Bayern Munich Are Beating The Motherfucking Brakes Off AS Roma [Update]

This wasn't supposed to happen. This was supposed to be the best Champions League game of the day, where we found out whether AS Roma, Italy's second-best team, could match or even best visiting German champions FC Bayern. After 38 minutes and five Bayern goals, the answer is quite clearly "nah." » 10/21/14 4:05pm 10/21/14 4:05pm

How Bayern Munich Won The World Cup

Yesterday, Germany beat Argentina in extra time to win the 2014 World Cup, and the only surprise is how many onlookers thought their victory was anything but inevitable. » 7/14/14 2:45pm 7/14/14 2:45pm

Sad Man United Score Great Goal, Then Get Pounded In Champions League

So...the gig's up. Manchester United, who have played like absolute dog shit all season long, almost definitely won't play in the Champions League next season. After drawing defending CL champions FC Bayern last week in the first leg of their quarterfinal, they needed to avoid a loss in Germany to advance to the… » 4/09/14 4:58pm 4/09/14 4:58pm

Arsenal Keeper Red-Carded, Leaves Pitch Making Vigorous Wanking Motion

Arsenal played defending Champions League winners FC Bayern today in the tournament's round of 16. On paper, the Gunners seemed overmatched, so much so that we asked if the Premier League's second-place team were capable of even giving the Germans a game. Turns out, they were for a while! » 2/19/14 4:56pm 2/19/14 4:56pm

Can One Of The Premier League's Finest Even Give FC Bayern A Match?

Today in the Champions League round of 16, Arsenal are playing FC Bayern, who won the competition—and everything else—last year. This matters. » 2/19/14 1:42pm 2/19/14 1:42pm

FC Bayern Fillet City: How The World's Best Team Is Getting Better

Yesterday, defending Champions League winners FC Bayern took on England's Manchester City in the most fascinating matchup of the tournament so far. The German side proved themselves the world's best by traipsing through the tournament last year, and only improved in the offseason. They brought on Pep Guardiola, who… » 10/03/13 2:40pm 10/03/13 2:40pm

Why Robert Lewandowski, Gareth Bale, Luis Suárez Want To Move, But Can't

Last May, Borussia Dortmund lost to rivals FC Bayern in the Champions League final after finishing second by 25 points to Bayern in the German Bundesliga. Just days after, it was reported that Dortmund's Mario Götze and Robert Lewandowski—possibly the club's two best players—were headed to Bayern. Götze had already… » 7/31/13 3:39pm 7/31/13 3:39pm