"The Spartan Defense, anchored by two towering ends, never expected such an aerial showing from Sun Prairie. The Cardinals swooped in from above, delivering explosive blows through the air. They crashed into Madison Memorial with all their might, rocking the foundation of the Spartans.
The Spartans finally collapsed... but unfortunately for Sun Prairie, the Madison rubble fell squarely on them."
I submitted a piece to the New Yorker about a recent trip I made to Fenway. I wrote about the fact that Fenway stands, along with Wrigley, as a testament to the bygone era of ballparks with unique designs of necessity. Quirks and idiosyncracies required to shoe horn a ball park into an urbanscape rather than faux-quirks designed to fool the eye. I pointed out that the Green Monster stand is a true colassus, and that one would need to stack upwards of 70 starved Rawandan corpses to reach its full height. Also there is no parking.
They passed on publishing the piece (unclear as to why) but suggested that I submit it to the Orange County Register.
Whicker added, "I don't think I'll be writing about kidnapping victims anytime soon, so unfortunately, the world will never get to see my piece on all the things that have happened in sports since the last time Mariane Pearl saw her husband with his head attached."
09/25/09
09/25/09
Doesn't take much, does it? I envy you, Sir/Madam/Inmate.
09/24/09
"The Spartan Defense, anchored by two towering ends, never expected such an aerial showing from Sun Prairie. The Cardinals swooped in from above, delivering explosive blows through the air. They crashed into Madison Memorial with all their might, rocking the foundation of the Spartans.
The Spartans finally collapsed... but unfortunately for Sun Prairie, the Madison rubble fell squarely on them."
09/24/09
"This sucks, now every December 7th all I'll be able to think about is Arizona going down in flames."
09/25/09
09/10/09
09/10/09
They passed on publishing the piece (unclear as to why) but suggested that I submit it to the Orange County Register.
09/10/09
09/10/09
09/10/09
09/10/09
09/10/09
09/10/09
09/10/09
On the other hand, Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead.
09/10/09
What the big deal, Tommy? You never played Beirut in some Frat basement?
09/10/09
09/10/09
09/10/09
On the other hand, Beirut is still Charlie Sheen's favorite shithole in the world. So it was only yesterday.