How To Ditch The Pillsbury Dough-Log And Make Your Own Cookies

Ah, the chocolate-chip cookie. Many a confectionery addiction kicked off the moment an impressionable youngster watched a vulgar blue puppet shovel platefuls of these things into his gaping, vacant mouth-hole. This obsession probably also explains why the Sexy Cookie Monster costume exists. (Related: I'm still… » 7/22/14 2:09pm 7/22/14 2:09pm

How To Make Seafood Paella, Whether It's Traditional Or Not

Picture the scene! An early summer evening in Valencia, Spain, in the mid-19th century; an aromatic open fire of orange and pine branches, and pine cones, crackles happily in an orchard clearing. A wide, flat pan, enormous, two feet across, sits suspended over the flames. The men, their olde-thymey pants hitched… » 7/12/14 1:02pm 7/12/14 1:02pm

How To Make Macaroni Salad, The Very Least You Can Do

"Hey guys, we're having a [variety of outdoor cookout-y shindig] on [date] at [place], and we'd love for you to come! We'll have beer and [variety of greasy meat], and [dude] has agreed to whip up a batch of his famous [really fatty and gross but also kind of delicious side, probably with little pieces of bacon in… » 7/05/14 2:42pm 7/05/14 2:42pm

Everything I Fucked Up While Trying to Eat Like Gwyneth for a Week

If there's one thing I love, it's cheese-covered gluten. And if there are two things I love, they're cheese-covered gluten and making fun of lifestyle guru and noted Veela Gwyneth Paltrow. So when I came across a copy of Gwyneth's 2014 diet book It's All Good ("delicious, easy recipes that will make you look good and… » 6/27/14 2:18pm 6/27/14 2:18pm

Take Me to Sanborns: Swiss Enchiladas and Race in Mexico City

In the first chapter of D.H. Lawrence's late novel, The Plumed Serpent, an Irishwoman named Kate has a terrible experience at a Mexico City bullfight. The book is set during the Mexican revolution. Kate is overwhelmed by the sights and sounds in the arena and by the murderous event itself. Afterward, she tells a… » 6/23/14 2:07pm 6/23/14 2:07pm

How To Make Pancakes, A Marvel Of Labor And Science

The pancake—the notion of the pancake as a breakfast food—comes to us from an older time, a slower time, a time before boxed cereal. A time when your breakfast choices included grinding wheat into flour, mixing it with liquid, and cooking it, or else just chewing on some un-ground wheat like an asshole. Nobody… » 6/14/14 12:31pm 6/14/14 12:31pm

How To Cook And Eat Whole Shrimp (Yes, Even Their Heads)

Generally speaking, we like shrimp. Your local supermarket testifies to this: Multiple sizes of shrimp of various provenance on display at the seafood counter; shrimp prepared and flash-frozen in wild variety (OK, maybe not wild variety, but anyway Captain Gorton breads them at least a couple of different ways) over… » 5/10/14 1:05pm 5/10/14 1:05pm

Women Don't Need Restaurants for Women, Just Give Us the Goddamn Steak

Yo, Ladies™! Huddle up. Grab a backwards chair. (Now turn it around and sit on it RIGHT, YOU SHAMELESS HUSSIES. Ladies™ don't straddle.) It's time for some serious LadyTalk™. If you're a Lady™, like me, you've definitely run into this problem: It's dinnertime. You're starving. You haven't eaten since your morning cup… » 5/09/14 2:56pm 5/09/14 2:56pm

The Cubs' 400-Pound Wrigley Cake Is Sitting In A Dumpster Right Now

To celebrate Wrigley Field's 100th birthday yesterday, the Cubs commissioned "The Edible Confines," a 5'x5', 400-pound cake version of Wrigley. It took four bakers six days to make. It took one day to be unceremoniously trashed, much like a century's worth of Cubs fans' hopes and dreams. » 4/24/14 2:31pm 4/24/14 2:31pm

Wake Up Refreshed To Fresh Juice (or Waffles), BBC Documentary Sale

There's something for everyone in today's Deadspin Deals. Whether you need to ease the pain of waking up, or just want some waffles, we've got you covered. Don't miss out on a ton of great discounts on BBC documentaries, or the chance to grab the whole A Song of Ice and Fire Set for 20 bucks. » 4/23/14 3:15pm 4/23/14 3:15pm

How To Grill A Flank Steak, The Steak For Socialists

We are Americans (no, not you, Canadians) (OK, you too, c'mon over here ya big galoots), and we like big hunks of steak*. To be precise, we like our own big hunks of steak: We like to saunter into Bob's House of Steak all bowlegged and gimlet-eyed like John Wayne and order for ourselves some great obscene wad of… » 4/12/14 1:32pm 4/12/14 1:32pm