Flatulence is perfectly natural, but when it happens in public, you’d do anything to avoid the embarrassment. Whether they’re silent and deadly or loud and proud, here are the most dastardly ways to pass gas around others and slip away like a fart ninja.
Our money’s on Ditka.
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After a feel-good win against the Vikings in Week 1, the 49ers have reverted to the complete mess we knew they’d be, but ignore that for a minute. Did head coach Jim Tomsula fart during yesterday’s press conference? Listen for yourself:
The thing that sucks about being Carlos Gomez—a guy who’s earned a reputation as a “hot head,” or whatever it is grumpy baseball men are calling people—is that every little thing he does is going to be taken as a slight.
Some weird stuff happened at the Marlins’ stadium while the visiting Nationals were taking batting practice last night. Some weird fart stuff, to be specific:
The Broncos apparently have a fart problem, because the team took action and instituted a system in meetings: If you fart, you pay a fine. Linebacker Von Miller admitted he pays the fart tax a lot.
Admit it. You've always wanted to know whether farts can carry germs.
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The Canadiens defenseman sat down for an interview on Quebec radio talk show Tout le Monde en Parle, and presumably said a whole bunch of interesting things. But forget that—here's what he said about farting on goalies:
The trade deadline is but nine days away, and one of the big names that's almost certainly on the market—if anyone wants him—is Phillies starter Cliff Lee. Lee made his return to the mound yesterday after more than two months on the DL, and everything was wet and loud and messy.
Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we're covering headphone farts, dog brains, professional button mashing, and more.
This is a fart.
I haven't watched enough grappling competitions to know what the worst thing that could possibly happen to a grappler is, but I have to assume that getting blasted in the face with a fart so noxious that it immediately causes one to vomit and stop the match has to be near the top of the list.
Our buddies at AsapSCIENCE have created this short educational film that explains just exactly why you fart, why you fart at different volumes, and why those tiny little noiseless bandits are often the worst farts of all.
Recently, we learned via study something we all suspected was true on some level: that the "average woman" waits a good four weeks before allowing a man she fancies to gaze upon her bare, makeup-free face for fear of scarring him with the knowledge that human eyes don't come rimmed in kohl at birth. But this is only…
The former varsity wrestling coach at Dallastown Area High School in central Pennsylvania was cited for disorderly conduct a couple of weeks back. His offense? Back in January, he allegedly told his wrestlers to hit one of their teammates. Let's let Chuck Murphy, the deputy prosecutor, explain why:
Ronnie O'Sullivan is en route to his fifth snooker world championship title, but his win over Judd Trump in the semifinal was a real stinker.