No, none of the kids were lap-danced out of their Buster Browns, but that didn't stop some annoyed parents from contacting the local TV news affiliate to voice their displeasure with the Eagle Trace Country Club's scheduling boner:

"When I walked into the club house to look for my girls, I saw a woman straddling a male at a dining table," said a mother who picked up her two children at the golf club.

[S]he says her children had quite a few questions on the ride home.

"'Mom, why is she only wearing underwear?'" she recalled. "'Mom, why are the girls wearing white and why do the men have water guns?'"

Eagle Trace acknowledges the screw-up, but says that the kids missed most of the truly tawdry behavior, and, that while the overlap occurred, there were only a few strippers who acted like there weren't shell-shocked 7 to 12 year-olds milling around the club. But, luckily, one Shotgun Willie dancer in attendance that day popped up in the comments section on the 9News site and did her best to allay the fears of some of the prudish townspeople:

Mulligan! Kids golf tourney overlaps with strip club event [9News]

"While I'm obviously disappointed to miss the remainder of the season, I have to the right thing for my long-term health and look forward to returning to competitive golf when my doctors agree that my knee is sufficiently healthy. My doctors assure me that with the proper rehabilitation and training, the knee will be strong and there will be long-term effects."

Good to know that Tiger's world will continue to spin on its axis. The PGA, however, will most likely lose a large portion of its fanbase not ingesting daily doses of Centrum Silver vitamins. Also, as the L.A. Times points out, it could have a huge impact on tournament ticket sales, the stock market and sports media. One person who remains optimistic is a fellow named Neil Pilson, a sports media consultant and a CBS executive:

"Golf will survive and do very well without Tiger Woods. But at some point people have to understand that Tiger isn't going to play forever. It's a natural phenomenon and we're all aware of it — advertisers, sponsors, golf tournament directors and other golfers."

Neil Pilson's glass is so half-full that he might very well drown.

Tiger Woods to miss rest of season with torn ligament [Yahoo!]
Possible absence of Tiger Woods would have ripple effect [LA Times]

So far, neither one of their caddies have head-butted any spectators.

US Open Playoff Live Blog [Yahoo]

The first nine holes are on ESPN — we don't know if they're bringing Berman back; maybe they'll have that absolutely-hilarious-on-television Rick Reilly — with the last nine on NBC. We can't think of a better all-day contrast between Mediate and Woods; either win is a great story. All we ask is that Tiger grimace as little as possible because of that knee. You think your knee has problems, Tiger? Rocco Mediate has a goiter the size of Pakistan.

You can follow along right here, if you're feeling frisky.

Still, we found it fitting, on Father's Day, that the U.S. Open champion was almost a middle-aged guy with a gut. This is honestly the most we've ever watched of a golf tournament — heck, we even played golf this weekend, though perhaps "play" is the wrong word — and, all told, it's kind of nice that a guy with three sons, and a guy who just had one, ended up tied.

We think our favorite Woods moment today was when, after messing up his bunker shot on the 18th hole, almost costing himself a chance to tie Mediate, he threw his club. It's nice to see superhumans, on occasion, feel the same pain the rest of the planet feels. And still: We were certain that last putt was going to fall. It seems obvious in retrospect.

Anyway, yeah: We're all golfy today. And we get one more tomorrow. Happy Father's Day.

(By the way, sorry about all the commenting mixups; it's a Gawker tech problem that, whenever the tech people get in the office again, we'll hopefully be fixed. Yipes.)

And throughout all the highs and lows of the day, Woods signed off on a round of one-under 70, which is also what Lee Westwood had yesterday. Rocco Mediate is the final man with an overall under-par round, and the names keep getting more obscure beyond that. Which means, given history, you already know what will happen on the final round. That's right! Sergio Garcia will shoot a 66 and win the U.S. Open by two shots.

It's probably worth mentioning that the 13th hole featured both Tiger's eephus-trajectory eagle putt and Phil Mickelson's quadruple bogey. While it may be the second-easiest hole in the U.S. Open, clearly it was designed with only right-handers in mind. That's profiling, and I won't stand for it.

Phil Mickelson is a choke artist.

That isn’t to say he’s a bad guy who beats his cats (come on, you know this guy has cats), but he is the guy that front-rims a jumper when it’s game point or the dude that takes a called strike three right down the heart of the plate.

I know, I know, Phil is the second best golfer of our generation. Hell, one of his leg hairs has more talent than most golfers could ever wet dream about. The problem is, he’s lost that appeal he used to have with the golfing public.

See, everyone has a title. That guy that sits down the hallway that constantly gets bitched out by his superior? Yeah, that guy is life’s toilet bowl, someone you can sit on and give all your shit to and not really worry about when you’re finished. No matter how hard Kobe Bryant tries, he will always be considered a selfish prick and Phil was always our loser. Lefty tried to change his persona over the last few years and it got people confused.

Normal people can’t relate to Phil Mickelson. Nobody on this planet walks around with a grin like Phil has and nobody in this world has a family as happy as his seems. What we could relate to with him was his losing. He’d play a golf tournament beautifully, like the 1999 U.S. Open, get in position to take the title and all of a sudden, Payne Stewart makes a putt he probably shouldn’t have made. The same could be said about the 2001 PGA Championship or any of the three Masters preceding his breakthrough victory in 2004. Mickelson had all this in his life, but never could get exactly what he wanted and that seemed human to us. We believed him.

Now Mickelson doesn’t have that and people have lost their compassion for Mickelson. He is leading the Masters and you aren’t that excited. He wins the Players Championship and you change the channel before his speech. You having nothing that brings you to him anymore (except maybe his constant battle with weight).

The U.S. Open is different to Mickelson. Sure, he hasn’t won the British either, but he’s only finished in the top-10 once across the pond. He won’t win the Claret Jug and that’s fine, Roger Federer probably won’t ever win at Roland Garros. The thing is, Mickelson was built to win the U.S. Open.

He’s finished second four times and a tie for fourth once. He’s had two wrapped in his grip and instead of holding on with both hands he just made two double-bogeys instead, once in 2004 and once at Winged Foot in ’06. People still root for him at these events, because he’s had the tip in, he just hasn’t closed the deal.

Starting Thursday, Mickelson will again be the bridesmaid. Not only will he know it, he’ll see it, shot for shot. The difference this week is, as the stars have aligned, Phil is the favorite. Mickelson has a chance to take advantage of a lame Woods, the first time in our lives where something other than conditions and family has played a factor in decided Tiger’s outcome. Nobody can predict how Tiger will do after nearly eight weeks off from competitive golf, but the one person that can do something is Phil Mickelson. I’m the biggest preacher in the world that golf tournaments are bigger than two people but this one isn’t, it’s about two versus one, Better versus Best, Phil versus Tiger.

If Mickelson could somehow win this week, he’d have as many major championships in the last five seasons as Tiger. Mickelson has a chance to let people know that he is far from that loveable loser and is a little bit of a badass. He can go from “Where Did Our Buddy Phil Go?” to “Wow, He’s Becoming a Fucking Motherfucker!”

As unpredictable as a U.S. Open can be, this could just be babble that disappears when the first one shoots 74, but the public is allowing Mickelson this opportunity to do something he’s never done – shut down the Greatest.

If he could do it emphatically, staring down the nose of Tiger Woods, he’ll gain a lot of respect that he’s lost over the years. If he doesn’t, he’ll continue to be a boring, played out dick joke.

Just in time for Father's Day, the Hidden Valley golf course in Tennessee is doing some major upkeep on its course like bunker shaping, filling in deep barrancas, aerating and...bomb removal. Yes, hole number five of Hidden Valley had, according to bulldozer driver Freddie McGee, an "old tube-type bomb device" laying nearby and he and another worker damn-near drove o'er it.

"It was pretty serious looking," he [McGee] said. "It would have been bad if one of us had run over it with a dozer, since it is an anti-personnel and has all that shrapnel."

The bomb was located near a home off the golf course. He said he was glad the bomb disposal crew removed the weapon.

"We had to do something," McGee said, "because some kid could have come and kicked it, or taken it home and wiped out a whole family."

McGee also told the paper that his ordeal "gave him insight as to what the men and women in the U.S. military go through every day."

Tonight, let's all say another little prayer for both our troops overseas and, of course, the golf course maintenance workers of Madison County, Tennessee, who also put their lives on the line to ensure our safety.

Bomb found at golf course [Jackson Sun

This may sound like a joke, but it's not. I am a Board Certified Urologist, practicing in Florida, a place where Golf is played year round. Every day I hear these same complaints from my patients because they suffer from urinary frequency (a condition that can begin in men, as early as their mid 30's). Even if you don't have this problem, let's face it, there are not too many bathrooms on the golf course.

These are the very patients that inspired me to create the UroClub™. A camouflaged portable urinal, designed to be discrete, sanitary and create an air of privacy! It looks like an ordinary golf club and comes equipped with a unique removable golf towel clipped to the shaft that functions as a privacy shield!

Imagine, giving the appearance of taking a practice swing, while both privately and confidentially, you are able to relieve yourself without any embarrassment! This can be accomplished easily while standing by the golf cart, as well. Have the confidence to drink whatever you wish during your game and not worry if you'll make it to the clubhouse in time!

That's all well and good if you have to piss, but what if you have to take a dump? What's that? Najeh Davenport on the phone with an investment opportunity for his new line of golf bags? Ooookay.

Sorenstam brought notes with her but, for the most part, did not refer to them. She drew a parallel to Brett Favre, but was not overcome by emotion as the Green Bay Packers quarterback was when he announced his retirement in March. "One of the things he said was that he loved the competition but not the daily grind," she said. "I feel the same way."

Wow. Did AP just say that Sorenstam is less girly than Favre? At any rate, it's kind of a sad day, because we're probably seeing the last of the greatest women's golfer of all time. The 37-year-old Swede, who has won 72 tournaments, will make her final event will be the Dubai Ladies Masters after the LPGA Tour season ends. She is engaged to Mike McGee, son of former PGA Tour player Jerry McGee. Let the Michelle Wie Era begin!

But Sorenstam is not the only one to tell their employer to take this job and shove it. Elsewhere in resignation:

• I quit. I have cried myself to sleep every night over the loss of Barry Bonds and I have no more tears to shed. — Peter MacGowan

• Time to quit. I refuse to live in a world where there are ball men. — Justine Henin

• I quit. The health of the Democratic party is much more important than my personal ambition. — Hillary in 2012

• That's it, I quit. ESPN, and everyone, is against me! (runs into bathroom, locks door). — Tom Brady

• Whew! So tired; all that running and jumping and so forth. We quit. — San Antonio Spurs

• You can't fire me, I quit! Oh ... it appears that you can fire me. — Nelson Figueroa

• You'll get this newspaper when you pry it from my cold, dead ... ah $%&! it, I quit. — Kornheiser

• Who am I kidding? Drop those balloons! On to Montana! — Hillary in '08

The golfer's name is Angelo Spagnolo, who is the father of Don Spagnolo, who runs the great Pittsburgh blog Mondesi's House.

Sobel's story is entertaining, but it can't compare with Mondesi's House description of the incident, which is filtered through a son's bewildered seven-year-old eyes. Our favorite part:

As recently as a few years ago, Dateline NBC found a swing guru with a wildly different style swing that turns the left hand backwards and places it in front of the right hand. Dateline figured, "what better way to see if this guy's method works?", and sent my dad to his golf school. Eventually, they returned to the scene of the crime, TPC, and my father shot a 157, slicing 100 strokes from his game. So yes, I guess you could say it worked. But on the rare occasion when he hits the links these days, I can vouch that he's just as bad as ever.

We suppose it makes sense that the "World's Worst Avid Golfer" would give birth to a filthy blogger. Serves him right.

Sawgrass Takes Me Back [Mondesi's House]
Crunch These Numbers [ESPN]

So that's why it's no surprise that Vince Neil, Motley Crue's little boy-voiced singer is an 18 handicap and hosts his own charity golf tournament ever year. What's also not surprising? That a good majority of the participants in this tournament are porn stars. The tournament's proceeds go toward the Skylar Neil Memorial fund (Neil's daughter who died of a rare form of cancer) and is appealing to some of the usual corporate weekend duffers who get to spend a weekday getting drunk, playing golf and cavorting with women who could conceivably fit nine irons inside them.

It's probably safe to say that this will be one of the more entertaining and enlightening stories Ventura County Star reporter Tony Biasotti will cover for his paper this year. He did a wonderful job writing about the event for a local paper that probably doesn't normally cover Gina Lynn and Tera Patrick's outdoor activities. One thing bothered me about the story. This part:

It was a bit rowdier than your average golf tournament, but the porn stars generally stayed within the PG-13 range of behavior. There was only one incident that can't be described in a family newspaper.

What, in the name of Friday-night-and-I-need-a-fight could that be?

According to one attendee, it was this: "It involved an adult film star named Flower Tucci, who inserted a golf ball, or golf balls, into one or more of her orifices. Then she gave the ball to a lucky fan."

And that's how compound verbs are born: Flower-tucci

Also, here's a shocker. In looking through last year's tournament's Flickr album, look who pops up in a few photos?

Vince Neil Loves Ladies, Liquor and The Links [Sports By Brooks]
When rocker Vince Neil comes to play golf for charity, Simi Valley becomes an altered reality [Ventura County Star]
(Photo from 2007 Skylar Neil Memorial Flickr)

In this interview with "OzarksFirst," Daly studiously ignores the "no shirt, no shoes, no interview" that has governed the universe of non-locker-room sports journalism for decades, and he even breaks out a cigarette.

You might think there's something wrong with Mr. Daly. We say it's just a matter of a man knowing his target audience.

Interview With John Daly [OzarksFirst]

Trevor Immelman, a South African who apparently once had a sort of lesion on his ribcage, outlasted Tiger Woods' late "charge" to win his first Masters, and for the second consecutive year, casual golf fans looked at their television, say Tiger Woods, shrugged and switched over to "Top Chef."

By the way, Tiger Woods finished second. You'd think he failed to make the cut or something. We'll never understand golf.

i>The Leaders

Brandt Snedeker -10: My boy Snedy just eagled the second hole to jump into a tie with his playing partner. Unfortunately I was trying to place a bet and write a post at the same time, so I didn't hit confirm until after the put went in and the line updated. Current Odds: 7/2
Update: Ouch, terrible lie in the bunker could cost him a stroke.

Trevor Immelman -10: Immelman isn't putting well enough to win the tournament right now. If he doesn't pick it up, he will fade. 3/2

The Contenders

Steve Flesch -8: He's even par so far today, but he's shown the ability to go low, with the only round of 67 in the field. Current Odds: 7/1

Paul Casey -8: Casey is a machine at Augusta and he seems almost incapable of playing poor rounds. Casey should find himself in contention until the end. Current Odds: 5/1

Stewart Cink -6: Of all the guys out there Cink is playing the best golf so far today. He's gained two strokes while the Immelman has given one back. Current Odds: 10/1

Hanging On

Tiger Woods -4: Tiger has been a bit off all week, so the chances of Tiger winning the major from behind for the first time were pretty low (but I'm an idiot). He's compounded his problems by dropping s stroke thanks to a gagged put, something he seemingly never does on Sundays especially at Augusta. Current Odds: 9/1

Leaderboard via Masters.org
Image via Yahoo! Sports

The Masters Mix Channel (DirecTV 701/706) is spectacular. I just saw Snedeker birdie the second to tie for the lead while Geoff Ogilvy struggled through holes 15 and 16 in the lower right corner.

Tiger has picked up another shot, as has Paul Casey who is now -6. Casey is positioning himself for a third top 10 finish at the Masters.

Steve Flesch has broken the tie at -6 with a birdie. In case you aren't watching on television, Steve Flesch looks exactly like his name indicates.

Immelman has dropped back to the pack, leaving Snedeker all alone atop the board. I think I'm going to start calling them Imms and Snedy to save time.

Zach Johnson just posted a 68.

Another birdied par 5 for Tiger puts him at -4. I wonder how I'll spend that money...

• After two days South Africa's Trevor Immelman remains atop the leaderboard on the strength of consecutive 68's. The tournament has been a rather drastic return to form for the immensely talented 28 year-old who had a benign tumor removed from his ribcage in December. Before the setback Immelman was often a chic pick to win one of the majors, although the closest he's gotten was a top 5 finish at Augusta in '05. Current Odds: 6/1

• Immelman is joined in the final group by the Tour's reigning Rookie of the Year, Brandt Snedeker. The former Vandy star is making his first appearance at Augusta since he tied for 41st as an amateur four years ago. The budding star has already provided a jolt of excitement to this year's tournament. Current Odds: 11/1

• There is no shortage of world class talent right at the heels of the final pairing. Mickelson and Poulter both sit at -5 and either one of them is a good bet to overtake the leaders at some point. However Poulter makes for the better bet to win given his odds (18/1) versus Mickelson's (3/1).

• Of course it wouldn't be the Masters without seeing the expression "Tiger is lurking" so I should mention that he's still very much a part of this tournament. A good finish left Woods in the red at -1. As long as he avoids more of those "Oh, Woodrow!" drives he should remain in contention. Despite the seven stroke deficit, which, if surpassed, would give him the biggest two-day comeback in tournament history, Tiger's odds are at 7/2.

I bet on Tiger.

Still, it was strange to hear Jim Nantz on ESPN; imagine Stephen A. Smith on CBS, and you get a feel for the disconnect. (See, now there's an announcing team we'd enjoy!) But yes: When you watched Mike Tirico stare into the camera and wax rhapsodic about the glories of Augusta, it was plainly obvious why Berman wasn't asked to hang around for the first couple of days.

Anyway, there's more coverage this afternoon, though the tournament started, like, three hours ago. A bunch of people we don't know are teeing off. We must wait six more hours for the dulcet tones of Mike Tirico; if only ESPN had some sort of way to alert me how long it was until their coverage starts.

(Photo via Jason Sobel's blog.)

This is The Masters, after all, and it is Very Serious. In an odd way, we kind of wish Berman were broadcasting The Masters; his signature brio and bluster might take the tournament down a notch. If Chris Berman is broadcasting your event, you can't be that fancy.

Not that The Masters isn't hip with the new technology; check out their hi-LARIOUS new official blogger.

We do miss Gary McCord, though we only know that because we play the Tiger Woods video game.

ESPN Experiencing The Slippery Slopes At Augusta [Washington Post]

Ponder this when musing over the upcoming Masters tournament, the first major and best golf weekend of the year: Is Tiger Woods the best in the world at what he does?

Think about that guy at your office that always overachieves, getting to work 20 minutes before you and buying that nice bottle of wine for the boss weeks before his wedding in Mexico (I hate you Tres). Is that guy better at his job than Tiger is at golf? There isn't a virgin's chance in Vegas.

Golf is a wind down sport, something people do to get away from their jobs, lives or spouses. It is a special sport that people can do when drinking, something Terrell Owens or David Wells Alex Rodriguez could never say about their profession. With the Masters, the perfect storm arises — a wind down sport happening at the perfect wind down time. After the two weeks of March Madness that pretty much has every sports fan in the nation wound up like a Joakim Noah dance, you get the splendor and peacefulness of an Augusta National golf tournament that defines serenity even down to the theme music that accompanies it.

Along with all the corny stuff I just wrote, you get a badass golf course with badass golfers. You have previous winners of Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus and Tiger Woods, but you also eat Champions Dinner with Fuzzy Zoeller, Seve Ballesteros and Freddie Couples. No matter what the fools that head Augusta do to the masterpiece, it still comes down to a back nine Sunday charge (ask Phil) or collapse (ask Norman, twice).

This year at the Masters is something special, with Tiger Woods nearing the "number one seed playing a 16 seed" status in the golf world, an area nobody has ever come close to first-pumping. When Tiger is in the field, everyone, and I mean everyone, knows if he doesn't win, he's going to be close. The guy is in a zone never seen by athletes, a place that is touched at times (see Federer, Roger) but seldom controlled. Tiger seems so comfortable at the top of the golf world that you'd almost expect him to be an average Joe Durant, making his millions while still finding privacy eating Baby Back Ribs at Chilis.

Fans have come to expect Tiger to do the unreal literally every week. The guy has found the perfect equation for professional golf: Ivy League smarts, Fortune 500 business sense, linebacker body, auditor work ethic and Buddhist-like comprehension equals success.

Starting Thursday, Tiger will have to bring all those to the table to beat the likes of Schmickelson, Geoff Ogilvy and Adam Scott. The talent of the field means anyone, and Zach Johnson means anyone, can take home a title any random week. Andy North (always a voice of reason) said Wednesday that he believed half the field in a major had no chance of winning, which I find in this day and age ridiculous. For example, find me ten people in this country that had Ben Curtis at the top of their 2003 British Open Office Pool and I'll have Will get a Bill Self tattoo.

This week should be special, and not just because it's a tradition like no other. You have a clear favorite in Tiger, which means a top notch golfer like Vijay Singh or Angel Cabrera could sneak out of the pack and take this thing right under El Tigre's nose. Will the pressure ever get to Tiger? Can he always rise to the occasion when needed? How smart was he to marry a wife with a replacement twin if need be? If Tiger wins on Sunday, gushing adjectives might need a vacation come Tuesday.

(Oh, and I'm picking Geoff Ogilvy and I don't think I've ever picked a winner correct in my life. Sorry Geoff.)

This was from the USO opening, sent to us by an MP, who claims the General quadruple bogeyed the hole. It happens.

John Daly woke up Wednesday morning on the front lawn of a junior high school, surrounded by empty tequila bottles and wearing a bra for a hat. Then he got a phone call letting him know that his pants were flying from the flag pole. /Fixed.

We mentioned Wednesday that Daly's coach cut him loose, but with Daly the fun just never stops.

Daly, who received a sponsor's exemption, played a Monday pro-am at Bay Hill and said he was asked to play the Wednesday pro-am, too. He requested a morning start, then called Tuesday to find out his tee time. A woman in the tournament office told him 9:47 a.m., which instead was his starting time for the first round.

But Daly also took down Nick O'Hern and Ryuji Imada as well. The two were alternates, and were called for the morning round when Daly didn't show. But since they weren't around, they were also disqualified.

It's not his fault! I blame Daylight Savings Time! Well, they'll all be sorry when the First Annual John Daly Invitational tees off next year.

'I Just Wish Butch Had Called Me' Daly Says [MSNBC]

"As soon as this happened, I was mortified and extremely upset and continue to be upset," Isenhour said in a statement issued through his management company, SFX Golf. "I want to let everyone know there was neither any malice nor deliberate intent whatsoever to hit or harm the hawk. I was trying to simply scare it into flying away." Isenhour said he is an animal lover and his family has adopted three cats from a local shelter.

And those cats are really tough to hit, because unlike the hawk, they refuse to sit still. Sometimes you just have to walk up and whack 'em with the club.

Elsewhere in horrifying regret:

• "Sorry in advance for signing Vinny Testaverde." — The Packers

• "Sorry for getting your hopes up, Seattle. No way in hell this is really happening." — Steve Ballmer

• "Sorry for screwing up your schedule, Yankees, but I answer to a higher power: The Red Sox. — Pope Benedict XVI

• "Sorry I let the dream die." — Ron Paul

Golfer Faces Criminal Charges For Killing Hawk With Shot [USA Today]

Tiger's latest win is his fourth consecutive on the PGA Tour with another two coming in events outside of the PGA. It also marks his 63rd Tour wins which puts him one ahead of Arnie Palmer, and ten behind Nicklaus for second place all time.

Cink acquitted himself well, but Tiger is playing the sport on a different plane of existence. He's like Floyd Mayweather without a Miguel Cotto to avoid like the plague.

And because I can't resist ... masturbating kangaroo > Conan's masturbating bear? Discuss.

Today I became the newest member of the LPGA! To all those who were pulling for me, thank you so much for your love and support. Your kind words have definitely helped me get to this point. Thank you thank you thank you!

No, Anna: Thank you. Some vital statistics: She's Australian, and her two favorite movies are The Godfather and Gladiator. Gorgeous, and able to quote Michael Corleone? Someone's been reading my diary!

Anna Rawson On the LPGA [My Golf]

He devoted it to the Grateful Dead.

"This is awesome. I would like to dedicate this win to the Grateful Dead, as they have inspired me all the way," said Saltus, who has attended 153 concerts.

The best line comes from blog Hidden Track, which points out, "he leapt into the water hazard on the 18th hole after winning, so we imagine that counts as his shower for the month."

Some Clever Tournament Starter Should Send This Guy Out With Mike Weir And Sergio Garcia [Hidden Track]

Kindred's story is on ESPN right now, and we'll say this: ESPN Conversation has finally provided a worthwhile moment. It appears someone who sounds an awful lot like Jacqueline Gagne is piping up in the comments.

Dr. Kindred why don't you tell people the truth. Like I said before she never asked for Media attention they came to her. I guess all the people with her lied.....all the other people writing articles about her calling for verification and spoke to witnesses made these stories up. So we are suppose to believe you and only you. Did you mention what a great golfer she is and I guess you think the hole in one she got on tape that is on TV etc is also a lie. Well Mr. Kindred hope you know that you have caused Mr. Gagne to get death threats. Hope you have a great life and sleep good at night and Golf Digest must be very proud of you. Did you get a raise for this sub-standard article......

We love that he called him "Doctor." If Ms. Gagne would like to comment here on Deadspin, we would like to cordially invite her.

Do You Believe Her? [ESPN]
Conversations: Do You Believe Her? [ESPN Converation]

Idiots like us, who can't hit a golf ball without bringing half the earth flying in the air, are the reason the great St. Andrews golf course is in serious trouble. Apparently, so many golfers are whacking up divots that specialists have been called in to repair all the damage.

Frankly, being able to destroy someone else's lawn is one of our favorite parts of golf. But this is another reason we don't play golf; it seems rude.

St. Andrews Being Gouged By God-Awful Golfers [Sports By Brooks]

Yeah, this guy's selling his club through eBay, and his reasons are frighteningly specific.

Im selling this club because I finally left my fatass girlfriend who hated the fact that I loved to play golf. I bought this for her when hybrids first came out which was approximately 5 years ago or when she was 115 pounds lighter. She stopped playing golf soon after I introduced her to the game and decided she would rather eat cookies and tacos as a sport. When she decided to start playing again she realized that her hands were to swollen to grip the club properly from all the meat around her knuckles.

OK then! Thanks for sharing!

TaylorMade Rescue Hybrid Titleist Cleveland Callaway [eBay]

But when it comes to golf, we find that almost no one roots against Tiger Woods. This makes sense; the average sports fan has no idea who Stephen Ames and Woody Austin are, so we're not so much rooting against them as we are rooting for history. Spending your entire Sunday watching some anonymous Oklahoman win his first a golf tournament can be perceived as a waste of time; watching Tiger Woods come within six majors of Jack Nicklaus is simply viewing history. In the airport coming back to New York yesterday, we sat in a Wolfgang Puck's and watched the final six holes of the PGA Championship. At least 10 people stopped, stood behind us and asked "How's Tiger doing?" All sports need stars, even if they're stars we hate. And we don't hate Tiger Woods.

Of course, it's now eight long months until the next major. (It's so long away that we will have crowned a World Series champ, a Super Bowl champ and an NCAA Tournament champ by the time golf has its next major.) So you may now commence returning to not caring about golf for a good while.

Apparently Garcia picked up a young girl that attended The Memorial and went on a date with this girl and her hopefully equally attractive friend. Afterward, he took one of the girls home and they proceeded to ... um, play Skip-Bo? I don't really know what a guy and girl do when they're alone at night. Hopefully they didn't go back to her place, because afterward he likely would have been chased around by Judge Smails with a golf club.

But perhaps this explains Garcia's mind wandering as he signed the wrong scorecard yesterday. If I may conjure up a rumor out of nowhere: Garcia had a tawdry fling with an Oklahoma State University co-ed he met during a practice round. Days later, the OSU student in question had just broken up with Boo Weekley. It all makes sense.

Profiles in Courage: Sergio Garcia [The Sports Elitists]
Sergio Garcia Struggles With Remedial Math [Deadspin]

I've always liked the "sign the wrong scorecard and you're disqualified" rule, even if you certify a worse score. And I've always wondered how the official scorekeeper acts as the golfer comes in the clubhouse, and reviews the scorecard. Maybe he behaves like an expert poker player trying to bait his opponent into calling the raise. Once Sergio finished his second cursive "a," perhaps he suddenly blurted out, "WRONG! IT WAS A PAR! YOU'RE OUTTA HERE, LOSER!" That would have been fantastic television.

Poor Sergio Garcia is quickly filling the bingo card of "ways to lose PGA major championships." Next to "18th hole meltdown" (which is actually a free space in the middle with a picture of Phil Mickelson), he can now stamp "incorrect scorecard." To get the diagonal bingo, he needs "throw the 5-iron at a pregnant lady." We might have to wait until next year's U.S. Open for that one.

Garcia DQ'd For Signing Incorrect Scorecard [CBS Sportsline]