Life got flip-turned upside down this morning in a suburban Pittsburgh school district. Everyone was chillin' out, maxin', relaxin', all cool—at least until a doctor's office employee called a 19-year-old high school student to confirm an appointment. When the employee heard the student's outgoing voicemail message,…

Poor Carlton Banks. He went to Princeton, backed by a large family fortune, but that wasn't enough for him. Somewhere along the line he fell on hard times—2008 felled so many titans—and had to resort to doing personal appearances at single-A baseball games in Iowa.

This is Regressing, a numbers-minded column by our clever friends at the Harvard College Sports Analysis Collective. Over the next few days, they'll be applying rigorous statistical analysis to some of the finest basketball movies in the history of cinema (and also Hoosiers). Today we have some b-ball stats for a…