We enjoy the above photo; it captures the exact face we're going for when we attempt the John Rocker voice. It's the closest we can come to approximating this:

So, alas, the tour ends with a bunch of drunk people sitting at a bar with bocce, watching the Obama-Clinton debate with the sound off. Sounds great to us. Thanks for everyone who came out at all the stops; we couldn't possibly have had more fun.

As always, we had a grand time last night, and it was fun to have a mixture of off-site friends and Deadspin folk meet up afterwards. (It's like when a friend from high school meets a friend from college.) Afterwards, we hit a bar called The Patriot, which played Merle Haggard at extremely high decibels. Tough to beat that.

Anyway, thanks, Manhattan. Next stop, tonight, to wrap this puppy up, Brooklyn!

Turns out, yesterday some sad soul on the East Coast decided to commit suicide by jumping in front of an Amtrak train. This forced all trains to run about two hours late. This was described to passengers as a "track obstruction." If this guy knew that his life's epitaph would be a "track obstruction," he probably would have killed himself all over again.

So anyway, we finally arrived to a surprisingly formidable crowd, but we did our thing and then drank too much afterwards, which is why the site's going to suck today. (Hey. It's a Friday.) And thus ends the first leg of this endless, awesome tour. We're back in NYC next week for two readings, and then we're taking a freaking vacation so we can see people's faces rather than just a shifting unfocused flipshow of vague images.

So, thanks, Washington, D.C. Next stop: New York City!

We'd never played Rock Band before, and we are, without question, lousy at it. But man, it was fun. We are so glad they didn't have Rock Band when we were in college; we barely graduated as is.

But it was a grand turnout in Philly — the East Coast is packin' 'em in, apparently; we're guessing it's the cold — and Daulerio The Balls even made an appearance. You can see pictures right here.

Anyway, thanks, Philadelphia! Next stop: Washington, D.C.!

Sign Language Woman: So, I've never signed the words "uncircumcised penis" before.
Us: Happy to help.

We had perhaps our biggest crowd yet last night, so we must thank Bostonians for their welcoming nature and solid dollops of good cheer. We had a grand time at Game On afterwards, right there smack in the middle of Fenway Park, and we couldn't have been more impressed by how nice everyone was. Though we couldn't help but be disappointed that Supermike didn't show up. Everyone was asking about him.

You can see pictures right here.

Anyway, thanks, Boston! Next stop: Philadelphia!

Anyway, we think we're the first reading in Mattoon since the last time we read there. But our eighth grade advanced english teacher showed up, which succeeded in making us feel so, so old.

But yes: Goodbye, Midwest, and thanks, Mattoon! Next stop: Boston!

Considering the reading was on Valentine's Day in the suburbs, we had a pretty solid crowd, all told, and we even got to talk obsessively about Rick Ankiel with people who actually understood. (Kind of.) And it allowed us to do the site today mere yards away from the Gateway Arch, and that's always a positive.

But anyway: Thanks, St. Peters. Next stop: Mattoon!

(Photos by Christine Linton.)

Now that we're done recapping that, let's get into some brief Big Ten news. First, as you might have heard, Indiana basketball is about to be smacked with some serious recruiting allegations. We'd take more glee in that if we didn't have a pretty solid feeling that the same thing's gonna happen to our Illini football team in a couple of years.

But more to the point ... we learned that they don't have the Big Ten Network ... on campus! Do you realize how insane that is? Actual real, live students were unable to watch the Illini's win over Minnesota last night ... unless they went to a bar. Which, of course, is exactly what your institute of higher learning should be encouraging you to do. They're even fed up with it at Indiana.

We cannot overstate how idiotic that is. We are still shaking our head. Amazing.

Anyway, thanks, Champaign. Next stop: St. Louis!

Once people actually filed in, we had a grand time, run down excellently (and 100 percent accurately!) right here. (The obligatory Flickr shots are here.) The highlight was one of our fine commenters, during our daily Rocker reenactment, playing us and doing a stuttering, speed-talking impersonation of us that was so dead on, we'll be hearing it in our nightmares.

But yes: Grandness in Oak Brook. (We'll try to make it to the city next time.) Next stop: Champaign!

We apologize, by the way: We haven't been to the gym in a month because of this tour and are feeling gross and out of shape. We have a problem, we know.

It was a first book tour stop at a bar, and it was helpful, because it made us think more people were there for us than there really were. It's good for the soul. We are now, of course, more than 2,000 miles away. But Seattle was grand; we even did a couple of shots. Which are also good for the soul.

Anyway, thanks, Seattle. Next stop: Chicago!

The highlight was the gentleman pictured above, who, amazingly, has a tattoo of The Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals. It's the older, calmer bird. He says he got the tattoo during the Buzzsaw's playoff "run" in 1998. We honestly have never been more impressed with another human being.

No tour stop tonight, because it's a really long drive to Seattle. We're taking a pit stop in Eugene, Oregon, tonight, before the Friday night shindiggery. Next stop: Seattle!

The reading itself was grand — and we're really starting to nail the Rocker accent, if by "nail," you mean "sound exactly like our dad" — but the real fun was had afterwards, where we watched the Democrats work themselves into a draw and played some Guitar Hero. Poorly. You can see photos of the whole event thing right here. Next stop: San Francisco! (OK, Alameda.) We're driving there today and will be there in time for the 7:30 p.m. start tonight. Hope to see you there.

One of the gimmicks of this tour is that there is an interactive portion, in which we call up a couple members of the audience to join us. We don't know how this is going to work, but it was fun last night. (Plus, it allowed us to try out our John Rocker accent.)

A gaggle of photos from the event can be found here. Next stop: Los Angeles!