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Candy Corn Is Trash and Hershey's Candy Corn Bars Are an Abomination Against God

Tis the season, the only season that matters, the season that Halloween candy finally starts appearing on the shelves. Unfortunately, that also means candy corn has made its foul return, a crumbling and earwax-esque concoction that, like your racist grandparent, you only give a pass because it’s been around for so…

Chile To Investigate Pablo Neruda's Death; FIFA-Adviser Henry Kissinger To Investigate His Navel

A judge in Chile just ordered an investigation into the mysterious death of poet Pablo Neruda, who supposedly succumbed to prostate cancer 12 days after a Henry Kissinger-backed right wing coup installed a hideous dictator who brutalized and slaughtered his own people for years. The circumstances surrounding Neruda's…