Meet The USA's Tipsy, Slovenia-Trashing, Bathroom-Snoozing Miss World…

CAPE TOWN, South Africa — Remember my encounter with the Miss World ladies? Absent from that group was one Lisa-Marie Kohrs, the U.S. representative. We've learned what became of her that day, and what became of her was a sloppy, jingoistic mess. » 7/02/10 3:15pm 7/02/10 3:15pm

Pickpockets And Super Afrikaners On The Other Side Of The Sausage…

PRETORIA, South Africa — My host in Pretoria gave me this can of pepper spray to fend off bandits. I didn't have it when the bad men struck. » 6/29/10 3:15pm 6/29/10 3:15pm

“Have You Had Any Black Girls?” Asked The Afrikaner With The Mohawk

PRETORIA, South Africa — People here keep telling me I look South African. What they mean is that I look Afrikaner. (Yes, I'm white, and I dress poorly.) Looking Afrikaner sucks because inevitably you get approached by scary people who think they've found a fellow traveler. » 6/28/10 2:00pm 6/28/10 2:00pm

Instant Messages You Never Want To Receive From Your World Cup…

Luke: well, i just got robbed
me: what?
what happened?
Luke: they took my tickets man
my tickets
to [USA-Ghana]
they pickpocketed me
me: who did?
ah fuck
Luke: i don't know!
some fuck » 6/25/10 3:15pm 6/25/10 3:15pm

The Shrieking, AIDS-Joking, Gulati-Taunting Ugly Americans Of The World…

PRETORIA, South Africa — A few hours before the gut-roiling USA victory here, I witnessed a tense moment of another sort when two well-lubricated American yahoos tore into Sunil Gulati, the head of the U.S. Soccer Federation. Here's how it unfolded ... » 6/25/10 3:00pm 6/25/10 3:00pm

The Boys Not On The Bus: Riding Around Solo On FIFA's Cravenly Shunned…

JOHANNESBURG — Getting around this city during the World Cup has been an unholy mess. Traffic can be obscene. Cabbies have turned into pirates. So it's nice to have access to media shuttles. Too bad almost nobody uses them. » 6/21/10 6:50pm 6/21/10 6:50pm

A Beauty In Joburg: Watching Slovenia-USA With The Ladies Of The Miss…

JOHANNESBURG — Slovenia-USA had it all. There was the immediate and customary American breakdown. The stirring comeback. A bastard shit evil ref, more evil than that bastard shit Larrionda in 2006. And then there were the Miss World contestants. » 6/21/10 9:40am 6/21/10 9:40am

ESPN's George Bodenheimer Summons The Gods, And Other Tales Of Whoring

NEAR RUSTENBURG / DURBAN, South Africa — Our friends at ESPN treat the World Cup like a luxury safari. A few days ago, I got to see how their leaders rough it. The occasion was a braai, a South African barbecue. But not your typical braai. Think wine and white tablecloth. » 6/17/10 11:30am 6/17/10 11:30am

"If They Decide To Start Killing Us," The Young Afrikaner Said, "We Are…

JOHANNESBURG — See this button? It's called a panic button. It was given to me by my hosts at a guesthouse in Johannesburg. If I press it, I was told, men with automatic weapons will appear and possibly spray the street with bullets in order to quell the panic. » 6/14/10 7:30pm 6/14/10 7:30pm