Man United Hire New Manager, Already Expect To Win Premier League

It's not even next season yet and we've already got the first lolunited post of the '14-'15 campaign. New Manchester United ship captain Louis van Gaal has officially been christened, and in lieu of smacking him across the head with a champagne bottle, they've promised him £150M, with an expectation that he win the… » 5/20/14 10:54am 5/20/14 10:54am

The 2013-14 Premier League Season Was Well And Truly Fucking Awesome

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. There was pessimism, hope, and ultimately failure. There was schadenfreude; oh, was there schadenfreude. There were also huge games, mesmerizing goals, and more twists in the title race than a M. Night Shyamalan movie (but actually good). To cap off an especially… » 5/13/14 3:23pm 5/13/14 3:23pm

How The Transfer Window Makes Us Joyless Football Manager Drones

If you're still irrationally hoping, praying that one or two of those impossibly tantalizing rumors—David Luiz to Barça? Cavani to Chelsea?—comes true to legitimize the hours you spent throughout the month mashing the refresh button on The Daily Mail's transfer gossip page just as soon as you had fully comprehended… » 2/03/14 5:57pm 2/03/14 5:57pm

Juan Mata Is Signed. What Will Manchester United Do With Him?

We knew something had to give at Manchester United, what with the team's huge mounds of money begging to fill the huge holes in the squad, but it's still a bit of a surprise that the deal in hand is for Chelsea's Juan Mata, bought for a reported £37M. A bona fide world-class number 10 is a nice addition for a… » 1/28/14 11:13am 1/28/14 11:13am

Cardiff City Owner Boos Own Team After Blown Lead In Final 10 Seconds

Cardiff City owner Vincent Tan is earning his reputation as the soccer world's Jerry Jones. After sacking manager Malky Mackay for airing "dirty linen" earlier this week, the Malaysian billionaire joined an angry crowd of Welshmen in booing his own team after a late Sunderland goal led to a 2-2 draw today. » 12/28/13 3:26pm 12/28/13 3:26pm