Raheem Sterling Is Making Bank Because England Sucks

Raheem Sterling is already, at just 20 years of age, a damn good player, with every chance to become great. This obviously and understandably makes him a very valuable asset, as his now official English-record transfer and new salary attest. What he isn’t is £180,000 a week good. His mix of current ability and… »7/14/15 5:34pm7/14/15 5:34pm

England Lose World Cup Semifinal In Most Heartbreaking Fashion Possible

For 90 minutes, England stood toe-to-toe with Japan. The match was tied 1-1, with each team having scored a penalty kick, and as the clock ticked into extra time, it looked like we would need 30 more minutes to decide the tie. And then, English defender Laura Bassett made a touch that will haunt her for the rest of… »7/01/15 9:09pm7/01/15 9:09pm

English Keeper Flattens Colombian, Robbing Us Of A Brilliant Team Goal

We have a soft spot in our hearts for scrappy little Colombia, who entered this group as long shots but have impressed with the overflowing technical ability of their players. So you can understand our frustration as Las Cafeteras were all set to cap off the team goal of the tournament before the English keeper went… »6/17/15 5:52pm6/17/15 5:52pm

Jack Wilshere Hammers Home Equalizer For England [UPDATE: And Again!]

England unexpectedly found themselves down 1-0 to Slovenia after Milivoje Novakovic’s first half goal snuck past Joe Hart, but Arsenal star Jack Wilshere brought The Three Lions back when he ripped a strike from outside the penalty area that Samir Handanović could only get a finger on. »6/14/15 1:30pm6/14/15 1:30pm

The Only Shot England Have Of Winning The World Cup Is Losing

You want to believe that this is England’s time. They destroyed their competition in a near-perfect World Cup qualifying campaign, only conceding once, winning all 10 matches, and only needing nine matches to punch their ticket to Canada. They’ve matched their highest ranking ever. They’re deep, and most importantly,… »6/09/15 10:00am6/09/15 10:00am

An Afternoon of Countryside Curling? Sure, Why Not.

Having moved to London in the heart of winter—when the gray skies cast their eternally dull pallor on the city and it’s dark before the evening commute home—I leapt at an invite to spend a day in the British countryside, curling. Yes, curling, the Scottish sport that is something akin to shuffleboard on ice. »4/20/15 5:24pm4/20/15 5:24pm

England-Norway U19s To Replay Final Seconds Of Match After Ref's Error

You know how when you're in the middle of a video game and you save at one point, keep on playing, only to realize you messed something up and go reload from your last save? Well, UEFA is pretty much doing the same thing to rectify a referee's error late in a women's U19 Euro Championship qualifying match. »4/09/15 10:47am4/09/15 10:47am

Area Man Pretty Sure Ladies and Their 'Equality Thing' Ruined Golf

An elderly British golf commentator is pretty sure that golf — the game of choice for world leaders wishing to bore their political foes to death — is being ruined by women and their peevish insistence on the “equality thing.” Peter Alliss told a magazine that admitting women to golf clubs has “caused mayhem” and… »4/07/15 3:10pm4/07/15 3:10pm

Andros Townsend Waves Hi To Media Hater After Great International Goal

Andros Townsend isn't a great player, but then again, England aren't a great team, so it isn't too much of a surprise that the Spurs winger was called up during this international break, nor that he managed to blast home the tying goal in today's 1-1 draw against Italy. Well, not a surprise to us. Former player and… »3/31/15 6:15pm3/31/15 6:15pm

Harry Kane Scores In His International Debut, Is Soon To Be Crowned King

All week leading up to today's England-Lithuania Euro 2016 Qualifier, the only thing anyone could talk about was Harry Kane. Will he start? Should he start? Where will he play? How do we make more of him? Coming into the match, you'd have thought the season's Premier League breakout star would get elected Prime… »3/27/15 5:33pm3/27/15 5:33pm

Racist Chelsea Fans Stop Black Man From Boarding Train, Chant At Him

The video below was shot at the Richelieu-Drouot station of the Paris Métro today, according to The Guardian, before Chelsea took on Paris Saint-Germain in a Champions League clash at the Parc Des Princes. You can see a black man attempt to board a car that has a bunch of singing Chelsea fans in it, only to have… »2/17/15 8:09pm2/17/15 8:09pm