Anyway, yeah, our reading in Milwaukee is this Thursday night, and we're all going out for booze afterwards. Here are the details:

Thursday, May 08, 2008
07:00 PM
HARRY W. SCHWARTZ BOOKSHOP
17145 W. Bluemound Road Brookfield, WI 53005

We'll be at the Cardinals-Brewers games Friday and Saturday, but the goal Thursday is drinking and, uh, OK, fine, selling books. So come one, come all. It's the City Of Festivals!

God Save The Fan [HarperCollins]
God Save The Fan [Amazon]

We look forward to being welcome to the city by new Bucks general manager William Simmons. And if you don't think our appearance has anything to do with the fact that the Cardinals are in town that weekend, well, come on, obviously it is.

Here are the details.

Thursday, May 08, 2008
07:00 PM
HARRY W. SCHWARTZ BOOKSHOP
17145 W. Bluemound Road Brookfield, WI 53005

That's a pretty cool bookstore, too.

So hello, Milwaukee! And stay tuned, Cleveland, Atlanta and "somewhere in Texas!"

God Save The Fan Info [HarperCollins]
God Save The Fan Tour [Deadspin]

We enjoy the above photo; it captures the exact face we're going for when we attempt the John Rocker voice. It's the closest we can come to approximating this:

So, alas, the tour ends with a bunch of drunk people sitting at a bar with bocce, watching the Obama-Clinton debate with the sound off. Sounds great to us. Thanks for everyone who came out at all the stops; we couldn't possibly have had more fun.

Here are the details on the reading, in about half an hour:

7:00 PM
BOOK COURT
163 Court St. Brooklyn, NY 11201

That's right here. As of yesterday, Book Court, a charming but occasionally threadbare independent bookstore, did not actually have the book in stock, so, you know, cross your fingers.

Last stop, kids, and then these posts will finally end. See you there.

As always, we had a grand time last night, and it was fun to have a mixture of off-site friends and Deadspin folk meet up afterwards. (It's like when a friend from high school meets a friend from college.) Afterwards, we hit a bar called The Patriot, which played Merle Haggard at extremely high decibels. Tough to beat that.

Anyway, thanks, Manhattan. Next stop, tonight, to wrap this puppy up, Brooklyn!

To remind, here are the details:

BARNES & NOBLE
7 p.m.
270 Greenwich ST New York, NY 10007

When we're done, we're heading to The Patriot Saloon, because we're told there are bartenders there who wear tassels. We'll be wearing those anyway, so we will want to be among our own. We shall see you there.

Tonight, we're in Lower Manhattan, most famous as the section of town that the Cloverfield monster ravages toward the end of the movie, before he takes down the helicopter. Here are the details:

07:00 PM
BARNES & NOBLE
270 Greenwich ST New York, NY 10007

That's right here. (Take the 1,2,3,A or C to Chambers Street. We're on Greenwich and Warren. This is also the bookstore where we stalked Dennis Rodman about two-and-a-half years ago.)

We'll be going out afterwards, somewhere in the neighborhood, and we'll remind you of this later tonight, because, well, it's one of our last two readings and it might be fun.

Barnes And Noble, Tribeca [Google Maps]

(Correction: That's not the same book store we stalked Rodman. Boy, do we know our city well. Sorry.)

Turns out, yesterday some sad soul on the East Coast decided to commit suicide by jumping in front of an Amtrak train. This forced all trains to run about two hours late. This was described to passengers as a "track obstruction." If this guy knew that his life's epitaph would be a "track obstruction," he probably would have killed himself all over again.

So anyway, we finally arrived to a surprisingly formidable crowd, but we did our thing and then drank too much afterwards, which is why the site's going to suck today. (Hey. It's a Friday.) And thus ends the first leg of this endless, awesome tour. We're back in NYC next week for two readings, and then we're taking a freaking vacation so we can see people's faces rather than just a shifting unfocused flipshow of vague images.

So, thanks, Washington, D.C. Next stop: New York City!

So, if you're in the DC area, get out there tonight. You will be able to meet probably every sports blogger on earth. (Seriously, what is it about the Potomac that lends itself to such basement-dwelling?) Here are the details:

07:00 PM
BARNES & NOBLE/Georgetown
3040 M ST NW Washington, DC 20007

We actually slept a little bit last night, so we'll be ready to rock. The after party is just down the street. So let's finish this up the right way. See you there.

We'd never played Rock Band before, and we are, without question, lousy at it. But man, it was fun. We are so glad they didn't have Rock Band when we were in college; we barely graduated as is.

But it was a grand turnout in Philly — the East Coast is packin' 'em in, apparently; we're guessing it's the cold — and Daulerio The Balls even made an appearance. You can see pictures right here.

Anyway, thanks, Philadelphia! Next stop: Washington, D.C.!

We're on campus at Penn. Ack! Smart people!

7 p.m.
BARNES & NOBLE COLLEGE BOOKSTORES
UPENN Bookstore
3601 Walnut Street
Philadelphia, PA 19104

And yes, The Balls will be there. And we're all drinking afterwards. You really have no excuse, Philadelphia. See you there.

Sign Language Woman: So, I've never signed the words "uncircumcised penis" before.
Us: Happy to help.

We had perhaps our biggest crowd yet last night, so we must thank Bostonians for their welcoming nature and solid dollops of good cheer. We had a grand time at Game On afterwards, right there smack in the middle of Fenway Park, and we couldn't have been more impressed by how nice everyone was. Though we couldn't help but be disappointed that Supermike didn't show up. Everyone was asking about him.

You can see pictures right here.

Anyway, thanks, Boston! Next stop: Philadelphia!

The last leg of our tour, the East Coast dead sprint, begins tonight at Boston University. It's right here:

7:00 PM
BARNES & NOBLE COLLEGE BOOKSTORES
Boston University #480 660 Beacon ST Boston, MA 02215

We love the city of Boston and couldn't be excited to paint the town Cardinal Red tonight. After the reading, we'll be hitting a nightspot to be announced at the reading. (Though we suspect this SUPER SECRET LOCALE will be revealed in the comments in about 45 seconds.) It's not the Mattoon mall, but heck, what is?

We look forward to seeing you there. You too, Supermike.

Anyway, we think we're the first reading in Mattoon since the last time we read there. But our eighth grade advanced english teacher showed up, which succeeded in making us feel so, so old.

But yes: Goodbye, Midwest, and thanks, Mattoon! Next stop: Boston!

Considering the reading was on Valentine's Day in the suburbs, we had a pretty solid crowd, all told, and we even got to talk obsessively about Rick Ankiel with people who actually understood. (Kind of.) And it allowed us to do the site today mere yards away from the Gateway Arch, and that's always a positive.

But anyway: Thanks, St. Peters. Next stop: Mattoon!

(Photos by Christine Linton.)

Yep, tonight, the God Save The Fan Tour his St. Peter's, Missouri, which is a suburb outside of St. Louis. We would listen to your "why the suburbs?" comments, like in Oak Brook, if we didn't know that, all told, you're a lot better off in the 'burbs of St. Louis after dark when it's not baseball season. And, obviously: All Cardinals fans are guaranteed long-winded stories about Willie McGee and Mike Laga.

The details:

Thursday, February 14, 2008
07:00 PM
BARNES & NOBLE
320 Mid-Rivers Center Drive St. Peters, MO 63376

No afterparty on this one, we're afraid, but it's the perfect way to spend the roughest holiday of the year, whether you're single or not. It will be like bottled romance, except not tequila. Happy V-Day, Cardinals fans! See you there.

We're With You, Emo [Riverfront Times]

Now that we're done recapping that, let's get into some brief Big Ten news. First, as you might have heard, Indiana basketball is about to be smacked with some serious recruiting allegations. We'd take more glee in that if we didn't have a pretty solid feeling that the same thing's gonna happen to our Illini football team in a couple of years.

But more to the point ... we learned that they don't have the Big Ten Network ... on campus! Do you realize how insane that is? Actual real, live students were unable to watch the Illini's win over Minnesota last night ... unless they went to a bar. Which, of course, is exactly what your institute of higher learning should be encouraging you to do. They're even fed up with it at Indiana.

We cannot overstate how idiotic that is. We are still shaking our head. Amazing.

Anyway, thanks, Champaign. Next stop: St. Louis!

Seriously, we're gonna be at the Illini Union Bookstore.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008
04:00 PM
ILLINI UNION BOOKSTORE/University of Illinois
809 S Wright Street Champaign, IL 61820

It's like when fellow alums Dave Eggers, Roger Simon or Roger Ebert come to read, except so, so much worse.

Once people actually filed in, we had a grand time, run down excellently (and 100 percent accurately!) right here. (The obligatory Flickr shots are here.) The highlight was one of our fine commenters, during our daily Rocker reenactment, playing us and doing a stuttering, speed-talking impersonation of us that was so dead on, we'll be hearing it in our nightmares.

But yes: Grandness in Oak Brook. (We'll try to make it to the city next time.) Next stop: Champaign!

We apologize, by the way: We haven't been to the gym in a month because of this tour and are feeling gross and out of shape. We have a problem, we know.

Anyway, we're in Oak Brook, Illinois, tonight, which is affectionately known as "the suburb of lumpy shoulders." We're at the Borders of Oak Brook, which is a handsome place of hope and joy, and also a place, we hope, we can buy some clean underwear. (It has been a long trip.) Here are the exact details:

February 11, 2008 7:30 PM
Borders Oak Brook
1500 16th Street, Suite D
Oak Brook, IL
Phone:630.574.0800

We love Chicago, and we promise not to make any jokes about the Cubs. So come on out, Chicagoans: Who loves the suburbs? We'll make our own John Hughes movie.

If you're running late, by the way, you can drop by here afterwards. But the reading will be much more fun, and you won't have to see those scowls of people who scoff at you for being a latecomer. Or something.

It was a first book tour stop at a bar, and it was helpful, because it made us think more people were there for us than there really were. It's good for the soul. We are now, of course, more than 2,000 miles away. But Seattle was grand; we even did a couple of shots. Which are also good for the soul.

Anyway, thanks, Seattle. Next stop: Chicago!

The location is Murphy's Pub. Here's the address:

Murphy's Pub
1928 N 45th St.
Seattle, WA 98105

We have a very early flight tomorrow, but that will not daunt us! We hope to see you there.

Murphy's Pub

The highlight was the gentleman pictured above, who, amazingly, has a tattoo of The Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals. It's the older, calmer bird. He says he got the tattoo during the Buzzsaw's playoff "run" in 1998. We honestly have never been more impressed with another human being.

No tour stop tonight, because it's a really long drive to Seattle. We're taking a pit stop in Eugene, Oregon, tonight, before the Friday night shindiggery. Next stop: Seattle!

At 7:30 tonight, we will be at Books Inc. in Alameda. The reading begins at 7:30 p.m. We don't think Kato Kaelin is gonna make it to this one, but you should absolutely come. Special bonus: Come to this reading and meet the mysterious and elusive Deadspin associate editor Rick Chandler. Warning: The man does not show up in flash photography, though he is not, in fact, a vampire.

Afterwards, we will be heading out for cool, icy beverages, and the locale will be announced at the reading. We do hope you can make it, because our sister will be there, and if nobody shows, she's going to give us some serious shit at Christmas.

Again, the address:

Wednesday, February 06, 2008
07:30 PM
BOOKS INC
1344 Park ST Alameda, CA 94501

The reading itself was grand — and we're really starting to nail the Rocker accent, if by "nail," you mean "sound exactly like our dad" — but the real fun was had afterwards, where we watched the Democrats work themselves into a draw and played some Guitar Hero. Poorly. You can see photos of the whole event thing right here. Next stop: San Francisco! (OK, Alameda.) We're driving there today and will be there in time for the 7:30 p.m. start tonight. Hope to see you there.

The reading itself begins at 7 p.m. at Book Soup, located here:

Book Soup
8818 Sunset Blvd.
W. Hollywood CA 90069

And afterwards, we're off to Big Wangs Wings in Hollywood. We will be watching election results and playing Guitar Hero. Which sounds like an all right evening to us.

Big Wangs Wings
1562 N Cahuenga Blvd
Hollywood CA 90028

So it should be fun. And expect the site to be riddled with spelling errors tomorrow. We apologize in advance.

Pants Party! Pants Party! Pants Party! [Sports Brethren]

One of the gimmicks of this tour is that there is an interactive portion, in which we call up a couple members of the audience to join us. We don't know how this is going to work, but it was fun last night. (Plus, it allowed us to try out our John Rocker accent.)

A gaggle of photos from the event can be found here. Next stop: Los Angeles!

As we've mentioned, most of the book tour will involve collective experiences with alcohol afterwards, but because we've got the Deadspin Super Bowl Party tomorrow night, we're gonna pack up after the reading tonight.

But we'll be there with Roger Director; we'll be the one without gray hair, who slouches.

To remind, the reading is at:
Changing Hands
6428 S McClintock Dr
Tempe, AZ 85283

If you're around for this Super Bowl business, you know, come by.

Yes, we were quite stunned to arrive in Phoenix and learn that Gilbert was encouraging his fans to buy our book.

Have you seen the new book that came out, God Save the Fan? Will Leitch came out with the book. Thank you Will Leitch! Got to give a shout out to Will Leitch and Deadspin for coming out with the book God Save the Fan. I'm just going to tell you guys to go get the book, because I'm in Chapter 2. I mean, the title might be a little hard for some of you to read, especially since me and LeBron James are best friends. It's about me and LeBron and it's somewhere along the lines of "Why Gilbert is Better for the Game than LeBron" ... it's somewhere along those lines. I don't want Cleveland fans to get mad at me, I didn't write the book, I just read it. It's kind of funny because me and him have been best friends over the five years since he's been in this league. I was just grateful being mentioned with him. When I'm done playing and after all is said and done and he's compared in Jordan likeness, I'm going to show my kids the book and be like, "Look at this here. Y'all see this, kids? Told you I was somebody. Y'all thought I was playing." LeBron and I are really friends though, the whole free throw thing in the playoffs was just trash talking.

We're not sure if Gilbert Arenas has a "Gilbert Bump" when it comes to booksales, but even if he's not the Sports Oprah, we are flattered and honored; we didn't even send him a free book. Shame he can't play right now; we could have tried to get him to sign one at courtside. Sure would be more valuable than our dumb signature.

Reading Assignment [Gilbert Arenas Blog]

We're pretty amazed by this; they read the essay, but we actually went through this, so the depth of clips they picked up for it is rather astounding. It must have taken longer to put together than it did for us to actually watch the channel. If you have a copy of the book handy — if there's not one nearby, you might have to buy one — we recommend re-reading the essay, then watching this. It's a reasonable approximation of the actual experience, just with better music.

A Clockworth Leather [Zubaz Pants]
Some Things You See That You Cannot Unsee [Deadspin]

Anyway, you asked, we answered.

First off, this isn't one of those books that's just a cash-grab collection of previously published material, is it? You didn't just slap together a bunch of old Deadspin posts and call it a book, did you? Because you suck if you did that.

Nope. It's all brand new material. We did go through the trouble of writing the damned thing, so that's probably worth making clear from the outset. The only piece in the book that appeared on Deadspin was the John Rocker interview, and that's expanded with those footnotes that are all the rage these days. Oh, and there's no such thing as a cash-grab book unless you are George Tenet or Slash; nobody buys books anymore, don't ya know?

So, it's a book. Does that mean it's like one really, REALLY long Deadspin post?

Lord, no, thank heavens. The book is broken up into four sections: PLAYERS, OWNERS, MEDIA and FANS. Each contains 10-20 hopefully amusing essays about the world of sports and ends with a glossary.

A glossary? That's lame.

Thanks. It's just pithy, obnoxious little bon mots about various figures in the world of sports.

Can you give us an example? Because it still sounds lame.

Sure! How's this?
Hardaway, Tim. Retired NBA guard most famous during his playing days for the crossover dribble, and for his post-NBA career for gleefully proclaiming that he "hates gay people" on national radio. Indicative of a larger anti-gay bias in the NBA than most players will admit, earns notice for his intense honesty on the subject, perhaps belying a moment in his past in which a group of gay men came to his door, knocked, entered and then took turns anally raping him until he became One Of Them. Heroically, resisted.

Is this book just Deadspin For Dummies?

Wait, Deadspin isn't for dummies already? Actually, no, we don't think so, though you'll have to make that judgment. We kind of consider it a Life As A Loser for sports. Put it this way: It bears more of a stylistic resemblance to Fair And Foul than to fart jokes. Though it has plenty of those too.

I'm really annoyed that there are so many other people writing for Deadspin now. You at least wrote the whole book, yes?

All but one chapter: We handed the mic for A.J. Daulerio for a few pages to tell the inside story of this Super Bowl XLI experience. And yes, the mustache is pictured. We tried to get HarperCollins to give away actual hair from the body of A.J. Daulerio with the purchase of each book, but there were legal issues. Also, the swarthy Jim Cooke designed the cover and did the illustrations inside.

Page Six said the book is "about the sleazy antics of ESPN stars. Is this whole book just an anti-ESPN screed?

No, actually; the sections Page Six references take up about three pages of a 304 page book. That time we watched 24 hours of ESPN is in there, though. The Financial Times said it "almost as tedious as the experience itself must have been." So that was nice.

Is this at bookstores everywhere, or is like the Life As A Loser book, which we couldn't find anywhere?

It's at bookstores everywhere, starting today. You can buy it now, or wait until the tour comes to your town.

Is there a place I can search inside the book?

There is. We don't quite understand how it works. But there it is.

I am a professional media reporter. I would like to "interview" you about the book, and by "interview," I mean, "call you an asshole." How can I do this?

Right here.

I'd like to find where you live, take this book, and shove it up your rectal cavity. How might I go about doing this?

First you need to get to New York City; take a left in Storrs, Conn., then go south for a while. Look for the large buildings all bunched together. When you see those, you're getting close. You will need to find some sort of vessel to transport you over the water that surrounds the "Manhattan Island" portion of the city. Our suggestion is a tunnel, or perhaps a bridge. Then just listen for the screaming.

They think the gang at Kissing Suzy Kolber is the favorite going in, though the 53,384 people who write for The Fanhouse increase their odds as well. With Daulerio gone, this will serve as a reasonable enough alternative, for now.

The Race Is On [Ladies ...]
God Save The Fan [Amazon]

As anyone who has ever attended one of our Pants Parties meetups before, these events can get drunken and out of control, quite easily. We see no reason the book tour should be any different. In fact, we're hoping each of the stops among the book tour becomes its own pants party. Therefore, we're looking for a local at each tour stop to help organize ... well, help organize the afterparty. Because there has to be an afterparty, right? What's the point otherwise? We will be very nice to this person, and not only will they get a free book, we will massage their temples, so as to release tension.

So. Here's the whole book tour schedule, along with whether or not we're looking for someone to take the proverbial bull by its proverbial horns.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008
07:00 PM
CHANGING HANDS BOOKSTORE
6428 S McClintock Drive Tempe, AZ 85283

This one's right in the middle of Super Bowl week, at an incredibly outstanding bookstore, so the whole week is an afterparty. So we're covered here.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008
07:00 PM
BOOK SOUP
8818 Sunset Blvd. Los Angeles, CA 90069

This is actually the big Super Tuesday — or "Tsunami Tuesday," as some people are calling it, for some reason — so we're looking for someone to find a bar that will show election results afterwards. Email us if you want to take charge.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008
07:30 PM
BOOKS INC
1344 Park ST Alameda, CA 94501

Yes. We're vaguely aware that having a reading in Alamada on a San Francisco stop is kind of like having an NYC reading in Bayonne, N.J. Regardless. If you organize something here, you can meet our sister. Email us if you want to take charge.

Friday, February 08, 2008
07:00 PM
UNIVERSITY BOOKSTORE
4326 University Way, NE Seattle, WA 98105

We're getting a flight at 6 a.m. the next morning ... but that's not gonna stop us. Email us if you want to take charge.

Monday, February 11, 2008
07:30 PM
BORDERS #495/Event & Booksigning
1500 16th ST STE D Oak Brook, IL 60523

Chi-town, baby! Well, the suburbs, anyway. Email us if you want to take charge and find a kicking Applebee's or something.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008
04:00 PM
ILLINI UNION BOOKSTORE/University of Illinois
809 S Wright Street Champaign, IL 61820

We're covered here: We definitely know where to drink in Champaign.

Thursday, February 14, 2008
07:00 PM
BARNES & NOBLE
320 Mid-Rivers Center Drive St. Peters, MO 63376

Hey, you can almost see the Arch from here! Not really! Email us if you want to take charge. (We assume, since this is Valentine's Day, that you are single.)

Saturday, February 16, 2008
01:00 PM
WALDENBOOKS
700 East Broadway Mattoon, IL 61938

We're covered here: The mall has an awesome place to get popcorn.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008
07:00 PM
BARNES & NOBLE COLLEGE BOOKSTORES
Boston University #480 660 Beacon ST Boston, MA 02215

Of all the cities on the East Coast, we know the fewest in Boston. So let's rip this place up, chowdah style. Whatever that means. Email us if you want to take charge.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008
07:00 PM
BARNES & NOBLE COLLEGE BOOKSTORES
UPENN Bookstore 3601 Walnut ST Philadelphia, PA 19104

We're gonna make sure Daulerio sets something up for us here. And then we're gonna set something on fire.

Thursday, February 21, 2008
07:00 PM
BARNES & NOBLE/Georgetown
3040 M ST NW Washington, DC 20007

The sports blogging capital of the world! Email us if you want to take charge.

Monday, February 25, 2008
07:00 PM
BARNES & NOBLE
270 Greenwich ST New York, NY 10007

We live here. We'll just be happy to home.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008
07:00 PM
BOOK COURT
163 Court St. Brooklyn, NY 11201

We live just a few blocks away. So we can probably find the one place in the neighborhood that still takes our checks.

But yes. Book tours are fun. Let's Pants Party this "mo" "fo" up.

So, the details, if you dare:

When: Wednesday, November 14, 8 p.m. ET
Where: Boxcar Lounge, 168 Ave. B (between 10th St. and 11th St), Manhattan
Includes: Far superior writers Daphne Beal, Sloane Crosley, and Jami Attenberg

But yeah, we're reading from the book for the first time, so we figured we should say something. We'll try to take it easy from now on. Though we'll probably fail.

Boxcar Lounge
God Save The Fan [Amazon]