José Mourinho's Self-Regard Grows In Inverse Proportion To Chelsea's Record

Hey remember when David Moyes coached United for a year, everyone agreed it was an unmitigated disaster, and it became the standard by which to measure all EPL meltdowns? José Mourinho, the little tyrant man who will probably get fired from the USMNT someday, and Chelsea have started this season three points worse… »10/04/15 11:48amSunday 11:48am

Sergio Agüero Goes Supernova, Scores 5 Goals in 20 Minutes

Manchester City were losing today’s match to Newcastle 1-0 for most of the first half until Sergio Agüero went all Robert Lewandowski and rung up five quick goals to kill the game dead in a matter of minutes. Incredibly, he did the Whole Shit with a mere nine touches. It was sudden and violent and Newcastle should… »10/03/15 11:46am10/03/15 11:46am

Chelsea Players Starting To Rebel Against José Mourinho

It was inevitable that Chelsea’s astoundingly poor performances and results so far this season would lead to some level of internal strife inside the club. We now have confirmation of this, with sources in the team describing a rift between the players and José Mourinho to two different papers. »10/01/15 1:48pm10/01/15 1:48pm

Tottenham’s Beatdown Of Manchester City Was A Long Time In The Making

The story of the Premier League season thus far has been the sudden and unexpected ascent of a number of Britain’s historically smaller teams, the likes of Leicester and West Ham and Crystal Palace and Swansea. These are teams that fans of the league’s big boys would’ve penciled in as easy Ws just a year or two ago,… »9/28/15 3:43pm9/28/15 3:43pm

Diego Costa And José Mourinho Are The Shitheads We Need

The more you think about it the more inevitable it seems that José Mourinho—the ne plus ultra of managerial shit-talking, barb-throwing, and incessant needling of rivals—and Diego Costa—his dispositional equivalent on the field, only with elbows substituted for verbal barbs as his projectile of choice—would combine… »9/21/15 4:53pm9/21/15 4:53pm

Bournemouth's Matt Ritchie Hammers Home One Of The Season's Most Astounding Goals

Not content to let Callum Wilson have all the glory, AFC Bournemouth’s Matt Ritchie delivered this mind-altering strike to put his side up 2-0 against a hapless Sunderland side today. We feel pretty confident that this will stand up as one of the Premiership season’s best goals. »9/19/15 10:33am9/19/15 10:33am

Liverpool Shooting Themselves In The Foot By Not Taking Europa League Seriously

Last weekend, Liverpool lost in sorry fashion to Manchester United, their hated foe and rival for one of the Premier League’s all-important top four spots. That result, plus the draw with Arsenal a couple weeks prior, likely shut the door on what in the best of cases would’ve been an unlikely run to Champions League… »9/16/15 5:26pm9/16/15 5:26pm

Manchester City Are Soaring In England; Now They Must Fly As High In Europe

Manchester City appear to be on the precipice of something great. Years of unstinting investment by their rich owners has already paid off domestically in the form of two Premier League titles in four seasons, plus what in all likelihood will be a third come the end of the current campaign. But any ambitious club’s… »9/15/15 1:28pm9/15/15 1:28pm

Victor Moses's Breakaway Was An Emotional Roller Coaster

You know that feeling when you step into traffic without looking, only for your friend to pull you back right as a car speeds right past where you almost stood, wind blowing into your gratefully stunned face? That’s probably how Victor Moses felt after Dimitri Payet sent home a rebound at the end of the play above. »9/14/15 4:41pm9/14/15 4:41pm

Manchester United Don't Know Who They Are

It’s tough to make sense of the freighter plane full of cash Manchester United dispatched to Monaco on deadline day, seemingly out of the blue (but not spurred by panic! they are certainly not panicking!), in exchange for relatively little-known French forward prospect Anthony Martial. It would be easy to explain if… »9/08/15 1:43pm9/08/15 1:43pm

Have Manchester City Really Wrapped Up The Premier League Title Already?

Is this real life? We thought it was something last year when Chelsea became champions-elect by the start of November, but sweet Jesus, we’re only four games into the new season and it already looks nearly certain that Manchester City will lift the Premier League trophy come May.… »8/31/15 1:20pm8/31/15 1:20pm