The Astros' May 5th game at Washington was called on account of rain, with the teams tied 10-10 in the eleventh. When the game resumed yesterday—in Houston this time, before their regularly scheduled game—Elijah Dukes was on first base and Joel Hanrahan was the pitcher of record for the Nationals. There were just a couple of snags. Dukes is in the minors and Hanrahan plays for Pittsburgh now.

Hanrahan, who pitched a scoreless top of the 11th inning for the Nationals back on May 5, was traded to the Pirates for Nyjer Morgan last month. Morgan pinch ran for Dukes in this game and promptly scored the winning run in the bottom of the 11th inning. That means Hanrahan got the win—his only one of the season—even though he's not on the team anymore and the man who scored the decisive run was playing for Pittsburgh when the game started. Interleague play is so confusing!

So if two of the worst teams in the National League combine their rosters, they're just good enough to beat Houston. I think I see a plan here ... or at least a hilarious sitcom.

Hanrahan earns victory on day off [MLB.com]

After Dukes scored on Lastings Milledge's ultimately game-winning homer last night, Dukes and Acta went after each other in the dugout. It might have been because Dukes seemed to taunt Pirates pitcher Matt Capps once the Nationals had beaten him.

"We want to see emotions as long as you're not showing anybody up...He showed emotion, and I don't think he offended anybody."

That quote from Acta was the other night; he might have changed his tune last night. In other words, everybody ... the Elijah Dukes Explosion In DC Watch is ON! Hey, Manny: We'd recommend changing your cellphone number. Fast.

Trouble In Paradise [Nationals Enquirer]

The title matchup will be on Monday, and it looks like Kige Ramsey has himself a slot. But this one should close. Screw Iowa: The polls are already open here.

No. 4 Seed: Elijah Dukes

Explored the possibilities lent to us by cellular technology.
Impregnated a foster child.
Became a sports radio star.
You divorced, dawg.

No. 8 Seed Isiah Thomas
Don't give a shit about these white people, bitch.
Understands what black people can say, and what white people can't.
Explained sexual harassment to James Dolan.
Got gotten by the bitches.
Successful avoided Stephon Marbury's "dirt."

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It's a big week coming up, very busy, so vote tonight and on New Years Day, and we'll be back with a full slate on Wednesday. Be safe out there tonight.

Yep, someone else is asking for a restraining order against Dukes.

Reese says Dukes sent her a text message on Oct. 23 that stated she would "have to deal with the consequences" and "don't let me see you when I come home" and "it's a promise, now make your move."

On Nov. 24, according to Reese, Dukes came to her home to discuss an incident that took place in his home before their split. After that visit, she said, he has been calling her home at inappropriate times. "It's on," Dukes said during a 5 a.m. phone call, according to Reese.

We think it's possible that Elijah Dukes might have a bit of an issue with women. So we'll say this: Please, somebody tell Alyssa Milano to keep her distance. She won't be able to resist. But girl, that guy is BAD NEWS.

Dawg.

Another Injunction Sought Against Dukes [TampaBay.com]
SHOTY Elite Eight: Elijah Dukes Vs. Gilbert Arenas [Deadspin]

All seeds held in the first round, which just proves the seeding committee did a good job. (Note: This does not actually prove this.) So the big dawgs are all set for the second round ... and we've got a tough one right off the bat.

No. 4 Seed: Elijah Dukes

Explored the possibilities lent to us by cellular technology.
Impregnated a foster child.
Became a sports radio star.
You divorced, dawg.

No. 5 Seed Gilbert Arenas
Dunked off a trampoline.
Stole a joke.
Helped you with your love life.
Talked to us.

So, who makes the Final Four? Vote, vote like the wind.

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Dukes found himself in the middle of a Dominican league game and was thrown out for — get this! — arguing with the umpire, and chest bumping him a little. It measures just a 6.3 on the Dukes Intensity scale. But maybe it's society's fault. Literally:

It's not uncommon, however, for these games to become heated - and this one was between the league's top teams - with players jawing and fans screaming and throwing bottles onto the field, and umpires are quick to eject players in order to retain control.

Elijah Dukes: "Is this heaven?"

Licey: "... It's the Dominican Republic."

Dukes Erupts Yet Again [St. Petersburg Times]

Voting will remain open until the end of the first round ... so let's get started. It's No. 4 seed Elijah Dukes vs. No. 13 Jeff Reed. A look at the nominees:

No. 4 Seed: Elijah Dukes

Explored the possibilities lent to us by cellular technology.
Impregnated a foster child.
Became a sports radio star.
You divorced, dawg.

No. 13 Seed Josh Reed

Revealed some kicker dong.
Partied.
Partied some more.

So, go vote: Who makes it to the Final Eight?

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Apparently, Dukes smokes weed every day — which, frankly, might not necessarily be a bad thing — and is doing steroids.

NiShea Dukes, testifying in divorce proceedings, accused her baseball-player husband of smoking marijuana daily and using steroids. Although steroids use remained in question at the end of the 2 1/2 -hour hearing Monday morning, Devil Rays outfielder Elijah Dukes did admit under oath that he smokes marijuana. Judge Kevin Carey ordered Dukes to take random drug tests for marijuana.

We find it amusing that Dukes is accused of using illegal drugs, having a chronic drinking problem and threatening to kill his wife ... and yet the fact that he might have used steroids is the most damning charge that could have been levied at him. You dead, dawg.

Just When You Think You Know A Guy [Winning The Turnover Battle]
Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail [Deadspin]

"I know if I stayed with her I'd physically be in prison because she provoked me by hitting me. She done hit me across the head with a picture frame and everything. I hate that because I told my kids I would never go back to jail for no domestic violence."

Of course all of this did not go over well with the Devil Rays front office, who had a meeting with Dukes later in the afternoon to discuss his radio call-in habits. Another our our favorite excerpts:

"Just like the Bible says, If you know it's not true you don't have to say anything and I haven't been saying anything. But I will say something about this situation with my mom out my mouth, because everyone knows I do love my mom. And I am tough on my mom but I know for fact I never told nobody my mom smoked crack because that would be a lie on my behalf. She never told me and I never caught her.''

We believe we saw that embroidered on a pillow once.

The Dukes WDAE interview can be found here, and also at The Big Lead.

Dukes Lets Off Steam, Defends Self In WDAE Exclusive [WDAE 620]
Angry Dukes Sounds Off [The Heater]

The girl, expected to give birth Nov. 5, told investigators she and Dukes had consensual sex on the living room sofa. She said Dukes got angry when she and another person confronted him about the pregnancy. "Yeah, we sat down and told him and he got mad and threw a Gatorade at me," she told investigators.

The incident has prompted a state investigation into the foster home.

Well, what next? Time now to spin the big Elijah Dukes Anti-Social Behavior Wheel and watch it land on ... it looks like ... poaching endangered owls! Unexpected, we must say, even for him. But we're certainly looking forward to it.

Teen: Dukes Got Me Pregnant [St. Petersburg Times]
Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voicemail [Deadspin]

Dukes' wife, NiShea Gilbert, 26, a teacher at Beth Shields Middle School in Ruskin, told the court in another filing Thursday that her husband threatened to kill her and sent a photo of a handgun to her cell phone. She played the St. Petersburg Times a voice mail message she said was from Dukes:

"You dead, dawg," says an angry voice. "I ain't even bullshitting. Your kids, too."

The St. Petersburg Times also tells of the time that Dukes stormed into his wife's middle school, screaming at her to the point that she called a deputy, who banned him from the property. You have to admit, though, that Dukes' five-tool talents are prominently on display here: He'll not only kill her, but her kids too. Versatile, that guy.

Ballplayer's Wife: He Threatened Me, Kids [St. Petersburg Times]