List of Kale Items Made With Kale On New McDonald's Menu (With Kale)

McDonald's Is America's Most Cynical Corporation

McDonald's, the molded plastic king of America's molded plastic cuisine, has decided that money will no longer suffice to purchase its meager offerings; the company now demands that you degrade yourself in order to be fed. » 2/02/15 11:46am 2/02/15 11:46am

Smackdown! Burger King's Yumbo Vs. The Wendy's Bacon Portabella Burger

Hey, great news: Maybe we're not all going to die young from discount-beef-induced cardiac arrest, after all! Traditional fast-food sales are in decline, and the (admittedly gigantic) remaining customer base is starting to gravitate ever so slightly toward the less-bad-for-you options. » 12/23/14 12:30pm 12/23/14 12:30pm

Bad Man Employs A Damn McChicken Sandwich As A Tool Of Spousal Abuse

A Des Moines man is in jail today, after he assaulted his pregnant wife with a goddamn McChicken sandwich. And not by feeding it to her! By throwing it at her and smashing it into her face. That's way worse! » 12/03/14 2:37pm 12/03/14 2:37pm

Chick-Fil-A Is Either On A Homicidal Rampage Or Bad At Twitter

So either a Chick-Fil-A employee forgot to log out of the company Twitter account before tweeting about his/her gaming exploits, or the pious chicken chain has snapped and is out here cruising the streets with a weapon, looking for blood, and super chipper about it. » 11/25/14 9:05pm 11/25/14 9:05pm

Northwestern Players Were Goddamned Psyched About Getting Chick-fil-A

Upset Notre Dame in overtime, on the road? Whatever. Get Chick-fil-A for a postgame spread? "This is the best day ever!" It's good to be a champion. » 11/17/14 9:19am 11/17/14 9:19am

Damn, Millennials, Pizza Hut Thinks You're Super Boring

Much of the content of this Washington Post report on the diverging fortunes of delivery pizza giants Domino's and Pizza Hut—the former is thriving, the latter not s'much—passes harmlessly overhead, as remote and incomprehensible as solar wind washing harmlessly over the Earth's magnetic field. Domino's has a… » 10/16/14 1:41pm 10/16/14 1:41pm

Burger King Sued Over Fed-Up Stabbin'-Ass Manager

Cold onion rings. A peeved customer. A murderous knife-wielding manager. I swear, if you've been to one Burger King, you've been to 'em all. Except you probably haven't been to any of them, since nobody goes to Burger King. Nobody, that is, but Robert Deyapp, who got beat up by a store employee for it. » 10/10/14 3:45pm 10/10/14 3:45pm

Wendy's Pulled Pork Cheese Fries Are The Saddest Meal

This is not really a review of the Wendy's Pulled Pork Cheese Fries; in order for it to function as a review, I would have to go to a Wendy's location and say, aloud, to a Wendy's employee, "I will have the Pulled Pork Cheese Fries," and I can't even rehearse that without my hands literally punching me in the face of… » 10/01/14 3:31pm 10/01/14 3:31pm

Burger King, And Only Burger King, Wants To Be Canadian

Burger King Worldwide Inc., a chain of over 13,000 sad, ignored, tumbleweed-strewn burger graveyards in 79 countries around the world, has agreed to fork over around $11 billion to purchase Canadian donuts-and-breakfast chain Tim Hortons Inc., giving the new combined company ownership of exactly one brand that… » 8/27/14 2:35pm 8/27/14 2:35pm

New-Car Smell Is Overrated

Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we're covering partners, air beds, office superpowers, poop, and more. » 8/26/14 1:36pm 8/26/14 1:36pm

We're All Doomed, But Burger King's Chicken Fries Are Back!

Shit week, huh? But chin up! The weekend's almost here, the cops haven't gotten around to killing every single last one of us yet, and Burger King has brought back Chicken Fries. » 8/15/14 2:12pm 8/15/14 2:12pm

Fast-Food Fight: Subway's Pulled Pork Vs. Wendy's Pretzel Bacon Burger

There are three main founts of greasy innovation whence spring the majority of new fast-food items. The bulk originate in the wide and shallow Same Shit, Different Condiments pool; they are joined by more ambitious offerings from the genres of Cynical Stunt Food and Honest-to-Ronald Attempts to Introduce Nice New… » 7/18/14 2:52pm 7/18/14 2:52pm

My 14-Hour Search for the End of TGI Friday's Endless Appetizers

What if I told you that mozzarella sticks never had to end? That for $10, you could eat for free (for $10) for the rest of your natural life? That there exists a spot in the space-time continuum in which it is always Friday? That there are free refills on all Slushes™ excluding Red Bull® branded items?… » 7/18/14 9:05am 7/18/14 9:05am

Chick-Fil-A's Grilled Chicken: The Emilio Estevez Of Chicken Sandwiches

Eating at Chick-fil-A is always a personal conflict. How do you decide between its super-friendly employees and quality food on the one hand, and the antiquated social views at the top of the company on the other? For the sake of loyal Foodspinners, I put that conflict aside to to help mediate another one: Should… » 7/17/14 3:40pm 7/17/14 3:40pm

All Shock, No Awe: 7-Eleven's Doritos Loaded, Reviewed

Are you repulsed by the idea of eating prepared food from a convenience-store chain most notable for a sludgy cold-sugar drink with the word "slurp" in the name? Are you fundamentally opposed to having your lunch heated in a machine also used to reinvigorate yesterweek's Go-Go Taquitos? Are you not magnetically… » 7/08/14 3:18pm 7/08/14 3:18pm

God Save Dairy Queen: Scenes From The Fast-Food Franchise Wars

Manhattan's first Dairy Queen opened last month, its arrival heralded by months of agonizingly sincere public debate. Critics bemoaned the suburbanization of their precious city and exhorted responsible New Yorkers to patronize their nearest Mister Softee truck instead, rather than feed the soulless,… » 7/07/14 11:56am 7/07/14 11:56am

Big Mac Vs. Whopper: The Ultimate Burger Smackdown

It's been a rocky week for the USA. We were let down by our Supreme Court and our soccer team, and we head into a potentially hurricanous Independence Day licking our wounds and pondering our mistakes and just kidding, we fucking RULE, and that's partly due to geographic good fortune and relatively sound governance,… » 7/03/14 1:13pm 7/03/14 1:13pm

Map: What's The Nearest Burger Joint?

Continuing his "geography of American food and drink" series—which has already looked at pizza places, coffee shops, and grocery stores vs. bars—Nathan Yau of FlowingData has put together a map showing the regional territories of seven major burger chains. » 6/24/14 11:22am 6/24/14 11:22am

Taco Bell's Quesarito: A Fast-Food Love Affair Gone Awry

Hybrid foods are hit or miss. When they're honest attempts to expand the human dining experience by combining the virtues of two or more complementary yet previously segregated items, the results can be extraordinary. Pizza bagels, peanut butter cups, and Jell-O shots are classic examples of disparate foods joining… » 6/19/14 1:35pm 6/19/14 1:35pm