It’s almost been a year since Jason Pierre-Paul blew his hand up with a firework. This weekend, you, me, and millions of other shitheads will set off all manner of small explosives and undoubtedly, some will maim themselves in the process.
Traditional youth sports are fun and all, but they don’t teach you many skills you can apply to other parts of life. You can shoot a basketball? Cool, but you can’t use that in a non-basketball scenario unless you find a way to make a living betting people on pop-a-shot.
You had one job.
We still have absolutely no idea if Jason Pierre-Paul will be ready to start the season, or if he had his blown-up hand awkwardly replaced by a tiny doll hand. The Giants don’t seem to know either, oddly: after three unsuccessful days trying to visit their DE in a Miami hospital, they’ve returned to New York without…
Giants defensive end Jason Pierre-Paul might not have been the only NFL player to hurt himself with fireworks over the holiday weekend. Roy Cummings of the Tampa Tribune says Buccaneers cornerback C.J. Wilson injured his hand in a fireworks accident on July 4th.
Jason Pierre-Paul seriously injured his hand in a Saturday night fireworks accident, according to media reports. At least two people reported the Giants defensive end acquired an entire truck full of fireworks:
Fireworks! So loud! So destructive! So shabbily made! Why, they’re the perfect embodiment of America itself! No wonder we blow them up real good every 4th of July.
You haven’t lived if you haven’t engaged in the highly dangerous yet thrilling pastime of fighting with fireworks. We mostly used bottle rockets where I come from, but here are some friends (or gang rivals, depending on who you’re asking) on Western Ave. in Chicago using roman candles as the weapon of choice.
The Lancaster JetHawks' planned fireworks after Saturday's game quickly turned into an actual fire in the outfield wall.
The Broncos' offense has been hell on the Mile High fireworks crew: The team that sets off fireworks after every Denver score has been extra-busy this season, and has to bring 70 points' worth of pyrotechnics to each game just to be certain. [KDVR]
Last night was supposed to be a special one for the Rockland Boulders. The president of Ramapo College threw out the first pitch, the team cheekily pushed its anti-PED message by dubbing the evening "A Night of Rods" and giving fans free pretzel rods, and the game was to be followed by a fireworks show. That last part…
When I was growing up, my friend Tony and I used to sneak around his neighborhood at night, light entire packs of Black Cats, stuff them into mailboxes, and then run away. It was AWESOME. One time, someone shined a flashlight on us and I believed with all of my heart that it was a SWAT team coming to shoot us down. …
Louie Helmburg is a sophomore, and the backup catcher for the Marshall Thundering Herd. He hit .226 last year, with three RBI and four runs scored, and missed part of the season when he fell off a deck at the ATO house after one of the brothers fired a bottle rocket out of his ass.
Everyone loves a good minor league baseball fireworks show. Unfortunately, whether you've bused in a group of epileptics or not, these things just don't go according to plan.
Big thanks to both the NHL and NBA for providing zero entertainment today. I'd much rather flip between two Finals games on Sunday night then enjoy each one separately during the other 44 hours of the weekend when nothing happened.
NBA players pull guns on each other in the locker room. MLB players shoot themselves in the face with fireworks. And we wonder why kids don't dream of being baseball players anymore.
There were fireworks last night at Nettleton Stadium in Chico, Calif., and in the end, that's what it was all about. The independent league baseball game before the fireworks was just the opener, and there was certainly no encore.