge laces a double to left and "Wheels" Kelly comes all the way around to score. 5-4 Tigers. Wow.

8:43: Rayburn takes a big swing at strike three. Two outs.

8:40: Aubrey Huff pinch hits and gets hit. Knicked on the lower leg—thank you, bell bottoms!—and he takes his base. Don Kelly pinch runs.

8:38: Jesse Crain replaces Nathan and gets Miguel Cabrera to ground to short. Cuddyer saves a wild throw by Orlando C. and makes the tag. (Updates fast and furious now.)

TOP of the TENTH
Musical Suggestion: "Crazy Train" by Ozzy Osbourne

8:35: Gomez grounds to Everett at short. Extra innings. Wow.

8:35: BTW, Carlos Gomez is now hitting where Kubel was.

8:34: Mauer is walked. Amazing play by Inge to nail Cabrera at first and keep the runner on second.

8:33: Brandon Inge makes a miracle stop to save the game! Robs Cabrera of a potential game winning hit. Mauer will almost certainly be walked.

8:31: Pitching change. Fernando Rodney coming in.

8:30: Span sacrifices. Punto to second. One out. Cabrera up, Mauer on deck.

8:29: Punto walks. Season-winning run on board.

8:27: Ok. I'm going to attempt to be professional and put that aside for now. Punto working on the 10th pitch of his at bat.

8:26: Come on, TBS. Not one serviceable replay of Granderson getting doubled off first? Seriously?

BOTTOM of the NINTH

8:24: Give me another minute here.

8:23: Ummmm.

8:19: Gulp. Polanco strikes out on a VERY inside slider. ohhhhhh

8:15: Granderson apparently owns Joe Nathan. HUUUGE hit to right. 1st and 3rd. No outs.

8:12: HOLY COW, RAMON SANTIAGO. A bunt single off Joe Nathan? TASTE THE GRIT!

TOP of the NINTH Score: Twins 4, Tigers 4
Musical Suggestion: "Burning Heart" by Survivor

8:09: Lyon gets a big strikeout. And ... I'm spent.

8:07: Two big chopping grounders and Lyon has two outs. I must have been imagining that screeching noise and smell of burnt rubber.

BOTTOM of the EIGHTH

8:02: Laird definitely pulled something trying to layoff that cutter. Yes, he's very out.

7:59: Nathan is in and he takes care of Inge easily. Two down. And Laird is up.... sigh.

7:57: Just another thought. Is Craig Sager still there? Has he made even one "sideline" report since the first inning?

7:54: Ryan Rayburn battling ... battling ... and walk. 1st and 2nd, 1 out. Pitching change.

7:48: A walk to Guillen (after Cabrera's ground out) brings a visit from the pitching coach. And NOW Joe Nathan is warming up. (Shakes head slowly...)

7:46: "Like the great City of Detroit, don't count out these Tigers." Do the Tigers also get a standing 42-year count?

7:43: I swear I wrote that last sentence before Magglio Ordonez ripped a game-tying home run. Honest!

7:42: Just a thought. The Tigers have their three, four and five hitters coming up. It's the eighth inning, but wouldn't it make sense for the Twins to bring their closer in now? I know that's thinking drastically outside the box, but.....

TOP of the EIGHTH. Score: Twins 4, Tigers 3
Musical Suggestion: "Burning Down The House" by Talking Heads

7:40: Lyon gets Cuddyer to surrender with a weak dribbler. Inning over.

7:37: Kuble skies one to Granderson. Two outs and Ni is done. Now Brandon Lyon will do ... what, exactly? I'm sure that rattling noise was just something in the road. I wouldn't worry about it.

7:35: Miner is finally asked to leave the building. Fu-Te Ni will try something now.

7:32: Mauer singles. Does that lug nut look loose to you?

7:30: Orlando Freakin' Cabrera ... of all people ... two-run home run. Twins lead. And he still has to deal with Joe Mauer.

7:28: Twins decide not to play small ball with Denard Span ... and he strikes out. Did Gardenhire lose The Book?

7:27: Miner faces Punto in an epic at bat. Yes, really. Lead off single.

BOTTOM of the SEVENTH

MIDDLE of the SEVENTH
Musical Suggestion: "Take Me Out To The Ball Game"

7:20: Polanco grounds weekly to short. It took four pitchers but the Twins escape with no further damage. Someone please open a window or something.

7:15: Granderson battles a full count then rips a single to right. 1st and 3rd with two outs for Polanco. Mijares is gone. Matt Guerrier is in.

7:11: Rauch gets his two outs and sits. Granderson will face Jose Mijares. (Confidential to Ben: Walk over to Leitch's desk and ask him. I hear he's got pull over there.)

7:09: Jon Rauch replaces Baker and tricks Gerald Laird into a botched bunt flyout. He's the goat. Even if they win.

7:07: Inge battles for a lead off walk and Baker is chased.

Speaking of existential crises, Ben Mathis-Lilley of NY Mag writes to say that MLB.tv has turned his life into a Kafka short story. The man just wants to watch a baseball game at work and instead he gets incomprehensible camera angles and more Ron Darling than should be allowed. The horror.....

TOP of the SEVENTH. Score: Tigers 3 - Twins 2
Musical Selection: "Fever" by Peggy Lee

7:00: Tolbert cranks one to center but Granderson pulls it in. Bullet dodged. This time. The Tigers' unpredictable bullpen turns every at bat from here on out into an existential crisis.

6:58: Oh Zach. Brendan Harris pinch hits and doesn't even get the bat off his shoulder before getting plunked. Bases loaded for Matt Tolbert.

6:57: Huge bloop of a base hit for Delmon Young. Runners at the corners. 2 out. Please keep your hands and feet inside the car.

6:54: In the first true high-pressure at bat of the game, Procello walks Cuddyer and immediately gets pulled by Jim Leyland. What a performance for a 20-year-old rookie, though.

Zach Miner will replace him. Here we go.....

6:49: The rookie rings up Mauer and just when you think Porcello has the answer ... Jason Kubel changes the question. Upper deck home run. 3-2.

6:47: Eight in a row retired by Porcello. Can he make it once around with Mauer?

BOTTOM of the SIXTH:

6:44: MORE POPUPS! Baker works his way through the inning quickly. I should probably move up my dinner reservation.

6:43: Cabrera starts the inning by not hurting anyone. A mixed blessing?

TOP of the SIXTH. Score: Tigers 3 - Twins 1
Musical Suggestion: "Hair of the Dog" by Nazareth

6:39: Cheer up, Dave! Your team is ahead!

6:37: Strikeout. Groundout. Porcello's is cruising now. He's younger than Ralph Branca! Or something.

BOTTOM of the FIFTH

6:33: And then the inning ends. How many jobs did that cost the D?

6:32: Yes! It took five innings, but we finally got our first "what would this mean to the City of Detroit" discussion. I knew Chip and Ron wouldn't let me down. Of course, they could not provide an actual answer to that question, because you can't build trucks out of baseballs.

6:30: A hit! (Polanco to center.) That's something fun!

6:30: Another pop up. This time to Cuddyer. Two down. (Don't mention the football game, don't mention the football game....)

6:27: Santiago is out on a fly ball behind third. The pace of the game has slowed down a bit, which is unfortunate because Righteous Rick was my only anecdote.

TOP of the FIFTH. Score: Tigers 3 - Twins 1
Musical Suggestion: "Higher and Higher" by Jackie Wilson

6:24: Flyout to second, followed by another strikeout of Morales.

6:21: Cuddyer is Procello's fifth strikeout of the game. He's looking very sharp, but how many pitches does he have in him? Once we get to the Tiger bullpen, all bets are off.

6:19: Did Leitch call me a Clarabell this morning? What does that even mean?

BOTTOM of the FOURTH, Score: Tigers 3 - Twins 1

6:17: 5-4-3 double play for Gerald Laird, despite a very hard slide by Rayburn. The catcher is not doing well.

6:15: Brandon Inge pops out to first. One down. Still haven't seen a bunt, which would blow Joe Morgan's mind if he was actually watching this game.

6:12: Bob Keppel is warming up for the Twins. It's safe to say these guys are on very short leashes.

6:11: Another hit for Rayburn starts the fourth. Why does Ron Gardenhire always look like he'd rather be driving a tractor somewhere?

TOP of the FOURTH Musical Suggestion: "Alex Chilton" by The Replacements

6:07: Mauer walks. Zach Miner starts warming up, but Kubel fans on a fastball. We've got a game.

6:03: Or maybe Mauer can just stand there. Procello's pick off throw bounces off the first base coach and Tolbert scores from third. 3-1.

6:01: Cabrera files out to right, but deep enough to for Tolbert to tag and reach third. Now it's all up to Mauer.

5:59: Porcello sits down Nick Punto, but Span singles. 1st and 2nd with 1 out for Orlando Cabrera. Mauer on deck.

5:56: Inge saves extra bases with a great diving stop, but Matt Tolbert reaches on an infield single. He's like Minnesota's version of the Rally Monkey.

BOTTOM of the THIRD

5:52: Baker gets Guillen swinging to get out of the inning. There's a lot of baseball left, so let's not lose our heads, people.

5:50: Wow. Maybe Miguel Cabrera should get arrested more often. A towering two-run jack gives Detroit a 3-0 lead.

5:49: A deafening silence at the Metrodome, says Chip Carey. Maybe that's because he's wearing headphones?

5:47: MAGGLIO! Base hit to right center brings in Granderson. 1-0 Tigers.

5:45: Granderson narrowly avoids getting doubled up at second base, but can't break up the throw to first that gets Polanco. Runner at second, two outs.

5:41: Santiago flies out to center, followed by a Granderson walk. By the way, remember Rick, the Henry Rollins look-alike who de-pantsed a handsy Detroit Lions fan? Apparently, he's become a "minor celebrity" on Detroit talk radio and is now known as "Righteous Rick." I'm not making that up.

TOP of the THIRD Musical Suggestion: "The Ballad of El Goodo" by Big Star

5:37: Jose Morales gets mowed down on three pitches before I can tell you that Delmon Young got mowed down on four. We might get to bed at a reasonable hour tonight.

5:35: Cuddyer grounds out to third to start the inning. Three ground ball out for Porcello. Why isn't the turf helping Minnesota more?

BOTTOM of the SECOND

5:31: Shockingly, Gerald Laird also fails to deliver. Pops out behind to shall left and the threat is shut down. What have we learned so far?

5:30: Inge hits a laser (not really, more like a masse shot) to short, but Cabrera snares it and nobody is going anywhere.

5:27: A Texas leaguer from Ryan Rayburn puts runners at the corners with one out. Baker is dancing around Brandon Inge, believe it or not.

5:26: Carlos Guillen fails to move the runner. NEEDS MORE SMALL BALL!

5:24: Tipsy McStagger jumps all over the 1-2 pitch (double to the gap) and the Tigers are business.

TOP of the SECOND Musical Suggestion: "Fooled Around and Fell In Love" by Elvin Bishop

5:20: Kubel gets handcuffed and flies weakly to short. CRISIS AVERTED!

5:19: Mauer breaks up the no-hitter with a shot in the gap and than Jeters it into a double. But is that real leadership?

5:17: Denard Span starts things off with a groundout to first. Orlando Cabrera answers with a grounder to short. I'm having trouble picking up whatever frequency Ron Darling is using.

5:14: I guess George Lopez is TBS's new workhorse. I never thought I'd say this, but I kinda miss Caliendo.

BOTTOM of the FIRST

5:12: Magglio Ordonez had his $18 million contract resolved "favorably." Yes, that's one way to put it. 0-1 is another. F-9.

5:10: Holy cow! Fans in the upper deck. How can they leave this place? (That's a strikeout of Polanco. Two down.)

5:09: Baker works Curtis Granderson into a pop out to start the game. Woe betide the Motor City!

TOP OF THE FIRST

5:07: Nice purple blazer, Sager! Did you join the Revolution you, biased homer sell out?! Why I ... Oh right.

This is actually the second year in a row that I've live blogged a divisional tie-breaker involving the Twins so that officially makes it a tradition! So many memories ... so many exclamation points! Anyway! The Tigers have been in first place since May 10 and led by as many as seven a month ago. Yet here we are. Tied in Game 163. The Twins just kept plugging along, playing better and better, but just flawed enough to not win outright. They're led by the probable AL MVP and the Tigers have this drunk guy. Again, they're basically even.

The Tigers send rookie Rick Porcello and the Twins counter with Scott Baker. Oh, and it's on TBS if you can remember where that is on your cable system. I hope Frank TV is on later!

Pre-Game Musical Suggestion: "You Can't Always Get What You Want" by The Rolling Stones

Early Saturday morning, police were called to the Cabrera home in the Detroit suburb of Birmingham on a "family trouble" incident. Cabrera's wife was upset because her husband apparently came home late, drunk, and loud and woke up their sleeping daughter. Obviously, that did not go over well. When police arrived, Miguel had scratches on his face and a broken necklace and his wife had a fat lip, but neither would say what happened. The cops took Miguel to the police station, gave him a blood alcohol test—which he failed miserably—and released to him to the custody of the Tigers.

Investigators determined that both husband and wife were "aggressors" so there's a good chance no charges will be filed. However, Tiger fans who might be willing to look the other way on the domestic abuse will probably have a harder time forgiving Cabrera's baseball transgression. The reason he came home so late was because he was out partying with members of the Chicago White Sox.

It's bad enough he was getting hammered in the middle of the most important series of the year and staying out until 6:00 a.m. the night before a must-win, season-on-the-line game, but to get sloshed alongside the team that's standing in your way? Yuking it up with a "hated" rival just hours after they put your playoff hopes in jeopardy? I'm beginning to suspect his commitment to laid off auto workers is not as strong as we've been led to believe.

By they way, Cabrera went 0-11 this weekend. That doesn't help either.

Police: Cabrera was drunk during fight with wife [Detroit Free Press]
Police called to Cabrera's home [Detroit News]

Three games down with four to play? No one has ever come back from that. It's impossible, really. I mean, it would take a pretty pathetic baseball squad to choke away a lead that big! I'm not sure if any team that terrible exists.

Oh, wait. They very much do. All the Twins had to do was win four games in a row, beat the (probable) AL Cy Young Award winner and then hope the Tigers lost two of three to the White Sox at home. Actually, the way Detroit has been playing the only miracle is that the Twins haven't already clinched the division. Instead, they get one more big game at their dying stadium—a place that has been very friendly for them in the past, especially in against the Tigers. (7-2 this year and I'm already having nightmares of Juan Berenguer.)

And of course, Brett Favre is involved! Thanks to Monday night's brainsmasher against the Packers, the Twins will get an extra day of rest, the Tigers get an extra day to contemplate the futility of the universe, and the Dome's life as a multi-purpose stadium gets a dramatic two-day retirement party. It's good to be in Minnesota, I guess. Especially if you enjoy murdering the last hope and dream of a dying American city.

Hope you're happy, you heartless cretins.

Power, confidence evident in rout of Royals [Star-Tribune]
Twins gladly invite Tigers to the 'Dome [Dan Wetzel]
Mitch Albom: Justin Verlander saves the day — for another day [Free Press]
Ode to Dan Barreiro [Bugs and Cranks]

* * * * *

Here are some other big winners, who did not win quite as big:

Brandon Marshall: Hey, remember when this guy was a clubhouse cancer? Now he and idiot-child Josh McDaniels are BFF and the freakin' Broncos are 4-0. Marshall's dramatic 51-yard touchdown killed America's (Most Hated) Team and made us all warm and fuzzy. Trade demand? What trade demand? [Boston Herald]

Jay Cutler: Hey, remember when this guy was a clubhouse cancer? Since his horrifying opening game, Cutler has thrown 7 touchdowns and just one pick and the Bears are looking good at 3-1. And he's now being compared to John Elway, which probably just blew your mind all over the back of your chair. [Chicago Tribune/Denver Post]

People Who Hate Fun: Georgia wide receiver A.J. Green made a ridiculous, life-defining touchdown catch to give his team a one-point lead in the final minute of a crucial conference game against a hated rival—and then got penalized 15 yards for drawing attention to himself. The field position helped LSU rally for the win and we all learned a valuable lesson about never enjoying sports. Ever. [Atlanta Journal-Constitution]

Alexis Thompson: The 14-year-old held the 36-hole lead at the Navistar LPGA Classic and even though she eventually finished the tourney in 27th place, has got to have folks wondering how quickly they can unload their Michelle Wie bobbleheads. (She finished tied for second, as if anyone gave a crap.) [American Chronicle]

Non-Selective Agriculture Schools: I guess Rich Rodriguez's crew could have used a couple more illegal practices. [Michigan Daily]

The Dodgers kept things interesting down the stretch in the NL West with an untimely five-game losing streak. However all that is forgotten after last night's division clinching 5-0 win over Colorado. That leaves the Rockies as the NL Wild Card, meaning they'll begin the playoffs in Philadelphia on Wednesday. The Dodgers will travel to host St. Louis in the other NLDS series.

With one day left in the regular season the Minnesota Twins have pulled even with the reeling Detroit Tigers in the AL Central. In somewhat related news, Miggy Cabrera may or may not have engaged in a scuffle with a large dog. Also he went 0-4 in last night's most recent loss. The Tigers have Justin Verlander on the mound this afternoon going against John Danks and the White Sox.

Michael Cuddyer's 8th inning home run lifted the Twins to another crucial win. They'll face the Kansas City Royals about an hour after the Tigers and Sox take the field. If the teams can't break their tie they'll meet for a single game to determine who wins the division and moves on to the playoffs.

Because holy shit, baseball season isn't long enough as it is.

The Tigers and Twins will play two today, so psyche yourself up, will ya! Of course, if either one of these teams had put in the slightest bit of effort they could have run away with this sad division weeks ago. But hey... pennant race! We will have meaningful baseball in September even if it kills us all. And it might.

(P.S. Don't the let the Braves fool you either. Sure, they're only two back of the Rockies in the Wild Card, but their "Team Of Destiny Index Rating" (TODIR) is quite low.)

Nick Blackburn and Rick Porcello start if off right now and it's Brian Duensing vs. Justin Verlander in the nightcap, so if you can find it in your hearts to pay attention to baseball today that would really help the sport out a lot. Pretty please? One of the teams has to be heroically defeated by Derek Jeter next week, so you might as well get to know them now.

Minnesota vs. Detroit - September 29, 2009 [MLB Gameday]
Twins-Tigers race figures to go to the wire [Fox Sports]

See also: Tiger Stadium Leveled to Final Shovel of Dust [Sports Climax]

This is not to be confused with the last time sportswriters parachuted into Detroit and found a hard-luck city whose spirits nonetheless brightened because its baseball players were running out grounders to short. Nor should it be confused with the time sportswriters parachuted into Detroit and found a hard-luck city whose spirits nonetheless brightened because some local college boys were playing well in a basketball tournament. Or because the city's hockey team was close to winning a shiny trophy. Or because a professional basketball team that plays a half-hour away in the suburbs signed a couple free agents in the offseason.

No, this one is about the 2009 Tigers, "a collection of hitters who really do run out ground balls," reports Sports Illustrated's Lee Jenkins in this week's cover story. Why do they run out ground balls? Because they look up in the stands and see, as Inge puts it, "families ... who are fighting to keep their houses and feed their kids."

Jenkins writes:

The sweetest image of this baseball season is the sight of Comerica Park, filled from the box seats to the bleachers. At the end of spring training, the unemployment rate in metro Detroit had climbed to 23%, the average home price fell below $12,000, and the Tigers calculated that season-ticket sales were down 13,000. Corporate sponsorships and luxury-suite sales were also taking a hit.

[...]

The financial forecast in Detroit has not necessarily brightened, but in a development as unexpected as Chevy's unveiling of the Volt, the Tigers have provided a jolt — electrifying for much of the summer, slightly terrifying recently — for the city. They rank fourth in the American League in attendance, at 31,360 per game; are fifth in the majors in payroll, at more than $115 million; and, through Sunday, were still in first, albeit tenuously, thanks to a September skein of nine losses in 12 games. They were also 48-26 at Comerica Park, a record they attribute to the overwhelming responsibility they feel playing in front of their home fans, many of whom are presumably using what little discretionary income they have to watch the team play. In his first spring training meeting manager Jim Leyland told his players, "People are going to be spending some of their last dollars to come to these games, and we need to give them our best effort. This is not the year not to run out a ground ball."

It's a fairy tale, of course. The Tigers are winning because of Miguel Cabrera's bat and Edwin Jackson's arm, not because the latest round of unemployment data really fires up the clubhouse. Besides, attendance at Comerica Park is actually way down this year, from 98 percent capacity last season to 78 percent — "the biggest free fall" in baseball, according to Forbes — and it should further be noted that a fan blowing "what little discretionary income" he has on a baseball game would be better off dropping it at the Greektown Casino instead. This a silly story. That should go without saying. But there's something particularly obtuse in the suggestion that a pennant race — or a basketball game or a shiny hockey trophy — might actually help Detroiters feel better about themselves. It trivializes real suffering. It's like saying a terminal-ward patient might feel better about himself if someone bought him a big red balloon.

Tigertown [Sports Illustrated]

The Jays wanted J.A. Happ, Kyle Drabek, and Dominic Brown. The Phillies were all, "no way!" And the Jays were all, "way!" And the Phillies were all, "Nuh-uh!" And the Jays were all "Aww." I'm pretty sure those are standard trade operating procedures.

Is It Possible To Will A Trade Rumor Out Of Existence? There's some kind of information going around the the Detroit Tigers want to trade for Milton Bradley. I'm guessing it's part of the Tigers' new philosophy: "Trade for Farnsworth twice, shame on us, Trade for Farnsworth three times, shame on humanity."

Holy crap, the Tigers do not need another outfielder. Unless, of course, he's secretly a fantastic setup man. And perhaps the rumor is just a load of fertilizer, as the Tribune says there've been no talks between the teams. Phew.

The Mets Are More Than Willing To Part With Victor Zambrano For Him. Scott Kazmir might go to the Angels, who are looking for some kind of starting pitcher. They might also try to lure in Cliff Lee or Roy Halladay.

Actually, everyone wants Roy Halladay. I want Roy Halladay on my baseball team, which I am starting right now. I'd like 25 All-Stars, public funding for a stadium, and some kind of cool logo, please.

There. Baseball news. We now return you to your regularly scheduled weekend hijinks involving references to Crystalis and Gauntlet.

July 13, 1979
Anti-Disco Promotion Forces White Sox To Forfeit

The White Sox and Tigers had a little trouble completing their doubleheader last night, since ... you know ... Comiskey Park was burned to the ground by rioting, disco-hating fans. You've done it again, Bill Veeck!

Last night was something called "Disco Demolition Night" in Chicago. A local radio station cooked up the promotion and fans were encouraged to bring their old disco records to the park so that they could be collected and destroyed on the field. With a bomb. They literally blew up the records in the middle of the outfield between games while fans changed "Disco Sucks." Hard to believe that something like that could go haywire. It's now officially the best idea since 10-Cent Beer Night.

So after the demolition, fans decided to storm the field and start their own fires. And tear up the grass. And steal home plate. And take equipment from the dugouts. And basically turn Comiskey into the streets of Tehran. I think Harry Carey was mugged at one point. The good news is that anyone who brought a disco record with them got into the park for a dollar so it was probably the biggest sellout at the old dump since the Early Wynn days. Perfect weather for rioting! (The fans also figured out that 45s make perfect frisbees, much to the chagrin of players who were pelted with them.)

Eventually, the Chicago police were called in to restore order, 1968 style, and most of the drunks were swept off the field, but what was left of the grass was so trashed that the umpires—with a little prodding from Sparky Anderson—called the second game off. The White Sox lost by forfeit. Fucking hippies.

Why is everyone they so down on disco anyway? I heard that Village People song played at a game the other day—the one about going to the gym?—and everyone was getting up and doing a little dance to it. Even the kids! I think that's a fun little diversion that sports fans will never find annoying or played out.

Disco Demoliton: 30 years after Comiskey Park went up in polyester-fueled flames [Sports Pros(e)]
White Sox' ‘Disco Demolition' Promotion Still Echoes in Baseball Lore [NY Times]

I cant make this Sh*t up.....Heading to tonights Whitesnake Concert in Bay City, MI me and a buddy (Cardinals fan and a Reds Fan) stopped to catch the Cubs vs. Tigers game at Comerica yesterday hoping for a sweep (we got it!) and this dude fell off the roof top balcony (3 stories up) before the game. Believe it or not during this malaye the dude was laying on the sidewalk and pulled his phone from his pocket and started to text someone. Not sure if there were any Cub fans involved and were letting out 100 years of losing frustration......

This is my pic from the roof top moments after it happened. Hopefully this guy is alright and only ended up with a mere flesh wound. The Local 4 news in Detroit said this guy only suffered from facial injuries.

If this guy didnt die then to quote Pulp Fiction.....Jules - "We just witnessed a miracle, and I want you to fucking acknowledge it!"

keep up the good work

It's so cold in the D...

Man Falls From Hockeytown's Roof [Local News 4]

Two things are clear. Willis is not physically hurt and he can't throw strikes. But Willis thinks his delivery just needs tweaking while the Tigers think it's the yips. But how long should a baseball team continue to pay a guy who can't play baseball very well? Khalil Greene just came from back from the disabled list for his anxiety disorder, which doesn't seem like the kind of thing you can clear up in 22 days.

Oh, and Magglio Ordonez has also been benched for excessive suckage. Does he have a disorder too?

What's the answer here? Tough love or heavy doses of psychotropic drugs? And will said drugs also be shared with fans, because what do you think losing two out of three to the Pirates did to them?

Willis back on DL with anxiety disorder [MLB]
Ordonez benched, Willis to DL in lineup shakeup [Daily Tribune]
Greene, Kinney return to Redbirds' roster [St. Louis Post-Dispatch]

Go back to 2007. Porcello was far and away the best high schooler in the draft and very likely a top-five prospect overall. It's proof that the system is irrevocably broken that he fell to the Tigers, who had the 27th pick. This was largely because of "signability issues," which is a baseball euphemism for "Scott Fucking Boras" and which doesn't exist in other leagues, where salary caps mostly free teams from the burden of lying constantly about their finances.

Porcello, as expected, wound up signing for a fat pile of money — four years, $7.3 million, the largest contract ever granted a prep player signed out of the draft — just about busting the openly collusive slotting system whereby Major League Baseball, in suggesting how much teams pay their draft picks, tries very earnestly to protect owners from themselves. The Tigers merrily flouted the slot recommendation, a reported $1 million, annoyed Bud Selig in the process, did Tigers fans a favor by investing in their product, and got a very good prospect at a still-considerable discount. And since then, more and more teams have followed suit.

Porcello wasn't the first time a team — or even the Tigers — had gone over slot. But the size of his contract and his early, if unsustainable success on the mound (3.48 ERA but only 32 strikeouts against 16 walks in 51.2 innings) have made him the face of a small triumph of good sense over greed and institutional stupidity, an enormous upset in the baseball world. I see no problem in overhyping someone like that.

Rookie Rick Porcello wins fifth consecutive start as Tigers beat Kansas City [MLive.com]
Porcello, Jackson have 20-20 vision [Yahoo]
How good can Rick Porcello be? [Nick Underhill]
Tigers ink Rick Porcello, irritate Selig [Detroit Tigers Weblog]