What You're Doing When You Call My Brother "Retarded"

I have never been a violent person, at least not instinctively. Whenever I was teased as a child—I struggled to read for much of elementary school and wore a lot of white jeans, so I was teased a lot—I’d opt for silence or a quick joke, usually at my own expense. I’d level my aggressor with my apparent disinterest or…

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Finland's Brilliant Baby Boxes Are Finally Coming To Countries That Need Them, Like Ours

Having a new baby sounds, to put it lightly, terrifying. I imagine this is especially true at first, when particularly helpless infants are sent home with necessarily inexperienced parents. Baby-wise friends and family members can help, but it’s still pretty dangerous to put a total neophyte—like you, for example—in…

I'm Getting Married, And I Don't Know What My Name Will Be

Shortly after I got engaged a coworker told me a story about a friend of his. Or maybe it was a friend of a friend, or a cousin, or an allegory. Point is, there was this lady and she was marrying a man with the same last name as hers. While it’s somewhat common and even encouraged in other cultures, the story was a…

Watch Riley Whip: The Year in Curry Family Memes

It started the way so many things on the Internet do: with a Drake song. In 2014, his loosie “0-100” boasted his rap prowess as, “I been Steph Curry with the shot / Been cookin’ with the sauce / Chef Curry with the pot, boy.” For the uninitiated, Steph Curry is the point guard of the Golden State Warriors, who honored…

How To Tell Your Folks You're Not Coming Home For The Holidays 

No matter how old you get, there’s some news that’s hard to break to your parents. Nobody ever wants to trigger another “we’re not mad, we’re just disappointed” situation. The holidays especially hold a lot of emotional weight, so making plans can get complicated, especially when you’ve got ... other plans. And…

As a Man Ages, He Learns That All He Needs for the Holidays Is Family

My mommy is visiting for the holidays. I'm not so good remembering numbers so I always have to do a little math to figure her age. On my birth certificate it says she was 24 when I was born, in Charlottesville, Virginia, having been delivered by my father's professor of obstetrics—at the apple-polishing time of 5:36…

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