It's the type of story that's TaylorMade™ for Harvey Levin's gossip mongers, since their knack for getting inside sources to rat on their friends and their utter disdain for independent third-party confirmation allows them stay two steps ahead of the mainstream media on a story everyone wants in on. Even ESPN is broadcasting the photos of Tiger Woods' mangled Cadillac, but guess whose logo is plastered all over them?

(Seriously, assuming the "Kobe Special" story is true, does the "friend" who [presumably] sold that info to TMZ think that Tiger won't know who was behind it? Is it worth getting shut out of the inner circle forever just to become the fabled inside source? Or maybe I just don't understand the celebrity-sycophant relationship. I guess that's why no one has ever asked me to be in a posse.)

Anyway, this story will only get bigger before it gets lost, because it's the perfect blend of sports, gossip, celebrity and sex. Even my Grandma knows—and has several strong opinions about—Tiger Woods, so you know that everyone will have something to say about this scandal. (If only he'd had the good sense to do crash his car the day before Thanksgiving Day, you could have had something to talk about during dessert.) Even if they don't realize it, people will be endlessly discussing the rumors that started at TMZ ... and you better believe they aren't going stop publishing them until they reach the bottom. Bless their hearts.

Tiger Woods Coverage [TMZ]

* * * * *

Here are some other big winners, who did not win quite as big:

Vince Young: ALL HE DOES IS WIN!* (*Provided Matt Leinart is somehow involved.)

Rivalry Games: Georgia, Oklahoma, NC State, South Carolina, and Mississippi State. All of them knocked off ranked, in-state rivals despite having mostly terrible seasons themselves. (Auburn? So close!) Feels good, doesn't it?

Larry Johnson: 100 yards rushing in his second-game in Cincy. So the whole "insult coach and gay people to get a ticket out of town" plan worked out pretty well?

And the Weekend Loser? I'm going to with the guy who, in 30 seconds, went from universally beloved, superstar family man athlete to a pill-addicted whoremonger who lacks the hand-eye coordination to drive a car five feet without smashing into something. That's a rough holiday.

Does Q-School offer GEDs, or adult learning classes? Because the former world No. 1 has had a rough, oh, past eight years, he's losing his PGA tour card and will have to qualify to play a full slate of tournaments next year.

Since the top 125 on the money list receive full status, and Duval entered the weekend at No. 125, his missing the cut on Friday means he'll be just like you or me or any other schlub next year; he's already signed up for qualifying school.

Because he's still a name, he'll receive some sponsor's exemptions. And because he won the 2001 British Open, his last PGA Tour win, he'll be able to play in at least three majors. But it's still a remarkable fall from grace for the man once considered Tiger's only competition.

Former No. 1 Duval Likely Losing PGA Tour Card [AP]

Barron made exactly no dollars this year on the Nationwide and PGA Tours and missed the cut in 12 of 17 starts last year. So if he was looking to enhance his performance, it sure didn't work. Unless you consider not wanting to die to be performance enhancing. More than one pro golfer who knows Barron said it is common knowledge that he's been ill and taking numerous medications just to stay healthy.

"My big question is whether he was doing something to make himself feel better and did not get the therapeutic use exemption," Jerry Kelly said. "I mean, this guy had health problems. I was shocked when I heard, but I also understand knowing that he was trying to feel better."

[...]

"I'm surprised to hear that," British Open champion Stewart Cink said. "I know him a little bit. He's taken medicine in the past for a lot of different reasons. I would think that has a lot to do with it."

[...]

"I don't believe it," Rod Pampling said. "Doug Barron? Look at the man. Tell him to take his shirt off and ask anyone, 'Do you believe he's on performance-enhancing drugs?'"

Unfortunately, we've already seen Barron with his shirt off—at the 2006 Transitions Championship—so we don't have to ask him to do it again. Even more unfortunately, the PGA will not reveal what substance Barron tested positive for, so we don't know at this point if it was one of his regular prescriptions that set off the alarms. He's barely on the PGA Tour as it is, but he's been banned for one-year, effectively ending his pro career.

So the system works, right?

Doug Barron is 1st to violate PGA Tour drug policy [AP]
Sobel: Doug Barron's performance-enhancing drug violation a solitary issue [ESPN]

Robert Allenby of Australia told reporters that his friends spotted Kim returning to the team hotel "sideways" at four in the morning on Sunday, just hours before his 9:00 a.m. tee time—against Robert Allenby. Of course, Kim went out and crushed Allenby 5 and 3 to help cinch the Cup, which just left his opponent even more perturbed.

"I'm just pissed off that I lost to him," Allenby said. "Maybe I should have gone out with him ... Maybe we should all take the theory of Anthony Kim. Get home at 4 o'clock (in the morning) and then go shoot 6 under."

Allenby went on to say that Kim is "the loosest cannon in that team," which is a bit like saying that Donny was the craziest Osmond brother. But according to GolfWeek, team captain Fred Couples allegedly asked Kim to leave a team dinner earlier in the week, because Kim needed to make himself "more presentable." (Kim says he was "sweating" and did not feel well.) Couples wrote it off as a 24-year-old kid who doesn't want to hang out with a bunch of old farts (probably true!), but he also took some sage advice from noted Mormon scholar Michael Jordan.

We picked on him a little bit and then I decided with Michael (Jordan, an assistant captain). Michael said, ‘Just let him go, and he'll come back to you.'

Hey, Michael Jordan partied with Dennis Rodman. (And also with Michael Jordan.) The man knows his loose cannons.

Allenby rips Kim as U.S.'s ‘loosest cannon' [Golf Week]

Craig Ladiser is a planning director for Snohomish County, Wash., and this entitled him to play in a local golf tournament in June. Perhaps he shouldn't have started off his Thursday morning with two glasses of Jack Daniel's in the clubhouse, then continued to drink throughout his round.

Witnesses said two nearby golfers were discussing tee length and one, the woman identified in the investigation as Jane Doe, held up a tee to Ladiser's foursome. Ladiser then walked up to the woman, unzipped his pants and said something to the effect of "I'll show you the size of my tee," the report says.

Ladiser claims he had no memory of the event, but apparently remembered enough to take a leave from his job due to a "family emergency" and more or less go into hiding. But it caught up with him last week, and he was let go by the county. All for a friendly game of "Pebble Beach Peekaboo."

Snohomish Planning Director Fred For Alleged Misconduct On Golf Course [Seattle Times]

Tiger refused to answer the question, but the seed was planted. Lacking any other obvious story line, people were actually pondering that scenario. Then like some terrible sociology class experiment, the idea turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy. Tiger Woods lost his fourth major of the year. So now he's exactly like every other chump who held the lead on Sunday and folded like a cheap suit.

Isn't it funny how no one ever gets beat in golf? The story line of most of those 14 wins was usually not about Tiger outplaying his opponent—which he did—but how his "mental toughness" put the "pressure" on the challenger forcing them to "wilt" and "fade." It can never just be that he swung the little sticks better than someone else. Golf is a mental war that requires there to be casualties. Since no one plays defense, if you don't win you have no one to blame but yourself.

So at least everyone is being consistent. (Even the hero worshipers.) Sure, it was tough for some people to admit the Tiger Woods could be the choker, but they came around, because that's the way golf works. The guy who won? Yeah, he's okay I guess. But Tiger blew it. Y.E. Yang was not the winner. Tiger was the failure. It was his fault. What a loser.

Yet, still not the worst choke job of the weekend. That's goes to the Irish bookmaker that called the PGA Championship on Saturday morning—before the third-round even started—and paid out all their bets to those who had Tiger Woods to win. Savvy.

The Yin and the Yang: Woods Choked [Jay Mariotti]
Believe it or not: Tiger loses lead in major on final day [CBS Sports]
Bookmaker loses 1.5m euros after Tiger Woods USPGA collapse [Daily Record]
Tiger Woods showed how hard it is to win 14 major championships by losing one [Golf]

Since publishing this shocking exposé, reports have been flooding in about Woods, David Feherty and their mutual love of poopy humor. Apparently, it's well known in the inner circles of the golf world that these two jokesters love their beefeaters. It's the bond that has sealed their friendship. But how they have managed to hide it from the public until now? A tipster writes:

Someone I know worked in the golf industry for many years, and when I sent him the story he replied with this:

"I must admit that as soon as I read about the fartgate, I suspected Feherty would be up to his ass in it somehow. I knew they joked about farts (Feherty is fascinated by all bodily functions, it seems, but gas especially), and has written about Tiger's farting ability. Seems he may be world-class in that, as well."

So there you have it. The sordid underbelly of golf farts.

Randy Youngman of the Orange County Register concurs:

A few years ago, I interviewed Feherty before the Toshiba Classic at Newport Beach Country Club, and he confessed that he, Woods and Tiger's caddie, Steve Williams, sometimes have off-camera farting contests during tournaments

The man has 14 majors. We know about his wife, his kids, his dad, his dogs, his favorite foods, what kind of putter he used when he was six, why he always wears red on Sunday, and his favorite toppings on tacos. But only now are we learning that he is also the owner of the Green Windbreaker?

David Feherty has done his best to compete with the living legend, but like so many golfers have done before when facing Tiger head-to-head, he's crumbled under the pressure. If fact, there was apparently one particular back nine collapse worthy of Greg Norman at Augusta:

Seconds before Feherty was about to interview Woods after a round, the broadcaster thought he would be funny and – and, uh, his strategy backfired.

"I (soiled) myself," Feherty said.

And then the camera lights came on.

Shit, man, that sucks.

Breaking wind with Tiger Woods [OC Register]