First, defenseman Keith Ballard got beat back down the ice, then he failed to secure the rebound after Vokoun stopped a breakaway shot, then stood by helplessly as Ilya Kovalchuk put the puck home to take the lead for Atlanta. Understandably peeved, Ballard reared back with a two-handed baseball swing to smash his stick on the goal post, but instead landed a blow flush on Vokoun's noggin, slicing his ear open and knocking him out of the game. (He's okay, but had to be taken off the ice on a stretcher.)

It's one thing to try and give your teammates a little nudge when the team is down, it's another thing to blindside him with a stick to the skull. It's like the one time you decide to throw a spitball in class and you end up hitting some girl in the face and killing her. (Not that there's any proof of that!) I suggest that Ballard pick up Vokoun's dinner tabs when the team is on the road, from now until forever.

Tomas Vokoun Injury [NHL.tv]
Video: Vokoun's ear sliced by angry Florida teammate's stick [Puck Daddy]

The entity known only as SeminFace sends along this pic of a fan confident in his Capitals, but less confident about his spelling. But his aborted homemade sign raises the question of when exactly he decided to give up. Was it when he noticed there wasn't enough room to finish "endangered species?" Was it when he realized he spelled "endangered" with an M? "Panthers" without an H? I say none of the above, because he still hasn't noticed "are."

My girlfriend just said to me: "Are you sure you want to post this? There might be something wrong with this guy, mentally. Charities give those people blocks of seats all the time. Just think about it before you post." Well, I'm thinking about it, and I'm posting it anyway.

A more persuasive sign, though less effective on the final score, is this one from reader Thomas at last night's ASU/USC game. But I don't think most of the country needs to put things in perspective in order to hate the Trojans.

•••••

A happy and healthy Sunday to all of you out there in Internet land. Just a reminder, our evolution didn't hinge on passivity.

When the Flyers' Mike Richards blindsided the Panthers' David Booth last night, the media instantly began revving up their outrage. "Suspension!" they call. "Villain!" they cry. And why not? A brutal hit like that, which ends with a player unconscious in a pool of his own blood, appears to be a graphic illustration of what's wrong with hockey.

But let's rein things in for a moment. Before you join the lynch mob outside the Wachovia Center, there are a couple things to consider:

•These stories are always going to be played up when it's a promising young player who's injured. If that's, say, Dominic Moore being carted off, and not superstar-in-the-making David Booth, we're not seeing nearly as much outrage today.

•Also feeding the hype is the fact that this happened at the hands of a Flyer. It's been almost 40 years since the birth of the Broad Street Bullies, but that label's stuck. There's always a tendency to blame something like this on a culture of dirty play in Philadelphia, even if it's an isolated thing. But it's fun and easy to dredge up past incidents, and try to fit this in as part of a pattern.

Also worth noting: Richards didn't leave his feet for the hit, and none of this would have happened if Booth hadn't had his head down - that's a youth hockey mistake.

Booth didn't suffer any neck injuries, and remains in a Philadelphia hospital for observation. Let's all hope he recovers quickly, suspend Richards for a game or two, and move on. It's fucking hockey, people.

UPDATE: No suspension.

Florida Panthers, David Booth Receive Heavy Blow In Defeat [Miami Herald]
Hit Mars Flyers' 5-1 Victory Over Panthers [Philly Inquirer]

Uri Man, the "Vice President of Real Estate Development" tried his best with Ainsley Earhardt, complimenting her outfit and showing he had done a creepy level of research on her before coming on the show. It was so obvious that Earhardt ended the segment by turning to her co-anchor and asking "Is he hitting on me on live TV? Did that just happen?"

Yeah, it just happened. Man must be hard up after striking out on Bravo's "Millionaire Matchmaker," where he had a very specific type of girl in mind:

On that episode, host Patti Stanger assessed Man's sexual prowess by dancing with him (he didn't take charge and spin her, so she worried how he'd be in bed). The 5'7" Israeli also expressed a preference for short Jewish women, an ideal Stanger calls "The Jewish Spinner."

If you weren't aware, that's a girl small enough to put on your lap and spin like a dreidel. It's unsurprising he couldn't close the deal with Earhardt.

And with that, we've reached our Florida Panthers news quota for the year.

Ainsley Earhardt: Guest Hits On Fox News Anchor On Live TV [Huffington Post]

That man is Randy Moller, a former NHLer who spent one year in Florida before retiring in 1995. Now he's calling their games on radio and he's developed an interesting habit of just shouting out the first thing that comes into his head when making a goal call. It could be a movie quote, a song lyric, or just something funny he read in "Marmaduke" that day. The Dan Le Batard show threw together a compilation of his greatest moments and it certainly makes being a Panthers fan sound like fun. Unless you hate Vince Vaughn.

AND I DRAW DING DONGS ON PEOPLE!!! [Apartment 718]

UPDATE: Eh ... it seems Le Batard and Moller are in cahoots. That's decidedly less interesting. [Puck Daddy]

Earlier today, the old home to both the Miami Heat and Florida Panthers got demolished, and we've got video of the implosion following the jump:

Here's to hoping that toke buddies Mario Chalmers and Michael Beasley didn't go to the wrong practice site this morning.

Image Source

Miami Arena to be demolished Sunday [Miami Herald]

Before we enter this week's adventure in cleavage and beer, a few words for the Florida Panthers: Get. Over. It. Roberto Luongo returned to South Florida for the first time since Mike Keenan traded him to Vancouver in 2006 and cemented the Panthers' permanent place on the NHL's potential relocation list. How was he greeted? With a promotion that handed flat-screen TVs to fans for every goal Luongo surrendered. The Panthers also cut his head out of all of their old pictures together, scratched up the mix CDs he gave them and ate a pint of Ben and Jerry's while reading some Chick-Lit - while remaining in complete denial that it's actually their own damn fault.

There are three reasons why anyone gave even the slightest shit about the Florida Panthers since they entered the League: The year they clutched-and-grabbed their way to the Stanley Cup Finals; the sweet, innocent rat that Scott Mellanby killed in the locker room; and Roberto Luongo, who appeared primed to be Marty Brodeur South in dominance between the pipes and longevity with one franchise. There are two reasons Luongo isn't still in South Florida: Mike Keenan and Jacques Martin, who dicked around with his contract negotiations and wouldn't meet the minimal demands the goalie made.And there's one way to describe the franchise's reception for Luongo's return: Embarrassing.

This is bush league stuff; a pathetic "I-don't-know-how-to-quit-you" confession that the franchise has nothing else going on after Luongo's departure, save for counting down the final days of Olli Jokinen's tenure. Incedently, Luongo lost the game, 4-3, giving Florida fans plenty of shiny new televisions to watch their DVD copies of "John Tucker Must Die" and have a good cry. Pussies.

The Brewmeister Ratings. Since pseudo-statistical and tedious analysis is the stuff of "power rankings," I describe the fortunes of four teams over the last week with a form of universal expression: In terms of beer. Welcome to The Brewmeister Ratings...

Winner No. 1: Dallas Stars. Wins over Vancouver, Edmonton and Calgary have Dallas second in the West and suddenly in the Peter Forsberg Sweepstakes. The rest of the conference is hastily trying to figure out a way to hook up Jessica Simpson with Mike Ribeiro. The Beer They'd Be: A tall, cool glass of Lone Star served by our returning Brewmeister champion: the lovely Rachel Bilson of the upcoming Anakin Skywalker film, "Jumper."

Winner No. 2: New York Rangers. Since I am genetically incapable of praising the New York Rangers, I will simply say that they had victories over the Flyers, Devils and red-hot Habs in the last week. And that Ryan Hollweg was so stunned that Alexei Kovalev hit anything, let alone his face with an elbow, that he took his frustrations out with a horrendous hit from behind on Sergei Kostitsyn in Montreal in Sunday's 5-3 win. It was so premeditated, he deserves 10 games; he'll get two at the most because this is the NHL and Kostitsyn had the nerve to return to the game. The Beer They'd Be: A happy hour pint at a trendy Manhattan bar. So, in other words, one that only costs $15.

Loser No. 1: Columbus Blue Jackets. Three losses in a row to conference playoff rivals. The Ken Hitchcock binge eating watch is on. The Beer They'd Be: A Honey Brown Ale at an Ohio State bar that a disgruntled Michigan fan spiked with Drain-O.

Loser No. 2: New York Islanders. The Isles have lost four in a row, and are sputtering along as the rest of the division wins. And remember, kids: Chris Simon might be a sociopath on the ice, but he's a teddy bear with the kids. The Beer They'd Be: A can of Coors Light my buddy yakked in after watching the Super Bowl commercial where the chick's heart bursts out of her chest and quits their job. What the fuck was that about? The only thing more disgusting than that commercial was Belichick refusing to come back on the field.

Puck Headlines

* Ray Emery gets into another skirmish during practice for Ottawa, but Senators players snort at the idea that Rayzor's not their guy. [Globe & Mail]

* The Top 10 Hottest Hockey Wives or Girlfriends, complete with handy appendix gallery. Not a gallery of their appendixes, but...well, you get the point. [The FanHouse]

* MYFO presents Mats Sundin on "Deal or No Deal." I'm all for more NHL crossover on NBC shows. Seriously, a showdown between The Wolf and Derek Boogaard on "American Gladiators" might do better numbers than the Stanley Cup Finals. Then again, so does The Weather Channel. [MYFO]

* Can the Red Wings win 63 games? Does Chris Chelios shit in the woods? [Red Wings Corner]

* As we prepare for tonight's edition of the Battle of Alberta, here's what the new ownership in Edmonton might do to turn around the Oilers. Like buy-out Sheldon Souray and fire Kevin Lowe? [Lowetide]

* Finally, one-punch knockout in rec league hockey. Sweet:

• Seems like life should be good for Oilers defenseman Chris Pronger, right? He's a star. He plays for a team that just made a run to the Stanley Cup Finals. The city of Edmonton loves him. Just one little problem, though: It's still freakin' Edmonton. And I'm sure it's a fine place to live, but for whatever the reasons, his wife wants to get the hell out of there. Rumors indicate that her unhappiness in Edmonton is the impetus behind Pronger's trade request. I'm sure there will be no shortage of suitors.

• This is what we call a blockbuster: The Vancouver Canucks and Florida Panthers pulled off a trade that sends sucker-punching forward Todd Bertuzzi to Florida, and goalie Roberto Luongo to Vancouver. Vancouver needed a goalie and a change of address might do Bertuzzi some good, so hey, everyone wins. A couple of other players were included in the deal, but I don't think anyone noticed.

Record 10 Americans selected in first round [NHL.com]
Oilers GM Lowe says Pronger has requested trade [ESPN.com]
Bertuzzi, Luongo swap teams in major NHL trade [canada.com]