You Do Not Fuck Around With FIFA's Logos

This will probably not come as a shock, but FIFA really, really cares about its brand. Sure, it's fine allying with slavers and shrugging at the deadly work conditions for "employees" in its host nations, and, when evidence of corruption in the World Cup bidding process is found, is more concerned with keeping the… » 12/15/14 1:59pm Monday 1:59pm

This Cristiano Ronaldo Ballon D'Or Campaign Is Getting Really Gross

UEFA president Michel Platini made a pretty reasonable comment in Madrid earlier this week, saying in his opinion the Ballon d'Or should go to a German player after the country's success in the World Cup. The statement set off the Real Madrid spin machine though, and the team took matters into their own hands. » 11/28/14 11:16am 11/28/14 11:16am

German Football League Threatens FIFA Over Unreleased World Cup Report

FIFA finally released a summary of their report into the bidding process for the 2018 and 2022 World Cups, and to the surprise of absolutely nobody it basically cleared Qatar, Russia, and current FIFA officials of any wrongdoing. The 42-page report was written by FIFA ethics committee judge Hans-Joachim Eckert, and… » 11/15/14 5:55pm 11/15/14 5:55pm

FIFA Investigator Blasts Report Based On His Own Investigation

As expected, the report based on FIFA's probe has largely cleared Russia, Qatar, and all active FIFA officials of claims of corruption in the World Cup bidding process. But here's one no one saw coming: the man who actually conducted the investigation says the report is "incomplete and erroneous," and will appeal its… » 11/13/14 8:22am 11/13/14 8:22am

Spoiler Alert: After FIFA Probe, Qatar Gets To Keep Its World Cup

The summary of a year-long investigation into the bidding process for the next two World Cups will not be released until tomorrow, but the gist has already leaked via the English press. Basically: everyone involved was corrupt, but the 2018 and 2022 tournaments will not be taken away from Russia or Qatar. » 11/12/14 4:42pm 11/12/14 4:42pm

Luis Suárez, On Chronic Biting: At Least I Never Bit Anyone's Ear Off!

You have to give it to Luis Suárez for at least one thing: the guy is not afraid to be honest, even if it makes him sound like a crazy man defending his own sanity. Judging from some excerpts in Sport from his new autobiography, the book is nowhere near the typical athlete's mid-career hagiography. » 11/12/14 2:54pm 11/12/14 2:54pm

Qatar Sports Minister Says He Probably Won't Imprison Gay Soccer Fans

It's hard to keep track of all the reasons it's so fucked up that FIFA decided to award the 2022 World Cup to Qatar, so here's one you might not have been aware of: It is illegal to be gay in Qatar, and the country's sports minister isn't willing to give anyone a straight answer on whether gay people will be welcome… » 11/11/14 4:17pm 11/11/14 4:17pm

Report: Qatar Using North Korean Slave Labor To Build For World Cup

It seemed like we had reached a point where the organizers of the 2022 World Cup couldn't possibly get more cartoonishly evil, what with the ITUC estimating that migrant worker-fueled construction would kill more people than 9/11, and then another report estimating that 1,000 migrant workers had already died in the… » 11/07/14 2:48pm 11/07/14 2:48pm

FIFA's Corruption Report Is Being Kept Secret For Very Dumb Reasons

Former U.S. attorney Michael J. Garcia finished his investigation into allegations of bribery in the bidding process for both the 2018 and 2022 World Cups earlier this year, and he has made it known that he would like the report to be made public. The report is currently being kept secret by Hans-Joachim Eckert, a… » 11/07/14 2:19pm 11/07/14 2:19pm

FIFA 15 Is Really Broken on Mobile (UPDATE)

FIFA is best known as a console and PC game, but EA's hit soccer franchise has had a dedicated mobile audience for years now too. Some fans have had a hard time enjoying FIFA 15 Ultimate Team since it arrived last month for iOS and Android devices, however, because it's been marred by technical issues. » 10/30/14 3:09pm 10/30/14 3:09pm

Even Carlo Ancelotti Wishes Sepp Blatter Would Shut The Fuck Up

FIFA has released its Ballon d'Or shortlist, which means Sepp Blatter can take time away from his day job of punching up FIFA propaganda and gets to enjoy some of that media facetime he loves so much. Like you, Real Madrid manager Carlo Ancelotti would prefer Sepp spared us his hot takes. » 10/29/14 3:12pm 10/29/14 3:12pm

Report: To Escape Qatari Heat, World Cup Matches Might Start At 1 A.M.

Despite overwhelming evidence of corruption, it doesn't look like Qatar will be losing its 2022 World Cup hosting privileges. Which still leaves that little problem of how to play in the heart of a Middle Eastern summer. One new proposal involves pushing back start times into the night and early morning, with the… » 10/20/14 5:44pm 10/20/14 5:44pm

Here's What I Learned Watching FIFA's Incredible Propaganda Movie

Recently, soccer fans all over the world were impressed to learn that United Passions, a FIFA-financed movie about how wonderful FIFA is starring Gérard Depardieu, Sam Neill, and Tim Roth, had pulled in $200,000 at the box office since it premiered at Cannes in May. This sum may be a bit less than the film's… » 10/10/14 3:46pm 10/10/14 3:46pm

Top Female Soccer Players Sue FIFA Over Bullshit Artificial Turf

After weeks of pleading with FIFA to change its mind about playing the 2015 women's World Cup on field turf instead of grass and being met with nothing but stubbornness, a handful of women's soccer's biggest stars have filed a lawsuit against FIFA to try and force the organization to put the upcoming games back on… » 10/01/14 4:22pm 10/01/14 4:22pm

FIFA's Independent Investigator Wants His Corruption Report Released

FIFA hired an outside investigator to conduct a probe into allegations of bribery in the bidding process for the Russia and Qatar World Cups. That investigator, a former U.S. federal prosecutor, has finally submitted his findings to FIFA with the expectation that they would eventually be released to the public. But… » 9/24/14 5:50pm 9/24/14 5:50pm

One FIFA Executive Thinks Qatar Will Lose The 2022 World Cup

Everything about the 2022 World Cup in Qatar—from the scores of migrant workers who have died building stadiums and infrastructure, to the accusations of corruption, to the scorching heat that will make games unplayable—is shaping up to be a disaster. It is so bad that even one of the Bond-villain type assholes on… » 9/22/14 9:54am 9/22/14 9:54am