This week we've got a positively succulent little three-team wager paying $120 on a $20 investment.

West Virginia -6.5 at Rutgers
The Mountaineers are back on track and they're fucking awesome. If there is a God they-along with Oregon-will supplant Ohio State and Boston College into the top spots in the BCS rankings (after Florida beats LSU in the SEC Championship and a bunch of other teams lose).

Kentucky -14 vs. Mississippi State
The Bulldogs are going to get thrashed by another superior offensive team. Andre Woodson is easily my third favorite quarterback in the country. He's managed to overcome a throwing motion that makes him look like an actor playing a star high school quarterback and he's done it with aplomb.

Florida -7.5 vs. Georgia
The Gators own the Bulldogs (not in the traditional southern manor) so thoroughly that one must wonder if the Georgia players have been partaking in the pregame festivities. Tim Tebow will happily lumber through their drunken embraces on his way to the Yale Club (or wherever they're hosting the Heisman this year).

Good luck and enjoy your day.

Photo via Poon of the SEC

Wisconsin +3 (-120) at Illinois

I've been betting on Illinois and against Wisco pretty regularly this season, and with good cause. The Badgers haven't covered a spread since their first game and the Illini haven't been denied since then. But come on now, this is Illinois going up against the fifth ranked team in the nation (even if their ranking is total bullshit. The play here is for Wisconsin, but it would be pretty fucking great to see Arrelious Benn running wild all over Wisconsin.

Georgia -1 at Tennessee

Ugh, in case you'd forgotten today is separation day. What we have here is a game that's bound to separate the pretty good from the pretty crappy. Georgia wants to establish themselves as a true contender for the SEC title while Tennessee is trying to win out to secure Phil Fulmer's reserved seat in the Citrus Bowl. The most likely scenario is this, Georgia beats Tennessee by less than a touchdown and Fulmer goes away forever. Huzzah!

Penn State -9.5 vs. Iowa

Not only is the Big 10 a terrible conference, but they're boring too! Iowa got spanked by Indiana (really?) last week and their season is already over. What do you think interests Kirk Ferentz more, guiding his sub-.500 team to bowl eligibility or mailing it in until the NFL executives start banging down his door again (really?). Even if you call Happy Valley home, you'll probably need a round of shots to make this tolerable.

Enjoy!

Photo via Big Ten Poon

After the unprecedented success of my debut parlay I've watched my two latest efforts fail in painful fashion. Two weeks in a row my bet has gone down in flames thanks to one team that couldn't hold up their end of the bargain. This week we're trying something a little bit different. Seeing as how my bets seem fated to fall one game short no matter who I pick I figured it would be a good idea to try out some good old fashioned individual bets. Here are five games that have caught my eye for whatever reason (funniest mascots). I've placed a tidy $20 bet on each of the following games (for a total risk of $100 to win about $90). I didn't mean to be such a cheap bastard but I accidentally spent almost all of the money in my account on tomorrow's NFL action.

West Virginia -24.5 vs. East Carolina
East Carolina? What a time to be alive! Meanwhile... Slaton, White, Devine, blah blah blah. Morgantown welcomes you to Cover City.

Penn State -3 at Michigan
The Nittany Lions may represent everything I hate about college football (geriatric coach, overrated conference, boring helmets, people from Pennsylvania) but they're the class only team in the Big X that doesn't totally suck (welcome to the club Iowans, make yourselves comfortable, the Wisconsinites will be joining you eventually). Oh yeah, Michigan isn't "Notre Dame" bad but they're still really crappy.

LSU -18 vs. South Carolina
I never like betting against the OBC (yeah yeah, click clack) — especially when his team is a feisty dog — but I'm just going to go ahead and bet on those freaks in yellow and purple as long as they keep looking like they could hang with Skeets' Bills.

Alabama -3.5 vs. Georgia
I told you fuckers that Saban would cover and he went ahead and won outright to boot. He might be the most entitled asshole since the heyday of Pauly Shore, but like Shore in Bio-Dome, he can bring the ruckus. Really, I'm an expert.

Florida -23.5 vs. Mississippi
Unless the world-class alchemists scientists at Ole Miss have created some Michael Oher clones to play on the defensive line, methinks they be fucked. Just sit back and take in the overt sexiness of Tim Tebow and Percy Harvin while counting your money like a Seminole recruit. (Kidding! Everybody knows that Seminoles can't count.)

That's a whole lot of points I'm laying on the board, so go big or go the fuck home. Go favorites!

Illinois -13 at Syracuse
The mighty Orange-people have surrendered 77 points in two games this year and they're 1-5 against the spread in their past six "efforts" dating back to last season. Illinois may not inspire a ton of confidence in bettors but just remember the name Arrelious Benn (Dunbar, nee Preparatory High School for Colored Youth, represent!). Besides, Ron Zook isn't as terrible as my Gator-faithful were led to believe and picking Illinois is sure to get me in good with the boss-man.

Washington +3.5 vs. Ohio State
And the suicide rate amongst Golden Domers reaches four figures! Aside from Penn State and Wisconsin (and perhaps Iowa) the entire Big Ten can suck a bag of dicks.

Alabama -3 vs. Arkansas
If Nick Saban doesn't immediately trounce everybody in the SEC's Eastern division that doesn't play on the bayou they might run him right out of Tuscaloosa (of course he'll probably have a head start). Try to set your Darren McFadden man-crush on hold for one day and watch those elephant loving fucksticks make you some money. Then we can all celebrate at McFadden's. (Warning: site will immediately begin playing gay music. Bruno was right!)

Today I'm offering up a three team parlay, and it's filled with as much chalk as last week's (INCREDIBLY SUCCESSFUL) offering. These early season out-of-conference clashes provide the best opportunity to increase your bankroll for the rest of the season so take full advantage. Yes, Cal is that good, Notre Dame is that bad, and LSU is that scary.

Odds: 6/1
Proposed Wager: 48 to win 288

Cal -14 at Colorado State
Is this line a joke? Cal might be tempting if they were giving another touchdown here. Now let's all pray that Colorado State's punter hasn't seen film on DeSean Jackson. Otherwise we'll just have to settle for pedestrian "offensive" touchdowns.

Penn State -17.5 vs. Notre Dame
I'll take Joe Paterno's corpse over Charlie Weis at this point. Little known fact: Jimmy Clausen is still a Clausen!

LSU -11 vs. Virginia Tech
This could be an asskicking of relatively epic proportions. LSU is buck-nasty and they actually give me nightmares. Thank god Tim Tebow always steps in to save the day before I wet the bed.

If you're looking for my equally unreliable (or so I thought) advice on tomorrow's NFL action you can find it over at KSK.

Today's offering is a four team parlay (meaning all four teams have to cover their respective spread for me to win this entirely fictional bet...for entertainment purposes) featuring nothing but big favorites. Each year I begin the season by betting heavy on a few favorites going up against clearly inferior programs. The lines just never seem too high for me.

Odds: 12/1
Fictional Bet: 24 to win 288

West Virginia -24 vs. Western Michigan
Rich Rodriguez and company could easily win this one by five touchdowns.

Miami -18 vs. Marshall
I think I'd take Lakeland HS (FL) in a pick 'em over Marshall, the new look U should be able to cover a few scores.

Wisconsin -14 vs. Washington State
Weak Pac 10 team on the road against a top-flight Big 10 team that doesn't like to lose at home...easy money. That being said, I'll probably lose this whole fucking parlay by pushing this game.

UCLA -17 at Stanford
I think the drunken tree mascot is starting at left tackle.

Now I want to hear from you commenters, who do you like?

UPDATE: Damn, I didn't get the fictional bet posted in time! I'm subbing out Nebraska (-21) vs. Nevada Reno (they have a real football team and everything).