•Did you hear Lopez Tonight is coming to TBS? Day 1 of the playoffs went just as planned, with the Phillies, Yankees and Dodgers all winning. Wait, back up. The Dodgers? I guess whoever said they have no pitching was mistaken. Getting 3.2 innings from Randy Wolf is more than they could have hoped for.

•Dez Bryant is ruled ineligible not because he met with Deion Sanders, but because he lied about meeting with Deion Sanders. Let this be a lesson to our younger readers: if your parents ever catch you doing something bad, it's best to be honest and tell them you were with Deion Sanders.

•Allen Iverson may miss the Grizzlies' season opener as he recovers from a hamstring injury, but let's get real here: if you're counting on Allen Iverson in 2009 to be a crucial part of your team, you're probably not shooting for the stars anyway.

•Your injured quarterbacks update: Donovan McNabb probably, Tim Tebow maybe, Eli Manning maybe not. JaMarcus Russell isn't injured, but is listed as doubtful to play "football."

•Phoenix pulls out a win and forces the WNBA Finals to a deciding fifth game. This was exactly what the league didn't need; there's no way anyone will be paying attention to the WNBA once the UFL starts up tonight.

•Stars broadcaster Daryl Reaugh predicts Dallas will win their opening game. They don't. Now Reaugh's springing for free tickets for all in attendance. Let's hope he doesn't make the guarantee again; have you seen Marty Turco lately? Reaugh may have to spring for season tickets.

•We close with a link to the top ten hits in youth football. Does it make it sadder or funnier that they're children? We say funnier. A highlight:

Whitlock makes a good point about how Vasgersian simply made a mistake and even defends the joke and agrees that the EMT in the clip did have a striking resemblance to Eagles' quarterback Donovan McNabb. He seems more offended that Vasgersian's broadcast crew of Mitch Williams and Billy Ripken, scared into oversensitivity mode by years of PC training, let the joke hang there in shame so Vasgersian could wallow in on-air embarrassment. For whatever reason, Whitlock used this moment to chastise bloggers — including Dash's pretty harmless post — for blowing this up into something bigger than it is. Point taken, I guess. But Vasgersian apologized and, from what I hear, is actually coming on The Deadcast next week. Oh, and just like he did over at KSK, he also chimed into our comments section and mea culpa'd. So, I don't think we're really too guilty of any kind crime that require Whitlock's Racial Apology Czar oversight.

Of course, because Jason loves to hate Deadspin in the way he thinks we love to hate, he once again brought up my Man Law breaking against Stu Scott from Super Bowl XLI:

You know for several years I've been irate with the editors of Deadspin about what they did to Stuart Scott at a Super Bowl. They published a story about looking over Scott's shoulder and reading a text message from a female friend during booty-call hours.

Given the fact that Scott is black and his female friend was white some people believe Will Leitch and AJ Daulerio committed a "hate crime." I've always leaned toward ruling it as simple "hating," a jealous act committed by cowards with no respect or appreciation for Man Laws.

Having two lawyers debate this issue would be a terrific, must-see episode of "Race Court with Judge Jason." If convicted of the more serious "hate crime," Scott would be allowed to whip Leitch and Daulerio's asses on national television. If I ruled it misdemeanor "hating," Leitch and Daulerio would be fined $1,000, sentenced to a year of probation and required to attend manhood training.

That would be absurdly brilliant in a very "Breaking Bonaduce" sort of way, but I don't think Mr. Scott would lower himself to such depths. Unless there's a cute, white ring card girl he could take home with him later. Come to think of it, I think Judge Jason would tag-a-long for that sort of thing as well. I promise I won't write about it. Lesson learned.

I'll Be The Judge On Racial Apologies [Fox Sports]

On Monday we reported on how Donovan McNabb's off-season Arizona home had been vandalized just before the NFC Championship game; a baffling criminal spree which included the words "Go Cards" being burned into his front lawn with diesel fuel. After an intense investigation, police have captured those responsible.

The Cardinals fans who left diesel fuel messages in the lawn of Donovan McNabb's Chandler home also left something else — a box with a postage sticker that listed the suspect's name and address. The two men, Rex Perkin, 37, and Ryan Hanlon, 28, were arrested Saturday around 6 p.m., for using the fuel to kill the grass in the Philadelphia quarterback's lawn and leave the messages., "Go Cards," "Go Kurt," and "I (heart) AZ."

The two were booked and cited for criminal damage, and two more criminal careers are cut short. The Wet Bandits nod knowingly.

Police: Men Burned Cards Message Into Eagles QB's Lawn [Arizona Republic]

From Mike Silver's blog at Yahoo Sports:

What was going through the mind of the misguided juveniles who used gasoline to desecrate the front lawn of the house in Chandler, Ariz., where McNabb and his wife, Roxie, live with their children over the offseason. According to a friend of Mrs. McNabb’s, “Go Cards” and other similar messages were burned into the front lawn one night last week. This had to be especially scary to the couple’s four-year-old daughter, Alexis, who was staying in the house with Roxie and the couple’s six-week-old twins. Apparently one of the culprits was identified after leaving a box at the scene with a mailing label affixed bearing his name and address, so we’re obviously not talking about criminal masterminds here. But it’s tough to imagine that anyone over the age of eight doesn’t understand that burning something on the lawn of a house occupied by African-Americans carries deeper social overtones that are highly disturbing. I’m told Donovan took a photo of the damaged lawn and used it as a motivating force for Sunday’s game. I hope it’s the last time he or any other professional athlete ever has that opportunity.

Two Things I Can't Comprehend [Yahoo Sports]

Not likely, thanks to Real Clear Sports, which keeps track of such things in its annual Top 10 Erroneous Columns post. We mentioned this in Morning Blogdome, but think it needs to be emphasized. Moore's little gem, which appeared on April 26, came in at No. 4 (applause), and also included the graph: Matt Ryan? Not a brutal pick for the Falcons at No. 3 overall in the NFL draft on Saturday, but it was far from brilliant. Mediocre comes to mind, and so does this thought: If Michael Vick wasn’t officially gone before as the face of the Falcons, he is now.

Ha. We also have Scoop Jackson at No. 7, with his immortal "Kobe Bryant will not win the MVP," Ashley Fox of the Philadelphia Inquirer at No. 6 for "McNabb's Reign In Philly Is Likely Over," and one of my all-time favorites, at No. 3, from Mike Vaccaro of the New York Post:

"It would be a hell of a story, the Rays finishing ahead of the Red Sox, ahead of the Yankees. A hell of a baseball story. A hell of a Cinderella story. Too bad it isn't going to happen ... It's just not logical to assume they can keep it up for eight more weeks while fighting off these two teams. It's not practical ... They are a good story. Easy to root for. And...just a week or two away from seeing a couple of blurs zip by them in the passing lane."

No. 2 is the most hilarious of all, and the author of No. 1 will not surprise you, being that it's Jay Mariotti.

Writers go out on limb like this, of course, because it makes them sound smart and decisive, and they figure no one is going to keep the paper around long enough to check on their accuracy. But then along came the Internets, and hilarity ensued. One of my favorite tragic columnist predictions actually occurred on the radio, however. It was November of 1995, when the 49ers were about to play the Cowboys in Irving. Steve Young was out with multiple bruisings, which meant that the estimable Elvis Grbac would be starting at quarterback for the 49ers.

That Friday, San Francisco Chronicle columnist Ira Miller was a guest on KNBR radio, and when asked what the Niners' chances were of winning, replied, "Zero." Host Ralph Barbieri wondered how an NFL team could be given no chance. "How about one percent?" he asked. "No," replied Miller, emphatically. "They have absolutely no chance of winning this game. None."

Of course the 49ers led 31-7 at halftime and won, 38-20. And I so I learned never to predict anything in any form other than smoke signals or disappearing ink. The SI cover below is for you, Ira, wherever you are.

Top 10 Erroneous Column Predictions Of 2008 [Real Clear Sports]

As part of its runup coverage of tomorrow's Oscar De La Hoya-Manny Pacquiao welterweight bout in Las Vegas, KNBR's Tom Tolbert talked with Hopkins for about 20 minutes; 15 of which turning out to be on the subject of every Philly native's favorite punching bag, McNabb. Wackiness ensued.

Tolbert first asked Hopkins what he thought of McNabb in general.

"Oh man, lack of performance, lack of heart. I wish the Wizard of Oz would come back out, man, so I could put McNabb in it as the character who needs to see the wizard to get a heart. The thing is this, man: Philadelphia is hungry for — yeah we've got the Phillies — but I mean the Super Bowl year. It's all about character and heart and wanting to win the biggest trophy in football. There is just no urgency of going out on your shield to try and win the biggest prize.

"You look out there and he's throwing up; maybe he had a bad oyster. Is this guy focused and is his head in it? Or is the money already banked and he just doesn't care? The worst personnel move that Philadelphia has made was getting rid of Garcia and getting rid of T.O. I know that T.O. wasn't a church mouse, wasn't an angel, but the chemistry was there for a moment to win. If they listen to me over there in personnel, get McNabb over to Chicago, or whoever will take him, I don't know. But that won't happen as long as Andy Reid is there. They need to get rid of those two cancers for the team to move forward."

And what does Hopkins think of the infamous McNabb overtime controversy?

"Come on, that's just like me being a boxer for more than 20 years, and I get knocked out on the canvas and I say OK, I've got 15 seconds to get up, and I get up and say 'Why'd you stop the fight?' These are the idiotic things he's been doing all along."

Hopkins is a little wacky, sure. But it's refreshing to see someone who's hit it big be that impassioned about goings-on in his home town, especially when they're not even related to his own sport. Oh, and for the record, I would surely pay $10.75 to see a version of The Wizard of Oz cast by Bernard Hopkins.

Bernard Hopkins Interview [KNBR 680]
The Razor And Mr. T [KNBR 680]

"Can I tell them something for you?" he said [to McNabb]. "First of all, I would like to tell all these idiotic fans to shut up. Don't get on his bandwagon now. You're the same guys who booed him on his first incompletion."

Host Rich Eisen then asked Sanders what he thought of the Philadelphia fans.

"I can't stand them. I really can't," Sanders said. "It's not because I was a former Cowboy, because I didn't give a darn about any fans. They all hated me because I performed well.

"But the way they treated this man from day one, it's not justifiable. They will not treat any other quarterback in the NFL, like we said, Peyton Manning don't get treated like that. Tom Brady. And I know you [McNabb] can't say it . . ."

Unfortunately, Sanders was unable to finish the quote, due to the expertly thrown set of car keys that became lodged in his windpipe.

Deion Sanders rips Eagles fans [Philly.com]

Everybody wants to know about the overtime situation. Whatever happened had no bearing on the outcome of the game. That's all that matters. We all know the rules now. There is no need to waste any more time on the subject. If you want some answers, check out my website (www.DonovanMcNabb.com) where my press conference from today is available.

What you won't find from that press conference that is supposed to preview the Ravens game this week is anything about this week's game. So I'll share my thoughts here.

The Ravens are a good team. Their defense h...BAH ...TOO NOISY!

Moving on. Bottom line is — McNabb's not stupid, he's a smart guy, but made a terrible decision to admit that in the press conference which ultimately will probably seal his fate in Philly unless they go on a sick run to end the season. But honestly — it's not like the dude took a knee.

Yesterday, in an odd show of solidarity, the rest of the league seemingly rose up to defend McNabb. Hines Ward, Ben Roethlisberger, and, official athlete blog spokesman, Braylon Edwards said there are plenty of other players in the league who didn't know that after the first overtime ends, the game is over. Maybe true, but it seems more like a way of the league's players protecting their own. One former NFL player who wasn't sticking up for McNabb is Warren Sapp, who shared his thoughts on "Inside the NFL":

When I heard him say it I almost passed out,” Sapp said on this week’s Inside the NFL. “I thought, ‘This will follow you for the rest of your career.’ Your legacy in the league, Donovan, will be throwing up in the Super Bowl, Rush Limbaugh and now, ‘I didn’t know there were ties in the NFL.’”

At least he didn't call him a bitch.

This Week [Yardbarker]

Come with us now as Rosie Perez explains ties to Donovan McNabb.

All props to The World of Isaac, who combined the noggin-scratching awesomeness that is Rosie Perez with the head-asplode texture of McNabb's latest quotes, equaling high hilarity. And adding a silent, perplexed Woody Harrelson in there can never hurt.

Rosie Perez Explains Ties To Donovan McNabb [The World Of Isaac]

This was all very perplexing to Mr. McNabb.

The most amusing part? McNabb still isn't clear on the rules.

"I guess we're aware of that now," said McNabb, who was 28-of-58 for 339 yards. "In college, there are multiple overtimes, and in high school and Pop Warner. I never knew in the professional ranks it would end that way. I hate to see what would happen in the Super Bowl and the playoffs."

Yes Donovan, if after one overtime no one pulls ahead, the Super Bowl would end in a tie.

Anyway, the whole thing has the natives restless. Wouldn't it be ironic if a tie was what finally ushered in the Kevin Kolb era in Philadelphia?

Donovan McNabb Doesn't Know A NFL Game Can End In A Tie? WTF [BlackSportsOnline]
McNabb's Reign Is Likely Over [Philly.com]

Terrell has it right when he says Philadelphia was in love with him when he was wearing Eagles green during 2004. It was amazing. However, the argument of which guy had a bigger impact on the other’s play isn’t worth having and something Owens continually brings up. They both clearly stepped up each other’s game.

The Linc chanting, “Teee Ohhh, Teee Ohhh, T. O.” was a beautiful thing. I get excited now just thinking about how awesome that team was. But Terrell gets it wrong when he says the rift was due to Donovan’s feelings and antics.

He cites Donovan being jealous where as most Philadelphians will tell you that it was McNabb who went about business as usual. Donovan wasn’t the one who suggested he’d rather have another team’s receiver to throw balls to, Donovan wasn’t the one who whined and complained his way out of town.

Terrell Owens’ most recent rant is quasi delusional. Not only that, but the entire crew of ESPN’s NFL Game Day show agrees with me.

Whoa.

Tom Jackson points out the fact that T.O. is 1-3 against the Eagles since joining the Cowboys. Talk after you win.

Mike Ditka calls Terrell’s antics childish and expresses Owens’ need to let it go.

Chris Carter wins the sound bite war by saying T.O. has to realize that “we’re not going to love him as much as he loves himself.”

Even T.O.’s homeboy, Keyshawn Johnson, tries to bite his lip and pleads with Owens to leave all this revisionist history alone and lead your team to a Super Bowl. He points out that Donovan was winning and going to Pro Bowls before Terrell got there, McNabb played in the 2004 conference playoffs without a receiver and did just fine, and when the focus shifted back to Owens in the Super Bowl, they lost.

Keyshawn gets it right. We know T.O. is an incredible football player, but his revisionist history is childish.

Donovan McNabb wasn’t jealous of Terrell Owens. It was the other way around. And holy shit!, everyone seems to be in agreement about it for once.

Also, Fuck Dallas.

Warning: the audio in the video is slightly off. But you get the gist of it.

image via SI.com

• Spinal Surgery Is Scheduled for Williams. Harry Williams, a second year receiver for the Houston Texans, has regained "almost normal neurologic function" and he's now awaiting surgery to repair the fractured vertebrae he sustained after colliding with a teammate in last night's pre-season game against the Cowboys. Here's wishing the young man a speedy and full recovery after the scary injury.

• McNasty. Donovan McNabb put together a stellar performance in his most extensive action of the pre-season, and DeSean Jackson continued his eye-opening play. The rookie receiver from Cal returned a punt for a touchdown in addition to leading the Eagles with 67 receiving yards on four catches. Tom Brady sat out the game for the Patriots so that he could continue resting his sore foot while massaging Giselle's aching breasts. Or so I imagine.

Actually, a bit more than a few.

Donovan McNabb was booed by much of the home crowd as he came out of the tunnel yesterday. He was booed sporadically throughout the game. Kevin Kolb received an ovation when he entered the game.

The 700 Level is not a fan.

Those who decided to boo Five yesterday are a bunch of morons. People all over the country rip on us for being loud, drunk, ignorant morons. I spend a lot of time trying to defend us and prove that these haters are wrong. Those who decided to boo yesterday, you are a bunch of loud, drunk, ignorant morons. Stop giving the rest of us a bad name.

Wait, there's something wrong with being a loud, drunk, ignorant moron? Tell us that now.

Open Letter To Ignorant Philly Fans [The 700 Level]

The uniforms are to honor the 75th anniversary of the 1933 championship Eagles. None of those players are still alive, because they're football players; they died at 36, we think.

We wish the Lions would wear their throwback uniforms too, so the game would look like it really did in 1933. Except with the forward pass and, of course, black players.

Eagles Set To Wear Ugliest Uniforms Ever [The Fanhouse]
The Eagles Hate Your Retina [Blown Coverage]

It's kind of bitter sweet for me as my son, the quarterback sits out on injured reserved watching the game during his rehab. I polled my family too and they feel the same. We want our team to win and even go to the Superbowl and win it in Miami especially if they continue to play as they have. But oh oh, if they win the Superbowl without my son, what would be the real outcome with the fans? Will they crucify him? Maybe, then the trade talks would begin. Off season madness, worse than last year's fiasco. But guess what, I guess I'll have to take the beating if it comes. I would have to hope that scenario of the madness would not happen or be that bad. Well let's wait and see. Bitter sweet.

To answer her questions: Yes, yes, and yes. She's been here long enough to know what the deal is. If Garcia wins the...gasp...Super Bowl or even makes a little bit of a playoff run, there's gonna be some uproar — perhaps foolishly — about McNabb's viability as a starter next season. Bottom line is, McNabb's a fantastic player, won't lose his job, but with the lower half of his body mangled with injuries, Garcia's success should be taken into consideration at least for future years. I know the guy's invigoration has to be considered flukey but, at the same time, why is this offense suddenly clicking? Are pocket jump-passers the keys to the West Coast offense?

But, for the love of god, the Eagles should've learned their lessons from those Ty Detmer/Rodney Peete experiments when they shelved Cunningham on the bench because they assumed he was over. McNabb needs all the coddling possible for him to make some kind of contribution to this team in the upcoming years— before he goes off to the Vikings and wins an MVP.

Wow, a serious post? I'm a fucking genius.

Jeff Garcia Mania [The700level]
Bittersweet [Donovan McNabb]

Amazingly, Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb did this before Buccaneers kicker Matt Bryant kicked a 62-yard field goal — with room to spare! — to beat his team yesterday.

(We love McNabb ... but it sure does seem like he pukes a lot, doesn't it? He's like our teenage girl cousins, seriously. "No, Donovan, really, you're totally pretty!")

Donovan McNabb Pukes [The 700 Level]

Other invitees to the party include Michael Jordan, Barry Bonds, Beyonce, Jamie Foxx and, of course, Drew Rosenhaus, who will be raffling off tickets to whack a pinata filled of discarded contracts. We support Eagles players who decide to attend the shindig; we encourage Ryan Moats to show up to give out a night full of autographs.

(By the way, we're wondering if Jamie Foxx will sign up Rosenhaus and then subsequently have to give up his Oscar.)

T.O.'s Birthday Bash [Philly.com] (second item)

But here's what we really want: We want arbitrator Richard Bloch to rule that the Eagles must allow Terrell Owens to return to the team. Coach Andy Reid, sensing opportunity, decides not to cut Owens, instead reinstalling him in the starting lineup. And then we have a rather seminal moment: T.O. complaining about how Mike McMahon can't get him the ball. How much fun would that be? Is the world ready for a power struggle between Terrell Owens and Mike McMahon? "The thing that T.O. has to realize is that I'm the leader of this team," McMahon says, filming a commercial for Jimmy's Auto Detailing in Camden, N.J. "If a team doesn't have trust in its quarterback, it's not a team. What? Oh, yeah, that's M-C-M-A-H-O-N. There's no 'A' before that 'C.'"

Anyway, we wish Donovan a speedy recovery. Just for craps and giggles, we hope Reid signs Keyshawn Johnson and Freddie Mitchell to be waiting for him in training camp next year.

Ruling On Owens Expected Soon [Zwire]

Today's first recipient of this "honor" is Jere Longman, reporter for The New York Times and author of If Football's A Religion, Then Why Don't We Have A Prayer, a hilarious and strangely sad look at the beleaguered and perpetually angry fans of the Philadelphia Eagles. With the Eagles at their lowest point in nearly seven years, we thought this was as good a time as any to check in.

Interview with Longman after the jump. And see? We love!

Deadspin: Your book is almost entirely sourced from Eagles fans, rather than their players, a technique which is much more fun, because players rarely publicly shotgun beer. What's the mood among those fans today, now that the Eagles seem doomed?

Longman: In general, it's trepidation: Disaster is here. There s a pattern in Philadelphia sports, and we're in the "disaster" point. What you'll see now is the Eagles win a couple of games in a row; disaster never comes when they're expecting it, only when they re invested in the team again. People will start rooting again and sticking their necks out for their team, and as soon as they hope, their necks will get chopped off. That s always what happens in Philadelphia.

Deadspin: Eagles fans are always saying they'e so tortured, but, you know, we re Arizona Cardinals fans, and we look at the Eagles and say, "Jeez, at least you occasionally win. You got something."

Longman: Yeah, I have a friend of mine in Buffalo who says the same thing. Part of the pain is that the Eagles are good enough to give you hope. That always makes the pain greater. As soon as you think this will be the year, the guillotine comes down.

Deadspin: Is there a sense now that this is the end not only of this year, but the end of a run almost?

Longman: I thought at the beginning of this year that this was a crossroads season. If they don't make the playoffs this year, it really could be the end. They're getting old and they're getting vulnerable. They're certainly at one of their many lows with fans right now.

Deadspin: Terrell Owens makes our brain bleed. What's Eagles Nation think of him now?

Longman: Well, people recognized that he was not the type of player who was going to be universally beloved in Philadelphia, but if he was going to put them over the top, that would have been fine. But like another journalist said last year, if the Eagles would have won the Super Bowl last year, Owens would have been the greatest sports hero in Philadelphia sports history. In Philadelphia, we don t want just heroes; we want bloody heroes. He would have been perfect.

And honestly, I think there s a lot more support for him in the city than people realize. More and more people are realizing that professional sports is not a morality play, and instead whether or not you win.

Deadspin: Why are Philly fans so mean?

Longman: Philadelphia is not as blue-collar as it once was, or as it likes to see it is. Football is the sport that most closely relates to that feeling of being an underdog; it's the mirror in which the city sees its reflection. It's dirty and nasty and focuses only on winning. That s Philadelphians.

If Football's A Religion, Then Why Don't We Have A Prayer [Amazon]