I Went to a Simulated Teen Drinking Party and It Freaked Me the Fuck Out

I’m far from the target audience for the simulated teen drinking party I attended last weekend—that audience being freaked-out parents who want to see what really goes on at the hormone-fueled ragers their children are just starting to attend—but let me start by saying that the whole thing was very effective. I was… » 5/04/15 8:00pm 5/04/15 8:00pm

Football Fan Passes Out, Wakes Up With $900 Uber Bill

An Ole Miss football fan, apparently sorrowfully tired and perhaps a bit blotto after the team's loss to Texas Christian University in the Peach Bowl last week, decided to call Uber, the official car service of Capitalism™, for a ride home from the game. No big deal, except that the game was in Atlanta, and this Ole… » 1/05/15 8:58pm 1/05/15 8:58pm

Hey Look, It's The Sad Cocktail Grenades You Always Wanted

Evidently these have been around for a while, but they're new to me. BuzzBallz: Regret In a Can. BuzzBallz: Liquid Cold-Sore. BuzzBallz: Convex Around the Sides, Like Your Abdomen When Fluid Accumulates In Your Peritoneal Cavity as a Result of the Liver Cirrhosis You Get From Living the Kind of Life That Involves… » 9/24/14 11:48am 9/24/14 11:48am

Cider Is Fucking Awesome. End of Story.

This has been a winter of cider-shame. Shame at glancing down at the recycling in my apartment only to note that its only contents are dozens and dozens of empty bottles of Angry Orchard cider. Shame at ordering cider at a bar in front of people ordering cocktails. Shame at being gingerly handed a tall blue can of… » 5/01/14 5:28pm 5/01/14 5:28pm

16 Hours in the Cactus League: A Guide to Arizona Between Baseball Games

In 1946, Bill Veeck, baseball's maverick owner, had a bold idea that changed the national pastime forever. Disgusted with the racial segregation of the game in the South, Veeck, then owner of the Cleveland Indians, proposed relocating his team's spring home from Ocala, Florida, to Tucson, Arizona. When he convinced… » 3/07/14 12:21pm 3/07/14 12:21pm

Super Bowl Hangover? Drink a Gatorita. It’s Exactly What You Think It Is

That game last night, huh? So much booze, so much booze. It's all a little hazy this morning. Luckily, as a public service to the hungover, every week we track down the best bartenders in America and ask them to share their favorite hair-of-the-dog remedies. This week, in a special post-Super Bowl hangover edition, we… » 2/03/14 11:16am 2/03/14 11:16am

Our Month Without Booze Is Past The Midpoint. Shit's Getting Real.

Week Three. The Wall. We warned you that Week Three would be the hardest. The novelty of Drynuary definitely wears off by now, boredom creeps in with a vengeance, and somehow you have to negotiate the interminable two weeks between the NFL conference championships and the Super Bowl without your favorite pastime. It… » 1/20/14 5:38pm 1/20/14 5:38pm

How Much Should You Tip Your Bartender? More Than You're Tipping Now

A friend recently asked Twitter if she should tip the guy who painted a room in her house. I told her painters are creeps and criminals and hers could be counted upon to gratuitize himself via her sock and silverware drawers, because I resort to stereotyping when I'm scared and confused, and I don't have any goddamn… » 1/17/14 3:25pm 1/17/14 3:25pm

I'm Going A Month Without Booze, For Some Reason. Join Me?

Drynuary. The reality is as unattractive as the word: An entire month* without alcohol. That means no beer in front of football, no after-work glass of wine. No going out for one too many drinks with that friend you haven't seen in ages but can pick up with like your last conversation was yesterday. No bourbon in your… » 1/03/14 4:01pm 1/03/14 4:01pm

Everything You Need to Know About Douchebags You Can Learn From Booze

Comparing women to food and beverages is a tired trope of douchebaggery that's even older than the guys who think those jokes are funny. But that hasn't stopped "ladies be like food..." comparisons from being the scourge of everything from novelty Spencers Gifts bath mats to articles about... wine. » 10/02/13 1:24pm 10/02/13 1:24pm

Hey, Alleged Adult: Stop Playing Drinking Games

I trust you've heard that school starts right this very instant or at least soon or perhaps recently. Are you ready? Have you bought and thought all the right things relating to educational electronics and the passage of time? Do you have a bushel of new underwear and an inflated sense of self-worth? Are the college… » 9/06/13 2:30pm 9/06/13 2:30pm