Burger King's Halloween Whopper Plays Trick-Or-Treat With Your Tongue, Butt

By now you’ve surely heard that ingestion of Burger King’s new Halloween Whopper could lead to a curious and colorful gastrointestinal endgame. I have nothing to add to this lively public discussion, toilet-wise, other than to suggest that if you are either excited or repulsed by this development, you might be… »10/09/15 1:19pmToday 1:19pm

UConn's Bacon Jalapeño Mac And Cheese: A Sober Student's Review

This week, we met a drunken (and possibly former!) University of Connecticut student named Luke Gatti whose hunger for the bacon jalapeño mac and cheese served by the school’s Union Street Market was so great that he got himself arrested (and publicly humiliated) trying to get some. Was this foodstuff worth such a… »10/08/15 10:29amYesterday 10:29am

Drunk Meals 101: What To Cook When You're Totally Obliterated

Before plying myself with gross quantities of beer or liquor (or both), I like to ensure I’ve lined my belly with sufficient quantities of foodstuff. I’m not sure if it’s true—I got a D- in high school biology, and therefore lack even the most fundamental understanding of metabolic function—but if life experience… »8/05/15 4:47pm8/05/15 4:47pm

How To Make Perlo, The Deep South's Best Take On Chicken And Rice

Here’s the thing about South Carolina: if you drive far enough inland from the ocean, you will run out of fingers on which to count highway billboards threatening you with ultimatums like “Accept Jesus Or Burn In Hell.” Not a whole lot to recommend the place once you get out of earshot of the surf.
»8/01/15 12:46pm8/01/15 12:46pm

How To Cook A Brisket, Which Is Totally Worth The Effort, I Swear

Just once in your life, cook a brisket, over smoky charcoal heat, on the grill. Do it for the solemn pride of having done so, and for the rime of authority it will lend to your future haughty pronouncements on the quality of others’ briskets. Do it because brisket—a massive cut of tough working muscle from the chest… »7/03/15 2:39pm7/03/15 2:39pm

Fast-Food Guac-Off: Subway Versus Dunkin' Donuts

Sauces and adjectives are the coagulated lifeblood of fast-food “innovation,” because it’s relatively cheap and easy to spike ranch dressing with cayenne dust, refer to the resulting substance as Kickin’, and splort it onto a chicken patty. It’s a slimy move, but what do you expect them to do? Improve the underlying… »6/01/15 2:03pm6/01/15 2:03pm

How To Grill A Whole Fish, Because It's Just The Best Thing To Do

There are many good reasons for grilling whole fish. The skin and bones keep the flesh moist and flavorful; the skin itself, when cooked well, is life-changingly delicious; whole fish stands up better to grilling heat than a fillet or fish steak will; whole fish usually costs less by weight than the portioned stuff;… »5/16/15 11:41am5/16/15 11:41am

Let's Try Joy Of Cooking's Worst Recipes. First Up: Quick Fish Loaf

I like to eat. Most of you do, too, I’m fairly sure, because I’ve seen you all doing it out at restaurants and in front of, behind, or under food trucks, and I daresay you looked quite pleased with yourselves. But due to the finite geometry of intestines and other guts, as well as the unwelcome but omnipresent… »5/11/15 11:26am5/11/15 11:26am

How To Make Hollandaise Sauce, And Defy The Brunch-Industrial Complex

Hollandaise sauce is the lifeblood of the brunch-industrial complex. You want brunch—which is to say, you want eggs Benedict, the totemic brunchstuff, and maybe like some strawberries or quiche or whatever else goes with brunch? I dunno, I just really want some eggs Benedict, and it’s 11:30 already—but don’t know how… »4/18/15 10:59am4/18/15 10:59am

Our Very Own Drew Magary Is A Contestant On Chopped Tonight

Longtime readers may recall that your friend and mine Drew Magary applied to be an amateur contestant on Chopped, the Food Network’s allegedly very popular cooking show, back in July 2012. Well, he made it on, and the episode airs tonight at 10 p.m. EST. (He is one of the four people to the left.) I can promise you… »4/07/15 5:11pm4/07/15 5:11pm

Terrible Pizza Joint To Deny Gay Indiana Residents Terrible Pizza  

You may have heard recently about Indiana's new "religious freedom" law that allows businesspeople to refuse service toward gay folks. Well, as reported by ABC57 news, the good people at Memories Pizza are taking full advantage of that new law, proudly declaring that gays are not encouraged to eat their terrible,… »4/01/15 10:09am4/01/15 10:09am

How To Smoke Salmon: Mystical Alchemy From The Majestic West

Pity the poor East Coast rat racer. Look at him, pouring out of the subway with his sooty, bedraggled kin, lurching through ill-lit corridors, past dripping pipes and glaring widows just missing him with the splash of their chamberpots. There he is, spending $12 on a substandard turkey sub. Here he goes, hat brim… »3/27/15 2:16pm3/27/15 2:16pm

How To Cook Some Tasty (For Once!) Cabbage, For St. Patrick's Day

I love St. Patrick's Day. I know it's terribly unfashionable to admit so, but I love it all: I love the wearing of the green, I love the dogs in costume, I love the KISS ME I'M IRISH buttons. Give me a pair of glittered, bobbly shamrocks affixed to a headband and I'm one bonny Irish lass. The green beer? Hell yes.… »3/17/15 1:54pm3/17/15 1:54pm