At least Connecticut Post writer Daniel Tepfer, who covered the testimony of the divorce trial, says what we're all thinking. We don't really need to know this stuff, but it is "like seeing a car crash — you just couldn't look away." At its heart, this story is the same old song about a couple that used to love each other, but doesn't really have anything in common anymore. Except this time, it's happening to your golfing buddy.

The only surprising revelation to come out of the trial is just how filthy rich Jim Nantz is. He makes $7 million a year from CBS and various endorsements. He owns a six-bedroom, six-bathroom house in Westport, Connecticut (even though they only have one kid), a ski house in Utah, and I'm guessing many leather-bound books, including the one that he wrote about his dad. The same book his wife did not give a crap about.

Nantz cried on the stand as he testified about how his wife used to follow him around the country to various sporting events, but gradually lost interest in his career. She could not even be bothered to go to New York City to watch him collect a "Man of the Year" award. Or let him hang the oil painting—of himself—that he received with the award in their house. (He had to put it in storage.) He was even offered the hosting slot on the CBS Early Show, but turned it down because she was against it. He admitted to taking a younger lover (eww), but that it didn't matter much because his marriage was already "dead." Apparently, the one thing he and his wife did have in common was his money, which she spent a lot of. (Including over $1 million in nine years at a local jewelry store.)

Oh, and if you don't feel guilty yet for eavesdropping on this whole affair, the final denouement should ruin your day.

The trial over, Lorrie Nantz stood in the lobby of the courthouse sobbing. Stepping from the elevator her husband saw her standing there alone and walked over and put his arms around her.

Together they stood, arms wrapped around each other, sobbing.

Geez. Hey, married folk. Go call your wife or husband right now, will ya?

Play-by-play gets tearful in sportscaster's divorce trial [Connecticut Post]

By one estimate, 60 to 80 percent of NFL marriages end in divorce, and other sports have comparable rates. That's no surprise, considering the factors in play: a culture of infidelity, being away from home all the time, trophy wives and jersey chasers.

It's a tough life to sustain a marriage," said Raoul Felder, a celebrity divorce lawyer who represented the former wives of Mike Tyson and Patrick Ewing. "There's a maximum of temptation and lots of money floating around. It's a bad brew."

But more surprising is that most sports marriages seem to end after the player has retired. In those cases it's tempting to assume that the wives discover that they might have gotten hitched for reasons other than their husband's company. But anecdotally, it's more likely that it's the athletes become something other than the men they thought they married.

Steven Ortiz, an associate professor of sociology at Oregon State, interviewed 47 wives of professional athletes for a study. He found that wives had to adjust to their husbands' spending more time at home, that they missed team functions and community events and that they bore the brunt of the transition.

None of this is to say that there aren't perfectly happy couples in the sports world, or that they don't have the right to jump into doomed relationships just like the rest of us. But someday the game will be gone and the money will dry up, and athletes and their wives need to make sure they're getting the companionship they need and deserve.

Taking Vows In A League Blindsided By Divorce [NY Times]

Once again, the NBA's highest paid bench-warmer did not take part in the Greek tragedy that is otherwise known as New York Knickerbockers basketball. After conferring with head coach Mike D'Antoni at the team's hotel in Philadelphia last night, Stephon Marbury and his annual salary of $21.9 million were asked not to put on a uniform.

Prior to coaching his team to a 29-point loss against the Sixers, D'Antoni attempted to explain the rationale behind the deactivation of the team's highest-paid player.

“It’s not that he’s done anything,” D’Antoni said before the game, adding that he should have listed Marbury as inactive against the Heat in the season opener on Wednesday, when Marbury dressed but did not play. “It’s just the team is going in a different direction. He’s been in the league for a long time. I’m not going to put him out there for four minutes.”

Marbury, for his part, took a philosophical approach to things.

“I’m not frustrated at all,” Marbury said. “I have no control over it. If it was raining outside, I can’t get mad if it’s raining. I’ve got to go get an umbrella and then walk in the rain. I have no control over the situation."

Among the teams reportedly interested in the services of Coney Island's finest are the Denver Nuggets and Miami Heat. Marbury in South Beach, battling for shots and the spotlight with Dwyane Wade and Shawn Marion? Yes, please, and may I have another?

As Marbury Watches, Knicks Take a Step Away [NY Times]

Steph Deactivated; Divorce Likely [NY Post]

In pertinent part the appellate court found that the trial court did not make the appropriate fact findings to support raising Strahan's child support from the statutorily prescribed $35,984. In doing so, the trial court cited a seminal law school theory—the three pony rule. Namely, that "no child, no matter how wealthy the parents, needs to be provided [with] more than three ponies." I missed this damn question on the bar exam. I thought it was two ponies.

But why did Jean Strahan need that much money for her twin daughters. Well, thanks to Law.com we can see what she needs to get by:

Those "needs," wrote Appellate Division Judge Lorraine Parker, included the children giving their nanny a 10-day vacation in Jamaica; diamond jewelry for their grandmother; $30,000 yearly for landscaping expenses; $36,000 a year for "equipment and furnishings"; and $3,000 yearly for audio visual equipment. Jean set their clothing needs at $27,000 a year, since the children needed new outfits every time they saw their father and one of them demanded a new purse every time she left the house.

$27k a year for three-year old twins? Right now some poor three-year old future boyfriend/husband is playing in his sandbox and has no idea what a holy hell his adult years are going to be. Grin now, little boy, grin now.

Three Pony Rule invoked to cut former NFL player's monthly 18k child support [Law.com]

Why the change of heart? This is how still-Mrs. Shaq put it:

"Neither one of us could probably answer why we were getting one in the first place. Things have been going so great, that someone actually had to remind us that 'Hey, you do remember those papers are still there.' Literally, it was days ago. So, we've agreed that before we leave Florida in a few days we'll make sure that that's gone away."

Well, Shaq spelled out the "why" quite colorfully, both in his anti-Kobe rap and the divorce petition, which stated: "The marriage between the parties is irretrievably broken," and that Shaunie was "secretive about her assets...particularly with respect to certain properties owned or titled in either [her] name alone or in other entities." But whatever. Nothing, apparently, is stronger than the large amounts of money they would have to split up between them love.

Now, I'm sure this is just a coincidence, but Shaunie is preparing to launch her own video-sharing Web site, which is intended to showcase children and their talents, providing families a kid-friendly (and fun!) place to upload and share videos. I can't wait!

I'm a little late with this, but Strahan's lovely ex-missus was awarded $15.3 million in divorce court. She's actually getting more than half his net worth. Court records indicate he's worth about $22 million, and she's getting the $15.3. I don't know what's right or wrong, or who deserves what, but damn. It just hurts to see that happen for a guy.

The NFL should put him on the payroll to tell this story at the rookie symposium every year. He'll start out lecturing calmly about prenuptial agreements and protecting your financial assets... but by the end, he'll be crying and telling the rookies that they should never touch a woman again, because they're just not worth it.

Eddie Murphy tried to warn us all about "half."

$15 Mil Penalty Topples Giant [NY Post]

Anyway, Michael Jordan and his wife of 17 years and six championships, Juanita, officially filed for divorce today. So far there's no reason stated for the divorce, other than the fact that they both are saying it's "amicable", which one can only assume means, "she's getting a sweet settlement". It's also safe to say that Jordan and Oak will soon be embarking upon a beaver poaching tour of epic proportions. Those rustling noises you hear are the sounds of millions of opportunistic vaginas twitching simultaneously.

Michael Jordan, Wife Divorce After 17 Years [USA Today]