And while Mark Cuban is busy waging a one-billionaire war against the blogging menace, his team is melting down faster than Chernobyl, only without the fun glow-in-the-dark animals and mutant babies: The Mavericks have lost three in a row at home for the first time in years, are 0-8 against winning teams since trading for Jason Kidd, and are about two games from being out of the playoffs. Speaking of J-Kidd, he pulled off a minor miracle by scoring a whopping 7 points - more than double his output from the last two games - and even hitting a semi-clutch three-pointer in the fourth quarter. Didn't help, though. Tim Duncan shot like he had a 20-sided die stuck in his eye but still finished with 19 points and 13 rebounds. Meanwhile, Ginobili was unfazed by The Strangler's strong-arm tactics, finishing with a game-high 26 points to go along with 8 rebounds and 6 assists. Stack led Dallas with 19 points.

Allen and Carmelo achieve mutual gratification...in winning. As of last night, this was ESPN's front-page headline for the Denver/Toronto game: A.I., Melo combine for 69, Nuggets stop Raps. They said, "combine for 69." Uh huh-huh-huh, huh-huh, huh. God, I'm such a 12-year-old. Anyway, Iverson scored 36, Carmelo added 33, and the Nuggets actually held an opponent to "only" 100 points and 50 percent shooting in their 109-100 win. That's a pretty good defensive effort for them. And actually, Kenyon Martin's crazy-man defense on Chris Bosh (6-for-16 shooting, 0-for-1 in the fourth quarter, 4 turnovers) probably won the game for Denver (although Bosh still had an "almost" triple-double of 17 points, 12 rebounds, and 9 assists). Jamario Moon had 15 points and a career-high 15 rebounds for the not-so-mighty dinos, losers of eight of their last 10 games.

Hey, Detroit, you can wake up any time now. The Pistons are just one victory away from reaching the 50-win plateau for the seventh consecutive season, which is almost enough to make you forget that they're only 10-7 since the All-Star break. Almost. Last night, Detroit shot bad (43 percent), defended worse (giving up 53 percent shooting), and lost to Washington 95-83 despite strong efforts from Rip Hamilton (19 points), Tony McDyess (14 rebounds), and Chauncey Billups (11 assists). Antawn Jamison was the Wizards' magic man with 24 points, 12 rebounds, and 0 assists, and Tough Juice tossed in another 17. Agent Zero update: Gilbert Arenas took part in the the Wizards' morning shootaround and expected to get a little PT, but Washington's team doctors wouldn't clear him to play. [Arnold Schwarzenegger voice] And the Hibachi was steamed. [/Arnold Schwarzenegger] About an hour before the game, Gil was heard muttering, "I'm not coming back this year." Then, during the game, he told ESPN, "I was ready, but they went out there with a fishing pole and yanked me back." Ooookay. What, does Gil have some kind of communicable disease or something?

So much for Phil Jackson and the Lakers "owning" the Warriors. The Golden State Warriors built a 26-point lead, let the Lakers back into the game, and then withstood a Kobe Bryant barrage to beat L.A. 115-111. Monta Ellis had 31 points, 7 rebounds, and 5 assists for the Warriors, but Stephen Jackson was Mr. Clutchtastic, out-dueling The Mamba by hitting three-pointers with 38.5 and 8.1 seconds left to cockblock the Lakers' comeback. And while you could point to several reasons why the Lakers lost - 41 point shooting (led by Kobe's 13-for-30), 18 turnovers (including 14 in the first half), and the fact that Ronny Turiaf kind of looks like a special needs child - the real problem was that Phil Jackson recently said that his squad was "the team to beat" in the West. And that's what we like to call the stat curse. Bryant had 36 points, a season-high 14 rebounds, and 8 assists, and Lamar Odom added 19 points and 22 boards for L.A.

• Flippin' The Script. I'd like to be more excited about Nowitzki's 29 points, eight boards, six dimes and three blocks in the Mavs 121-99 win over the Warriors last night. I really would. But I'm afraid he'll just let me down again come May. He can be such a tease. And besides, GS played like ass in this game. Baron Davis scored just 10 points on 2-for-14 shooting. He couldn't do that again if his name was Antoine Walker.

• Fear His Name. Kevin Garnett scored 11 of his 26 points late and held The Yao in check after Pollard and Perkins had fouled out as the Celtics beat the Rockets 97-93. "It was superstar on superstar," James Posey said. "[KG] accepts those challenges, and we jumped on his back and he carried us to a win. Literally."

• Decagon The Halls With Boughs Of Holly. Move over ... um ... Mark Aguirre? No, that can't be it. John Salley? Let's try Fennis Dembo. Whatever. Richard Hamilton's 20 points made him the 10th-leading scorer in Pistons history, and he added nine assists and seven rebounds to help Detroit earn its 10th consecutive victory by killing Washington 106-93.

• Back On Track. What in the world has gotten into these Portland area kids? One minute they're out shoving referees and making bongs out of Sprite cans, the next minute they're winning 14 of 15 games. Brandon Roy fought through a poor shooting night to score 24 points to help his Blazers to a 90-79 victory over the woeful Timberwolves. Al Jefferson posted 29 points, 16 rebounds and no Bills in the loss.

For the record, I was against moving Jason Terry to the bench from the very beginning. But he seems to take to it; scoring 31 points to lead Dallas over Houston. "He just had that look in his eye and his shot really looked good,'' coach Avery Johnson told AP. "We are very surprised when he misses; we're kind of spoiled these days.'' Terry scored seven straight points in the third quarter, then he opened the fourth quarter with a 3-pointer, giving Dallas the lead. Nowitzki had 19 points.

And dear tiny infant Jesus, we thank you for Mavs Moneyball, which provided us with the above excellent NASCAR report.

• Wade Right In. Dwyane Wade reported no problems related to his left knee or left shoulder — both of which were operated on May 15 — after his first full contact practice on Monday. But the Heat (0-3) still doesn't know when he'll be ready to return to the lineup.

Today: Dirk Nowitzki. Your author is Bethlehem Shoals. His words are after the jump.

—-—-—-—-—-—

If sports really resembled sports talk radio, Dirk Nowitzki would've gone out like T-Mac: wounded, weeping, and painfully aware of his imperfection. Instead, when last we saw Dirk, he was accepting the 2006-07 MVP, commendation for a superb, but empty, regular season.

This award marked the completion of his Avery Johnson-sponsored makeover. When Dirk first entered the league, he was a fantastic creature, the kind of felicitous monster that makes grown men rub their eyes and giggle. He came from a far-off land, tutored in a forest to overthrow convention and challenge assumptions. But griffins don't break bottles and unicorns never slobber; even as a star Dirk remained magical and aloof, the epitome of a Dallas team that was both breathtaking and disposable.

Then came Avery, a holy-rolling basketball firebrand determined to make the Mavs legit. Under Nellie, Dirk had shot when he felt like it, from any spot that felt right. He shared top billing with Steve Nash and Michael Finley, rarely caring if he came off as the franchise player. In a sense, he was the anti-go-to-guy. Avery changed all that, expecting Dirk to use his size, quit with the haywire threes, get to the line and just generally command respect.

And you know, it worked. Dirk became a smarter, more imposing player, albeit one that didn't always carry himself like the king of the border. What mattered was that he became the Mavs' anchor, their rock. Johnson built an offense around him, and the team ruled the games that mean nothing. In the Warriors series, though, Dirk Nowitzki's past flashed before him and swallowed his eyes. A Don Nelson-coached team, more demented than Dallas had ever dared be, assaulted Dirk with chaos-as-order. There were no positions, no sets, and no logical problems to be solved. The Warriors neutralized Nowitzki with a poison he knew all too well.

Most pundits saw Dirk's disappearing act as proof that he wasn't cut out to be El Hombre, that he was soft and lacking in giant nuts. The MVP meant less than nothing; it was a cruel irony that sang out Nowitzki's shame. But I've always felt that the trophy, and its burden, belonged every bit as much to Avery. He sold Dirk a bill of goods, training him in the ways of Popovich. And then, all that rationality proved to be no match for the very credo Dirk had abandoned.

As we head into 2007-08, Dirk Nowitzki sits at a crossroads. Avery Johnson helped him get recognized as the league's Most Valuable Player. Johnson got the team to the Finals in 2006, and then proceeded to put together seven months of irrefutable excellence. Dirk will do as he is commanded, and we'll get another chance to see just how legit Dirk/Avery is. But if they once again collapse (2006) or get blindsided (2007), Avery Johnson might not be the coach for 2008-09.

Where would that leave our valiant Teuton? This spring, he was harshly reminded of where he came from. That back-handed MVP isn't a referendum on his soul; it's an opportunity for reflection. As Dirk grinds out Avery's will and makes that unconvincing gladiator-grimace, will he think about Stephen Jackson? Will he wish it were he running wild on the Warriors? Or is this his temptation in the desert: Dirk, starved for pride and identity, must confront S-Jax and his false promise of Warriors paradise.

Of course, if the Mavs win it all, this angst becomes moot. However, there's a sizable chance this won't happen; if Avery moves on, or Dirk finds himself relocated, then the gangly German will enter a new phase of his career. In college, there was this thing called Hegel, and it went like this: When opposites collide in history, a new day is forged. It's as if GWFH sent a message to the future to direct his younger countryman.

It's normal for players to go through several phases in their career, usually as a function of experience and bodily changes. Dirk stands poised to enter a third phase of his prime, which is pretty much unprecedented. His wild years defied the logic of the "career year;" last season, he proved it to be something of a sham. At least for him. It's hard to imagine exactly what would come next, but that's part of what makes Dirk Dirk, the wonder that Avery has tried so hard to wring out and replace with kerosene. Would it be surprising if Nowitzki — one of the more exceptional players of our age — needed to find his own way of winning?

Either that, or Dirk's a spineless fake who doesn't deserve that max contract. But you already knew that.

It was not a good night to be a Dallas fan last night — it really hasn't been a good year to be a fan of any Dallas sports team — but it's really not a happy experience to be Dirk Nowitzki right now ... and it probably won't be for quite some time, writes True Hoop.

And now, instead of a champion, Nowitzki is only, until further notice, a pretender. I wonder how he'll feel, next week, when — most likely — he is summoned somewhere besides a Dallas home game to pick up the MVP trophy. It's a trophy he has earned. As much as he is in character fading from tough defensive schemes in these playoffs, he was also in character scoring 53 taking similar shots this time last year, and dominating all regular season long. The MVP is a regular season award, and this was his regular season.

But the more Nowitzki is lauded as the MVP, the more he is responsible for his team. And the more he is responsible for the team, the more he has disappointed. I wonder if that trophy will make him feel anything but worse. That little trophy, assuming he gets it, will be, in a perverse way, the precise reason someone somewhere is probably writing a column right now saying that Nowitzki should be traded. If this becomes the first MVP trophy ever to be tossed off a bridge, I won't wonder why.

And Mark Cuban remains silent.

The Spotlight Is Burning Dirk Nowitzki [True Hoop]
The City Of Dallas Is Experiencing One Of The Worst Sports Years Ever [WBRS Sports Blog]

We thought Bill Simmons' pregame breakdown of this series was rather dead-on — whatever criticism Simmons might receive, the guy knows his NBA — and until the last three minutes, you had to wonder if Dirk Nowitzki would retire post-game, because he clearly would be too ashamed to show his face in public again. And then ... he woke up, and a series that had, in just five games, covered just about every possible subplot added one more.

This is a series we desperately do not want to end, and we're already counting down the minutes — just 36 hours until it goes batshit crazy in Oakland again tomorrow night — until it fires back up again. That's too much time to wait. We suspect no matter what happens the rest of the way, this is the series from these NBA Playoffs that everyone will remember. And we're still only five games in.

Game 5: Warriors 112, Mavs 118 - We Got To Pray... [Golden State Of Mind]
Sorry, Dirk, You're No MVP [Bill Simmons]

We never really noticed it until Monday afternoon, when KNBR Radio's Ted Robinson brought it up, but Baron Davis' stellar play against the Mavericks so far might be the best point guard performance by a beard since Walt Frazier led the Knicks to the NBA title in 1973. Sure, other beards have performed well in the clutch; most notably Bill Walton's for the Trail Blazers in 1977. And let's not forget Clifford Ray's beard, which teamed with George Johnson's gigantic 'fro to form a center tandem that led the Warriors to the NBA title in 1975. But at the point guard position, has there ever been a MVW (Most Valuable Whiskers) candidate to beat these two? We can't think of one.

Small wonder then that Dirk Nowitzki is struggling against the Warriors so far. If this is what passes for a beard in Germany, it's no wonder the Mavericks are down 3-1. On Monday, Dallas coach Avery Johnson boldly addressed the beard issue, and did not pull any punches.

"I'm tired of hearing about how they've taken him out of his game and any lack of confidence. You're just not supposed to have that, all right," said Johnson of Nowitzki. "I wasn't the best of players and didn't have the best of skills, but you were not going to shake my confidence. We need all of our players to be confident, to be resilient, to be persistent and that's what I want to see tomorrow. If I don't see it at shootaround, I'm going to be highly upset."

OK, technically not about beards, but we can read between the lines. Will the Mavericks be able to muster enough facial hair to stave off early elimination? Stay tuned.

Mavs Coach Angry With Nowitzki's Attitude [MSNBC]

• The D Is For Dirk!. How's your German? Before long we will all be ruled by Dirk Nowitzki ... his master plan included sacrificing teammate Jerry Stackhouse with two flagrant fouls on Tuesday, and a season-high 38 points. It all meant a 108-105 win by the Mavericks over the Jazz. Stackhouse was ejected at the end of the third quarter. Nowitzki hit a pair of free throws with 10.2 seconds remaining to wrap it up.

• Is There An 'L', Pat? Pau Gasol's 25 points and 13 rebounds, and Mike Miller's 14 points in the third quarter led the Memphis Grizzlies over the Los Angeles Lakers 128-118. That's right, Grizzlies over Lakers. Memphis scored 42 points in the third quarter, a franchise record.

• San Antonio Keeps On Keeping On. The Spurs just look more and more like they're expecting to still be standing when all of this is over. Not flashy, just incredibly efficient. Tim Duncan's 16 points led San Antonio's 98-84 victory over Portland. Oh, another factor in the Spurs' success? They can knock you down with magic!

• The Artist Currently Known As Prince. So Larry, sure you don't want to step in and coach these guys? It must have seemed like old times for Brown, viewing the game from a luxury box, as Tayshaun Prince scored a career-high 33 points and Richard Hamilton had 22 to lead Detroit to a 98-89 win over Philadelphia. Hamilton scored his 10,000th career point in the second quarter.

NOTE: Check out MSNBC's NBA home page. Notice antything odd this morning?

Update: They've fixed it, obviously.

• Dirk Is OK, Folks. Despite an early Dirk Nowitzki panic (the Mavericks forward left in the first quarter with "blurred vision"), Dallas continued its magical winning ways, beating the Raptors 117-98 for its 11th straight win. Josh Howard scored 26 points for the Mavs. Nowitzki said that he expects to play Friday against Sacramento. Owner Mark Cuban seems to be pretty much ignoring the streak on his blog, by the way, instead making sure that you choose the right TV for that special Christmas gift.

• All That Jazz. The losing streak is over! Utah (13-2) tops San Antonio to end the nightmare that was a stretch of two consecutive losses.

• Net Gains. Another losing streak ended (six games) as Vince Carter scored 23 points and Jason Kidd had 19 to lead the Nets over the Celtics 106-103.

• Magic Ink. OK, Dwight Howard scored 24 points and had 12 rebounds to lead the Magic over the SuperSonics, 94-84, for their fifth straight win. But that's not the real story. Before the game, Dan Steinberg of D.C. Sports Blog unraveled the startling mystery of Gilbert Arenas' latest tattoo. Enjoy the journalism here.

• The Sun Also Rises. Phoenix almost blew a 22-point lead, but Steve Nash simply would not let that happen ... not on his watch. His eight points during a 19-5 fourth-quarter run led the Suns to a 102-91 win over the Rockets.

"Do I think it's a bit much sometimes? Yeah. He's got to learn how to control himself as well as the players do. We can't lose our temper all the time on the court or off the court, and I think he's got to learn that, too. He's got to improve in that area and not yell at the officials the whole game. I don't think that helps us.

"We all know what Mark brings to the team, how he supports us. We live with who he is, and we love him that way. But do I think it's good for us always? No."

I don't know if this is what people mean by Cuban "making himself the story," but Dirk may have a point. You see your boss bitch, maybe you feel it's alright to bitch yourself. For example, one time I saw my boss at a bar, and now I show up drunk to work three times a week.

But Dirk says he's told Cuban all this before. In fact, he, Steve Nash, and Michael Finley once went to Cuban and asked him to take his ass up to a luxury box. Of course, as you may have noticed, Cuban refused.

Dirk tells Cuban to chill out [Dallas Morning News]
Im sorry for what I make you cover. [Blog Maverick]

But there will be plenty of time to look ahead to Mavericks/Heat. About five full days, in fact. For now, though, we should take a second to acknowledge he Phoenix Suns. If you've loved the playoffs so far, the Suns are a big part of the reason why. They went toe-to-toe against Kobe and played a seven-game thriller. They slugged it out with the Clippers in another seven-game thriller. Their style of play, and dare I say their humongous balls, have played a large part in making the last month of basketball phenomenal.

As for the game last night, Dirk Nowitzki had another fantastic second half. Phoenix got into foul trouble, and looked at times like their legs were finally starting to give out. And Josh Howard was his usual outstanding self, sweating Steve Nash all over the court and forcing the ball out of his hands.

Mark Cuban was fantastic last night, too. So rarely is the owner the first person to be interviewed in a champagne-soaked locker room.

Dallas 102, Phoenix 93 [ESPN.com]

But Phoenix is not going away easily. If we've learned anything this playoff season, it's that the Suns will battle, they will keep coming at you, and they are very hard to kill. A Game Seven in this series just feels right. And I've heard these rumors that Steve Nash and Dirk Nowitzki are friends, and I'd like there to be another game, just to see if the media might explore that friendship a little bit.

I don't necessarily have a preference in the series (even though I like Dirk Nowitzki and hate Tim Thomas), but... I think we need a Game 7 here. If we don't get it, there's no basketball until Thursday, and I can't quit cold turkey like that.

Mavericks can oust Suns, reach NBA Final for first time [ESPN.com]

We've figured out why Dallas Mavericks star Dirk Nowitzki, despite scoring 50 points in a Game 5 victory of massive import and generally making that leap into alpha dog status that we require of all our superstars, always fails to appropriately inspire us the way that, say, LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, even Kobe Bryant and Tim Duncan can. It's because Dirk Nowitzki isn't cool.

This is hardly news, and it's not to say that he isn't an astounding player, particularly one able to elevate his game when everyone's watching. But unlike all those other guys, there aren't many times when we think, "Man, it would be cool to be Dirk Nowitzki." Don't get us wrong: It probably is cool to be Dirk, much cooler than it is to be us. But still: We're not sure that many people truly want to be Dirk; are there kids apeing his moves on the playground?

Of course, when you're one game away from the NBA Finals and have a Hasselhoff-based cheering section, we suppose you probably don't care all that much.

Keep Your Hands Off Your Dirk [True Hoop]

(Getty Images photo.)

Hasselhoff was in the stands, and TNT was all over him. He was interviewed during the game by Craig Sager, and he visited the booth, where Ernie Johnson had a lapse in common sense and had his picture taken with him. Sager, you can understand. Everyone's going to make fun of Sager anyway. But when you sit next to Charles Barkley and Kenny Smith, and you voluntarily have your picture taken with David Hasselhoff... well, you're just begging to be abused.

So, yeah. Phoenix, you'd have to assume, will gladly take their split and head back home, although the lack of Raja Bell for at least two more games is a series blow. They only went 7 deep last night, and one of those 7 was Eddie House. With the style they play, and the fact they've gone through two seven-game series already, they need their depth.

Dirk Loves Hasselhoff [MisterIrrelevant.com]
Suns 98, Mavs 105 [ESPN.com]

Not excited enough for the Western Conference Finals tonight? Well, if this video doesn't pump you up, nothing will.

Apparently, it's Steve Nash and Dirk Nowitzki, back in their teammate days, singing a song to their friend Simon, whoever the heck that is. It just hasn't been the same since these guys were dorking it out together.

(BIG thanks to The Basketball Jones for this.)

Nash, Nowitzki Guitar Pals [The Basketball Jones]

From an interview, here's Mavericks superstar Dirk Nowitzki talking about what calms him down at the free throw line.

"You just try to relax. There are a lot of things going through your mind. I try to sing sometimes to kind of take the pressure off." Smiling wide and laughing loud, he said the song was David Hasselhoff's "Looking For Freedom," a big hit when he was a kid in Germany.

If the Dallas Mavericks end up winning the NBA championship, we could be looking at David Stern handing the trophy to Mark Cuban's billion-dollar penis and Dirk Nowitzki shouting out his thanks to David Hasselhoff.

As far as celebrity-athlete pairings go, it's not quite as crazy as this one, but it's awfully damned close.

Dirk Loves Hasselhoff [Mr. Irrelevant]
How Can We Be Lovers If We Can't Be Friends? [Deadspin]

It came down to one 14-second possession for the Mavs, in need of two points to force overtime. Dirk Nowitzki was hassled by Bruce Bowen, and he couldn't get a shot off. He went cross-court to Jerry Stackhouse, Manu Ginobili tipped the pass, bought the Spurs some time, and pinned Stackhouse in the corner, forcing an airball as time expired.

I thought the Spurs might have been a little vulnerable today, given the 36-hour rest, the travel, and the physical six-game series, but then again, the Mavs have had a long layoff themselves. Regardless, both teams played Game One at a pretty high level, and this has the potential to really be an incredible series.

Spurs 87, Mavericks 85 [ESPN.com]
Mark Cuban Would Like To Remind You Who, In Fact, He Is [Deadspin]

But new NBA blog The Association (via The Mighty MJD) has discovered a way to put nerds like us to shame: Personalized Dallas Mavericks ringtones.

You can hear Mark Cuban, Doug Christie, Avery Johnson (who it's always fun to listen to), Jerry Stackhouse, Keith Van Horn and, most memorably, Dirk Nowitzki tell you that you should answer your phone. Nowitzki's is without question the best:

Hey, it's Dirk Nowitzki. How many calls do you get a day? Dang, what a circus. Gong Show!

We have no idea what that means, but, somehow, we find it beautiful.

Personalized Dallas Mavericks Ringtones [Vibes.com] (via The Association and The Mighty MJD)