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José Mourinho Is Shitting On Managers Again, Which Means Soccer's Back!

We’ve seen preseason play and preseason brawls, and now that José Mourinho has broken out the ol’ charcoal grill and laid on a couple thick slabs of Arsène Wenger and Manuel Pellegrini tenderloin, the aroma of preseason beef means the Premier League season is just around the corner. » 7/28/15 6:39pm Tuesday 6:39pm

Raheem Sterling Is Making Bank Because England Sucks

Raheem Sterling is already, at just 20 years of age, a damn good player, with every chance to become great. This obviously and understandably makes him a very valuable asset, as his now official English-record transfer and new salary attest. What he isn’t is £180,000 a week good. His mix of current ability and… » 7/14/15 5:34pm 7/14/15 5:34pm

Liverpool Don't Deserve Raheem Sterling

Here’s our daily exercise in keeping competing thoughts in our heads at the same time. European soccer has become player ruled. Particularly in the post-Chelsea, post-Manchester City era, there’s more money sloshing around in the top league than many entire nations. There’s no loyalty to club and not much more to… » 6/24/15 6:29pm 6/24/15 6:29pm

Dumb People Upset Championship Sunday Is Pre-Empting Their Reruns

Among the great things NBC has done since acquiring the Premiership rights in the U.S. is to air all ten matches of the final day of the season on the broad spectrum of NBC Universal-owned networks. That includes Syfy, Esquire, Oxygen, Bravo, and other networks that are usually airing some kind of garbage on Sunday… » 5/24/15 11:17am 5/24/15 11:17am

Phil Jones Falling Down Chasing The Ball Is A Blast In Extreme Slow-Mo

Manchester United drew 1-1 with Arsenal yesterday in a battle of clubs fighting for third place in the Premiership, and the desire to win drove Man United defender Phil Jones to the ground in search of a ball that was just a bit too elusive—no matter how much crawling it took. But even from his hands and knees, Jones… » 5/18/15 2:27pm 5/18/15 2:27pm

Emmanuel Adebayor Accuses His Family Of Using Him For His Money

Tottenham striker Emmanuel Adebayor posted a lengthy essay on Facebook today, accusing nearly every member of his family of taking advantage of the immense wealth he has earned as a professional soccer player. He wrote that he believes family matters should stay private, but decided to go public with his grievances in… » 5/05/15 10:22pm 5/05/15 10:22pm

Brad Guzan Boner Delights Manchester City Supporters

Aston Villa and USMNT keeper Brad Guzan’s enormous boner early in today’s match at Etihad Stadium gave Manchester City a 1-0 lead less than three minutes into a crucial match for Villa’s future in the Premiership. Sergio Agüero took advantage of the boner to score his league-leading 21st goal of the campaign. » 4/25/15 12:43pm 4/25/15 12:43pm

Craig Gardner Delivers From 30 Yards Out To Put West Brom Up 2-0

Crystal Palace’s four-match win streak looks to be coming to an end as they’re down 2-0 at home to West Bromwich Albion—and that second goal is a real screamer off the boot of Craig Gardner, whose 30-yard strike made it past Julian Speroni and likely would have beaten any keeper in the league. » 4/18/15 11:20am 4/18/15 11:20am

Jürgen Klopp To Step Down As Borussia Dortmund Manager At End Of Season

After seven seasons, including two Bundesliga titles, one DFB-Pokal trophy, a Champions League final run, and winning the admiration of everyone in the sport, Jürgen Klopp has announced in a press conference today that he will no longer be the manager of Borussia Dortmund on July 1st. » 4/15/15 9:26am 4/15/15 9:26am