Pantsless Pervert Clark The Cub Stumps Jeopardy! Competitors

Nightmarish, perverted furry Clark the Cub is still struggling to catch on among piss-soaked Wrigley fans—and trivia nerds, apparently, as none of the three competitors tonight on Jeopardy! were able to respond correctly when prompted to name the team Clark represents during the Final Jeopardy! round. Perhaps Alex… »5/07/15 11:22pm5/07/15 11:22pm

After Being Leveled By Darwin Cook, The Orange Bowl Mascot Will Never Juice Again

This actually came at the end of the 99-yard fumble recovery we showed you last night, and raises a greater paradox than Schrödinger's cat: how do you decapitate a mascot that is only a head? Darwin Cook tried his damndest with a clothesline on Obie, the anthropomorphic Orange Bowl orange. »1/05/12 11:50am1/05/12 11:50am

A Perfectly Designed Killing Machine, The Phillie Phanatic Silently Stalks Its Prey

If you take nothing else from this insane week in sports, let it be the fact that the Phillie Phanatic was born in the Galapagos Islands. MLB has photos of the Philadelphia mascot furbirdthing "returning to his homeland" to terrify wildlife and hawk his book to local children. [MLB.com via The700Level] »12/09/11 1:20pm12/09/11 1:20pm