•Charlie Davies shattered his leg and fractured his face and arm. A doctor says recovery will take 6-to-12 months, making the World Cup an improbability. But things could have been a lot worse. For another passenger, they were.

•The Yankees are leaning toward going with a three-man rotation in the ALCS, keeping Joba Chamberlain in the bullpen. Considering ESPN actually put him in their Bodies Issue, the less exposure for Joba, the better.

•It's clear now that the real Gilbert Arenas is dead, and has been replaced with Bizarro Gilbert. He was fined $25k for refusing to talk to the media.

•Billy Wagner might hang it up, saying "[he's] got nothing left to accomplish." I agree. Fourteen September innings for a team that gets swept in the first round is truly the pinnacle from which to retire.

•Billy Gillispie settled with Kentucky for $3 million over his dismissal, even though he was working without a contract. Wonder where your donations are going, alumni? It ain't building new dorms; it's stuff like paying millions to someone who was legally owed nothing.

•Is a Greek basketball team sending death threats to the agent of an American player clamoring for unpaid wages? Sounds fair, if we can threaten Jake Tsakalidis for overpaid wages.

•Finally, it's like a BCS meeting, but with monkeys! So...it's like a BCS meeting.

Fortunately for you and your wallet, you (probably) aren't Abe Pollin, because Agent Zero did indeed have a third surgery on his left knee:

"I just had some floating debris in there that was slowing me down," said Arenas, who seemed to be in good spirits. "It was irritating the knee so we decided to go in there and clean it out. This should actually allow me to come back faster."

Wow. Tough break for Wizards fans. But, as Lucky Day shrewdly observed in the Latin American classic ¡Three Amigos!, each of us has an El Guapo to face. For some, shyness might be their El Guapo. For others, a lack of education might be their El Guapo. For the Amigos, El Guapo was a big, dangerous man who happened to be the actual El Guapo. And now it appears that a gimpy left knee has become Agent Zero's El Guapo.

Still, "some floating debris" doesn't sound Tom Brady-ish or anything. And "out for roughly 14 games" is a hell of a lot better than "out for the season." But the fact that Gil has had three knee surgeries in less than a year and a half is giving me an ominous Grant Hill in Orlando vibe. Let's hope the whole thing is as casual as Gilbert is treating it, because as a friend told me in a text message: "It makes me sad because the NBA is much more fun with him playing."

Arenas to Miss Camp, Season's First Month After Surgery [Washington Post]

* The stone for the "mountain" cost nearly half a million dollars.

* There are three different fish tanks, one going in the "grotto," one in the front hall, and one in the basement. Their normal retail price would have been about another half-million.

* The tank in the basement will have a recess with a couch in it so Gil can "relax and look up at the fish."

My favorite photo is the painting of Gilbert waving in front of the U.S. Capitol. Unfortunately the picture is not clear. Damn you, skulking contruction worker, damn you.

When this thing goes on the D.C. market, Barney Frank is totally grabbing it. Totally.

Gilbert's Million-Dollar Pool: The Pics [DC Sports Bog]

In the later game, the Jazz try to seriously make Tracy McGrady cry by taking a 2-0 lead on the road in Houston. (Those Mormons sure do get feisty!)

But like most of you, we're still hoping for an epic Arenas-LeBron battle in the Cleveland-Washington series. Gilbert looks healthy enough to make this fun. Tonight, we'd all like to flee to the Cleve.

(Winner of Game 2 brings the juice boxes.)

Twenty of James' 32 points were in the latter 24 minutes, while Arenas — who didn't start — finished with 24 points and missed two shots late in the fourth quarter to try and pull back even with Cleveland. Some might question the tactic of shunning James through the media before the game, but perhaps they didn't insult him enough. What of his body odor? His ability at Scrabble? His naivete when it comes to clicking on random Internet links? Don't relent, Washington. This series is still within your grips.

Phoenix-San Antonio rages onward as today's final post comes to a close, but the playoffs for today are but half over. You're free to get your Dallas-New Orleans series "onward," as the kids like to say at ice cream socials these days. And the rematch between the Jazz Hands and the Rocket Men will commence a little past your bedtime, mister, but you've been good, so feel free to stay up late for it.

And yes, you can have some of that sandwich. There's enough for everyone. Damon Jones didn't finish his.

Technically, this is the third year in a row that the Wizards and Cavs have met in the first round. In 2006, LeBron reminded us that he could do no wrong, even as he tackled the playoffs for the first time. But Gilbert Arenas refused to back down, matching James's iron-wrought majesty with fiery whim. Cleveland won in 6, and James marched on, but it was this series that put Arenas on the map.

For 2007, the sham police were out in full force. Arenas went down with a knee injury toward season's end; to add insult to injury, Caron Butler came up lame, too. The once-proud Wizards became the team everyone wanted in round one, and Cleveland got them. The sweep came easy, and James's play was strong, if somewhat perfunctory. Gil tried in vain to spice things up by chirping loud from the bench, but Biz LeBron was in no mood. Last year had come down to playground tactics, with James whispering in Gil's ear right before he clanked out the game-winning free throws in OT. This time, it was beneath him to trifle.

So now, we head into another installment of the most disjointed, unmentionable rivalry in all of pro sports. Gil missed the entire season with that same bum knee, but now may or may not be ready to step up and star again. No one, not even, Arenas himself, seems certain of his condition. Is he available in spurts? Poised to take up the Barbosa-like mantle of zany instant offense? Or, heaven forbid, will he take his rightful place in the starting lineup by the second game? He's announced his plans to be more of a distributor, but in his few games back it's his scoring that's truly dazzled.

Why all the recap? Because these two teams are perfectly situated to fight each other for years. James and Arenas are two of the most natural-born rivals in the entire league: One entitled, god-like, and barely human, the other a first-class underdog determined to keep himself always fighting the odds. And against James, he — or anyone — will always come up imperfect and strange. But somehow, this feels like a strange coincidence, like seeing two people in one day who bought the same glasses as you. The NBA deserves better than this and indeed, all players involved deserve more.

We routinely say that THIS IS A LEAGUE OF STARS. You can keep your Zydrunas/Haywood matchup, your "worst game coach showdown," and even DeShawn Stevenson's endless rants and raves. I know LeBron thinks it's about him to respond too much, and Gil is mostly focused on working his way back home, but come on. One of you will win this series, but that's not all that's at stake. Look a little deeper, and Brand James took a hit last year — there was that one incandescent game about Detroit, but aside from that he was either rote or unseen. And that Finals debacle has been erased from our collective memory in the sole interest of preserving the world economy, which relies so heavily on LeBron's future worth.

And Gil, my man, this is your moment. Push Stevenson over to the side; his yapping is unsubtle and artless. Last year, you had no problem talking shit while laid up in a suit. You want a challenge? You want to show that you belong up there with LeBron, Wade or Kobe? After 2006, you were getting there; through no fault of your own, that path was lost. But what could be more classically Arenas-ian than taking this series on your back from the get-go? Let Caron and Antawn get theirs; honor what the team has accomplished without you. But for reals, this feels like it was scripted for you to thrive.

In spirit of 2006, from the ashes of 2007, across a landscape of resignation and incidental associations, it's time that LeBron and Arenas recognize that this isn't some fluke. They are both at defining moments in their careers, and like it or not, they need each other. By revisiting the past, they can renew themselves for the future. Let's recapture that LeBron we didn't take for granted. That Arenas whose insanity was matched only by his will. Without this, yeah, it's two Eastern teams, one of which features LeBron. But if we embrace the past here, instead of dismissing it as muddle, this series has the potential to revitalize two of the NBA's most charismatic figures.

Let the West, or the Celtics, worry about the L.O.B. The playoffs are about that, but it's also where reputations come into being. This is two guys returning to their roots, whether they realize it or not. Here's hoping they deliver unto us a real clash of civilizations.

The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away: Not only did the Wiz drop the game, DeShawn Stevenson rolled his ankle and Antawn Jamison hurt his shoulder diving into the crowd trying to save a loose ball. Ouch. Also, the Bucks may have won the game, but Atlanta's win over Toronto mathematically eliminated them from the playoffs. But good effort, guys.

LeBron fouls out, Cavs still win. Who'd a thunk it? I don't know what's more surprising: That Wally Szczerbiak, Devin Brown and Zydrunas Ilgauskas went all clutchtastic after LeBron fouled out, or the fact that NBA officials are still calling fouls on LeBron. All I can say is somebody's getting a talking to from David Stern tomorrow morning. King James compiled 29 points, 4 rebounds and 5 assists before getting the boot, then watched from the bench as his teammates bailed him out for a change. Wally World hit a jump shot, Brown drained a couple 'throws, and the Z-Man dropped in two buckets to give Cleveland a 113-106 lead. Jason Richardson (31 points, 6 rebounds, 7 assists) drilled a couple threes to pull the Bobcats to within two, but Brown sealed the 118-114 victory with another pair from the line.

After the game, Bron Bron was still fuming about the foul out. "There were a couple questionable [calls]. I know how to keep myself out of foul trouble for the most part. In my career I've done a great job of that." (Note: Telling the refs "I'm LeBron James, bitches!" doesn't count as "knowing how to stay out of foul trouble." I'm just sayin'.)

Holy home cooking, Batman! Science hasn't cured cancer or even explained why we yawn, but it has proven that last night's game between Toronto and Atlanta should have ended on T.J. Ford's buzzer-beating floater at the end of regulation. However, cunning Phillips Arena officials started the clock early with 0.5 seconds remaining so the bucket didn't count. And it was on to overtime, where the homecourt Hawks prevailed over the roadscrewed Raptors 127-120. The only thing missing was the Atlanta mascot hitting Chris Bosh from behind with a steel chair. Mike Bibby (26 points, 12 assists) hit a three-pointer at what turned out to be the end of the fourth to force the overtime session.

Conan would be so proud. (If, you know, he was a real person.) The Boston Celtics continue to crush their enemies, then drive them forward to the lamentations of the women. Last night's crushees were the Indiana Pacers, who gave it their all in a 92-77 loss. (Yes, that really was their all.) Kevin Garnett put on his MVP pants, scoring 20 points to go along with 12 rebounds and 4 assists. KG also patrolled the paint like a crouching tiger (or was that a hidden dragon?), forcing the Pacers to bomb away from the outside...which didn't work out so well for them (35 percent from the field and 6-for-29 from beyond the arc).

Sweet, sweet history: Boston not only reached the 60-win plateau for the first time since 1985-86, they also matched the record for the best single-season turnaround in NBA history. (FYI: The record is 36 games, originally set by the Spurs in 1996-97, which just so happened to be Tim Duncan's first year in the league.)

The NBA really needs to institute a slaughter rule. Would you just stand by and watch while some poor dude was getting the holy crap beaten out of him? I mean other than when you're watching the Ultimate Fighting Championships. Of course you wouldn't. So why is David Stern forcing the Heat to finish out their horrific season? This team can only take so many 30-point beatings before Chris Quinn tries to kill himself. And since Quinn attended college at Notre Dame, I'm guessing he's Catholic, which means suicide is a mortal sin and he'll never get into heaven. Do you really want that on your conscience, David Stern? Put an end to this madness.

Postscript: Tyson Chandler scored 20 points on perfect 10-for-10 shooting to lead the Hornets to comfy-cozy 106-77 victory. The win allowed New Orleans to hold onto the number one seed in the West. Not bad, huh?

NBA Action is so freakin' FAN-tastic! Knicks versus Grizzlies! Yeah baby...yeah! See, this is part of what's so cool about the end of the NBA regular season: There are games you can just totally ignore the hell out of. (Memphis won 130-114, by the way.)

Revenge game! Hey, Minnesota. Remember that homecourt win you had over Utah a few days ago? Well, the Jazz did too. And they weren't happy about it. But don't feel bad. The 117-100 setback was hardly your worst loss of the season. Utah shot 60 percent from the field and had seven players in double figures, with Deron Williams (19 points, 14 assists, 3 steals) leading the way. Despite the one-sided loss, Marko Jaric had himself a game with 18 points, 5 rebounds, and 8 assists. And damn, man, have you seen his girlfriend? Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go figure out how to become a Yugoslavian beefcake. Hmm, maybe I'll go roll around in toxic waste. That should do it.

Memo to Don Nelson: Your team is so screwed. Dirk Nowitzki made a surprise return and the Dallas Mavericks went off on the Golden State Warriors en route to a 111-86 rout. Josh Howard scored 28, Herr Dirk added 18, and Jason Kidd had one of "those games" (5 points, 11 rebounds, 17 assists, 4 steals). Hey, maybe the Mavs will reach the postseason after all! Thank goodness. It just wouldn't feel like the NBA playoffs without Dallas suffering their inevitable crushing defeat.

What the hell are you doing, dude?! Elton Brand inexplicably returned to action after missing the first 74 games of the regular season to score 13 fourth-quarter points and lead the Los Angeles Clippers to a 102-84 win over the Seattle To Be Named Laters. Nobody really knows why Brand would screw up his team's grand tanking plans this way, but I'm sure it's completely unrelated to the fact that he can opt out of his contract and become an unrestricted free agent this summer. I can't believe you'd even suggest such a thing! The Sonics have now dropped 19 of their last 21 games and would have to win their last seven games - against Houston (twice), Denver, Dallas (twice), San Antonio, and Golden State - to avoid having the worst season in franchise history. But on the bright side, Kevin Durant scored 30. R-O-Y! R-O-Y! R-O...aw, forget it.

No surprises here. I really didn't think the Trail Blazers could put up much of a fight against the Lakers without Brandon Roy, but they did. And lost anyway. L.A. 104, Portland 91. Kobe had 36 points, 13 rebounds, 7 assists, and that goddamn arrogant smile I hate so much. Oh, and Pau Gasol was back with 10 points and 6 boards. Yay.

Yes, we were quite stunned to arrive in Phoenix and learn that Gilbert was encouraging his fans to buy our book.

Have you seen the new book that came out, God Save the Fan? Will Leitch came out with the book. Thank you Will Leitch! Got to give a shout out to Will Leitch and Deadspin for coming out with the book God Save the Fan. I'm just going to tell you guys to go get the book, because I'm in Chapter 2. I mean, the title might be a little hard for some of you to read, especially since me and LeBron James are best friends. It's about me and LeBron and it's somewhere along the lines of "Why Gilbert is Better for the Game than LeBron" ... it's somewhere along those lines. I don't want Cleveland fans to get mad at me, I didn't write the book, I just read it. It's kind of funny because me and him have been best friends over the five years since he's been in this league. I was just grateful being mentioned with him. When I'm done playing and after all is said and done and he's compared in Jordan likeness, I'm going to show my kids the book and be like, "Look at this here. Y'all see this, kids? Told you I was somebody. Y'all thought I was playing." LeBron and I are really friends though, the whole free throw thing in the playoffs was just trash talking.

We're not sure if Gilbert Arenas has a "Gilbert Bump" when it comes to booksales, but even if he's not the Sports Oprah, we are flattered and honored; we didn't even send him a free book. Shame he can't play right now; we could have tried to get him to sign one at courtside. Sure would be more valuable than our dumb signature.

Reading Assignment [Gilbert Arenas Blog]

• Now this is a thug. [The 700 Level]
• Marcus Pollard, he of stupid hair. [DC Sports Bog]
• Kentucky fans might riot soon. [35 Seconds]
• I like where Jamie's head is at. [Mister Irrelevant]
• Packer fans, still crazy in all the right ways. [SportsByBrooks]
• Upsets in the FA Cup [FanHouse]

All seeds held in the first round, which just proves the seeding committee did a good job. (Note: This does not actually prove this.) So the big dawgs are all set for the second round ... and we've got a tough one right off the bat.

No. 4 Seed: Elijah Dukes

Explored the possibilities lent to us by cellular technology.
Impregnated a foster child.
Became a sports radio star.
You divorced, dawg.

No. 5 Seed Gilbert Arenas
Dunked off a trampoline.
Stole a joke.
Helped you with your love life.
Talked to us.

So, who makes the Final Four? Vote, vote like the wind.

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you're viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

We haven't had any close races in the SHOTY yet. We'll see how this one goes.

No. 5 Seed Gilbert Arenas
Dunked off a trampoline.
Stole a joke.
Helped you with your love life.
Talked to us.

No. 12 Seed Steely McBeam

Introduced as FABULOUS.
Impersonated a Village Person.

So, who wins?

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you're viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

"If you have a player who plays dead for five years of his contract, and then he has a blow-up year, that's called false advertisement. I don't think you should pay him. Because you pay him, what do you think he's going to do? He's going to go back into hibernation.''

I asked if he was talking about the Clippers' Tim Thomas, for example.

"Yeah,'' he said. "Thank you.''

Now, it's tough to gauge as to whether or not Arenas was actually thinking of Tim Thomas or he was just happy to have somebody complete his sentences. It's quite possible that Thomsen could've just as easily said a few other players and had the same result. Or just lobbed any name out there. You mean, Pol Pot? You mean, Langston Hughes? You mean, Vic Damone?

"Yes," he said, "Thank you."

Agent Zero Hour [SI]

Hi, I'm Will. I run Deadspin. A lot of our readers are fans of you.

The blog guy, hey. You're the No. 1 blogger, yeah.

I wouldn't say that. I think that's Wilbon. [laughs uncomfortably, alone] That guy you were talking to before me, that's the guy who does your blog, right?

Yeah, that's Dave [McMenamin]. He's the guy behind the guy.

How long are the interviews, usually? He just calls you up and asks you questions and writes it up?

Usually about 15-20 minutes, depending on how I'm feeling and the topic. During the season, it's once a week, but he's going to Europe next week with Boston, so that hampers it a bit.

How much time do you spend on the Web, personally?

Not as much as you'd think. I check out my MySpace. I'll go on sites to see what's funny on YouTube.

Do you have any regular sites you check out, sports sites, whatever?

No. Well, yeah, but I can't tell you, I can't put those out there.

So you're saying only porn?

Yes. [smiles]

Excellent. I think one of the reasons you've become popular in a different way than some other athletes have is because of your blog. Do you get a lot of reaction from the site from players or people in the stands? Do you hear a lot about it?

When I do the blog, I have things in my mind that people catch on to. For a while, it was the Hibachi thing that got big. The 10 dollar thing, the making bets with the fans thing, and me getting in trouble for it, people like to yell that out at me too. That was funny, because they're actually paying attention.

I think you appeal to a certain type of smarter fan, like the Wizznutzz crew, who aren't necessarily the Paint Your Face And Scream Obscenities. (Ed. Note: Nope. They just dress up like Wizards.) I think the blog is a large part of that.

Well, some people would rather not go to arenas, they'd rather just sit at home and watch the game at home, or play on the computer. There's a lot of people like that. You've got your video gamers, who just sit at home and play video games all day. So by blogging, and playing video games, I'm actually getting to them.

Have you been to Wizznutzz?

My dad is more into the stuff like that, the RealGM, the Wizznutzz, those types of things. He tells me what's going on. He was sitting there for five, six hours, posting under fake names, "how do you like that Gilbert Arenas? He's a jackass, huh?" Just to see what the response is.

Do you at least go to ESPN? Do you have an email account?

I don't, no. If someone tells me someone wrote something about me, I'll go check it out, and I'll "log in." [makes actual air quotes]

Do other players come to you and tell you they want to set up a blog, or talk to you about it?

I don't think they know how big it is. There were three other players who blogged, but it didn't really catch on. The business people know about it, but I don't think the players do.

So if you — or, well, Dave, anyway — called out somebody on the site, they wouldn't know about it?

Unless someone in PR told them or something. I talked about Penny, and he came to me and said, "My PR guy told me you mentioned me in your blog. Thanks!"

Has there ever been anything in the blog that Dave's put in that you've asked him to take out?

It's usually the other way around. There's some stuff I wanted in there that they wouldn't let me put in. [points to Dave] Hey, Dave, we gotta give a shoutout to Wizznutzz.

Was the idea to do the site yours?

They actually came to me about it. At first I didn't think I had the time for it, but I thought if Chris Paul has the time to do it, I can.

And nobody reads Chris Paul's site.

That's what I'm gonna outsell him in video games this year. Nobody reads his site.

Do you guys ever scramble to come up with stuff for the site?

That's what it's surviving: I have an entertaining life. I thought I was boring. When I went through my life, I was like, "I sit around and play video games all day. Nobody wants to hear about this." But once I started doing the site, I was like, "Yeah, I do have an interesting life!"

Well, Dave makes it look interesting, anyway.

Totally. I always have something going on.

Because Gilbert knows how how you settle relationship disagreements with your lady.

So we was on 16th and Constitution and she kicked me out of the car and I had to walk all the way to the gym. It was probably a mile, but I had on smaller shoes. You know, I wear 13s, but I had on 12s because they matched the outfit I was wearing so my feet were hurting and I didn't have any cab money to take a cab and that all played a part.

So I went on a strike.

I think all men should do this when they have a disagreement. This is Relationship 101. When you have a fight with "the other," don't answer their calls and don't answer their pages. That usually gets the point across that you're not talking to them. So, I held out for seven days. I went on strike for seven days and stayed at the gym for seven days. I slept in the gym. They got nice couches in there and it just kept me in the gym working on my knee and stuff.

Arenas then explains how that's why he missed an EA Sports promotional event in Toronto; his passport was at home, and because he was "on strike," he couldn't go home and get it. We full expect Gilbert to have his own syndicated advice talk show at some point. We'd surely watch it more than that HBO crap.

Relationships 101 [Gilbert Arenas' Blog]

Yeah, you've all been talking about it. I used someone else's joke. What's the big deal? I thought it was funny, I blogged it, you all laughed.

Mission accomplished.

Listen, nobody even heard of Ian Edwards before me. He's no Chris Rock. I helped him become famous. Now everybody is going to YouTube and looking him up.

The joke was worth about $7 when I heard it, now that I've used it's probably worth a little bit more. I'll sell it back to him for $7.78. Seventy-eight cents, Ian, you can put that in a royalties check made out to me.

Puffy and Ashanti made careers out of stealing other people's beats. This is America, the land of the reused.

Do you know those advertising posts that run on this page every Friday? Well as it turns out Will's been stealing all of those lines from movies. The horror

Gilbert Arenas: I Got Jokes
It's Never the Offseason In the Mind of Gilbert Arenas

I know this is random, but I just want to clear this up for people out there.

There are these things called shark attacks, but there is no such thing as a shark attack. I have never seen a real shark attack.

I know you're making a weird face as you're reading this. OK people, a shark attack is not what we see on TV and what people portray it as.

We're humans. We live on land.

Sharks live in water.

So if you're swimming in the water and a shark bites you, that's called trespassing. That is called trespassing. That is not a shark attack.

A shark attack is if you're chilling at home, sitting on your couch, and a shark comes in and bites you; now that's a shark attack. Now, if you're chilling in the water, that is called invasion of space. So I have never heard of a shark attack.

When I see on the news where it's like, "There have been 10 shark attacks," I'm like, "Hey, for real?! They're just running around? Sharks are walking now, huh! We live on the land, we don't live underwater."

Seriously: We're not sure we're ever gonna like a professional athlete more than we like Gilbert Arenas.

(OK, Ankiel, But that's IT.)

There Are No Such Things As Shark Attacks [Gilbert Arenas' Blog]

(UPDATE: It does appear Gilbert swiped this from a comedian. That's not good, but we still just love the general thought process. But yeah: Don't steal, Gilbert.)

You just know he insisted on that, and that he practiced in a mirror for months to get it exactly right.

NBA Live 08 Commercials Featuring "The" Gilbert Arenas [The Angry T]

But would he actually leave? Gilbert is as popular in the DC area as Jamie Mottram, and almost as handsome. Is he seriously considering bolting, or is it just a contract ploy?

We knew only one man to ask: Our own unsilent majority, rock star at Kissing Suzy Kolber and intern for life at Wizznutzz. The guy is as big an expert in all matters Wizard as anyone we knew who doesn't dress up like a wizard for games. His thoughts about Gilbert's possible exit are after the jump.

As a long suffering fan of Les Boulez, I'd like to invite everyone to just relax. Bloggers and ESPN television personalities alike seem so eager to blow up the non-story of Gilbert Arenas' contract plans. Despite my admitted man-crush on the one called Zero, I refuse to cave in to the media's campaign of fear. His decision to opt out of his existing contract didn't come as a surprise to anyone in or around the organization, yet nobody (from the fans on up) have felt the need to panic because everybody saw it coming.

Ernie Grunfeld, the undisputed leader of the front office, let it be known that he's expected and planned for Gilbert's decision for quite some time. And how could he not? The Washington Post's Ivan Carter has been talking about the possibility for two months. Hell, Gilbert first started talking about opting out last year. Somehow people have gotten it in their heads that "opt out" is a secret way of saying "get me the fuck out of here," when, in reality, it means "it's time to get paid."

I've heard all sorts of reasons why he'd leave but none has been backed by logic. Say what you will about Gilbert's eccentricities, he's always been a logical person (the free agency coin flip was a joke). After three seasons under his contract with the Wizards, Gilbert has developed himself into a superstar both on and off the court. Taking advantage of the clause in his contract in order to secure a new max contract is just downright logical. Gilbert is looking for longterm security and a place where he can build a winner, two things the Wizards have been eager to provide for their young star.

When free agency rolls around 12 months from now, everybody with the means will be throwing max offers at him, but only the Wizards can guarantee him six years. All that's left is sorting out the perks, and Gilbert sure as hell doesn't need an agent to negotiate his yearly cake allotment from his beloved Grandpa Pollin (although obtaining the pit bull treadmills in the locker room could be a stretch, given recent circumstances in the world of sports).

Simply put, there's no reason for to go anywhere else. This is his home, it's where he's raising a family, it's where he's loved, and it's where he reigns supreme as The Black President (which makes him more powerful than Eleanor Holmes Norton) . And if does leave he knows that we'll find him. Remember, we're a bunch of crazy fuckers.

So please everyone, forget the doomsday theories because we've got enough shit to worry about. Just keep breathing, and don't hesitate to call if you forget your mantra.

For a closer look at the financial details, drink in the Kool Aid with Nate Jones over at Fanhouse; he knows what's up. Now I have to get back to the Mothering Hut before Darvin and Jaarko wake up.

-Unsilent Majority, Wizznutzz Intern for Life