As originally pointed out by King Kaufman of Salon, Baker told the great Hal McCoy how he makes his major lineup decisions as a manager. It's a complicated process.

Baker said he sometimes sits in his office staring into space, pondering and pontificating over things of this nature, "And sometime I just sit here and nothing comes."

Oh, yeah: Pontificating. That's it. That's what he's doing.

By the way, Homer Bailey's arm is going to be a shredded noodle by midseason. Enjoy, Reds fans.

Who's 1, Who's 2? [Dayton Daily News]

"I'm gone. I won't be back," Baker said Sunday after the Cubs completed a last-place season with an 8-5 victory over the Colorado Rockies. "Somebody's got to take the blame, and it might as well be me."

It's amazing to us just how close Baker came to becoming a Ditka-esque legend in Chicago. (He, frankly, wasn't so far off in San Francisco either.) One half-inning changes — you might remember that half-inning — and the guy would never buy a meal in Chicago again. Now? The team president resigns, Baker is run out of town and the Cubs are worse off than they ever were. We would never, ever become a baseball manager.

Baker: "I'm Gone, I Won't Be Back [Chicago Tribune]

But we still just threw a blunt object across the room.

For those who aren't checking their GameTracker, Chicago Cubs pitcher Mark Prior was throwing a no-hitter in the bottom of the sixth inning against the Mets. With two outs, he walked Carlos Beltran. Manager Dusty Baker then went to the mound ... and pulled him! Will Ohman then came in and got Carlos Delgado to ground out to keep the no-hitter going.

Yes, yes, we know: The Cubs are in a tight pennant race. (!!!!!) But we're of the belief that went someone has a no-hitter, they stay in the game even if they walk the bases loaded 10 times and give up eight runs. Sorry. It's a no-hitter. We love those things too much.

Grrr. At least the Cubs bullpen is reliable.

(UPDATE: The no-hitter was broken up by a misplayed pop-up. Ah, the Cubs.)

"The production company did a thorough review and it was brought to my attention that I was mislead. The word 'boo' was used. I trusted the individual and apologize for giving bad information. At the end of the day, the situation has been dealt with."

We didn't receive the email, by the way; we probably would have ended up just doctoring it anyway. We actually feel pretty bad for Chan, who, if he really tried to "cover up" his "mistake," shouldn't consider a CIA job in his future. We are curious how he is being "dealt with." We wonder if his punishment involves actually watching the show.

Finally ... A Confession [View From The Bleachers]
Goatriders Vs. ESPN [Goatriders Of The Apocalypse]
The Post Where Stephen A. Calls Us A Liar And We Return The Favor [Deadspin]

Smith accused deadspin.com, a frequent critic of his, of altering the memo, but deadspin merely linked to the goatriders.org site.

That's right: We altered a memo that we never received and could care less about, and then encouraged several Cubs blogs to go along with us. Why? Because EVERYTHING HE SAYS IS IMPORTANT! The folks at Goatriders, where this all started, detail the whole experience there. We would like to say that Smith's inability to stand up to the fact that one of his staffers might have made a simple mistake, choosing instead to blatantly lie to cover himself, would be the most embarassing part of the interview. But it actually gets worse.

Smith, explaining to Greenstein why his program's ratings are so bad, claims the fault is not HIS OWN STYLE!, but in fact THE SUITS AT ESPN! He blames the timeslot change from 5:30 p.m. to 11 p.m., saying ESPN doesn't promote the show enough. "I'm not happy," Smith said. "I love working for ESPN, and ESPN has been very good to me. But I'd be lying if I said I'm happy with what has transpired with the show."

But that's not the best part. The best part is when Smith explains that when ESPN asked him if he would be interested in moving his show to 11, he said yes, not realizing that live games running late might delay the start of his show. This news flash — that sports don't have definitive end times — has taken Smith aback.

As for the show's inevitable cancellation, Smith almost sounds resigned to it: "I don't know [whether the show will make it to a second anniversary]. I don't know if I'm going to want to [continue]. ... For me it never has been about just being on TV. I'm about success."

You know what? We think he's lying.

Quite Frankly, Baker Bails Out [Chicago Tribune]
Goatriders Vs. ESPN, Final Round [Goatriders Of The Apocalypse]
Come On Down And Boo Our Guests [Deadspin]

(UPDATE: Here's another email exchange, this one from View From The Bleachers, verifying that Smith and his staff are full of it.)

Next Monday, Stephen A. will host embattled Cubs manager Dusty Baker. We have made fun of Baker many times and don't think he's a particularly talented strategist. But he has agreed to go on Smith's show and answer his questions. How is the show responding? By encouraging its audience to boo him. From outstanding Cubs blog Goat Riders Of The Apocalypse:

I was recently EMailed by an Assistant Associate Audience Producer for Quite Frankly with Stephen A. Smith. Apparently, our own Dusty Baker will be on the show on Monday, July 24th at 11:15am, and they want some loud, raucus Cub fans to be there to boo or cheer Dusty as they see fit. No, actually, they just want us to boo him. The AAAP said, and I quote, "You guys can definitely feel free to BOO Dusty if you so please."

We suppose that's one way to increase the dreadful ratings: Turn into Springer!

Quite Frankly With Stephen A. Smith [Goat Riders Of The Apocalypse]
Audience Panhandling At Quite Frankly [Deadspin]

(UPDATE: Apparently Bleed Cubbie Blue got the email too)

It's Opening Day, and that means it's time to play "What's Your Caption?"

• "Don't worry about your son. I used to run wild as a kid too, and you'll never believe what I ended up doing."
• Right behind them, Sammy Sosa hides, waiting for the coast to clear so he can get the hell out of here.
• Somewhere, Kanye West sighs. Maybe he'd been wrong about the man.
• "OK, Mr. President, take a deep breath ... now cough."

"It s a risk-reward kind of thing, said Hendry. If we fire him we get to act on our deep-seeded racist instincts, which would be a lot of fun. But for me, at least, in the excitement of firing a black guy I d probably struggle to hide my giddiness and the media would be on to all of us."

Cubs fans have been clammoring for Baker's firing for almost two years now too, though more because of his role in Steve Stone's firing and his inability to control his children than the team's performance. (Same thing happened to Felipe and Moises Alou this year, by the way.)

Cubs Management Unsure How To Fire Baker Without Exposing That They're Racists [SportsPickle]
Color Blind [ESPN Page 2]