The USMNT Probably Won't Win The World Cup

Going into today's World Cup draw, we already knew just how stacked the 32-team field that make up next year's tournament in Brazil was. Seemingly every perennial superpower—hosts Brazil, Spain, Germany, Argentina, and the Netherlands, Italy—as well as the ridiculous "underclass" of teams like Belgium, Colombia,… » 12/06/13 4:21pm 12/06/13 4:21pm

Adorable Dog On The Pitch Adorably Interrupts Field Hockey Game

England played Germany during pool play today at the Argentina World League final when ... aw, look at that! What a cute doggie! Such a cute doggie! She just wants to play! Look at her go! She's free! She's free and she loves it! That's a good girl! Such a good girl! Who wants a belly rub! You do, don't you?! Yeah, you … » 12/03/13 3:33pm 12/03/13 3:33pm

Lukas Podolski Scores Goal Six Seconds Into Match Against Ecuador

The German national team traveled to Boca Raton, Fla., today to take on Ecuador in an international friendly, and the Ecuadorians wasted no time in serving up a big bucket of suck. Ecuador unwisely played the opening kick toward its own goal, and it took only six seconds for German striker Lukas Podolski to send home… » 5/29/13 6:17pm 5/29/13 6:17pm

Horny Teenager Sells The Family Jewels To Visit A Brothel

This is just a delightful story of adolescent hjinks with a dash of sexiness and an appropriate amount of criminality. A 14-year-old boy stole some jewelry from his mother and he and his buddy sold it on the cheap and bought some hookers. Everything about this story is great, including the police statement, in which… » 10/14/12 6:00pm 10/14/12 6:00pm

German Field Hockey Team Gets $630,000 Bill After Cruise Ship Party

The German men's field hockey team recently won its second-straight Olympic gold medal with a close win over the Netherlands, and the celebration continued after they left London, primarily on a cruise ship that was apparently the scene of some intense partying and crazy field bro antics. The resulting destruction was… » 8/29/12 9:30am 8/29/12 9:30am

A South Korean Fencer Is Refusing To Leave The Piste After Being…

A timing error in the last second of the bout led to a 20-minute delay and a controversial decision in the women's individual épée semifinal today between South Korean Shin A Lam and German Britta Heidemann, one that has the Korean refusing to leave the piste. » 7/30/12 2:44pm 7/30/12 2:44pm

The Tongan Olympic Luger Who Turned Out To Be An Underwear Marketing…

Imagine if the events surrounding 1988 Jamaican bobsled team that inspired the film Cool Runnings happened today, in the age of the internet and 24-hour sports coverage. Now imagine one of those athletes, by pure chance, had been named Calvin Klein. And after his emergence on the international scene, he became a… » 2/08/12 12:55pm 2/08/12 12:55pm