President Of German Soccer Association Resigns Amid World Cup Bribery Scandal

DFB President Wolfgang Niersbach has resigned from his post today. While he’s maintained his and his organization’s innocence amid allegations that German soccer officials bought votes in order to win World Cup hosting rights in 2006, Niersbach has decided to take “political responsibility” for the controversy. »11/09/15 4:13pm11/09/15 4:13pm


Sepp Blatter Says U.S. Was Supposed To Hold 2022 World Cup

Just when you think Sepp Blatter has revealed the full extent of his kooky theories and self-centered worldview, he opens his mouth again and wows you with even more crazy talk. In his newest interview, Blatter elucidates his belief that the entire FIFA scandal was a covert ploy by Michel Platini and, independently,… »10/28/15 10:33am10/28/15 10:33am

The Names On The FIFA Ballot Sound Made-Up

With Sepp Blatter (a pretty funny name in its own right) on his way out, the FIFA presidency is wide open. The rogues’ gallery of candidates are already positioning themselves—human rights groups accuse one potential frontrunner, Sheikh Salman bin Ebrahim al-Khalifa of Bahrain, of literally snitching on athletes who… »10/26/15 2:59pm10/26/15 2:59pm

Germany's Explanation For Their World Cup Bribery Scandal Makes No Sense

Last week, the German soccer association (DFB) was rocked by allegations that they had bribed four FIFA executives in exchange for the hosting rights for the 2006 World Cup. Today, the head of the DFB gave a press conference to address the allegations. He did not do much to clear things up. »10/22/15 5:45pm10/22/15 5:45pm

Sepp Blatter's 90-Day Suspension Is In The Hands Of The Man Who Whitewashed FIFA Corruption

According to various reports, FIFA’s ethics committee has recommended a 90-day suspension of president Sepp Blatter while they wait to see if any of the numerous investigations of him stick. Mind you, this is only a provisional suspension which must be ratified by a man with a track record of trying to sweep FIFA… »10/07/15 3:13pm10/07/15 3:13pm

Head Of FIFA Reform Committee Thinks We've Been Too Mean To Sepp Blatter

If you doubted the true independence of FIFA’s self-selected reform committee—a group mainly composed of existing FIFA members, led by an outside investigator selected and paid for by FIFA, and tasked with rooting out the causes of rampant corruption those highest up FIFA’s power pyramid had absolutely positively no… »8/24/15 11:32am8/24/15 11:32am

Vladimir Putin Says His Homeboy Sepp Blatter Deserves A Nobel Prize

Since FIFA president Sepp Blatter won his first election in 1998, he has (allegedly! [lol]) both bribed and received bribes in order to stay in power and award desperate countries international tournaments. Along the way, he has actually and truly ravaged local economies by siphoning public money for useless… »7/28/15 11:34am7/28/15 11:34am

With No Fear Of Arrest, Sepp Blatter Finally Leaves Home For... Russia

Sepp Blatter is not afraid. Sure, he hasn’t left his native Switzerland since that little international scandal that locked up a number of top FIFA officials—he recently skipped out on the Women’s World Cup in Canada and the U-20 World Cup in New Zealand—but that’s not because he’s had anything to fear. As proof, he’s… »7/23/15 3:09pm7/23/15 3:09pm