There are two keys to any great Halloween costume—originality and recognition factor. It's a very delicate and tricky balance, especially when it comes to something large swaths of the population don't give a crap about, like famous athletes. So consider your potential audience. You could go with something that everyone will get—like say, Brett Favre—but risk being the 16th person to show up at the party wearing a No. 4 jersey. Real clever. Or you could go obscure—like say, Howie Schwab—and risk having people think you're a confused Hartford Whalers fan who just wandered into the wrong bar. Even Howie himself would be stumped by that costume.

So how do you find the perfect outfit that will blow everyone way simply because no one else ever thought they could pull it off? Don't ask me. For the 29th year in a row, I will be going as Tweety-Bird. It won me the $3 first-prize at the Fire Department Cake Walk/Children's Halloween Parade in 1980 and I will continue to dance with the one the brung me. However, I would like to offer a couple suggestions.

For the ladies:

Bad Costume Idea: "Naked Erin Andrews." Seriously, New York Post. That's just ... wow.
Better Costume Idea: Lingerie Football Player. No one will get what you're actually going for, but it won't matter because "Hey, it's a girl in lingerie." You and every other sexy witch/maid/cop/cheerleader/nurse/insect/etc.....
Best Costume Idea: Zola Budd. Get a South African running singlet, a bad 80's wig and then walk around tripping people all night. Just try to avoid any parties with guests under 30 years old.

For the mens:

Bad Costume Idea: "George Brett Crapping His Pants." I'm sorry, did you not want to get laid on the sluttiest holiday of the year?

(Slightly) Better Costume Idea: "Kenny Powers." When done right (as it is here) it could be effective, but KMF'nP is a little played out. Try something more obscure like "Roy Hobbs" or "Arli$$." (Everyone loves Robert Wuhl!) [Photo by Kevin R.]
(Much) Better Costume Idea: "Adrian Peterson, In Nike Battle Armor." Degree of difficulty extremely high, but if you can simulate the hexagonal scaly skin thing—without devolving into an offensive blackface minstrel show—you will not only creep everyone out, you will have your finger on the pulse of American advertising. Excellent product placement opportunities.
Best Costume Idea: "Alex Rodriguez's Mirror." Invite ladies to stare longingly at your purple lips and bulging pectorals. Little do they know, your costume is actually a secret kissing booth.

Aww, yeah.

Whatever you choose, send us the pics of yourself, your friends, or anyone you run into who goes above and beyond this weekend and we'll run a big gallery on Monday. Please keep the submissions to sports-related costumes. I don't want to spend my entire morning deleting 500 Zombie Balloon Boy emails next week. (Seriously, if you're going as him or any dead celebrity from 2009 then you have zero imagination. Just stay home and read the encyclopedia or something.)

No, in a follow-up interview with the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, Harrison says the whole thing has been blown out of proportion but he still says he's not going. HOWEVAH. This apparently isn't about politics, Obama's front-running, Bush, 9/11 or any other conspiracies corroborating Harrison's perceived political agenda or even his dumbfounding ignorance. Nope:

A well-placed source, however, later revealed the real reason for Harrison's reluctance to make the trip: He has a fear of flying and is a "wreck" whenever he must take team flights

.

Really. Still, that didn't stop Harrison from reverting to the third person and spouting off some other gem-filled quotes when he confronted the press corps after Steelers practice:

Silverback spoketh :

"Hey, James ain't changed," Harrison responded. "I guess my profile did but I didn't change. I'm not going because I don't want to go."

He added, seemingly in a joking manner, that the White House is not in the safest area of Washington, D.C.

"It's not a good neighborhood over there either," Harrison said. "It's a bad neighborhood."

Harrison said he was surprised at the reaction to his declining an offer to visit the White House.

"They're making a big deal out of this: 'Oh, my, James Harrison is not going to the White House, he must be a devil worshiper!'"

And then our of nowhere George Brett stormed into the locker room and yelled "Fuck you and fuck them!"

Fear of Flying Is Why Harrison Will Skip White House Visit [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette]

Brett became an internet star this year thanks to the re-release of his absurd "when was the last time you shit your pants?" video.I hope George Brett becomes a manager someday. If not a major league team, then Manager Of The Universe would work too.

HT:

Lots and lots of lots of places.

"The most perfect double-tapered shit of my life ... who are the pitchers in this game?" This quote will go down in baseball history along with Lou Gehrig's "Luckiest man on the face of the earth," as an enduring classic, I am certain.

Man, what kind of a person would discuss something like that?

George Brett Apparently Shits His Pants A Lot [YouTube]

And former legendary Royals third baseman George Brett, well, he's a Hall of Famer jokester. Need proof? Witness his classic practical joke on current Royals coach Andre David.

You see, David was born in Afghanistan.

This is all a world-class jester like Brett needed. Hence ... his plan. First, he wrote "Ahmed Mohammed Ahi" on the brim of David's hat. It was noticed when David attempted to board a plane in Orlando; he was pulled out of line and forced to go through extra security. While rummaging through David's luggage, they found not only the hat, but also — and here's the genius part! — several loose plastic knives that Brett had sneaked into David's bag.

"I got taken into a special room," says David. "Then they found [the] plastics knives George had put in my laptop bag. Fortunately, it all worked out."

Uh, yeah: Fortunately. That George Brett: What a character.

Three Vets Out For Redemption [Peter Gammons' Blog]