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ESPN.com Redesign Tour [ESPN]

They range from dissecting his vocal inflection during his podcast, to analyzing turns of phrase in his columns, to his masthead position on the front page — and one even asked "Did Simmons smoke a bong before his most recent podcast?".(Answer: No. He was drinking orange juice.)

But most read something like this:

Pretty interesting that Simmons’ annual football preview column is buried over at ESPN.com…….not sure if the opening paragraphs on old school/new school vegas is a thinly veiled dig at ESPN burying Simmons for Reilly…..

We received another one today about his recent love letter to "The Wrestler" (Leitch thief!) in this week's ESPN the Magazine. The accompanying still photo from the movie features a sign in the background that says "Necrobutcher Sucks a Fat Dick", which is also prominently displayed on the website and the front of Page 2. A mere oversight by the web editor or another subtle dig at Shawshank by Simmons?

Probably a coincidence. However, the timing of such Fat Dickery is a little amusing considering Simmons was just enlightened about the new "guidebook" for writers by ESPN's ombudsman Leanne Schreiber. Here are some grouchy Sports Fella quotes from "The Sports Guy Dilemma" section of her most recent column:

When I told Simmons about the guidebook in progress, he said, "You mean they are planning on cracking down?"

When I suggested he think of it as clarifying rather than cracking down, he said, "So I'm writing a column and I have to consult the rule book."

I reversed field and asked him what he found most troublesome about writing for ESPN.com.

"When you are supposed to push the envelope," Simmons said, "but you are afraid of the repercussions of every decision, I think it affects you. I don't really blame the editors, because those guys aren't really sure where the lines are anymore, so they're going to take stuff out that is anywhere close to the line. But if you're going to take something out, the reason can't be 'We'd rather be safe than sorry.' You have to put some thought into it and say, 'If this stays in, what are the potential repercussions?'"

So, Leanne Schreiber is the"The Necrobutcher." Makes perfect sense. She needs a nickname anyway.

UPDATE: Necrobutchered!

ESPN can have rules, Edge [ESPN.com]

In my Wednesday column about B.J. Upton, I wrote something that sparked a reaction.

The paragraph read: "The fact that Upton's not perfect makes him perfect. His propensity to be lazy (as witnessed in August when he 'decided' not to run hard on three different occasions), the fact that [Joe] Maddon literally pulled him off the field after not running out a double-play ground ball, the meaningless error in the seventh inning of Game 4 that allowed questions about his lack of focus to surface. All display a flaw in him that almost works to his advantage when kids and wannabe baseball players look at him and say 'I'm not perfect either, but look, he's still standing.'"

For some readers, my choice of words created a misunderstanding. When the word "lazy" appeared in the context of a story about black youth, some concluded I was implying African-American kids would find the flaw of Upton being "lazy" acceptable and endearing.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Upton has survived and triumphed despite numerous flaws. I mentioned several, in an attempt to show that it is his collection of imperfections that make him so publicly "human" — something not always so clearly visible with athletes today. That is also why I chose to finish the paragraph with the image of a kid — any kid, regardless of race, color or creed — who might identify with that humanity, realizing "I'm not perfect either, but look, he's still standing." My point is to highlight that we — as humans — can often identify with somebody through both their strengths and flaws, both of which are apparent in the new "hero." And regardless of the color of any kid's skin, flaws can be overcome.
—Scoop Jackson

Honestly, this is astounding. So instead of really apologizing (which he shouldn't have to, by the way), Scoop essentially has to tack on an extra 200 words explaining what he meant by his silly little one-off paragraph? Like a DVD extra version of Scoop Jackson. This isn't even controversy we're talking about here, but basically a re-edit. And by burying it at the bottom of Page 2 — without commenting capabilities — does that really control any damage? ESPN obviously thought this situation needed to be fixed and this is a truly bizarre way of handling it.

Why not just let him address the whole thing in a follow-up column? Or better yet, why not just make him spend a weekend at Le Anne Schreiber's house? It could be a very special E:60 episode.

Upton Clarification [Page 2] (Waaaay at the bottom)