The Astros Are Trying To Dick Draft Picks Out Of Their Money

The Astros selected high school pitcher Brady Aiken with the first overall pick in this year's amateur draft, and quickly came to a verbal agreement that would pay Aiken a $6.5 million bonus, a notch down from the $7.9 million slot value that was assigned the No. 1 pick. But now the Astros are trying to wriggle out of… » 7/15/14 11:58am 7/15/14 11:58am

The Reason Koreans Threw Toffees At Their Soccer Team Is Hilarious

South Korea had a mostly shit World Cup, drawing once and losing twice and looking haggard throughout. So when they arrived home this Sunday, BBC explains, "angry fans threw handfuls of sweets at them, which is considered an insult in the country." BBC does not explain that the candies look like dicks, and throwing… » 7/02/14 11:12am 7/02/14 11:12am

Floyd Mayweather Posts Ex's Sonogram, Accuses Her of 'Killing Babies'

Earlier this year, boxer Floyd Mayweather got dumped by his fiancee Shantel Jackson after he allegedly cheated on her. But Mayweather has since apparently gone batshit insane, insisting that it was he who dumped her, and that he did it because she had "a abortion." To support this accusation, he posted what he claims… » 5/01/14 10:22am 5/01/14 10:22am

Modell's CEO Tricks Dick's Staff Into Showing Him Private Back Area

Once upon a time, Mitch Modell, CEO of Modell's Sporting Goods, pretended to be a walrus and learned what it was like to be a poorly-paid Modell's employee (without actually being poorly-paid) for an episode of Undercover Boss. Now, according to a suit filed by sporting goods store Dick's, Modell is pretending to be a… » 3/01/14 9:47am 3/01/14 9:47am

What's More Improbable: The Jaguars' +28 Line Or An 11-Inch Penis?

The murmurs began last week, before the Broncos put up 51 points against the Cowboys and the Jaguars lost second-overall pick Luke Joeckel to injury. And when the dust of Week 5 had settled, sure enough, the betting line for Jaguars at Broncos was set at 28 points, which is a lot. » 10/07/13 4:21pm 10/07/13 4:21pm

Kevin Smith "Didn't Want No Fucking Bitches" In Lions Locker Room

We ran the "Why Your Team Sucks" preview for the Lions a week or so ago, featuring the usual assortment of aggrieved fan email. But one story, in particular, was too good to bury in that post. Here now is a reader describing her encounters with former Lions running back and eternal PUP lister Kevin Smith: » 8/21/13 3:39pm 8/21/13 3:39pm

Made-Up Dick Diseases Keeping Us From Figuring Out Male Birth Control

Like a lot of unchaste women, I take birth control every day. I do this because, as an underemployed person, I am not interested in housing a baby Meags in my Meags-parts. It sure would make my life easier if my man-friend-for-life had to shoulder some of the burden in this scenario. But, as is painfully obvious to… » 8/07/13 5:39pm 8/07/13 5:39pm