Chipper Jones joined the Braves on Saturday to spend a few days hanging around the team's spring training complex as a "special instructor," which is baseball-speak for "old guy who stands around leaning on a fungo bat and spitting seeds." So how's retirement been going for Chipper? Aside from the optical illusion, the

He showed up for spring training looking like a fat ass. His fatness touched off a debate about whether he was fat. Eventually, Fat Chipper himself chewed the fat, and soon there was no denying what everyone else could see. He tried masking it. He found himself a Playboy-model girlfriend. He even arranged what sounds…

The debate continues: Fat Chipper earlier today tweeted the photo you see here (click to make it bigger), inviting us all to help him out. "What's wrong with this pic folks?" he asked. We've been looking at it all afternoon, and we're stumped. We can only surmise that he looks thinner because of his refraction through…

You will recall that a grown man who called himself "Chipper" used to play third base for the Atlanta Braves. You will recall, too, that he is fat and dates a Playboy model. He also has a Twitter feed. And an upcoming Super Bowl party. What a Super Bowl party it is.

Leave it to those sleuths of scuzz over at Busted Coverage to make a find like this. Chipper Jones has retired, finalized his divorce from his second wife, and now appears to be dating Taylor Higgins, better known to the world as Lexi Ray or Lexi Ray Taylor, depending on when you might have been looking at her without…

That's the conclusion we're drawing from this photo, which was tweeted yesterday by Braves pitcher Pete Moylan. Either that, or Chipper just dresses like that for every Braves road trip. Has to be one or the other.

The good news is that Chipper Jones is officially seven pounds lighter than his 2011 playing weight. Now comes the rest of the news. His knee hurts. He's hitless in eight at-bats and has missed five games this spring. A scout told Jon Heyman of CBS Sports he "looks terrible" and that he seems to be moving in "slow motion." …

Chipper Jones might be fat. You know who is not fat? Red Sox reliever Bobby Jenks is not fat. The photo at right illustrated a Boston Globe story in January about Jenks's back surgery. He won't be ready in time for the first few games of spring training, but he will be newly svelte when he gets there. Now Chipper has…

A few readers have pointed us to the Twitter account of David O'Brien, who covers the Braves for the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. O'Brien disputes the notion that Chipper's being a heavy presence at spring training. Yesterday, O'Brien tweeted the above photo to make his case, saying it was taken just one day after

Larry Wayne Jones is going to be 40 in April, and he's about to begin his 19th season with the Braves. Jones says 2012 won't be his last in baseball, but it will be the final year of his guaranteed contract, for which he's scheduled to be paid $14 million. Jones made the NL All-Star team last year, and his deal does…